


A new take

by Mentasavi



Category: Victoria (TV)
Genre: Eventually queen, F/M, Kissing, Modern AU, Older Man/Younger Woman, Sexual Content, Soulmates, True Love, eventually prime minister, i love drama so be warned
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-17
Updated: 2020-03-03
Packaged: 2020-03-07 00:50:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 34
Words: 94,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18862405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mentasavi/pseuds/Mentasavi
Summary: "I want to be free. Free to be the woman I see in my dreams, not the marionette everyone else want me to be." Melbourne nodded at her, understanding her emotional outburst and pulled her into his arms. "You are free with me, Victoria." He whispered. "Never fear that."All her life Victoria was lead and pressured by her family, her life was never her own but for the first time she can grab for a new chance, far away from the familiar surroundings, and try to be the woman she always wanted to be. On her way she meets a mysterious older man, surprising her with his kindness and interest. For the first time in her life she learns what it means to be loved by someone without second thoughts and to her surprise it will change everything she ever knew.Modern AU, Lord Melbourne & Queen Victoria





	1. Off to college

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, this is my first fanfiction for the Victoria fandom and I hope you will give it a chance.  
> I fall in love with these two and I would love to rewrite the past, so they could be together but sadly I'm no magician :( But I thought fan fictions are the best way to deal with such problems, don't you agree? ;)
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

The end of summer was finally here, Victoria thought in relief, as she stood outside on the terrace of her family’s mansion and breathed in the warm summer air. The conclusion of her school life had finally arrived and the promise of a new life, a new beginning, away from all the familiar was just waiting around the corner. It excited her! The unknown. The promise to live her own life from now on, to make her own decisions and to not be overshadowed by her family. It sounded like a dream, a dream she dreamt for years and finally the time had come. She would go to college and would finally have the chance to experience what it meant to be free minded. A bright smile appeared on her face. She couldn’t wait for the next day!

“Hey, sweetheart.” Albert greeted Victoria as he came up to her, interrupting her daydream and pressed a sweet kiss to her cheek. “You look beautiful.” For emphasize he stroked down her back and wrapped his arm around her waist while Victoria smiled distractedly up to him.

“You think so?” She murmured and touched the soft fabric of her newly brought summer dress. The pale blue colour shining beautifully in the sun. Albert just nodded while he watched their families in front of them, enjoying the garden party Ernest especially organized just for them, to celebrate their way off to college.

“How do you feel?” Albert asked next. “It’s a little bit scary that this is our last day together, isn’t it?”

Somehow it was, Victoria thought, for Albert and she were friends since kindergarten and a couple since they turned sixteen. She spent her whole life with him and from now on they would go separate ways, she would go to Oxford and he would go to Cambridge. It was indeed a little bit scary but at the same time Victoria felt liberated. It was not exactly because of Albert himself, he was a sweet enough guy, but their family and their constraining plans for them and their future together were a different story.

Her mother and his uncle always told them that they should marry as soon as they could, build a family and be an example for anyone who cared. Albert liked the idea to play the poster boy for young aristocrats. He even asked Victoria several times now if she would be ready to take such a step but she had always refused for she didn’t like the idea of binding herself to anyone with only eighteen years.

She wanted to be free. Free of every responsibility and a marriage would be the absolute opposite of what she wished for.

In such moments Albert always reminded her of her status and laughed about her silly expectations of traveling around the world like a free spirited hippie for it would never happen as a member of the royal family. Stubbornly Victoria had ignored his words for she didn’t want to accept her position by blood and the associated responsibilities. It didn’t seem fair to her that she wouldn’t be granted a chance to decide for her own life just because she was a royal. Especially because her position wasn’t important to the crown at all, she was the fifth in line for god’s sake and the possibility to be queen someday was so ridiculous small that she couldn’t understand why she should prepare for and play a role she had hated her whole life. It just didn’t make sense to her.

Albert, on the other hand, thought it was a privilege to be a member of the royal family and Victoria had the feeling that it was part of his interest in her. She would never accuse him of that of course, for she believed in his love for her but sometimes she doubted their relationship nevertheless. Whenever she felt that he was too invested in the plans of their family’s plans for their future the doubts returned and she asked herself what she really was to him.

“I wonder how I will survive just one day without you by my side.” Albert murmured after waiting for her response and looked down at her. “You will miss me too, won’t you?” Back into the real world Victoria nodded instantly, reassuring him that he paid attention to his words.

“Of course, I will.”

“I will visit you every weekend. Promise.”

“You are sweet.” Victoria smiled up at him, not sure if she liked the idea but acted like it nevertheless. “But we should not forget to make new experiences, like meeting new people and making new friends for example.”

“Of course.” He nodded at her, looking dreamingly ahead at their families, but Victoria had the feeling that he didn’t understand or comprehend her longing for this new adventures at all. Just like so many other things.

“We should join them, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, you’re probably right, let us get it over with.”

Victoria sighed inwardly but smiled up to her boyfriend as he took her hand and pulled her with him to their families, already drinking a fine champagne while fussing about some political nonsense they didn’t even have a clue about. Victoria sighed anew. She would not miss one second of it.

xVMx

“So, tell me again, what will you study at Oxford, Alexandrina?” Sir John Conroy, her mother’s new husband and therefore her stepfather, asked her with a slimy grin.

“Victoria.” She corrected him with an annoyed look while punching into her salad.

“Ah yes, your decision to use your second name.” He acknowledged her interruption with a sneer and rolled with his eyes. “Why ever change it, I ask myself.”

“Because I wanted to.” Victoria grumbled whereupon her mother scolded her with a glare, reminding her that they were in company and she had no right to speak to Conroy that way. Her daughter just scoffed at her try to influence her, she would never be nice to this prick.

“She will study English history.” Albert stepped in then and tried to play the situation cool but Conroy destroyed his try equally easy as he mumbled under his breath what a waste of time this would be. Again, Victoria glared at him. Cowed Albert withdraw then and shrugged apologetic at his girlfriend who just rolled her eyes, wishing to be off to Oxford right away so she didn’t have to see her mother’s new man ever again.

“And … what about your plans for the future?” Ernest suddenly changed the subject and just dropped another brick. “Did you already talk about arrangements for the weekend? I mean, you will be missing each other immensely, won’t you?” He teased next and waggled with his eyebrows.

Albert blushed immediately, he would never get used to his brother’s easy manner talking about sex and similar matters. Victoria just smirked at Ernest attempt to lighten the mood.

“Not yet.” She answered for Albert who stared down into his food, trying to fight his burning cheeks. “But we will find a way for sure.”

“I hope so, I’m waiting for an engagement after all!” Suddenly everyone around the table was listening intently. The magic word had been spoken.

Now it was Victoria’s turn to withdraw, not liking the topic at all, but Albert smoothly replied, “We’re working on it.” And laid his arm around her shoulders, playing the confident one while Victoria only thought to herself that he would have to wait a long time for a positive answer to this question.

“It would be wonderful news.” Victoria’s mother smiled at Albert’s promising words and stroked down her daughter’s arm who put on a forced smile. Yeah, what wonderful news. “I would love to have grandchildren crawling around.” Victoria raised her eyebrows at that. “It’s more important than this college education anyway, Victoria.”

Well, no. Victoria thought and asked herself in what century her mother was living but said nothing, it would be a waste of breath to explain her point of view anyway, for no one at this table would understand her desire to be an independent woman. Especially not Sir John Conroy, who acted like men were the best kind and women just their toys they used for recreation. Victoria shuddered noticeably, disgusted by that awful and retarded man.

“I always told you that, darling, it’s unnecessary for her to go to college. A marriage would be the best start for her.” Conroy agreed then whereupon Victoria’s patience ran out.

She could not stand this conversation any longer. The way everyone was talking about her as if she were a dumb girl who didn’t understand anything in life and needed to be guided by them and especially a husband. She hated it. She absolutely hated everything about it and jumped up in her chair, surprising everyone present.

“I don’t care what you think is the best way to live my life, John.” Victoria barked at her mother’s husband. “You know nothing about me, absolutely nothing. I won’t be anyone’s housewife nor do as my husband tells me. I’m an independent woman and I will live my life the way I want.” Determined she shoved back the chair and turned her back to them, ready to take off but of course Conroy wasn’t finished with her.

“Stubborn and foolish girl.” He breathed arrogantly. Immediately Victoria stopped in her tracks and turned back to him.

“You know what, you piece of shit, go fuck yourself.” Shocked everyone at the table stared at her. Never had she used such words in front of the family for everyone knew her as the well-behaved and beautiful girl. “You are just a miserable small man who needs to offend people to feel better about his own life. You may have convinced my mother to let you control her but I will never be this weak. I’m my own woman and I will go my own way, no matter what.”

The others looked curiously to Conroy who seethed with rage, how dare she talk to him like that, and waited for a response.

“You should be more careful who you are speaking to.”

“Oh, should I?” She mocked him and raised an eyebrow at him. “What will you do? Don’t pay my college bills? Try it, go for it. I’m sure my aunt the Queen will find this very interesting.”

She never had used her position in reign ever before but finally it came in handy, she thought. Her aunt was the perfect example for a woman she wanted to be. She had a college education, she even had a military training and was in every sense a proud and independent woman. No man determined about her. Maybe she should remind her family more often of it because of their narrow-minded point of views.

“Drina.” Her mother gasped at her words.

“What, mother?” Victoria asked and scoffed. “You always remind me where I stand in the reign, what a powerful family I belong to. Maybe you should think about what this really means.” Then Victoria turned around again, storming off and leaving the rest of the family alone, stunned while they stared open mouthed at each other.

“Well.” Ernest said after a few minutes. “She has a temper, that’s for sure.”

“Yeah.” Albert muttered, not recognizing his own girlfriend. “I think … I should look after her.” He pointed in the direction of the house wherein Victoria had disappeared.

“You do that.” Ernest agreed.

“Yeah.” He muttered again, a little bit disorientated and clueless of what to tell Victoria when he found her, but stood up and went of her anyway.

xVMx

As Albert found Victoria, she was already packing her last personal items into her bags she would take with her to Oxford; her movements quick and certain. Nothing hold her here anymore.

“I’m leaving tonight.” She said without turning around and threw her laptop on top of her clothing before zipping up the bag and shouldering it. “I can’t stand this man a minute longer. I just can’t.”

“But …” Albert gasped and frowned at her, not knowing what to say. “I thought we would spend the night together. I mean … it will take some time before we can see each other again.”

Slowly Victoria turned around and saw his disappointed gaze. "I know.” She admitted quietly but shrugged with her shoulders then. “And I’m sorry, we can’t have the big goodbye you had in mind but … this is just … too much for me, Albert. I hate this pretending, this pressure … and these non-stopping insults. I’m sorry.”

“You’re taking him too seriously.” Offended Victoria looked at him, surprised about his words.

“Are you on his side now?”

“No, but … what you did down there, this was not okay.”

Now she laughed at him, although his words were not at all funny for her, quite the opposite. It hurt her deeply to hear him say this, to know that he was on Conroys side and not on hers, although he pretended to be. Conroy insulted her for god’s sake, treated her like an unknown child. Did Albert not see that?

“You are unbelievable.” She breathed then and shook her head at him.

“Victoria.”

“No, don’t. I don’t want to hear it. I will go now.”

“I don’t want you to go.” Albert pleaded with her. “Let us have this evening together at least.”

“No.” She was beyond this point now. She couldn’t take it to stay here a minute longer, not even with Albert by her side because he had disappointed her in a way, she could not forgive that easily. He had reminded her of her doubts today, that he wished to marry her but obviously out of the wrong reason. And this truth hurt, far more than she wanted to admit.

“Goodbye, Albert. I will call you as soon as I’m in Oxford.”

“Victoria.” He tried again but Victoria shook her head again while she walked up to him and pressed a small kiss to his cheek before whispering another “Goodbye.” in his skin and left.


	2. Surprises in a bar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok wow ... this one took a while. Sorry for the delay but I just couldn't find the time to write down the end of it until today.  
> Hope you'll like it :) And thank you for your kind reviews so far, hope to hear from you again ;)

It was late evening as the train arrived in Oxford and Victoria stumbled out onto the streets of her new hometown. The streets were mostly empty as she went through them, dark and a little bit spooky even but as Victoria watched the lights in the windows of the old buildings surrounding her a smile crossed her face. For her it was like a dream come true to be finally here, so all she saw was a city full of promises for a bright future.

With high spirits she walked along the long street, following the signs to the university and was astonished as she finally stood in front of the first building belonging to her renowned university. Her smile deepened as her mind simply formed the word “Wow”. To live in such a place alone would amaze her, but to learn in such an environment, well, it would be whole new experience. A better and more inspiring one for sure.

Unfortunately, Victoria had to wait to experience either of these two new parts of her life until tomorrow because the offices were already closed and there was no way she would find anyone to let her in.

She had not thought that far ahead she realized with a sinking feeling and turned her eyes down the streets. She needed a room for the night but had not seen any hotel on her way up here and suddenly an uneasy feeling took over her body. The dark street seemed darker now and the unknown noises around her so much louder that she nearly jumped out of her skin as she heard a bin falling over in some alley behind her.

“Do calm yourself.” Victoria told herself quietly as she looked down the direction and saw no one. Annoyed with herself she rolled her eyes and shouldered her bag again. This was ridiculous, she had no one to fear, therefore she walked on hoping for a good place to come along in which she could stay in.

The first light up building she walked by was a run-down looking motel which best times laid far behind. The curtains that hung over the open and damaged door were dusty, the two steps up broken and with a quick glance inside Victoria decided that this would not be her lodging for the night. She could still feel the creepy look of the receptionist on her as she walked on quickly, nope, this would not be the place.

After half an hour she ended up in front of an old looking pub, with no idea where to look for the next hotel that was at least not as creepy as the ones before. It was frustrating and the fear to not find a place for the night had destroyed her high spirits with every passing second. She couldn’t sleep on the streets but to stay in a hotel where she didn’t feel save wasn’t any better. She needed help and immediately, therefore she stepped into the pub and looked around, hoping for someone who could show her into the right direction.

xVMx

A warm glow welcomed Victoria as she closed the door behind her. Music played quietly in the room and the rich smell of expensive whiskey wavered in the air. Curiously, Victoria looked around in the small but cosy room, watching the few men lingering at the bar or far off in a corner, nursing their drinks.

Although she had never been in a pub before, it felt kind of familiar to be in this one, simply British somehow, and a small smile appeared on her face as she sat herself at the far end of the bar.

Immediately, she was greeted by a young waitress: “Hello there, what can I get you, sweetheart?”

“Just a water, please.” Victoria answered shily and watched as the woman nodded with a bright smile and served her the glass full of sprinkling water a few seconds later.

“Here you are.”

“Thank you.”

“You are welcome, it was not the most difficult drink I need to serve here, you know, so …” The young woman grinned whereupon Victoria chuckled a little bit.

"Where are you from? I haven’t seen you here before, I think.”

“Oh yeah … uhm … I just got here. I’m from London.”

“Uuuh, London. Nice town. Where from exactly?”

“Kensington.” Victoria mumbled while she sipped from her glass and the woman made a knowing gesture.

“Ah, wow. Let me guess, you are here for college?”

“Yeah.”

“A wonderful place to study, I’m sure, but I thought the first day is tomorrow.”

“It is.” Victoria agreed and looked down into the water, not interested to get deeper into the conversation but the waitress waited and raised an interested eyebrow. The burning question clearly written in her eyes.

Uncomfortable Victoria ducked her head again, she really didn’t not want to talk about this, but she didn’t want to be rude either.

“Give her a break, Skerett.” A deep voice suddenly broke into the unpleasant silence. “You are way too nosy for your own good.”

“Oh, come on. I’m just making conversation.”

“And she is clearly uncomfortable with it …” The unknown man observed. “So, let it go.”

“Okay, okay. You are right, like always.” Skerett answered and turned around to Victoria. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to be brash.”

“No, it’s okay.” Victoria smiled up at her and then looked down the bar to the man who came to her rescue, but his eyes were turned away, staring into his glass of whiskey.

She wanted to thank him somehow, to make clear that she appreciated his help and waited for him to look her way again, but he didn’t. He just sat there and stared at his drink with a sad expression on his face, so she didn’t want to disturb him furthermore.

Nevertheless, she couldn’t take her eyes off him quiet away and watched him discreetly while nursing her water. Something about him was mesmeric, Victoria thought and took in his dark wavy hair, the rough stubble on his strong jaw and his perfect build roman nose. He was in his forties, she could tell, little grey speckles were already showing in his hair and beard but somehow it made him just the more handsome to her. Like salt and pepper, she thought distantly.

Now she was staring openly at him, too fascinated by his appearance and felt her heart flutter in a way she never experienced before as he suddenly turned his head towards her and raised an eyebrow at her.

Surprised about the sudden eye contact and the first glance at his striking golden green eyes Victoria choked on her water and spluttered her drink all over the counter. Her face turned red instantly while she coughed and tried to get her bearings, how utterly embarrassing!

“You okay?” Skerett asked concerned and Victoria nodded quickly before she jumped out of her seat and stormed into the direction of the bathroom. She needed a moment to collect herself after every costumer in this bar had witnessed this episode.

In the bathroom, Victoria took a deep breath and splashed some cold water onto her flaming face. Why, oh why did that happen to her? It was so embarrassing, especially because he had seen it. This mysterious man, she didn’t even know.

She groaned out loud and buried her face in her hands as her cheeks started to flame once more. Never in her life such a situation had felt that embarrassing and she had experienced a lot of those incidents so far. Way too many, she thought as she calmed down.

Thoughtful she stared into the mirror as she made herself presentable again. She didn’t understand why she felt so intensely in this moment for there were only strangers in that bar, men she probably would never even talk to. It shouldn’t matter at all, that she made such a funny sight but then Victoria saw the man’s face again, his wonderful green eyes, she realized it was simply because of him. She wanted to please him, although they never even talked to each other. Not really that is. It sounded strange to her own ears but yes, she wanted him to look at her again and to like her for that matter.

“This is ridiculous.” Victoria chastised herself and rolled her eyes. She didn’t even know this man. He could be a serial killer for all means. It was stupid to feel that way just because he looked handsome.

A lot of men were good-looking. Albert was … somehow … in a totally different way than this man. Albert’s look was more boyish and his attempt to look more grown up by growing a beard was just an example for his endless attempts to act like an adult he wasn’t. But this man, whatever his name was, his appearance was just striking, Victoria raved again before she could help herself and shook her head at herself, while a giddy laugh about her girlish behaviour escaped her. She really shouldn’t drool about a man much older than her. It wouldn’t lead to anything anyway.

With this reality in mind, Victoria was calm enough to return to the bar, smiling slightly at Skerett but didn’t look at the man who occupied her thoughts a few minutes ago.

“Could you recommend a hotel to me?” Victoria finally asked the question to why she was really in here. “It’s getting late and I need a bed to sleep in.”

“Of course.” The waitress returned her smile but then leaned over the bar to just the man, Victoria tried to ignore. She wanted to interfere and tell her not to bother him, for she had enough embarrassing moments with him for the evening, but it was already too late.

“William, you can help her better with this than me. You lived in a hotel for years after all.” Slowly he turned to her, but all Victoria could think about was his name and how wonderful it suited him, so she didn’t catch the first words he replied.

“You are finished here anyway. You could show her.” Skerett said then and took away his empty glass. William frowned at her and seemed to want to protest again but something stopped him, and he slumped his shoulders a little bit, before nodding slightly.

“Of course.”

“Oh no, don’t trouble yourself.” Victoria said quickly then and smiled awkwardly at him. “I can find the way myself.”

“Nonsense.” Skerett protested and urged William on to move his ass. “It’s on his way home anyway. Let the gentleman escort you home.”

“Oh. Okay.” She mumbled then, not wanting to be unfriendly to her helpfulness.

At the same time he stared at Skerett with a curious expression, asking her silently what she wanted to achieve with her pushing behaviour, but instead of answering him, she just smiled at him in a mysterious way and wished a good evening to both of them, practically throwing them out.

xVMx

Out on the streets Victoria didn’t know how to react to the current situation. She didn’t want to bother him any further but at the same time she was glad to have at least a few minutes alone with him. Why, she couldn’t tell but nevertheless, her body reacted pretty nervously as he gazed at her.

“Right this way.” He pointed down the street. “It’s not far. Do you want me to take your bag? It seems to be heavy.” He indicated to her slumped posture and held out his hand for it.

“There’s no need.” Victoria thanked him with a kind smile but denied his offer. He nodded at her then and dropped his eyes for a second before he pointed in the direction of the hotel once more before he started walking, Victoria on his left side.

Silence accompanied them as they walked along the empty streets of Oxford, both of them deep in thoughts.

To Victoria’s surprise the silence didn’t bother her, like it usually did. With Albert or any other person for that matter was always this tenseness whenever it was quiet but now, she felt strangely content although she would have liked to hear his rough voice again, loving how his voice broke sometimes at the end of his sentences. She smiled a secret smile to herself. It was unbelievable how fast she had fallen for him but then it didn’t matter anyway. As soon as he would get her to the hotel, he would leave, and they would probably never meet again. Therefore, she just enjoyed the minutes with him. Feeling her heart start to flutter whenever he looked her way and smiling in return to elicit a smile of his own.

It felt good to feel such feelings again, maybe even for the first time for Victoria couldn’t remember a time when she felt this way for Albert, so she asked herself if she ever had this feeling at all. It made her sad to think that there weren’t any romantic feelings for Albert at all and she always had ignored it but then it explained a lot. Why it was so easy to just leave him. Why it didn’t take her one night to look at another man. It should not be a surprise to her in the end but somehow it was.

“Everything alright?” William asked her as he noticed her sad expression.

Victoria looked up at him in surprise but nodded then way to quickly, but William knew better than to push. Everyone has their own secrets and problems nobody wants to talk about, like himself as well. Therefore, he respected her wish to stay silent about it but somehow, he wanted to hear her voice again anyway. He liked the way she talked, the sweetness of her voice. It had surprised him back in the bar, the softness of it and that he couldn’t not listen to her.

“Tell me something about yourself.” Again, Victoria looked back up at him in surprise, raising her eyebrows at him. “If you want to of course.” William grinned clumsily. “I mean if you don’t want to, we can walk on like we did before. In content silence. That’s okay as well.”

Victoria giggled then, amused about his helpless try to get her off her thoughts. William smiled in return, happy to see the apples of her cheeks going rosy and to see and hear her beautiful laughter. Transfixed he stared down at her, asking himself what it was about her that made him into this … awkward young boy who acted like he was talking to a woman for the first time.

He was way too old for such behaviour and she was way too young to be the victim of this little flirt they ended up in but then it didn’t matter as she started to talk again, and he could hear her voice once more. The inappropriateness of it all forgotten.

“What do you want to know?”

“I don’t know. For the start … maybe … your name?! I’m William by the way.” He held out his hand and Victoria shook it with a grin, enjoying his sudden openness.

“Victoria.” She replied and as he repeated her name in this husky way of his Victoria could feel Goosebumps all over her body. She wished for him to say her name again and again and again.

“So, Victoria, tell me … why are you here?”

“You heard it before.” Victoria reminded him confused.

“Yeah, but I want to hear it from you and not because I was eavesdropping on you.” Another chuckle escaped her lips, as he stated the obvious fact.

"Okay then. I’m going to college. My first day starts tomorrow.” She explained and William nodded at her.

“That’s quite impressive. I love Oxford college. The atmosphere is simply beautiful.”

“You went to Oxford as well?”

“Oh no.” He shook his head at her. “I went to Eton. A long time ago.”

“It can’t be that long ago.” Victoria argued, bumping into his side playfully, and surprised them both with her obvious try to flirt. For a second their eyes met, and a spark shot through their bodies, eliciting a gasp from both and making it obvious to the other that he/she felt it, too.

William was the first to turn his eyes down, breaking their connection, and took a deep breath to calm his thumbing heart. This was wrong. So incredibly wrong, he chastised himself and shook his head.

Victoria on the other hand kept gazing at him, amazed by this intense moment she only ever had read about in romance novels. She couldn’t even describe the feeling, but it had been mutual she could tell by his flustered behaviour and this made it oh so more exciting.

“The mathematics would disagree with you.” William finally answered her, but his voice was now flat, nearly reserved like he would talk to some salesman on the phone. A clear sign that Victoria had overstepped a hidden line as he backed away and her excitement about the possibility behind that spark was forgotten. Had she read him wrong? Ashamed she let her gaze drop and swallowed the lump in her throat, it would be for the best if she did not correct him again.

As William stopped suddenly Victoria feared she had offended him more than she thought but then he pointed at a light up entrance two doors ahead. They had arrived at the hotel.

“That’s it.” He said simply and shoved his hands deep into his trouser pockets, making his reserve even clearer. “It’s not the Ritz but it will do. I enjoyed staying there.”

Victoria wanted to ask why he had stayed there when he was obviously living here now but she didn’t dare. He wouldn’t appreciate it anyway. It would rather be unpleasant for him and she didn’t want that. It was just that she … that she … Victoria sighed. This was really ridiculous. He was just a man. A handsome one but that was it. It was stupid to drag out this evening even more when he clearly wasn’t interested in her. It would only end in more embarrassment on her side.

Therefore, Victoria thanked him with a sweet smile. “It was nice to meet you.”

“Likewise.” To her surprise a teasing grin appeared on his lips. Maybe he wasn’t that averse at all, she thought, it was just his way of telling her that it would never do and that it was better to let it go.

“I hope you will enjoy your stay here, Victoria. This time of life will never come back, you know.” A telling look captured his face. “Good night and good luck for tomorrow. Maybe we will see each other again and you can tell me about it.” He winked at her then and left Victoria quite flustered in the night, his mixed messages making her head spin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Would love to hear from you!


	3. My story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the delay ... I'm just really busy at the moment >.<
> 
> Thank you for all your reviews so far, I hope you stay tuned although it's getting along rather slowly ;D

On the next day Victoria could barely open her eyes as the alarm went off and struggled to find the button on her phone to silence the never-ending ring.

With a sleepy groan she buried her head back in the pillows and wished for another hour to sleep. The night had been way too short and just then, the reason why appeared in front of her eyes. Wonderful green golden eyes stared back at her and Victoria sighed dreamingly into her pillow. She could lie here all day long and drool about him.

 _William_ , she thought with a broader smile, a man she barely knew but would give everything to be with again.

She remembered last night and wondered if it had really been such a disaster as she first thought. Of course, it had been embarrassing at some point. First her obvious staring, then her try to flirt with him but at the end, she could swear that William had not minded it at all. He had even invited her to see him again and tell him about her new experiences. That meant something, right?

Victoria desperately hoped it did, because she really wanted to see him again. To hear his voice. To see his teasing smile. She longed for his attention again and planned her next trip to the bar already as her alarm went off a second time, reminding her that today wasn’t just any day but an important one she shouldn’t miss, no matter how wonderful the subject of her dreams was.

“Oh shit.” Victoria cried out then and jumped out of bed.

She had totally forgotten what day it was. She had even forgotten that she was in a hotel in Oxford, William was all she had thought about the whole night but now, she remembered it all and hurried into the bathroom. She had not much time left before her first day at college would start.

xVMx

Victoria was nervous, very nervous in fact, as she walked along the ground of Oxford College. It was new to her to not know anyone at a place, to not have the secureness of a familiar face like it was with Albert in school or even back in kindergarten. Now, she was on her own and somehow it frightened her. Not because of shyness but she feared that she would be too different from the others to fit in.

She had been raised in a home that belonged to the royal family and that meant, that she didn’t experience her teenager times the same way as the other students probably did. There had been no parties at friends or even a lot of friends for that matter. Her mother and her awful husband had always kept her in arm lengths, never letting her out of sight and always controlling her whereabouts.

As child, she didn’t think much about it for her mother always reminded her that she was royal and needed to act the part. Therefore, not every kid she met was a good match for her. So, Victoria had trusted her and tried to be the shining example for the royal family as her mother wanted her to be but as Victoria grew, she felt something missing and ended up feeling rather alone although Albert had been always at her side.

Victoria didn’t want to repeat such a mistake ever again. Therefore, it was very important to her that the college didn’t treat her any different. She didn’t want any advantages or any other treatment possible just because she belonged to the royal family, but she wanted to be a normal student like everyone else.

It had been exhausting to talk this trough with the lady who was responsible for the allocation of the dorms but necessary. She didn’t want to miss any experiences with a possible roommate just because they wanted her to feel the very best and grant her a room far off the other student homes so the others would not disturb her.

In the end, it had worked her way and she got a room with a girl named Harriet Sutherland. She couldn’t wait to meet her!

On her way up to the dorms Victoria ran into a whole bunch of different people. Some of the new faces were already talking and laughing with each other, as if they had known each other for a decade. Others were staring down at their schedules, trying to figure out how on earth they should face the semester. And others were running down the corridor to catch their first lecture on time.

Victoria smiled at the sight and enjoyed the hectic turmoil around her, the different people and the delight to be at college. It was so unlike her former school where everyone looked and acted the same way because of their high classed society education. It was so much more exciting, and she couldn’t wait to be part of it all.

As Victoria finally found her new home for the next few years, she got a bit more nervous because she didn’t know who would greet her behind the door. Would the girl be nice? Would she like her, or would they dislike each other and the whole wanted dorm experience would be a disaster? Victoria feared the last possibility and opened the door rather hesitantly, hoping for a miracle.

Instantly, she was greeted by loud music booming through the room and a girl who had her back to her singing to the song. Surprised Victoria took the situation in and grinned amused as the girl started dancing around the room while she kept her eyes closed and tried to match the song’s words passionately.

Victoria liked her immediately.

Not to disturb her happy dancing Victoria walked around her to the unused bed and sat down, waiting for the right moment to greet her new roommate without giving her a heart attack.

In the end, she jumped in the air with a loud shriek anyhow as she spotted Victoria in the room. She had not heard her a bit of her arrival.

Laughing both girls met in the middle of the room and she stuck out her hand to Victoria.

“Hey.” She greeted her with an embarrassed laugh.

“Hi.” Victoria grinned in return, happy about her easy and carefree manner.

“Sorry for the … welcoming session.” She giggled next, blushing a little bit. “And sorry for the mess. I really thought we had more room to put our things. I mean what ware they even thinking to make our dorms that small. Where to go with all our clothes?”

The girl sighed dramatically before looking back to Victoria with a grin who was just noticing the mess of boxes, books and a lot of clothes around her.

“I’m Harriet by the way. And apparently the only woman who has more than one shirt in this house.”

“Evidently.” Victoria smirked to herself. “I’m Victoria, nice to meet you.”

And it was. She liked Harriet for her loud and carefree and funny behaviour, for it was so different to the people she knew from school or even from the society she had to live in. Harriet was a breath of fresh air and it excited Victoria to think about the possible adventures they could get involved in together!

xVMx

“So, tell me something about you.” Harriet said after they stowed away most of their clothing in the small cupboards prepared for them and sat down on the bed opposites Victoria’s. “What is your story?”

“My story?” Victoria repeated amused. “I don’t think I have an interesting story that is worth telling.”

That was probably not quite true for some people would say that it was an interesting story indeed to be related to the Queen of England, but Victoria never thought that way and moreover, she didn’t want anyone to know. It would only end in people treating her differently.

Harriet snickered at her answer and argued, “Don’t sell yourself short, Vic. I can call you Vic, right?” Victoria nodded smiling. No one ever had given her a nickname, not even Albert. “Every story is worth telling, I tell you. Look at all the celebrities, do you think they were born into their lives? Most of them came from nothing, they were living a boring life you would call it, but then bam! they were famous and everything they do would cause fans to faint.”

“Although they are still very normal people.” Victoria added understanding.

“Exactly. They are like you and I, why should our story be less interesting than theirs?” Harriet’s enthusiasm was infectious.

“I’m from London.” Victoria said then and heard Harriet gasp.

“You are kidding me. You live in one of the greatest cities on earth and tell me that your story is not interesting enough. Your childhood must have been the best!” Harriet sighed. “I would have given anything to grow up in London.”

“Why?”

Harriet shrugged with her shoulders, “I grew up in a small town in south England. Nothing ever really happened. It was always quiet and … boring somehow. My friends and I were always on the run, driving around to find a more exciting place. London was one of them. I loved it there.” A dreamingly look appeared in her eyes as she remembered the time.

“Yeah, it’s pretty cool, I guess.” Victoria admitted then, although her enthusiasm was limited. It was true, London was an exciting and busy city, but she never experienced it that way for she was never free to discover its secrets and charms.

“Surely you already miss it.”

Victoria scoffed amused, thinking of her family. “No, not really. I’m glad I’m away from it all.” Surprised, Harriet looked over to her and raised an eyebrow at her rather harsh answer.

“Why?” Victoria shrugged.

“It’s complicated. My family and I don’t get along so well.”

“Ah.” Harriet nodded and shot her a soft smile. “I can understand you well. My father was not happy with me as I told him I would go to college to study History of Arts. He wanted me to be part of the family business, but I could never picture myself in it, so here we are.”

They shared an understanding look and stayed silent for a moment, until Victoria nodded into her direction.

“So, History of Arts, hm?”

“Yeah, what’s your subject?”

“English History. My family hates it. ‘It’s a waste of time’ they would say. I don’t give a damn.” Victoria rolled with her eyes, causing Harriet to chuckle about her Victoria’s strong mind. “Not even Albert could understand it.”

“Albert?” Harriet repeated and leaned forward, obviously interested. “As in boyfriend Albert?”

Surprised, Victoria looked up at her as if she had not even noticed that she had talked about her boyfriend.

“Eh … yeah. He is … I think.” She stuttered through the sentence and frowned as Albert’s face appeared in front of her inner eye for a second, trying to confirm her answer, until his eyes suddenly transformed into green golden depths and his face slowly changed into Williams, destroying her conviction.

Of course, Albert was still her boyfriend. He was the boy she had shared the last few years with. He was the only one she had ever been close to but then again, William’s face appeared in her mind, making her feel butterflies form inside her stomach, and reminded her of the fact, that she probably never had any romantic feelings for Albert. She had just fallen into their relationship somehow and she had never seen any reason to stop it. Until now.

“It is complicated.” Victoria mumbled then, kind of explaining her choice of words.

“Isn’t it always?” Harriet sighed sympathetic. “I’m here if you ever want to talk about it.”

Victoria looked up at her, grateful for her sense to not touch this subject furthermore and happy to know, that she had someone she could talk to. For the first time in her life, Victoria believed she had found a true friend.

xVMx

Deep in thoughts William stared at his desk, his head propped up on his right arm, too heavy to keep it up on its own after the restless night he had, and remembered last night and its surprising encounter with Victoria.

For hours, he had laid awake, thinking about their shared words, her lovely blushes when he had smiled at her, her sweet laughter and her wonderful blue eyes. This beautiful ocean blue eyes he could get lost in, William thought again with a fond smile. He had not been able to stop thinking about her until now. His work could not distract him and after three hours of endless trying he had given up, the political reports not interesting enough to let him focus.

Her face was all he could think about.

At first it had surprised him that Victoria had such an effect on him, not letting him go to sleep but keeping him awake. His heart had drummed loudly in his chest as he had pictured her in his mind and with every passing minute his desire for her had gotten deeper, stronger, making his imaginations get more daring.

In the beginning, he simply imagined her smile, how it would let her eyes sparkle and his heart soar, but then his yearning turned into touching, to feel her skin under his fingertips, to feel her soft lips under his. He wanted it all with such a desire he had not felt for a very long time and it frightened him deeply, for he didn’t knew what it meant.

For years his heart had been shielded by a wall, protecting him from any more pain a person could cause him in this life. It had always secured him, no women he had slept with after Caro’s death had gotten under his skin. No one. It had been necessary, a measure he had to take to make sure that he could get on but suddenly … she was there, and it started beating again, with a strength he only remembered from his early days with his late wife.

How was this possible? It was the question that had captured his mind ever since their first eye contact. How could a woman he barely knew made him feel like this? It was a mystery to him and yet everything seemed so very clear.

He wanted to know her, to get closer to her and find out if his drumming heart meant something more. He wanted it with such a force, he was surprised he had not jumped out of his seat and ran after her yet but then, he remembered a reason why he was still seated, and it was not just one but many. A lot to be precise.

Victoria was so much younger than him, innocent and pure. A girl whose life had just begun, and he was … old. Simple as that. He had lived a life. He had been married, had had kids. He had experienced it all, but Victoria? The world was waiting for her and he was just an old man who watched the remnants of his life float away.

He could be her father for god’s sake and therefore, it was absolutely inappropriate to even think about her the way he did. He knew that but then, her face appeared in his mind again and he could see something in her eyes that let his thoughts become naughty once again.

It had been desire. Openly shared desire, she had not tried to hide from him. She wanted him to know that she found him handsome and this thought alone was his downfall, pushing him into a neverending circle of doubts and longing.

William sighed heavily while he rubbed his tired eyes. He should let this nonsense go for it was dumb to even think that Victoria was still thinking of him. She was a young and beautiful woman, the boys at her college would be flying over her by now and she would probably not know what to do with all their attention. So, why should she waste another thought on him?

Suddenly the door opened to his office and William looked up to the intruder. It was Emma, his best friend and colleague since ages. He shot her a grateful but forced smile as she put down a carton full of his favourite Chinese food in front of him.

“You didn’t eat anything the whole day.” Emma remarked reproachful, as her friend remained unmoved in his seat. “Therefore, I thought it would be a good idea to bring you something.”

William nodded slightly then and mumbled a quiet thanks before grabbing the carton and opening it, although he didn’t feel hungry at all – all this musing had left his stomach in turmoil.

It stayed silent for a moment then, just the rustling of his chopsticks sounded through the room while Emma waited patiently in front of William’s desk.

“Will you tell me what is bothering you or will we play the old guessing game?” Emma asked after a long minute and immediately, William stopped in his tracks, raising an eyebrow at his colleague. Was it so clearly written on his face that she could tell something was up?

“Don’t try to deny it, William, I know this look. This dreamy and thoughtful look. Who is the happy one who accompanied you to bed?” An embarrassed laugh escaped his lips thereon and he dug into his food once more to overplay the unpleasant question.

“No one.”  
  
“Ah.” Emma raised her eyebrows at him so he could see that she didn’t believe a word. “So, no horizontal dancing for you last night but something has happened.” She observed. “What is it, William?” Her voice was much softer now, but he dodged her attempt and shrugged with his shoulders.

“Nothing, Emma. I promise you. Nothing has happened. I’m just not feeling well, that’s all.”

She still didn’t believe him; she could see it in his eyes that something was bothering him, but she knew better than to push. Therefore, she backed away but couldn’t resist to tease him with a playful eye roll.

“As long as it is not some student again.” She chuckled at the memory. “Do you remember the chaos from last time? You don’t need that again.”

On midway to get another mouthful of food William froze as the memory of the young Caroline Norton run through his mind. It had been a disaster to let her near him, he acknowledged that now, but at the time being it had felt too good to stop their dangerous liaison and if he was honest with himself, he was clearly attracted to this kind of trouble, to play with the burning fire, maybe he was even addicted to it. First his wife, a wild and crazy woman he thought he could handle. Then a married student. Yep, he was a bugger for it.

“It is, isn’t it?” Emma asked and shook her head sadly at him. “Oh, William, don’t you ever learn from your mistakes?”

“It’s not the way you think, Emma.” William defended himself and pushed his food away, his appetite completely gone now. “Nothing happened and probably nothing will ever happen.” Although he wished for it with a force, he didn’t know he was capable of.

“No?”

“No.” He repeated sternly. “She deserves more than this.” He made a meaningful gesture to himself and jumped out of his seat then, nearly running for the exit to escape a probable conversation with Emma about his words. He couldn’t cope with her sympathetic looks right now nor with her pity or tries to build him up again. He didn’t want anything of it because he knew the truth about his situation already and nothing, she would say would change it.


	4. All I can think of is you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay ... Next chapter is coming soon ;)
> 
> Thanks for your patience and lovely comments. Hope you enjoy!

The next few days went by in a heartbeat for Victoria. New classes, new professors, new fellow students. Every new aspect in her life had kept her occupied until late evening and then, she had fallen happily into her bed to sleep. It was exhausting, sure, but ultimately, they were the best days of her life so far.

Every single day had been a refreshing proof that she had made the right decision to flee her protected family home and discover a whole new world on her very own. And it filled her with proud that she had not let her mother or even John Conroy intervene with her decision but stood strong.

And today, on her first weekend off, she wanted to celebrate her strong-minded decision. Harriet at her side, of course, who had become a good friend in short time.

“Where are we going?” Harriet asked excited while she looked through her wardrobe, on search for the perfect outfit for an unforgettable evening. Sharing her enthusiasms Victoria checked her make-up in the mirror but shrugged with her shoulders then for she had no idea what Oxford could offer them.

“I don’t know to be honest.” She admitted. “I thought you had heard something.” Harriet shook her head no, whereupon their enthusiasms stuttered a little bit. “The only place I was at is a small bar not far from here.” Victoria said then and paused as she remembered her first day in Oxford and her visit to the bar with its unexpected adventures.

_William._

One thought alone and her heart started to flutter again. Victoria closed her eyes.

He had been on her mind ever since that evening. His calm green eyes watching over her while she fell asleep and woke up in the morning. He was always there when she couldn’t concentrate on her tasks of the semester, making her smile despite the stress.

She had considered to find him again. To relive the happy coincidence in the bar but something always came up, distracting her and making it impossible for her to take the step and try to meet him again. It had been frustrating from time to time but today could be the day, Victoria thought and looked over to Harriet who nodded along to the music playing in the background.

“What do you think? Is a bar ok?”

“Of course.” Harriet smiled distracted and held a top to her chest. “The main is alcohol.” Victoria laughed at her easy request. “I don’t drink much, you know, but sometimes you just need a little booze.” She murmured.

“I can’t tell. My only experience is sparkling wine and champagne and my mother never let me drink too much of it. I would only embarrass myself, she would say.”

“That’s a possibility of course but don’t be afraid, I’m going to be at your side. And besides, what would an evening be without an embarrassing incident.”

“Thanks, I guess.” Victoria giggled at her funny remark as a knock distracted them.

With an amused smile on her face, Harriet walked over to the door and opened it.

"Hi.” She greeted someone outside Victoria couldn’t see. “Do we know each other?”

Interested, Victoria leant back and tried to catch a glimpse of the person she was talking to. At the same time, the door opened wider and Harriet said with some surprise: “Oh, you are Albert! Yeah, of course. Come in. She is here.” A second later Albert stood in their room, smiling from ear to ear as he laid eyes on Victoria while she could only stare. She had not expected him.

xVMx

“So tell me, what is going on with you?” Skerett asked as she put down another full glass of brandy in front of William. “You are in need of more alcohol than usually.”

“Can’t a man drink a few more glasses after a long day at work?”

“So, it’s work? I thought it would go well for you. The campaign looked promising so far, I think.”

“It does, it does.” William answered and scratched at his eyebrow. “Everything is working just fine.”

“Nevertheless, you don’t seem happy about it.” Skerett pushed forward. “Maybe you don’t want to return into politics after all.”

“You are nosy again.” He lectured her with a grin, but she just shrugged with her shoulders and leant over on the counter, a sweet smile on her lips.

“Of course, I am. You are my friend and you are not happy. Of course, I want to know what is troubling you.”

“That’s very sweet of you but … you know, I am not the type of guy who talks about …”

“His feelings?” He shot her an annoyed look. “Come on, Will. It’s me. I tell you everything.”

“And I still wonder why.” William murmured in return. “I’m not a role model for relationships after all.”

“Don’t worry, I would always choose you over them.”

She pointed at the guys behind him and as he turned around to inspect her example he scoffed. One of them, Fred, William thought he was called, was already asleep in the far corner, a full beer still in front of him. The next one David stared at the other end of the room and never dared to speak a word. And then there was Stuart, a scrawny man who always complained how senseless his life had become since he had lost his sweetheart from college. His competition was strong, William had to admit with a laugh.

“Well, thanks, I guess.” He snickered as he turned around again and Skerett smiled brightly at him, happy to see him more relaxed than in the two hours until now.

“If it’s not work, then maybe it is a woman?”

“Nancy.” William warned again.

“I bet it’s this young lady from London.” Skerett waggled with her brows playfully to gain a reaction from him but William didn’t. He just stared back.

“She was a pretty thing and she was totally interested in you, that was obvious.”

It was? The right corner of his lips ticked up at the thought.

“Was this the reason, why you send me off with her?” He raised a disapproving eyebrow at her.

“You weren’t complaining.”

“If I call correctly, yes I was.” He replied with a small laugh and took a drink.

“But in the end, you enjoyed yourself.”

William rolled with his eyes but didn’t deny it. Of course, he had enjoyed it. Victoria had been beautiful. Everything about her had turned him on, making his heart beat faster. Her smile. Her eyes. Her humour and blushes. She had been a bright spark in his dark and lonely life, and it had taken him a lot of self-control to not follow her inside the hotel and ravish her immediately.

“I knew you would!” Skerett cried out and giggled. “She was a sweetheart.”

“Nancy.” William sighed and furrowed his brows. “Why are we even talking about her?”

“Because she is the one on your mind.”

“No, she is not.”

“Oh yes, she is.” Annoyed, he stared at her. Could she not let this go? Just once.

“Oh come on, Will. Don’t look at me like that. I think, it’s sweet and far more important, I think it’ll be good for you. Did you exchange numbers? Maybe see each other again …?” He shook his head rather violently. No?! He was not some young guy, glancing her way and winning her heart instantly.

“No, we have not.”

“Why not?” Blankly, she looked at him.

“Because … because …” William stuttered and pointed at himself to explain it without words, but Skerett just watched him as if he was crazy. “I’m old. I could be her father.” He finished rather embarrassed.

“But you aren’t.”

“Still …”

Skerett rolled with her eyes then.

“You can’t be serious, Will. She was clearly attracted to you. She blushed all the time when you smiled at her for god’s sake. She couldn’t have been more obvious.” She shook her head at him. “And besides, we are in the 21th century, no one cares if you are older than her.”

“But twenty years?” He challenged her.

“If it fits. Who has the right to be against it?”

Ready to fight back with another argument, William already opened his mouth but to his great surprise he couldn’t find words. He gulped like a fish for a moment, before shutting his mouth again, staring into Skerett’s triumphantly face.

“And I can recall you dating a student not three years ago. Why should it be a problem now?” She raised a pointing eyebrow.

“First of all, she was older than Victoria.” He defended himself then, finding his words again. “And second, Caroline is the best example for not getting into this.”

“Caroline was a cheat.” Skerett spat and grew very angry all of a sudden. “She took advantage of your grief and somehow seduced you into believing she is the one for you, just to amuse herself.”

William gulped at her description and took a long sip from his drink as he remembered the time.

“She thought it would be exciting to fuck an older guy, to play a secret game with you and her idiotic husband.” She scoffed. “She is a terrible person, Will, and I can understand your decision to stop getting into dating after all of the crap she pulled, but it has been three years. You can’t stay scared for the rest of your life.”

“I’m not scared.” William defended himself again although he didn’t know why, it was true after all.

After his wife’s and then Caroline’s disastrous effects on him he had decided to stay out of the dating pool for good. He had always attracted the wrong kind of women. All of them wild, unsteady and reckless. They had loved danger, had been thrilled by trouble and he had always fallen for their irresistible way. It had always ended bad for him. Why should it be any different now?

“I’m just … careful.”

“So, you want to have one night stands for the rest of your life then?”

Now, it was William’s turn to get angry. Skerett’s tone had changed into an aggressive and accusing way he didn’t like and couldn’t tolerate any further.

He knew she only wanted to help him and be a good friend to him, but this was getting out of hand. It was his life after all. It was not her decision what he did in his lonely hours nor was it her right to judge him for it.  
She didn’t understand what he had gone through, what abysses he had seen, and he wished she would never have to. And therefore, she needed to stop this.

“Nancy.” He warned her calmly as she was already telling him why it would be wrong to stay with his current lifestyle and never let anyone near him again.

“… you were a fool when you let Caroline near you, but you learned from your mistakes, surely? It’ll not get you anywhere to stay in your shell forever.”

“Nancy, stop!” William’s voice sounded louder than he intended it to be. Startled, she met his eyes, stopping her lecture. “You need to stop this. You can’t tell me what to do.”

“But I only want to …”

“No.”, he interrupted, “You don’t understand what I went through. You can’t.” He took a deep breath, closing his eyes, and exhaled in a long rush. “I lost everything … My wife, my son, my family. They were gone in a heartbeat …”, he began, willing her to understand the difficulties in his life, “and to top all that I found out that my wife cheated on me for two years prior.” He let out a bitter laugh, shrugging with his shoulders, as he laid out all his foolish mistakes. “I had no idea, you know, never even suspected it … I still can’t believe it’s true. With my best friend of all people, how could someone not see it?” Another long sigh escaped his lips. He had been such a failure. “And then there was Caroline Norton. I thought she was a good one, you see, always friendly … always so understanding … so sweet. She nurtured me in a way no other could and I believed she could be the solution to reduce my pain.” Again, he shrugged, opening his eyes. A devastated look in them. “Turned out, I was wrong, but you know the end of the story, so I think, I don’t need to explain furthermore why I’m so careful … do I?”

For a long moment Skerett just stared at him and felt ashamed about her way of talking to him, shaking her head at him she lowered her gaze. No, he didn’t need to explain anything.

“I can’t take anymore, you see.” William said quietly then. “I fear it could destroy me.” His last sip of brandy tasting bitter on his tongue as his acknowledged his words to be frightening true. “I should go home now.” To an empty apartment where all the memories and thoughts about a wasted life were waiting for me, he thought.

“Will.” She said hesitantly, trying to explain herself. She had not wanted to hurt his feelings, nor patronize him. She just wanted to help him sooth his pain a little bit.

“It’s okay.” His lips curled into a short but sad smile. “I’m used to it. No need to worry about me. I will see you at your birthday party.” He turned away then and walked out into the still warm night before Skerett could utter another word.

His back slumped and hands buried deep in his pockets, William strolled down the street, thinking about his words to Skerett. Everything had been true, devastatingly so, and it had put him into a place where trust didn’t exist anymore.

It was sad in a way to live a life like that. Sometimes lonely. Sometimes worthless.

His every encounter with a woman was preordained, kind of clinical so that no feeling could interfere, but his need was satisfied. It was easier that way and until recently his way had worked quite well, he had not even question it.

But suddenly there was this girl. This young and beautiful girl who turned everything in his body upside down. He would have laughed about his silly crush on her if it had not been that serious for him so soon.

Since that faithful day he couldn’t think about anyone else. She was his every thought and William knew that this feeling would get him into trouble soon enough. His history was proof for it.

xVMx

“Albert!” Victoria stood stock still in front of him, trying to understand why he was here.

“Hey.” He replied with a sweet smile, strolling over to her in only two strikes and crushing her to his body.

Still perplexed about his sudden visit it took her a moment to react and put her arms around him as well. An awkward minute with a lot of squeezing on his part and a lot of wishing for it to end on her part went by.

“It’s good to see you, darling.” Albert smiled brightly at her and moved down to kiss her.

It was meant to be deep, passionate, kind of reclaiming and a proving example for his love for her, a kiss that should ease their pain caused by the separation. And it was in a way, at least for Albert. He felt his heart flutter in relief to have her finally back in his arms and showered her with much needed affection, but Victoria stayed unmoved under his fiery lips. Somehow feeling deceitful.

Not even minutes before she was dreaming about another man and was longing to be at his side again and now, she was held by another man whose kisses didn’t speak to her heart at all. It felt wrong. Absolutely wrong, like she would betray one of them. She knew it was a ridiculous thought for William and she didn’t know each other but it felt like it nevertheless.

Finally, Albert let go of her, gazing down at her dreamingly, not even noticing her despair.

“How I longed for this.” He breathed and stroked the hair out of her face. “This week nearly drove me crazy. I’m not used to be separated from you for so long.”

Victoria just nodded at him, not sure if her voice would do, feeling all messed up while her mind tried desperately to stay focused on Albert. Her boyfriend. The man she should have feelings for but didn’t, did she? The question drove her insane. Ever since she met William, she would doubt everything concerning Albert. And now, with him standing right in front of her, her feelings got even more mixed up.

Who was he to her?

“Maybe I should revise my decision and come living here with you or you with me.” She froze at his words and looked up to him. It was meant as a joke, she knew, but couldn’t keep the surprise and rejection entirely off her face. He wouldn’t, would he?

“A drastic change, don’t you think?” Victoria laughed his idea off, but Albert just shrugged, giving her a kiss in response, making her question if it really was just a joke.

“I would do everything to be with you.” He murmured, brushing her lips with his.

“That’s sweet.” She knew her words sounded dull in comparison to his expressions full of longing and love, but she couldn’t bring herself too more.

Again, Albert didn’t notice her struggle but smiled quiet contently, obviously blinded by his joy to see his girlfriend after a whole week without her for her heart felt empty.

“I reserved a room in a wonderful hotel not far from here. Such beautiful architecture inside and out. You will immediately fall in love with it when we dine there tonight, I’m sure of it.”

“Dine there?”

“But yes.” Albert nodded eagerly. “The restaurant is remarkable I read and then, after dinner we can go upstairs and enjoy the weekend together.” His smile took a naughty turn as he gazed down at her whereupon, Victoria smiled quite forced. Why was it such a strange thought to spend her night with him? She had slept at his side so often, she lost count.

“You didn’t have plans, I hope.”

For the first time, Albert looked over to Harriet who had kept quiet the whole time, watching the strange exchange between the two. She met Victoria’s eyes then who seemed to plead with her to say something, but she couldn’t be sure.

“Eeerh … no, no. Don’t worry. You two have fun.”

“But what about you.” Victoria asked rather loudly then, trying to get Harriet to come with them at least. She was not afraid to be alone with Albert, but she wished for a buffer, allowing her the chance to take a breath while he was hovering over her.

In the end, her prayers went unheard and Albert won over Harriet, convincing her that a night alone was exactly what both of them needed. Therefore, she wished them a wonderful and romantic evening together and disappeared into the night, finding some entertainment for herself while leaving Victoria alone with her troubled heart.

“We should get going, if we want to be on time.”

“Of course.” She nodded at Albert. “Give me a second, okay?”

“Certainly. I wait outside.” Again, Victoria nodded at him and let out a breath as he closed the door behind him, and she was alone at last.

Walking over to the mirror, she watched herself for a moment, asking herself why she made it so hard for herself when it could be so simple?

Albert was her friend since kindergarten and she couldn’t remember a time when he had not been at her side, making her laugh, helping her in sad times and loving her until this very day. He was a good guy, she knew this, an attentive and gentle boyfriend, and she should be thankful to have someone like him at her side. And she was … nevertheless, it didn’t seem to be enough.

How could one glance of another man change this?

She shook her head heavily, disappointed about her fluttery behaviour. It was ridiculous to question everything she was used to just because a man she barely knew smiled at her in a way that made her skin tingle. For all she knew, he could be a bad man, just toying with a young woman to his own amusement. She knew nothing about William. Absolutely nothing and yet …

Again, Victoria shook her head, closing her eyes hard against the memory of him, the possibilities ...

Albert was here now, her boyfriend who wanted to surprise her because he had missed her. He loved her, although maybe not entirely for the right reasons … but he was here! With her! And he wanted to spend time with her because of it all!

He was here, Victoria repeated to herself again and again. He was the man she shared her first kiss with, she had her first time with. He was her first in everything that mattered, and he was here! She nearly shouted it out loud. It would be crazy to fawn over another man furthermore who could have already forgotten about her but to forsake the one man who waited right outside her door.

“Be rational, Victoria.” She whispered to herself and opened her eyes again, ignoring the perfect green eyes which already waited for her in her fantasies, and walked out the door.


	5. Be brave

The clock struck midnight as Victoria stole herself back into her dorm room, hoping Harriet would already be asleep. She wasn’t sure if she would be capable to explain her surprising appearance in the middle of the night although she actually should be lying in bed with her boyfriend, sleeping peacefully in his arms.

For a few minutes, she even had been lying in his bed but after Albert had fallen asleep, she couldn’t take it anymore, she could not pretend any longer that everything was okay and fled.

The whole evening, she had tried to give Albert her full attention. She had listened to his words with an open mind, had tried to be with him in the moment and feel the romantic atmosphere. She had let him kiss her, kissed him desperately back and even let him take her to bed to force a reaction out of her but nothing. She had felt absolutely nothing for him, not even a spark and as she had gazed down at him, sleeping contently, she had understood that she had not reacted irrational or crazy to question everything concerning Albert. It was justified and she understood now, it would do no good to pretend furthermore.

“Vic?” Harriet’s sleepy voice let Victoria jump. “What are you doing here? I thought …”

“Everything is okay. Go back to sleep.” She whispered back, trying to sound calm, but Harriet switched on the light nevertheless and blinked at her, sensing something was wrong.

“What happened?”

“It’s nothing. Just my stupid feelings running wild …”

“I’m a good listener.” Harriet offered.

“You would think me pathetic.”

“Try me.” She smiled at Victoria and suddenly she couldn’t hold back her tears anymore, her confusing feelings overwhelming. Concerned, Harriet sprang up and ran over to her new friend, laying an arm around her to offer her some comfort.

“It’s stupid. So damn stupid.” Victoria sobbed, fighting the unnecessary tears. “I don’t even know why I’m crying. This is ridiculous.”

“Crying can be good, like a catharsis.”

“Ye-ah.” She hiccupped and tried to smile for her friend who returned it with so much warmth that Victoria wasn’t ashamed about her reaction but let Harriet sooth her, until the tears finally stopped and she was able to form words.

Harriet waited beside her patiently, offering her another tissue while Victoria drew up her legs and slung her arms around them.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

Silence enveloped them then while Victoria asked herself if she should tell Harriet about her … she couldn’t even name what was bothering her. Was it her missing feelings for Albert or was it her stupid crush on an older man? Or was it just the confusion she could not handle? Maybe all of it, she thought and sighed quietly. She wasn’t used to such feelings and that frightened her.

“Have you ever been in love?” Victoria asked finally and turned to Harriet who nodded with a small smile. “And have you been together with the one?” Again, Harriet nodded.

“Was it always the same? I mean … the feeling … what did you feel when you were with him … or her?” She stumbled through her questions.

“His name was George. I felt butterflies in my stomach whenever I was with him. I couldn’t stop smiling when we spend time together. Always smiling. And when he touched me my heart nearly stopped.” Harriet sighed dreamingly. “I loved our time together, everything we did felt so special, you know.”

“Did it vanish?”

“When we were together it was always present, the buzzing between us. But as he moved away it died with him.” Harriet shrugged with her shoulders as she remembered the days. “I was surprised how fast the pain vanished for I loved him deeply back then.”

Victoria nodded thoughtful.

“It left you, didn’t it? With Albert, I mean.” Now it was Victoria’s turn to shrug her shoulders.

“I don’t know if I ever felt that way for him to be honest.” The answer surprised Harriet.

“We were friends, Albert and I, since kindergarten. He was always there … and some day it wasn’t just friendship anymore, it was … more, I guess. My mother told me it has to be love, that it was only natural that we develop such feelings for each other, but was it really love?” She furrowed her brows. “I never felt butterflies in my stomach whenever he touched me, like you describe it. I never felt anything compared to such outburst you express. It was just okay, I guess, nice in a way … I felt safe with him … but I believe, it was never more than that.”

“What changed?” Harriet asked. “Something must have happened that you finally acknowledge it.”

Victoria hesitated then. To tell her about Albert and their messed-up relationship was one thing but the other part of her confusion embarrassed her more. To yearn after an older man as lustful as she did was not normal, her mother would say, certainly not if he could be her father.

With flushing cheeks Victoria ducked her head behind her arms.

“Tell me about him.” Harriet tried again with a knowing smile and pulled at her arms. “Who is he?”

Stubborn as she was, Victoria resisted at first and answered that Harriet was on the wrong track but she insisted. It was way too obvious that a boy was behind all the confusion Victoria suffered and Harriet was too nosy to let it go now.

“Oh all right already.” Victoria finally said and looked into the smiling eyes of her friend, trying and failing to stop her own grin spreading over her face as she saw the gleeful joy of winning this battle on Harriet’s face.

“His name is William.”

“Uuuuh, beautiful name.” Harriet crooned, her interest clearly visible.

“And … I met him at a bar here in Oxford … the day before college started.” Victoria stopped then as if that was all of their shared story.

“Aaaaaaand?” Harriet stressed the word, eager to hear more but her friend just shrugged her shoulders. “Oh come on, there has to be more. How does he look? How old is he?”

At that Victoria cringed a little bit. Interested, Harriet stopped there and raised an eyebrow. “How old is he?”, she repeated, daring her.

“Is this important?”

“Apparently yes, because you don’t want to tell me.” She teased Victoria, whereupon a heavy sigh escaped her lips while her hands raised to her face, covering it.

“I don’t know exactly … but he is in his forties I would say.” She muffled into her hands.

“But not married, I hope.” Startled, Victoria looked up. She had not thought about that aspect at all. Had he worn a ring? She couldn’t remember, it had not been important in the moment. She had been so blinded by him, she had not been able to think about anything at all but his shining green eyes.

“Ok, so you don’t know, I gather. No need to panic.” Harriet soothed her nerves and smiled sweetly at her. “Tell me more about him … what did you do, what did you talk about? Why is he still on your mind?”

Again, Victoria hesitated, the situation still embarrassing to her but then a dreamingly look took over her face as she rested her head on her arms, looking out of the window as she told Harriet all about their short encounter. She described William in detail, forgetting herself as she told her about his dark curly hair, his sharp handsome face and piercing green eyes. Sighing deeply as she pictured him, her longing to see him again more prominent than ever.

She outlined their talk and tried to make Harriet see how wonderful easy it was with him. How safe she had felt with him. How comfortable. And then she admitted the feelings one should perceive if in love. The butterflies. The tingling skin. The nervousness. The happiest feeling within one could feel. Everything that should have happened with Albert a long time ago in their relationship had happened with William in just one night.

How could this be?

“It seems he has stolen your heart.” Harriet summarized her description with an easy grin. Victoria snorted.

“But how? I talked to him not more than 10 minutes top.”

“Nevertheless, you cannot think of anything or anyone else. Your mind is telling you something, my dear.”

“That I’m a fool maybe?” She tried to understate it, although she already knew that Harriet was totally right. Her mind was telling her something, was literally screaming at her and would only stop if Victoria would satisfy this need.

“Why should you be? Because you barely know him? Because he is older than you? Why?”

“Because of it all. It’s childish to even think about him anymore. He never thought about me in that way anyway. Why should he?” Upset, she threw up her hands and laid back with a loud sigh.

“Don’t think that way.”, Harriet protested and put a hand on her arm, “You are a beautiful young woman. The better question is: why should he not?” She winked at Victoria. “I’m pretty sure, he cannot think of anything else than you and all the possibilities he could engage in with you.” She waggled with her eyebrows now, making Victoria flush bright red before she laughed out loud and bumped playfully into her friend who couldn’t stop her giggling.

“You should meet him again.” Harriet said after their laughter died down and both woman were lying relaxed together on the bed. Head to head. “What’s the worst that could happen, hm?”

“That he doesn’t like me after all.”, Victoria mumbled and closed her eyes against the idea.

“You will never find out unless you try.”

For a moment Victoria kept quiet, thinking about Harriet’s words and how true they were. She would not stop thinking about William, yearning after him, until she would see him once more and experience what could be.

“You are right.”, Victoria finally said and sat up, surprising her friend with her sudden wilful and energetic behaviour. “I won’t hide anymore but meet him again. I need to or else I will go crazy.” She jumped from the bed and walked over to her shoes, stepping into them without hesitation.

“Now?” Bewildered, Harriet watched her. “It’s nearly midnight.”

“If I wait now, it will take me a lot more effort to be that brave again.”, she explained her hasty departure. “I will try my luck at the bar. Cross your fingers!”

And with that, Victoria rushed out of the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would looooove to hear from you! 
> 
> It's getting interesting!!! Will they meet or won't they? Stay tuuuned :) :D And of course, I would appreciate your comments. Would do you think so far :)  
> What would you like to see, tell me ... I'm super interested in your opinions and ideas ;)


	6. You're entrancing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After rewriting this chapter four times now ... it's been 84 years ... I think I should just go with this take :D 
> 
> I hope you will like it for I struggled so very hard with it, I feared for the whole story >.<

Victoria’s only option to look for him was the bar in which they had met a few days ago and made her way over to the old building, although not that hasty as before. Back in the dorm she had been full of courage and determination and had not shown any doubts that her plan could backfire but now her legs got wobblier with every step. 

What would she even say to William when she got there?

What would she say to the bargirl when he wasn’t there?

Would the girl even remember him?

Would William remember _her_?

This was her greatest fear. He would be there but would not remember her because their encounter had meant nothing to him. A possibility which laid heavily in her stomach. 

Victoria’s steps got heavier and for a long second she closed her eyes, trying to calm her racing thoughts and heart. It would not happen. It would not! Everything would be okay. Everything would – BUMP! 

Startled, Victoria bounced back from the collision and apologized immediately without looking up, trying to spare herself the embarrassing and distracting moment with someone when she tried to concentrate on her possible words for William. 

But as soon as the person started talking, she froze in her movement, closing her eyes out of sheer disbelief. The universe really didn’t want to spare her any embarrassment, did it? 

“Victoria?” His raspy voice was like music in her ears. “What are you doing here? Alone, I mean … it’s quite late.” 

Slowly, Victoria turned around to him and gulped down the unexpected lump in her throat as she took in William’s face. His hooded green golden eyes. His three-days stubble and dishevelled soft looking curls. Just as disarmingly handsome as she remembered. 

And he remembered her! He remembered her name. Her heart jumped up to her throat. And was concerned for her! She couldn’t stop the broad dimpled smile stretching slowly over her face. Could anything be better than this? 

“I actually looked for you.”, Victoria stuttered without thinking and turned bright red as his eyebrows shot to his hairline. “I mean, I … not like a stalker or anything. I was just …” 

She clapped her mouth shut. What was she saying? She couldn’t believe what embarrassing nonsense she just said to him. This was so awkward, like she couldn’t even think straight anymore to form a normal sentence a sane person would say to another. He certainly thought she was crazy. 

Victoria sighed and laid her hands in front of her eyes to gain some dignity. This was her chance to talk to him, she could not screw this up. Therefore, she took a breath to calm her wildly beating heart and met his eyes again. It was now or never. 

A kind smile rested on his lips as William waited for her to calm down again. He thought her behaviour endearing. Cute and kind of irresistible. He couldn’t stop staring at her flushed cheeks and bright eyes in the dark. She was beautiful to him, in every little detail. 

“I’m sorry for rambling. I’m just … a little bit nervous.” His mouth quirked upwards at her open confession, liking her shy look and the little tremor in her voice. So innocent and pure. Was she as nervous as he? 

“Why?” William asked softly and Victoria ducked her head, still embarrassed for what she wanted to tell him. She wasn’t used to flirt with a man or whatever she was doing here. She didn’t have the experience and lacked knowledge how to proceed this. Did men expect that she got straight to the point or did they want her to be more reserved? What did _he_ want? 

“Because I …” An uncertain chuckle escaped her. “Because you make me nervous.”

“Do I?” His grin deepened, emphasizing his strong cheekbones and twinkling golden green eyes in the dark, and Victoria could only stare at his handsome features, transfixed by his power over her. 

“What a coincidence.” William slurred then, taking one step closer to her while gazing down at her in wonder. “You make me feel the same way.” His words were too low spoken for her to understand anything, but his eyes seemed to speak for him for she returned his smile shyly, feeling the undeniable chemistry between them rising. 

He had known Victoria would be trouble for him, had even predicted it as he had left the bar only minutes before but that their ways would cross so soon surprised him, nevertheless. Was it a sign he wondered? 

Full of wonder and fascination he stared into her deep blue eyes and felt the already familiar feeling of desire and excitement spreading out over his body, lulling him into a dreamlike trance while his fingers itched to touch her. Did she burn for him as strongly as he did for her? 

Victoria looked up to him, studying his features and felt her whole body vibrating out of sheer excitement. What did he see in her? Did he feel this burning chemistry between them as well? Would he dare to kiss her? She wished for nothing more in this moment, but he took so long! So long, she feared he wouldn’t. But he must!

Without overthinking it, Victoria bridged the distance between them then, pressing her lips into a chaste but deep kiss against his rougher ones.

Lightening shot through her with the first contact. Making her dizzy with the strong sizzling feeling of it as it captured her whole body and ended with a rich demanding feeling in her stomach.

It felt like the world had stopped moving.

Never had anything felt more electrifying than this connection. To feel his lips against hers, to hear his sharp gasp at the contact was so satisfying a loud sigh threatened to escape her throat.

She knew she had surprised him with her sudden movement and feared for a second that she had been too rash but then she felt his lips nudging hers and Victoria closed her eyes in blissful relief, letting the sigh escape at last as he deepened the kiss. 

Without any hesitation William took a step forward, bowing even lower to her height to not lose contact with her full plumb lips - her taste rich and sweet; irresistible from this very first connection. 

To steady her, he gently put his hands on her waist, holding her to him with such care Victoria feared to melt in his arms. 

He was perfect. This was perfect.

  
This was the perfect first kiss. It was gentle yet passionate. It was everything a person could wish for and more. And Victoria couldn’t believe her luck that she was chosen to experience such an amazing kiss with the very man she had dreamed about day and night. This dreadfully handsome man who tasted and smelled better than heaven. Dear god, would she ever get enough of this? 

Eventually, William slowly broke away from her lips but didn’t move any further, their noses still touching and breaths mingling; his long fingers still boring into her hips to maintain the contact. 

Both kept their eyes closed, engrossed by their own thoughts and sensation. 

It was shocking to William how strongly he had reacted to her nearness; it had felt impossible to not engage into that kiss and experience this demanding chemistry between them and now, with her sweet breath on his lips, it was clear to him, he would not be able to let her go again. She was everything in that moment. Everything and more. And it frightened him to his very core. 

He had fought so long for this unmoving side of him, buried his emotions as deep as possible and held up his walls against anyone. But Victoria had teared down these walls with a single smile of hers. He had never stood a chance.

A middle-aged man, experienced in life and love, bewitched by a young woman who stood at the very beginning of it all.

Emma was right, he had not learned of his mistakes but was still a sentimental fool. But the truth was, he loved every second of it!

“That was unexpected.”

“I’m sorry, I was overcome.” Her chuckle like music in his ears.

William closed his eyes in pleasure as he felt her dimples brushing against his cheek. Her nearness his undoing.

Had he not told Skerett twenty minutes ago, that he couldn’t take anymore … that he was too scared to engage in any relation anymore which could crumble his heart?

He had meant these words, was certain they were true but here he was now, acting like a teenager, overpowered by the magnetic pull of this beautiful woman in his arms, unable to resist and wanted nothing more than to take anything she would give him. Anything, even if it meant to lose it all. He was beyond the point of caring.

“Kiss me again.” William slurred then as their eyes met, green on blue, his look dazed and full of desire. How could she ever refuse?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you feel the love tonight?! ;) :D
> 
> Hope you enjoyed it as much as myself as I finally finished it lol xD


	7. Honesty does hurt

On the next morning Victoria opened her eyes with a dreamy smile on her lips. Thinking about the wondrous night she had shared with William and the hopes that had evolved through their lively conversations and touches and kisses.

His kisses. Her eyelids dropped closed at the memories and a content sigh escaped her mouth. She would never ever get enough of them. Never. It had been perfect. He was perfect in every sense of the word! His hooded green eyes with these ridiculous long eyelashes. His teasing grin that turned her knees to jelly. His soft curly hair. 

Another happy sigh escaped her. 

No, she couldn’t get enough of him and couldn’t wait to see him again. To experience the rising chemistry between them once more. To feel this delicious fire starting to burn deep down in her belly whenever he touched her. No, she couldn’t wait! 

“I see, you are in good spirits this morning.”, Harriet laughed from her bed as she looked over to Victoria, “I assume your evening was successful?” 

Victoria’s smile brightened. “You could say it like that, yes.” 

“So … you met him?” Victoria nodded as she sat up in her bed, Harriet following her example. 

“I did.” She answered proudly. “And it was … simply right, you know, to see him again and … to talk to him and to kiss him.” She blushed prettily at the memory. “It simply felt right.”

Harriet smiled brightly at her, happy to see her friend in such a dreamlike state.

“So … it isn’t just a crush then? You really did lose your heart to him, hm?”

Victoria shrugged with her shoulders, remembering their easy way together. Then she locked eyes with Harriet and smiled incredulously, “Yes, I think so … although I don’t really understand how something like that could happen so quickly.” 

“It’s love at first sight.” She explained simply. 

“But does something like this exist in the real world? I thought this sort of thing only existed in romance novels, you know.” 

“Evidently not.” Harriet winked at her. “But I can understand your hesitation. You shouldn’t rush into anything. Just … enjoy it.” 

“Oh yeah, I will.” Victoria had not meant to sound so lascivious, but it was too late to take it back and Harriet couldn’t hold back her giggle at her lovesick expression. She had it really hard for this William!

  
“Oh stop.” Victoria pleaded then while she tried to stay serious, her choice of words embarrassing, but after a few seconds she joined into her giggling and just enjoyed the carefree moment with her newfound friend who she could talk to. 

But their carefree laughter was soon interrupted by a short but loud knocking. Both girls looked up in surprise. 

“Do you expect someone?” Victoria asked as she moved off the bed and walked over to the door, again an impatient knock was heard, stronger than before. “I’m coming.” She shouted through the wood while Harriet shook her head no. She had no idea who could visit them this early in the morning on a day off. 

Victoria opened the door in irritation then and stared rather shocked at their guest. It was Albert. Her current boyfriend. The man she had left behind in some hotel last night. Fuck! She had totally forgotten about him. 

xVMx 

“Thank god, you are here.” Albert said then in relief as he looked her up and down. “I was so worried because you weren’t there this morning. What happened? Why did you go? You could have woken me up at least.” 

There was a beat of silence then because Victoria didn’t know how to answer him. Of course, she felt guilty for leaving him in the middle of the night without any message, it had not been the kindest way and Albert truly deserved more than that, but she couldn’t tell him the truth. How could she?   

“You are right, I’m sorry.” She muttered uninspired. 

“Tell me why you left.” Albert asked in confusion. “I don’t get it. We had such a beautiful night together. Why would you leave without saying a word?” 

Victoria shrugged with her shoulders then, letting her eyes drop to the floor before a lie fell from her lips, “I didn’t feel well.” 

She had never been good at lying. Her honest face always revealing the truth however hard she tried to cover it. Therefore, she turned from Albert just to be sure he bought her words, but he had none of it, stepping around her and pinpointing her on the spot.

 “Not feeling well, huh? What ached you that much I could not have helped with?” 

Silence captured them then yet again while Victoria still stared at the floor. Oh, how she hated this! She felt as small with him as she had always felt with Conroy when he had been lecturing her. But she couldn’t scream at Albert now as she had with Conroy, she had no right to do it for she was the one who had kissed another man while they were still in a relationship. She was the bad one in this situation.

“Why are you lying to me?” Albert asked next, frowning deeply. “I thought we had an open relationship. That we would tell each other everything. Victoria … what is it? Tell me.” 

“It’s nothing.” She couldn’t tell him now. She just couldn’t. She didn’t know how. She had never been in such a position. How could you tell the one man who had always been there for you and loved you ever since that you met someone new and that you think he could be the right one. How … 

Albert scoffed then, shaking his head in frustration and putting his arms in his side. He was disappointed, deeply hurt by her keeping secrets from him. 

“I see.” He mumbled quietly after studying her for a long minute. “So, no answer. At least I thought you would be honest with me after what you did. Clearly, I was wrong.” 

Victoria looked up then. Her surprise clearly written on her face because of his choice of words. _After what she did?_  

“Oh, don’t look so innocent now.” Albert said offended, his eyes narrowing in anger. “I saw you … with him.”  At this revelation Victoria’s eyes widened in shock. Oh no! “How could you do this to us, Victoria? To kiss him that way … to … urgh …  Who is he anyway? I don’t recognize you at all. This is not you, this is obscene.” 

“You were following me?” Victoria finally whispered. 

“I was concerned for you.” Albert explained himself defensively, stunned that she focused on this fact of all. “I came here to look for you and then saw you with this other man, making out with this old creep.” He gazed down at her in disgust. “I must tell your mother and Sir John about this … this is …” 

“You have to do what?” She interrupted him in disbelief. 

“Since you are here, you changed into a totally different person. Not answering phone calls. Not even caring to text your mother once a while, or me for the matter. And then this … acting like a whore who would jump into bed with just anyone. He could be your father for god’s sake.” 

“Okay, hey now.” Suddenly Harriet jumped up from her bed and held up a hand to stop Albert from throwing any more insults at her friend. “This is quiet enough. There is no reason for this.” 

“Oh, I think there is.” Albert seethed with his eyes still locked on Victoria’s. “Did you sleep with him? Huh? After bedding me, did you go to him to fuck him? Tell me!” 

His shout so loud, Victoria feared he had woken up the whole university with it. He was so angry. So full of jealousy, he couldn’t hold back his rage. But could she really blame him? 

“I think, it’s time for you to go now.” Harriet stepped in front of Victoria, shielding her, and pointed at the door with a thunderous look. “Or else I will call the security who will escort you out of here.” 

Full of anger, Albert glared down at her and wanted to protest but something inside him decided it wasn’t worth it to cause a scene. Therefore, he just sneered at them and turned on his heels, leaving the girls alone in their room. 

xVMx 

„We have to get going if we want to be on time, William.”, Emma called out to her friend as she shouldered her handbag, waiting for him at the door to his office. 

Abruptly it opened and revealed a rather nervous looking William in a dashing attire. 

“You’ve shaved.” Emma commented on his outfit and smiled in surprise as the strong smell of sandalwood got into her nose. “And is this a new shirt?” She tugged at the open collar of his light blue shirt, making it look more casual. “What’s the occasion? I thought it was just a small garden party with Nancy.” 

“It is.” William confirmed and tucked on his sleeves. 

“And why are you so nervous then?” 

Innocently, he looked down to her. “Nervous? I’m not nervous.” 

“If you say so.” Emma chuckled at his fast reply and followed him out of the building, asking herself what William had not told her. But she already had a strong suggestion that it could be very well connected to the young lady he had daydreamed about all week. 

xVMx 

After greeting Skerett and wishing her the best of all birthdays, William mingled with the other guests present. It was a great mix of young and old. Some overly extroverted people who pulled him into their middle as if he was a long-lost friend who needed to be provided by alcohol and even drugs. He thankfully refused. And some who just sat at the far end of the table, who were nursing their beers and listening to whoever got along. 

He usually belonged to the last part, but he didn’t want to disappoint Skerett, so he entertained as good as he could. Living up to the man he once was although he secretly waited for the arrival of a very special guest. 

A message on his phone distracted him in the middle of a discussion and he excused himself from the crowd that got bigger with the hour. The message was from Victoria. 

 _I’m sorry, I can’t come today. Not feeling up for company. Send Skerett my best wishes. I’ll text you. X_  

William read the text with a sinking heart and felt a deep disappointment settle in his bones. He had not been able to think about anything else but her since yesterday evening – her words and touches still fresh on his mind – so that the anticipation had been great. Maybe too great, he thought now, as he felt the strong blow of her absence in his stomach. He had forgotten about that feeling caused by a rejection. 

“Is everything alright?” It was Skerett beside him. 

“Yeah.” He mumbled quietly and shot her a crooked grin that didn’t reach his eyes. “Victoria sends you her best wishes.” 

“Victoria, huh?” Skerett smiled brightly. 

Embarrassed by her knowing look William felt the blush rising in his cheekbones and looked rather sheepishly back at her. “Yeah, we met again and … talked.” 

He didn’t need to say anything more, Skerett understood and smiled brightly at him, before she bumped playfully into his side. 

“I’m glad you jumped over your shadow. She is a sweetheart.” 

Then she disappeared into the partying crowd again, leaving William alone with his phone. Again, he stared at the text and couldn’t stop the nagging feeling that it was her way of gently letting him down. Maybe the evening had not been as wonderful for her as for him. 

A deep frown appeared on his forehead as he thought about the possibility. Had he misinterpreted her looks and touches? Had she played the same game with him as Caroline, testing her power over a man, older than the other to have a real challenge? 

It was hard for him to tell, although he had so much experiences. His self-confidence and knowledge of women had suffered a great deal after his disastrous marriage and the hurtful disaster after it. Therefore, his trust level was not very high, and every little whim got him stumbling. He felt like a schoolboy, new to the idea of sensation and love. 

But then William thought back to her rambling, the bright blushes on her cheeks as she tumbled over her words, the uncertain looks. She was so innocent in her actions. Inexperienced in the act of flirting. Victoria could not have played this. 

He was certain of it and opened her text once more to answer.

_Maybe an evening alone … away from the buzz? Maybe I can cheer you up. ;)_

 A few seconds later her reply popped up on the screen, turning William’s lips into a very happy smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm honest. I laughed pretty hard as I read about the last part and William's text ... that was pretty daring I must say :D 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed it ;) 
> 
> And thanks for all your kudos and comments. They spark my day up :)


	8. All alone together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are again. Enjoy!

William didn’t have to wait long until Victoria send another text to announce her arrival. 

She didn’t turn up on the party but waited outside on the street, to avoid meeting Skerett who would probably try to convince her to stay and celebrate with her. She wasn’t in the mood for such things. She was even surprised to have accepted William’s invitation for she had wanted to avoid him as well after the heated discussion with Albert - especially him to be honest. 

But as soon as she had read his reply her fingers had flown over the keyboard, answering she would be happy to see him. In that moment, it had not been desire for his kisses or lingering touches that spoke out of her but the simple need to be with him. Hear his voice, listening to his funny stories. And maybe feel his strong arms around her so this terrible feeling could be lifted of her shoulders. 

Victoria knew she had made a mistake with Albert. She had hurt his feelings and she deserved his harsh words for the betrayal but in the end, she didn’t regret it and wouldn’t accept Albert’s words to make her feel like some unworthy human being. 

William was not just anybody to her. He was her William - yes, she would call him that from now on for she wanted nothing more than for it to be true - and there was something between them that couldn’t be ignored. So she had took the step, ignoring the possible consequences, and had found heaven in her decision. How could she ever regret something like that? 

Tomorrow she would meet again with Albert and tell him. She had no hope for their relationship left, for her there had never been love involved anyway. Therefore, it was the only right decision to make and break up with him. Fuck her family’s outrage! 

“Good evening there.” Victoria jumped in surprise, looking over to a smirking William who shuffled lazily over to her. His hands in his pockets. “It’s quite late for a young woman like yourself to be out on the street alone, don’t you think?”

 She smiled at his comment. “Probably. Just yesterday I met someone who was quite disreputable.” 

“Oh really?” William asked with raised eyebrows as he stopped right in front of her, a teasing grin on his lips. “I hope, he didn’t cause you any problem.” 

She shook her head in amusement. No, she had enjoyed every second of it. 

“But today, there is no need to fear. I’m just a sweet guy from the neighbourhood. Most innocent, you see.” 

For a second, Victoria let her eyes fall, most thankful for him and his ability to read between the lines, before she returned with a small smile, revealing her emotional state to him. 

“I’m glad, I think I’m in need of a sweet guy.” 

A spark of deep concern appeared in William’s eyes as he studied her. It was obvious that something must had happened for the happy glint in her eyes had gone. He missed it desperately already. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Victoria shook her head but smiled her thanks at him. He simply nodded before slowly reaching for her hands, squeezing her small delicate fingers softly with his long ones. 

For a long moment, both stared down at their intervened hands, enjoying the intimate contact, and stepped more into each other. She leant her head against his breastbone and closed her eyes, breathing in the scent of sandalwood and warm man. Instantly, the tension left her body in waves. She felt so safe with him.

 “I’m glad you came.” William whispered into her ear while his head rested against hers, nuzzling her hair. 

“I was curious about your plan how you intend to cheer me up. How could I have stayed at home?” Teasing, she raised her eyes again and met his sparkling gaze, full of mischief and sensual promises she didn’t dare to fantasize about. 

“I will try to do my very best.” He promised then and leant down to press a feather light kiss against her pillow soft lips, testing her reaction. Victoria sighed against his mouth almost instantly and closed her eyes once more to concentrate on the feeling of his body against hers. The warmth. The strength of his muscles under his shirt. The tender pushing of his slightly rough lips against her. William echoed with a vibrating groan. 

But before their kiss got any deeper and more daring, they were interrupted by some of Skerett’s guest walking by them, whistling loudly at them. They ended the connection at once, Victoria hiding her face with red flushed cheeks in his shirt and William glaring at the man who disturbed them. 

“That was definitely a promising start.” She mumbled then and giggled. William joined her with a low chuckle and kissed her on the nose, now more amused about the disturbance. 

“Would you care for a walk? Maybe find some place quiet.” Victoria raised her eyebrows at his idea. Did he want to …? “I promise I won’t try anything funny.” William added hastily as he saw the small frown appear on her face and grinned his most innocent smile at her but he himself heard how stupid his words sounded and tried again. “I just thought … it would be more comfortable for us than talking in the streets all the time.” 

There was a beat of silence then and William wanted to strangle himself for his babbling. He had acted too straight forward, sounding like some idiot who only wanted to get her in his apartment to have a quick roll under the sheets with her. He grunted inwardly. Of course, he wouldn’t say no to this possibility but it had not been his intention. He just wanted to be alone with her, kiss her with no one watching and talk to her with no one disturbing them. He wanted to have her all to himself and enjoy her attention.

 “I apologise … this was not …” 

“It’s okay.” Victoria interrupted him laughing and squeezed his fingers that were still interlaced with hers. “I like the idea.”

 William sighed in relief then, relaxing a little bit while meeting her bemused look. “Then let’s go.”

 xVMx

After a short walk down the street they reached William’s apartment. It was nothing fancy, but he didn’t need fancy, therefore it was perfect for him. But now he felt some insecurity because he was about to show his home to someone who he had feelings for. Strong ones that still overwhelmed him every time she appeared before his eyes. And somehow it was important to him how she would feel about it.

Therefore, William hesitated just outside his apartment door, asking himself if he had even tidied up before he had left for work this morning.

“Is something the matter?” Victoria asked. 

“Uh … no. I … no.” He blushed a little bit because of his nervous behaviour and finally opened the door for her. He couldn’t change anything now anyway. 

“It’s nothing special but … it’s enough for me.” He said then while Victoria stepped inside and looked around, taking in the first impressions off his home. 

He was right, it was nothing big or fancy, but his apartment had its own charm with its tall ceilings and great windows, making the room glow in a warm light. 

On the far side the whole wall was covered with hundreds of books, accompanied by a big leather armchair and a desk that was overflowing with even more books and letters. Victoria grinned about the mess, loving how homey it felt. 

On her left stood a soft looking sofa, two armchairs and a television. Somehow the area looked rather unused and not at all as personal as the little library William had built for himself. Not a tv-man then, she concluded. 

“I like it.” Victoria said at last and walked over to the bookshelves, reading a few titles on her eye level and was impressed from their diversity and rarity. She raised her eyebrows at him. “This is quite a collection you got here.” 

He slowly walked over to her, stopping just behind her. “Yeah, it’s a passion of mine. Lots of reading.” 

She nodded genially and whispered, “Mine too.” Then she turned around to him and found herself directly in his arms. 

“I’m glad, you do. I don’t know what I would have done if you’d dislike books.” He looked rather pained down at her and let out a dramatically sigh. “Just imagine the dilemma I would be in. Liking such a beautiful woman, her wit and charm, yearning for everything she would give me, but then the hard truth … completely incompatible with me. I would not have survived it.”  
  
Victoria’s eyes widened, fascinated by his heavy words and could only mumbled, “Then you are in luck.” 

“Yes I am.” He confirmed, one corner of his mouth ticking up while his hand slowly tucked away the hair that had fallen into her eyes, causing her breath to hitch. He was so disarmingly handsome with that smouldering look, she yearned for a kiss like never before. His grin turned into a knowing smirk and with all calmness he leaned down to her, offering her his lips she took with no second thought. 

This kiss was different than the one before. It had lost its gently nudging, the careful approach forgotten, but instead there was a heat in it that stole their breaths. Victoria pressed her mouth hard against his, opening her lips instantly as she felt his tongue licking over her bottom lip and sighed deeply as his taste exploded on her tongue. 

William pulled her into his body, circling hers with his arms while Victoria’s arms reached up around his neck, anchoring him to her. Seconds later he felt her fingers bury themselves in his locks and let out a deep groan at the contact. It was heaven to feel her in his arms again, hearing her soft sighs and feeling her tender touches. Heaven indeed. 

He swept his tongue over hers in long silky waves while the demanding desire rose quickly between them, overwhelming them both with its power. It was dizzying and William needed to strengthen his hold on Victoria as she melted even more in his arms. Another grunt escaped William’s throat then as Victoria nipped at his lips, her fingers caressing his neck and shoulders. But as soon as William’s hands roved down over her bottom, expressing his need to feel more of her, Victoria’s attentions stopped immediately. Her body tensing. 

She could feel his desire against her stomach, making her warm all over. Oh, how she wanted to cross that line with him! Feeling his strong body move above her and hearing him moan in ecstasy. She closed her eyes against the nearly crushing want. It would be mind-blowing, she had no doubt. But it could not be today. Not with Albert’s words still on her mind. Not with a left open conversation she needed to have with him. She was not entirely free just yet, and she wanted to be free before taking this step with William. It wouldn’t be fair to either of them if not. 

Therefore, she slowly stepped out of his embrace, feeling the loss of his warmth instantly. 

“I’m sorry.” He mumbled then. “I overstepped a line although I promised …” 

Victoria smiled softly at him, stroking over his strong forearms, his fine hairs tickling her palm, “Everything is fine, don’t worry. You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just that … I’m not ready to take that step, you know. Not just yet.” 

William nodded numbly at her, feeling slightly ashamed to have tried to take the next step. But in that moment, he couldn’t help himself. She was just so … irresistible. She got him inflamed in seconds. 

“Maybe we could watch a movie, what do you say?” 

“Of course.” He nodded again, still feeling a little bit lightheaded. “Anything in mind?” 

Victoria shrugged with her shoulders and walked over the sofa, waiting for him to follow her but somehow, he stayed rooted to the spot, gnawing on his bottom lip. 

“No, but I’m sure we will find something.” She waited patiently and extended her hand to him at last. “Come here.” 

He followed her instructions in slow movements until he finally sat beside her on the sofa, looking a little distressed. 

“You didn’t do anything wrong.” Victoria repeated herself then and laid her fingers on his face, making him look up to her. “I enjoyed every last second of it and I want to, you know, but … not today.” 

“You don’t need to explain.” William assured her, turned his face and kissed her palm lovingly. “I didn’t want to push you. I would never do that. I was just … overcome.” 

“I know. Me too.” They shared a quiet chuckle before Victoria leant over and pecked him gently on the lips. “You make me weak in my knees.” 

“I do?” 

She grinned against his lips, “You know you do.” Then, she gently pushed on his shoulders until he followed her intentions and laid down on the sofa. He stared up at her in fascination and laughed aloud as she reminded him again, “No funny business.” She followed him then, making herself comfortable on his chest and both let out a long sigh as they nestled into a comfortable position, his arms in a soft embrace around her. 

Silence spread out in the room then, only their breathing was heard, and a deeply content feeling settled in their bones. 

William couldn’t remember a time when he felt that happy, that content, with a woman in his arms. Not even with his late wife and he had been madly in love with her, at least he always believed that. But now he felt it in every fibre of his body, it consumed him, and he never wanted it to end. 

Victoria stretched her limbs contently, snuggling even deeper in his warmth, and sighed again, making William’s eyes water out of sheer happiness. 

“Who was the woman beside you at the party?” She asked quietly and braced herself on his chest to look in his glistening green eyes. Starting to trace his features in slow pattern. First his eyebrows. Then his cheekbones. His nose. His lips. Then his ears and jaw. Full of fascination of the man beneath her. 

“Emma?” He responded with a raspy voice, trying not to purr at her ministrations and raised his eyebrows in question. “She is my best friend and colleague.” 

“Colleague? What is your profession anyway? I never asked.” 

William chuckled quietly, “Well, we were distracted with all the kisses and the like.” 

To emphasize his words, he claimed her soft lips for yet another kiss, enjoying the lazy dance of their tongues as they explored each other. Her taste most divine. Like the sweetest wine he ever enjoyed in his whole life.

“See?” He whispered after breaking their kiss, his lips still touching hers, and shot her that same smouldering look as before. “Most distracting.”

Dear god, he took her breath away like this. His green eyes nearly consumed by dark pupils. His teasing half smile and tousled curls. It all caused this wonderful warm glow deep inside her to grow and woke her desire for so much more yet again.

She felt his fingers flex on her back, saw the unspoken question in his eyes, and thought that these moments could not be more perfect to engage in the one thing they both yearned for. But although she felt this tingling feeling to her fingertips, she couldn’t do it. She just couldn’t.

“You didn’t tell me yet.” Victoria teased then to distract them both from the rising chemistry - and for her the disturbing thoughts concerning Albert’s words that had hurt her deeply - between them and poked him into his chest. “What is your profession, mister?”

It took William a moment to get back into the moment; he had lost himself inside her eyes again as well. And now it was even harder to focus when she was lying on top of him, touching him in just the right places but the sparkle got lost for her and therefore, he needed to get his bearings again as well.

“William?”

“Yes, um, yes of course.” He smiled rather embarrassed and squirmed a little bit under her before he met her eyes again. “I’m a politician.”

“You are in politics?” She didn’t know why she was surprised about that information. William seemed to be perfect for such a job, although maybe to kind for his own good.

“I am.” William confirmed and seemed to be a little uneasy then. “And to be honest it makes me a little bit nervous that you seem to have never heard of me before.” He chuckled in embarrassment. “I don’t mean to sound cocky or anything but …”

“No, no … it’s because of me.” Victoria interrupted him then, the colour in her cheeks rising. “I mean because of my mother. She never let me look into politics and the kind.”

His eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Um … that’s … that’s rather unusual, isn’t it? Don’t get me wrong but that’s strange to hear.”

He furrowed his brows in confusion. A young woman, intelligent and cultivated but no sense for politics? That was indeed unusual. 

“But you do know that we have a queen, yes?” The corner of his mouth ticked up into his familiar teasing smile.

“Yeah, I know that bit.” Victoria answered with a forced chuckle, tensing a little bit by the mention of the queen. They weren’t there yet to have that conversation.

“I hope you don’t mind me asking, but … why would your mother do that? I think it’s a very important topic nobody should be left out of.”

Victoria shrugged with her shoulders as best as she could in her lying position, “I don’t know. She was like this and somehow I accepted it and never tried to engage, I guess.”

“Ah, I see. Yeah, that’s …”

“But you could teach me.” She interrupted him quickly as he mumbled something under his breath to ease the curious situation. “As a politician, you are right at the front. You could be my tutor in this.”

She wiggled her eyebrows at him, whereupon William let out a low snigger. “Oh, could I?”

“And when I’d guess something right you could reward me with a kiss. Better than a lousy A.” Victoria added with a seductive twinkle in her eyes as both of them relaxed again, letting the bizarre circumstances of her education behind.

“Sounds like a good plan.”

She giggled happily and pecked him on the lips. “It does, doesn’t it?”

“It would be my pleasure.” William confirmed and deepened the kiss, letting his tongue swept over her bottom lip. He would never get enough of her taste.

“Then it’s a deal.” Victoria breathed against his smiling mouth.

His arms around her body tightened. “Definitely!”

But then Victoria broke away from him, interested in something else, “But first of all, you need to tell me what you are doing exactly.”

Theatrically sighing William dropped his head back onto the pillow, already missing her taste and the passionate way she raked her fingers through his hair while she sucked on his tongue.

“You really want to know? I don’t want to shock you.” He mumbled but Victoria just nodded at him, eager to get to know him better, so William told her. “I’m running for prime minister.”

Again, Victoria’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “You what?” She breathed out a laugh. “That’s … wow. So, I’m laying here with the future prime minister of the United Kingdom?”

Modest as he was, William shook his head no. “Nah, we are just at the beginning. It’s still a long way up.”

“Not so shy.” She chided him gently. “I have no doubt you can do it.” Transfixed, he stared into her eyes. Did she really believe that? Did she really believe in him? A slow smile spread out over his features at the idea. Wouldn’t that be wonderful?

His fingers grazed her cheek. “And would you stand by my side?” He was spinning her little fantasy further and without any hesitation she answered with a gentle, “Where else would I be?”

“Where indeed?” William whispered and took hold of her face, cupping her cheeks tenderly and watched as Victoria closed her eyes in sweet anticipation. Her expression making his heart soar. She was perfect, he thought and brought her lips down to his.

She was exactly what he had always been looking for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)


	9. I always want to be with you

The next morning William woke up to an unfamiliar but pleasant feeling he had not felt for a very long time. 

Pressed to his front laid Victoria, still sleeping peacefully under the warmth of the shared blanket and used his arm as her personal pillow. His other free one laid heavily over her midsection, anchoring her to him so she could not fall off the sofa.

Although his arm hurt after the long night they had spent on the couch, watching a film and failing to end it, William couldn’t think of a better way to wake up. To experience the toasty warm feeling, they had created overnight. Her silky long hair tickling his skin. To hear her sighing quietly in her sleep and have her snuggling deeper into his embrace. It all made his heart burst and a touched smile tucked at the corner of his mouth.

He wanted to wake up like this every morning for the rest of his life.

After a few quiet minutes, Victoria finally stretched her lithe body, letting out a long but content sigh as her joints popped gently. William’s eyes widened at the sensation of her rubbing against the length of his body and moved his hips backwards a little bit, just to be sure. He didn’t want to cause another unnecessary awkward moment.

Victoria didn’t seem to notice his movement but stroked her fingers tenderly over the arm resting on her body, playing with the little hairs on it and threading her fingers through his at the end of her journey.

“Good morning.” She whispered and William could hear the smile in her voice. He could have melted in that moment.

“Morning.” He whispered back and nuzzled at her ear, placing a soft kiss on the sensitive spot behind it. Instantly, she shivered, making him grin knowingly against her skin. He had learnt a lot about her body’s reaction yesterday, although they had not been intimate. Not more than before that is. Nevertheless, he had learnt quite a lot and was happy to shower her with his affections.

“How did you sleep?”

Again, she stretched her body and then turned around in his arms, smiling up into his hooded green eyes.

“Surprisingly good.” With an amused huff, William quirked an eyebrow. “For a night on the couch.” Victoria clarified then and touched the fresh stubble on his jaw, feeling the rasp under her fingertips.

“Oh? It was an improvement to my usual place for sure. My back doesn’t like me sleeping in a chair that much. Not for the entire night at least.”

“You sleep in your chair?” She frowned in concern whereupon his mouth skittered to avoid the upcoming smile. She was adorable when she worried so openly for him.

“Most of the nights, yes.”

“But why?”

He shrugged with his shoulders. “It’s a habit of mine.”

“But surely you would give it up if someone was waiting for you in bed.” Victoria knew her comment was brazen and after her reserving behaviour last night probably confusing but somehow, she couldn’t help herself. The image of him in bed and her beside him of course was just so thrilling.

After a moment William lowered his eyes with a flustered grin, blushing even a little bit and nodded, before meeting her gaze again. “I would.”

“That’s good to know.” She smiled softly and leant forward to press the lightest of kisses on his lips. He responded at once. Closing his eyes and brushing her mouth equally soft. Savouring the moment.

This time their kissing didn’t escalate. It remained delicate and sweet. Their desire for each other rolled in smooth waves through their bodies, letting them find an intense comfort in the other one’s arms without the everlasting fire conquering their souls immediately.

A low buzz from the couch table broke William’s concentration and he opened his eyes to look over Victoria’s shoulders. Her mouth stayed glued to his skin, gliding over his jaw and throat.

He furrowed his brows in irritation as he saw his phone light up for another message. It could be only one person who tried to contact him that early on a Sunday morning. He let out an annoyed groan. Not now!

“I’m sorry but I need to take this.” He mumbled then to Victoria and kissed her one last time before he broke away from her and sat up, taking his phone.

Disappointed, Victoria laid back on the sofa and watched him while she moved her foot teasingly over his body, trying to distract him from whatever text had arrived. William grinned at her in amusement but soon enough he stood up, frowning deeply at the screen.

Victoria remained watching and furrowed her brows in concern as William let out a small displeased grunt while scratching first his morning stubble and then his eyebrow.

“Is everything alright?”

He nodded absently, typing a quick message to whomever was on the other end. “Yeah, yeah … it’s just work. Uh … I’m sorry but I need to head out.”

“On a Sunday?” She sat up in surprise and at the same time disappointment.

“Unfortunately, yes. Emma just texted me and informed me about some trouble. We need to prepare for every possible outcome, you see.”

Victoria just nodded, following him with her eyes as he hurried into a room she had not seen yet. To judge from the noise, it had to be his bedroom. The screeching coat hooks a clear sign. A moment later he stormed out of the room, carrying some clothes and disappeared in the bathroom.

She leant over the back of the sofa and waited, liking to observe his morning routine. His hasty behaviour endearing.

“I wish I did not have to go.” William called over to her as he reappeared from the bathroom, buttoning up a new shirt while he missed his pants, giving her a glimpse of his ass in formfitting boxers, and hurried back into his bedroom. Victoria chuckled quite entertained by his show, liking what she saw. “But I will make it up to you, I promise.”

“It’s no problem.”

With a shake of his head, he came back into the living room, wearing a dashing dark grey suit with a white shirt and shining dark blue cravat.

“Yes, it is.” He confirmed. “Do you have time in the afternoon? I will be free by then and we could spend the rest of the day together.”

“Sounds wonderful.” She grinned widely and walked over to him, helping him adjusting his tie. With bright shining eyes he looked down at her, obviously liking their intimate interactions. “You look handsome.” She gazed at him in awe for a long moment and let her fingers dance over his jacket. “Dazzling handsome.”

“I’m glad you like it. I rarely wear anything else.”

“I think I can live with that.” Victoria whispered as in trance and only looked up from his appearance as William tipped up her chin, his mouth dancing in delight.

“I need to go.” He mumbled then, stroking his thumb over her jawline. “I will call you as soon as I can.”

“Okay.” She breathed and welcomed his kiss with a happy sigh, snaking her arms around his shoulders and ruffling his newly tamed curls a little. His hands landed heavily on her hips then and he hold her to him while they shared a deep kiss. But unfortunately, he had no time for a long and dizzying session. Emma was already waiting for him. Therefore, he broke their connection gently and smiled down at her.

“You can stay as long you want, but I really need to go now. See you later.”

Again, Victoria nodded at him, pecked him once more on the lips and watched him go with the happiest of feeling she ever had known in her whole life.

Harriet was right. This only could be love.

xVMx

After William had disappeared through the doors Victoria turned around in the room, taking in the little details that made this place his personal home. Slowly, she walked up to the big bookshelves, stroking along the line of the build while admiring the variety of the books yet again. His taste was most divine.

She turned to his desk then, reading the titles of the books lying on it as well and smiled to herself as she found a book of Sherlock Holmes. So, he was a little detective in his free time, engaging in mysteries und secrets. Victoria could already imagine him, sitting in his favourite armchair and brooding over the next crime, a brandy in his hand to enjoy his adventure even more.

The idea was most endearing to her and as she stared at the worn book, she wished for nothing more than to spend such an evening with him. Watching him while he read, relaxed in his own home … relaxed with her. It was a dream, she wished to be true, but she knew it was way too early to think about such things. First, she needed to break up with Albert and from there on they would find their way. Without any hesitation. Without any doubt. She was sure of it.

But right as the thought left her, Victoria spotted a framed picture on his desk that made her blood run cold.

It was a family photo, showing William and a woman holding a young boy in their embrace.

With trembling fingers, Victoria reached for the frame and brought it closer to her, studying it.

William was a few years younger than now. His hair was shorter and straighter, no signs of grey in it. His smile was open, not just a teasing grin he so often wore but a real big toothed smile. He had clearly been incredibly happy in that moment.

The woman next to him had dark blond hair, her eyes a warm chocolate brown and such a sweet smile Victoria couldn’t deny that this woman was simply beautiful. As was the boy in their arms. He had curling brown hair and striking green eyes, just like his … father.

Victoria gulped at the thought. Was this …? Could this be? Yes, she thought, this boy was the image of William. He looked like a miniature version of him. There was no doubt, that this young man was his son. But where was he?

Where was the woman in the picture? Was she his wife? Victoria’s heart beat painfully in her chest as her confusion got stronger with the minute.

William wore no wedding ring, so maybe they were divorced.

She looked around for other clues. She didn’t want to be nosy or anything, but she needed to calm her racing thoughts that all of _this,_ that was between them, was not a game for him but real and genuine.

Victoria went through the living room but found no more pictures or any other hint. Then she went into his bedroom, feeling guilty for invading his privacy, but her curious drive wouldn’t allow anything else. She needed to know if he was still attached to this woman.

In his bedroom she found another picture of his son. It had been taken in a hospital and showed the boy attached to a lot of medical devices, but she didn’t see fear in the eyes of the young man but a happy smile on his lips as he stared into the camera.

“What has happened to you?” Victoria asked in concern and stared into the boy’s eyes, before placing the photo back on the nightstand.

As she looked around herself in the small bedroom, lacking any woman touch, she feared she knew what had happened. There was no trace that any other lived here. No other clothing. No toys. Nothing. It was obvious that William was the only resident here and Victoria couldn’t imagine that he would allow his son to never visit him. He would do anything to have a connection with him, although he may be divorced from the boy’s mother. Therefore, the only solution was that his son had died.

Sorrow sat deep into her bones as she pictured this conjecture and glanced at the photo again, wishing she was wrong.

xVMx

The day had been a stressful one for William. A most difficult situation had come up in parliament and as the leading candidate for the premier he had to deliver a desirable answer to reassure his voters that he was able to lead their country, even through hard times.

His team had worked hard for a result and at the end of the day they were nearly finished with their work, so William would be able to stand in front of the people and deliver a speak tomorrow. But for today, he had quite enough of all the chaos. He just wanted to go home and relax. Preferably with Victoria. 

He took out his phone and dealt her number. His longing for her tickling in his veins.

It only took her two rings. “Hey!”

“Hi.” William grinned widely at her breathless voice. “Why so out of breath?”

Victoria chuckled a little embarrassed. “I couldn’t get fast enough to my phone, that’s all.”

“Oh. Did you wait for a call?”

“Nah, not really.” She lied teasingly.

He pouted, although she couldn’t see him. “What a shame, and there I was hoping you were waiting for me.”

“You? Why’s that?”

“Hmm. I wanted to ask you out, you see, but if you are not interested.” He played the innocent one, enjoying their easy banter.

“But I am.”

“Yes?” She hummed. “Wonderful. I can pick you up. Say in one hour?”

“I’m looking forward to it.”

He grinned again. “Me too. Until then. Bye.” He hung up then, the smile still prominent on his face as he turned around. He jumped up in surprise as he met Emma’s disapproving gaze.

William frowned, “What?”

“You should be more careful.” His friend answered flatly. “It’s not that I don’t think this girl is a nice one but think about your candidature. It is dangerous to meet such a young woman in public, William, you know how easily the press is up to something like this. And you don’t need bad press.”

“You are overreacting.”

“No, I’m not and you know it. The press will spin stories about you like last time and you know how hurtful they can be. Not only for you but for her, too. And you are experienced with the press, she is not.” She stared intensely at him, trying to make him see that his plan to act so freely was a dangerous one. “I don’t say, that you shouldn’t see her anymore. Meet her in private for all I care. But don’t go to restaurants or bars, presenting her to the whole world. You know, there are a lot of people out there who would see this as a provocation.”

“It’s not.” He protested again although he knew Emma was right. This world was cruel. Especially to one who lived a public life. The press would fall over this like flies and William feared that it would end bad for Victoria and him. And that, he couldn’t allow.

Therefore, he nodded to Emma and send Victoria a quick text to meet him at his apartment instead. He would explain it to her then, why it would be better to keep their relationship a secret. He could only hope she would understand his reasoning.

xVMx

“So, you wanted to cook for me instead of going out?” Victoria asked with a smile as she sat on the kitchen counter while William scurried around her, emptying the bags he bought home with him. “That’s really sweet.”

William chuckled lowly as he met her gaze, “Yes and … no.” He paused and scratched at his head. “I wanted to go out with you, but … I thought it would be better this way.”

Victoria furrowed her brows in confusion, “Okay?”

What was he trying to say? … that he didn’t want them to be seen together? Was he ashamed of her? He looked kind of guilty, she thought, so it could be. But it wouldn’t make sense if he did because he had asked her out. And only a few minutes later he had changed his mind. So … what had happened?

“Will you tell me?” Victoria asked then and stole a tomato from his chopping board, popping it into her mouth playfully. Smirking deeply as William shook his head at her in mock horror but smiled then, too.

“Will I tell you what?”

“Why you didn’t want to go out with me in the end.” She explained without hesitation and leant forward on her arms, studying him curiously. His smile had dropped, and he wouldn’t meet her eyes for a long minute, still trying to figure out how to tell her the best.

With a little sigh, he laid down the knife and propped himself on his arms, drumming his fingers on the counter. Still patiently waiting, Victoria stared at him, getting nervous herself by his behaviour.

“I don’t want you to get this the wrong way, okay?” His start was not very promising. “But it’s something I need to discuss with you because it’s very important. For you and for me.” Victoria nodded slowly before William went on. “Okay … I guess, I should just come to the point already.” He took a breath and finally looked at her. “I think it would be wise of us to keep this relationship between us, you know.”

A beat of silence, then, “So, you are ashamed of me.”

“No!” William nearly screamed and took a step towards her. “No, that’s not the reason. Not the reason at all! I would gladly walk out there with you on my arm but … I find myself in a complex situation, you see. The press is always on my feet. They try to capture every moment of my life and they would pounce on me immediately if they found out about you … about us.”

“I see.” Victoria mumbled then und lowered her gaze. And she did. Pretty good even. Her blood had run cold by his mentioning of the press. Of course, they would follow him! He was the leading candidate for prime minister, for god’s sake! How could she be so foolish and think differently? Oh god, what if they had already captured a photo of them together? What if they already knew who she was? Oh god, no!

William saw the panic rising in her eyes as he stood directly in front of her. He cupped her hand in his and stroked gently over her delicate fingers.

“Don’t stress yourself.” He said to her in a calm tone. “They don’t know anything. It would be in the papers by now and there was no mentioning of you.”

She took a deep breath as his words settled in her bones. That was good. Very good. Relief flooded her body.

“I want to keep it that way, because I don’t want them to bother you. I don’t want this for you or for us.” William continued and laid a finger under her chin, lifting it so she would look into his eyes. “I’m sorry I was so careless before. I should have told you about the possibility.”

“No, no. It’s okay. I understand.”

“So, you are okay with it? Keeping this.” He moved his finger between them. “Behind closed doors for the time being.”

Of course, she was. She was even relieved by it. It would protect her from any unwanted attention. And it would give her more time to set things straight with William. And she wanted to do that, really, but not if they still had time just as they were. This time together that only belonged to them was precious and she didn’t want to risk it with the truth.

She just wanted to be Victoria to him and not lose this incredible connection they had created in this short time.

But one thing she needed to confess to him still lingered between them and there was no excuse anymore.

She was afraid to tell him, but he deserved the truth! He was such a sweet and caring man. She wouldn’t deserve him, if she would stay quiet now.

Therefore, she took his hands in hers and squeezed them. He responded with a gentle stroke of his thumb over her knuckles. Taking the strength from him in the process, she whispered, “I need to tell you something …”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh ... x


	10. So very young

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your lovely comments and kudos so far! I’m super relieved so many of you like this story. I just hope it will stay this way and I don’t screw it up somehow … haha!
> 
> Thanks again and now, enjoy the little drama :D ;)

“I didn’t know our relationship would develop as quickly as it did. It was all so fast, and I was overwhelmed by it all.” Victoria cried between hiccupping breaths. “It took me by surprise, and I didn’t know what to do. I’m so sorry that I didn’t break up with him earlier, but there was no time until today and …” She paused in her desperate explanation and put her hands in front of her tear flooded face. “Oh god, I feel so terrible for not telling you. I never meant to hurt you with this foolishness.”

Until now, William had not said one word, he had just listened to Victoria’s confession.

She had talked herself into an overstrained state in the past few minutes, not able to stop the words and tears. It was obvious that she had hold this information back for longer than she had wanted to and now everything came out at once. Her emotions all over the place.

William stood motionless in front of her, trying to get all information straight and stay calm. And this was maybe the hardest part of it all because all his bad memories of his late wife and Caroline overran him at once. The deep hurt, he had felt in both situations. The uncertainty he had felt ever since. Every part of it was fresh on his mind as Victoria confessed her truth to him, although he knew deep down that it wasn’t quite the same.

They had not been in a relationship and he had no right to act like a cuckold. It was way too early for that.

Still, he needed time to process it all and couldn’t ignore the hurt altogether.

“So … that was why you didn’t want to ...” He finally mumbled, trying to follow the process of the events.

“Yes.” Victoria interrupted him in a broken voice. “I couldn’t take this step with you. Not when I was involved with another one. It wouldn’t have been fair to either of you.” She sniffled quietly as William stared intently at her.

He was relieved to hear this from her. To hear the regret in her voice. She had never had bad intentions. She was just so young and had stumbled into a situation she was inexperienced with.

“William, I’m truly sorry for what I did, but I never planned on this. I had never imagined I would fall so hard for you and …” She broke down then, fearing for the end of it all. Why couldn’t he say anything? Why did he just stare at her without moving any muscle?

“Do you want me to go? I would totally understand if you …” She visibly shivered as she already pictured it.

“Victoria.” He interrupted her gently and took her hands back in his. She needed to calm herself. “Don’t be silly. I don’t want you to go. First, it is like a monsoon out there and second, I’m not angry with you. It’s just … I didn’t expect this, you know.”

“I know, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I understand it.” Hope returned into her gaze and William smiled a little at that, relieved that her breathing returned to normal. “I’m not telling I like it but … yeah, I understand it. You never meant to cheat on him, I see that. And like I said, I’m not angry with you … but to be honest, it doesn’t make it any easier for me.”

William paused then, looking away a second to gather his thoughts, gnawing on his lip. He hated to talk about this but if he wanted this to work between Victoria and himself, he had no other choice. If she was truthful with him, he had to as well.

“I’m an old man, Victoria, and I had my fair share with life already. I’m not saying it was all garbage but … there were hard phases I wished I could have skipped.” His gaze returned to her. Without any mask. Without any secrets. And Victoria could clearly see the pain written in his green tired eyes. “And I’m a bruised man when it comes to betrayal.”

Another tear rolled down her cheeks, the fear closing in again. Oh, why had she been so stupid?

“You have to know that my late wife had been cheating on me. For a very long time.” His jaw tensed at the memory, as not only those memories returned but also their time with Augustus. His eyes got damp at the sight of his sweet little boy, but he shook it off, before the loss of his son could overwhelm him. This was another chapter not to be revealed just yet.

“I had no clue and came home to her every night, like a sweet innocent puppy, ready to do anything for his mistress. While she fucked my best friend at daylight.” He laughed without mirth as Victoria gasped in shock. Not only at his cursed words but the meaning of it.

“And to top all that, I fell for another woman a few years later. She played me really well, I give her that. She made a fool of me, and not only in private but in public as well. My reputation had suffered a severe blow from our little affair, nearly destroyed my career, but somehow, I survived with a new quality to my character. Now, I’m known as the disreputable politician.” William snorted and raised an eyebrow at her, “Didn’t you even call me this yesterday?”

At this, Victoria let out the first little laugh of the evening, banning her tears. He smirked deeply at her cute giggle but as he wasn’t finished yet he got serious again. His brows furrowed.

“So, you see … this topic is not an easy one for me. It consumed me for a very long time and it still follows me around sometimes, the distrust and uncertainty, it’s no joking matter for me.”

They needed to be on the same page here. He could not accept anything else.

But she nodded without hesitation, serious as him and confirmed, “Neither for me.”

He studied her for a long moment and as she finally lifted her eyes and met his gaze, the corner of this mouth ticked up, “Good.”

It wouldn’t be easy for him. To not be distrustful and jealous of everything and everyone in her life, but he would try it anyway. For her. For them. She had said it herself. She had fallen hard for him just like he himself. Therefore, he would never forgive himself if he would run away now and always wonder how it could have been.

Tenderly, William cupped her cheeks in his hands then and wiped away the last tears. His eyes open and kind. Victoria smiled weakly up to him, thankful for his understanding and sympathy, and let out a long hold shuddering breath as he lowered his head and touched her lips in a soft kiss. Signalising to her that everything was okay.

She responded equally gentle, savouring his soothing touch on her face and mouth, but she could already feel the well-known flame deep down in her stomach expanding, sending jolts of fire through her veins. She was powerless to resist, and her hands danced up his strong arms on their own accord. Stroking the naked skin at the nape of his neck first, causing him to sigh into their kiss. And finally pushed them in his dark hair, feeling it curl around her fingers.

Her touch sent a warmth seeping directly into his blood, to flow around and sooth, but he didn’t let it inflame him. Not today. Not after such an emotional outburst. They deserved more than that. Therefore, he broke the connection slowly. His lips lingering on hers for a long moment, before he took a step back.

“I promised you dinner.” He whispered as an apology and nodded in the direction of the vegetables. She giggled as an answer, amazed by her own breathlessness after such short moments and touched her lips briefly, before meeting his eyes once more.

“Yeah, of course. How can I help?”

“By not stealing my tomatoes.” William teased and pressed a loving kiss to her cheek, causing her to relax furthermore with another giggle.

xVMx

Over dinner their easy banter was in full swing again. Their confessions to each other forgotten - or rather ignored for the time being - was replaced by an uplifting feeling that left both of them giddy in which the shared alcohol certainly helped as well.

“Oh no, you didn’t.” Victoria laughed out loud as William told her another story from college.

“I did!” He emphasized chuckling. “I swear to you. They filled me up so badly, I couldn’t walk straight anymore. I had no shame left at that evening.”

“And it was kind of a receptive ritual?”

“Yes. They told me that everyone had done it and as the fool that I was, I believed them of course.” He rubbed his hand over his face, as he remembered the embarrassment moment, shaking his head at his former naivety. “I wanted to be part of that party so desperately, I would have done anything.”

“Evidently.” Victoria giggled as he pictured William running along the campus as naked as he was born. “I’m pretty sure the ladies liked it.”

William ducked his head shyly, his cheeks turning pink in embarrassment, and said, “If you say so.”

“Oh, I do.” She answered quite daring and grinned widely at him before taking a sip from her wine. He blushed even more. “And was it as good as you thought it would be?”

“Well, yes, kind of. I met my best friend there. George Gordon Byron.” He paused and corrected himself. “Well, my ex best friend now but that isn’t important any longer.” His gaze turned nostalgic. “We had really good times in Eton. Two idiotic boys with great expectations of themselves. We drove everyone crazy with our ideas.”

“Is he in politics, too?” Victoria dared asking.

“Dear god, no!” William laughed at the idea. “He is an author, writes poems or something like that. Never liked politics. At least one thing he wasn’t jealous of in my life.” He let out a scoff and emptied his glass in one sip, trying to escape the memories concerning Byron and Caro.

She watched him in concern and put her hand on his, stroking his knuckles, “We don’t need to talk about him.”

“You are right. Sorry, didn’t want to ruin the mood.” He jerked up half of his mouth.

“You didn’t.” Victoria reassured him and stood up, taking his hand in hers so he had to follow her. “But before we’ll get too nostalgic again, we should do something else.”

William’s mouth skittered in amusement. “Oh?” He pulled her into his arms and pressed his mouth to hers in a hungry kiss – she could certainly distract him with those delicious French kisses of hers – but Victoria ducked away after a few seconds, shaking her head at him. He pouted a little then, making her laugh.

“Dance with me.” She invited him with outstretched arms and eventually, William noticed the music in the background. She had turned it louder and swayed rhythmically to it now. A smile broke his mouth as he watched her, fully captured by the song.

She was breathtakingly beautiful, he thought in fascination. Her stature may be small, she only reached his shoulders, but her body was pure perfection in any other perspective. Her long brown hair, falling around her face and shoulders in soft waves. Her bright blue eyes with this irresistible sparkle. Her perfect kissable lips. And dear god, how she moved her body just now. He groaned aloud. Why was he still standing here?!

With one long step William circled his arms around her once more and kissed her laughing lips while her arms came around his shoulders. She pulled him into her rhythm without hesitation, swaying with him to the music, while their mouths touched in sweet curiosity more often than not.

“You are right, this is so much better.” He slurred against her throat, nipping and sucking over the tender flesh. Victoria closed her eyes in satisfaction. God yes! She wanted more of that.

“It is, isn’t it?” He grunted for confirmation and slowly dragged her over to the sofa. As she felt the pressure of the cushions, she let herself fall onto it without hesitation and William followed her immediately. His lips still on her skin, licking and kissing it fervently.

“William.” She gasped between urgent kisses. “Do you really want to? Now?” She would if he wanted to. She craved it even, but somehow it wasn’t the ideal timing, she thought. There had been so many emotions and now the alcohol in their blood. It wasn’t the best combination and she didn’t want him to regret it in the morning. She didn’t want to regret it herself for that matter.

Victoria felt him huff against her skin, stopping in his ministrations, although his hands were still roaming her body.

“No.” He breathed out in disappointment. “I mean, I want to. I really want to, but …” He rested his lips against her neck as the right words betrayed him.

“The timing is shit.” She ended for him, stroking his wild curls. She found it endearing to see how they sprung back into place as soon as she let go of them.

William nodded silently and shifted their position a little bit so they could lay watching each other without him crushing her. Lovingly, he stroked along her sides and pecked her nose as she closed her eyes with a content smile on her lips and nuzzled into his chest, smelling his rich scent. She hummed approvingly, as his arms locked around her.

“Do you have time tomorrow?” Her voice was muffled.

William let out a long sigh, “Unfortunately, no. To be honest, I won’t be here at all for the next week.” Victoria lifted her head in surprise and a flicker of disappointment flashed through her body.

“I have to go to London for some meetings.” He explained and stroked his thumb over the little frown on her forehead. “I wish I didn’t have to, but …  its’s still my job.”

“Of course.”

“I will be back on Friday, so we could spend the weekend together again.” He suggested.

Victoria smiled at the idea. “I’d like that, but what of the rest of the week? I’m gonna miss you terribly!”

His heart soared hearing those words from her lips and his mouth ticked at the corner. “I will miss you, too. But I’m sure, you’ll be just fine. Your classes will distract you and you won’t have time for anything else.”

She doubted that. She had not been able to think of anything but him last week and they had not even known each other back then. How could it be any different now?

“Maybe we should have sex now after all.” Victoria considered then playfully, grinning at him, while her hand wandered down his side in a bold manner.

William shuddered instantly at the contact but shook his head at her, catching her wandering hand that was on its way into dangerous territories, “No, I want it to be perfect. Just imagine how great our anticipation will be when we finally see each other again.” His smirk deepened and his voice dropped lower, sending shills up and down her back, “You won’t be able to resist me.”

“You are very sure off yourself.” He shrugged innocently.

“I promise it will be worth it.”

“Oh? You _are_ sure off yourself!” Victoria breathed and bumped him into the shoulder, giggling quietly. “You shouldn’t have said that. How am I to think of anything else but you and your delicious promise?”

“What would you say if I’ll come back on Thursday night? Would that make it any easier?” Without a real answer, she squealed in delight and crushed her lips against his in an earthshattering kiss.

She was okay with it, William thought then, and responded to her passionate nature.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be honest, I struggled with this chapter for a very long time … because I couldn’t decide how Melbourne should handle the situation. My first thoughts were: he should be reserved and disappointed, even angry and such … but then I thought … why? He is a grown man and they were no couple … so … of course there is disappointment, but does it have to be more?! :D 
> 
> Tell me what you think … did I do the right thing, or should I have taken another way?!?!?


	11. Come home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo a lot of you waited for Victoria’s big reveal who she is … yah, sorry about that :D I will come around to it, I promise but not quite yet.  
> But to be honest I made a measure change in my storyline … so it will be … eh how to put it? It will be far less dramatic, I think, but that’s better, I assure you haha ;D 
> 
> This chapter here will be a bit of a filler, nevertheless, it will answer some questions you may have ;)
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Early Monday morning William took his leave from Oxford and drove to London to work through a lot of meetings and interviews that were awaiting him for the big election in a few months’ time. His team had prepared him for any circumstances, bad or good, so he had a positive feeling traveling over to the capital city. But as Emma briefed him on his very first interview, it took all his willpower to concentrate on her and the papers in hand. His mind was still with Victoria and their time together and it was hard to ignore her deep blue eyes which challenged him to dream about her all day long.

The last few days had been wonderful. Ever since he had met her, everything in his life seemed so much brighter and more colourful. Of course, it was all his heart talking. He saw through rose-coloured glasses and knew he should not overact for it could all end in a few minutes time. It had happened to him twice after all. But somehow, he didn’t fear that with Victoria.

It was in the way they were talking, touching or simply looking at each other. Everything just fitted together without pretending. It just felt real - every single thing about their relation matched. And after only two days together he felt a deep connection between them, he couldn’t deny.

He had been open with her about his past, although the most hurtful subject still needed attention, and had told her about a time in his life that had ridiculed him in a most devastating way. Without hesitation. Without doubt that she would misuse his trust. And he was ready to confide in her with so much more. He wanted her to know him. Inside and out. No secrets.

He wanted to give it all and asked himself, if it could already be love.

It was the same with Victoria herself. She sat in one of her classes and tried to follow the professor but soon enough she caught herself thinking about William, remembering his funny stories and soft looks, and found the world fading into the background. Nothing else could catch her attention.

Her feelings for him had gotten stronger with every minute spend in shared intimacy and with them the conviction came that it was actually love she felt for him.

Her heart sped up with the truth and felt excitement mixed with fear running through her veins. This was real. Nothing light-hearted or fleeting fun. This was true and therefore, a serious matter that could change everything she knew until now.

It scared her a little because she worried to not be good enough. To make foolish mistakes like the one with Albert or even worse. She wanted to please William, to be the partner he needed but he was older than her, how was she to know what mattered to him?

She could only promise herself that she would try anything to be the one for him and hope that it would always be enough.

xVMx

“Hey, earth to Victoria. Are you there?” Harriet asked not for the first time and nudged her arm so Victoria’s head that had been resting on it fell. Victoria jerked up in surprise and blinked a few times, before she focused on her friend.

“Hello there.” Harriet laughed amused and sat down beside her in the library. “Deep in thoughts, huh?”

Victoria blushed a little and adverted her gaze, “Yeah.”

“William?” Her friend teased knowingly and planted her books on the table.

“Yeah.” She said again and shared a smile with Harriet. “I miss him.”

“It’s one day! You neglected me all weekend for him. What about me?” Harriet pouted playfully, whereupon Victoria laid her arm around her shoulder and tried to sooth her heart.

“I’m sorry. There was a lot going on this weekend.”

“You told him about Albert?” Victoria nodded. “That’s good. Lies are always bad for a relationship and yours will be difficult anyway without something like this.”

Victoria backed away a little and frowned, “Why would you say that?”

“Don’t get me wrong. I’m happy for you and I’m sure your affections for each other are genuine, but everyone around you will try to interfere with your happiness. It could be your family or his friends. Anyone. Your age difference will be a problem to a lot of people, and they all want to have a say in that matter. Trust me, I experienced it before.”

Victoria sat back on her chair and thought about her words. She had totally forgotten about her family. They would do anything to destroy their relationship. Especially, if they would find out who William really was. And her mother had already tried to contact her, certainly because of Albert who had run to them immediately after their break-up, telling them about some older man harassing her.

She narrowed her eyes in annoyance. Oh, what she would give to just be free of her family.

“My mother is already calling me every hour or so.” Victoria told her then. “Albert couldn’t hold his mouth shut apparently.”

Harriet nodded with a grim face, “I didn’t expect him to. He thought of you as his possession. And now you are gone, he probably doesn’t know what to do now. Sooo lost without you.”

“Probably.” She let out a stressed sigh. “I just wished he would have kept quiet. I don’t have any nerve to talk to my mother about this. And especially not about William.” And just when she had finished the sentence her phone vibrated once more, announcing her mother. “Speaking of the devil.”

“Sorry.” Harriet said sympathetically. “But one more advice. It’s better to talk to her on phone now than her coming here.” Victoria looked up at her in alarm. Oh god, no! That would be a nightmare for sure! Therefore, she pressed her thumb down onto the green button as fast as she could. One long and hard conversation with her mother was still better than any visit!

xVMx

On Tuesday, Victoria had no desire to leave her bed. Her talk with her mother about Albert – he was such a child! – and thereafter the mysterious stranger who she had kissed, was still fresh on her mind and took the wind out of her wings for the day.

Her mother had kept on scolding her about her reckless behaviour. Albert had been the perfect partner for her. A long-loved friend who had always been there for her, although she had been a beast most of the times. (She thanked her mother quietly for such sentimental words, chosen for her own daughter.) And then she had come to William, laughing about her silly feelings for an older man. She had made fun of it all, calling her naïve and childish to think an adult would be interested in her. She had lectured her he was just playing with her and would let her fall as soon as he had his fun and she wouldn’t want to become a whore. (This word again, it made her rage inside.)

Every word had hurt her deeply, although she had sworn to herself that she wouldn’t listen to any of them. But in the end, she was still her mother and somehow her opinion would always matter to her.

Only William had been able to cheer her up with his call in the evening, telling her about his day and distracting her from all the stressful moments she had to live through this week.

He had been sweet. So adorable sweet. Always concerned for her and determined to make her laugh. He was a good man. A kind one and he cared for her in a way no one ever truly did. Not even Albert, although everyone seemed to think he was the knight in shining armour every girl dreamed off. He was not! Of course, he could be sweet and caring but, in the end, he did it for his own good and not for selfless reasons.  

But William? He could be this knight and she dreamed about him rescuing her from her family and all their rules and goals. She wanted to be free and she could feel that he was the one who could make this wish come true.

xVMx

On Wednesday, Victoria was only living for William’s frequent texts and the one promising call in the evening. Nothing else did matter anymore, her classes and sessions with her fellow students and friends just a deflection to survive the remaining hours apart from each other.

She had never felt that way before. To smile that widely just because he had sent a text, proving to her that he was thinking about her as well, or to get giddy because of a funny selfie he had shot for her. All of his attention left her so incredibly happy, she feared she might burst from it.

And to her luck another text had just arrived. Eagerly, she grabbed for her phone.

 _Don’t read the papers today._ \- It simply said but Victoria’s heart stuttered instantly. Her neck already prickling with fear.

_Why?_

_I look terrible in the photo. They didn’t catch my good side._ \- She huffed out an amused laugh. Relief flooding her veins. Thank god. So nothing serious she had to worry about. 

Another one. - _Just wanted to warn you before you get a shock._

_You’re impossible X ... Send me a pic. I want to have a look for myself. Maybe I need to overthink my decisions after all._

_:O Why should I send it to you then? The risk is way too high. You must not come to your senses!_

_Don’t be a coward. Come on!_

For a minute it was quiet then, until the photo popped up on her screen at last. A sad smiley its companion. Victoria huffed out a laugh. Okay, it was not a super good picture, but it wasn’t bad either. He still looked charming as hell, although his face was crunched up into a silly expression.

 _Still handsome in every detail._ X - Victoria replied then while she stared at the photo, yearning after his company.

_Lucky me to know such a loving and sensitive soul! X … Emma laughed at me for hours. :(_

_I will have a talk with her ;)_

_You’re the best! I have to go now, but I will call you in the evening. Miss you X_

For a long blissful moment, Victoria stared at his words and smiled widely, caught in her strong feelings for this man. Oh, how she wished him to be here with her. Tomorrow could not come fast enough! But until then, she could just respond to his text and tell him that she missed him even more.

xVMx

And then it was finally Thursday. William would come back today. She didn’t know exactly on what time, but it didn’t matter to her. It was just important that he did, and they could see each other again in person! Not just via facetime or funny photos.

It was already afternoon and her classes were all completed as Victoria laid on her bed, staring at her phone. She was engrossed in an article about William and his promising candidature for the future prime minister of the United Kingdom. (She wanted to be informed about his political decision, so she could support him.) It read that he had already tried for it once but although his chances to win had been more than good it didn’t work out in the end. Victoria wondered why.

Out of curiosity she googled his name. Her eyebrows rose up in surprise at the load of information that popped up on her screen. But in the end, it wasn’t as surprising at all. His political career had started over fifteen years ago and he had been very successful in his job and should have found its highlight in his premiership five years ago, but it had never come to that. What had happened? Victoria asked herself once more. Was it because of his son?

She clicked on the next page, showing her a picture of William with his usual easy grin, a little bit younger than now, followed by a long text about his public and private life. She began to read it all, although she feared he wouldn’t like it at all that she had searched for information on the internet. But she couldn’t help herself, the temptation was too great.

Twenty minutes later, Victoria laid her phone down, tears in her eyes and one thought on her mind: What a cruel world it was.

It shocked her what William had to go through in his past. How many strokes of fate he had to survive and how many fights he had to bear until he got his life back under control. She wondered, how he could even stand after it all.

The first sorrowful words were about his son Augustus who had been very ill, suffering a mental illness that had threatened to take his young life.

Then the affair of his late wife with his best friend Byron.

And then the fateful blow that had brought him down for good for a very long time.

‘Just days before the election, Lamb’s family, wife Caroline Lamb and son Augustus Lamb, got killed in a tragic car accident.’ The article had read, and Victoria’s heart broke with it.

She couldn’t imagine coping with such a tragedy. To lose his wife _and_ son, he had been only five years old! How would you live with such a loss and move forwards? For Victoria, it was proof of William’s strength and it impressed her deeply. He had not given up but kept on fighting, trying to find his way back and succeeded in the end, although the scandal with Caroline Norton tried to wring him down once more.

He had never given up. Never. And for Victoria it was his most precious attribute.

xVMx

It was nearly ten o’clock as her phone buzzed with a new text. It was William. Finally!

_Just arrived home. Thank God! I brought Chinese if you’re interested._

Victoria smiled at his text, her mood increasing instantly. He was finally back in Oxford! In reach of her! She nearly fell out of her bed with excitement, surprising Harriet in her slumbering.

“William?”

“Yep, don’t wait up for me. I’ll meet you tomorrow at class.” Victoria whispered back and grabbed for her bag while answering him with a quick: _I’m starving!_ And hurried out of the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He is waiting for you ;)


	12. Lay down with me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No lingering around anymore :D I’m a little bit nervous about this to be honest but here it is … >.<
> 
> NSFW!

As soon as the door opened, Victoria jumped into William’s waiting arms, slinging her legs around his middle and clinging tightly to his neck. With a wide smile, she pressed her face into his neck and soaked up his scent, the delicious aroma of warm man, sandalwood and something uniquely him. Her personal heaven!

William chuckled in surprise as he stumbled back a few feet, catching them both before they could crash into the sideboard.

“Did you miss me?” He asked playfully while holding onto her tightly, securing her grip on him.

“Of course, I did.” She whispered against his skin and nuzzled his throat. “I couldn’t think of anything else.”

His heart soared, “Neither could I.”

Victoria captured his lips then, kissing him with a thirst she had never known before. Little nicks and nibbles with careful teeth and as a soft grunt escaped him, she slid her tongue inside and stroked the roof of his mouth, causing him to respond even louder.

His left hand tightened on her body while his right disappeared in her hair, sliding through their softness and pressing her mouth closer to his. Afraid to lose the connection.

They kissed fervently, with abandon, their bodies in a close embrace.

“I want you, William.” She sighed into his mouth, their breath mingling. “I want …” He swept his tongue over hers, fetching her back into a deep kiss while he turned into the direction of the bedroom, Victoria still in his arms.

“Are you sure?” It took all his willpower to let go of her lips, slick and swollen.

“I am.” She confirmed without hesitation and stroked through his thick hair, melting into the next kiss.

“What about the food?” He teased.

“I don’t care!” Victoria cried out. He chuckled in amusement, her impatience endearing, and followed her wish, carrying her to the bedroom.

Slowly, he laid her down on the bed and took a moment to watch her, lying in his bed. Her brown hair surrounding her like a halo. A sensual smile on her lips while her aroused breathing rocked her entirely body. His eyes dropped to her breasts, heaving heavily with desire. His Adams apple lurched at the sight while he flushed hard at once. She was beautiful!

William followed her then, crawling over her until their bodies laid flat on each other. Instantly, Victoria’s arms rose and closed behind his neck, running her fingers through his curls as he lowered himself for another passionate kiss. His weight pressing her into the mattress.

She sighed at the heavy feeling of him on top of her, revelling in the delicious way his body rubbed against hers, as his hands roamed over her flanks and their hips moved against each other in a rhythmic way, harder and harder, to heighten the friction.

She could feel his desire between her legs, grinding himself against her while his mouth trailed down over her jaw to her neck, leaving a wet path to the sensitive spot behind her ear.

“Ah!”, her hips bucked up as he pressed his lips hard against the spot, sending jolts of pleasure through her body, ending in her core. She clawed his back then, trying to press his body closer to hers but soon she got frustrated with his shirt. She thrilled to see more of him. To feel his skin! His naked skin on hers! She shuddered from the thought alone.

William got her silent message and sat up for a second, working with eager fingers to open his shirt wide enough so he could remove it over his head. She stared up at him in awe as he threw it off him, taking in his broad chest and taut stomach, chiselled with fine dark hair that lead to the promising bulge in his pants.

As he lowered himself once more and hovered above her, she stroked over his chest, smiling at the feel of his warm skin and the tickling of hair. He was beautiful to her.

“Will you take if off?” William asked in a silent whisper, as his lips ghosted over hers, teasing her with little nips and soothing licks of his tongue, and tugged on her own shirt. Victoria nodded but took her time, wiggling out of her shirt. For some reason she got nervous then. Insecure if he would like what he saw. But his crooked little smile and darkened eyes reassured her that he very much liked the view of her.

He bowed down to her chest, kissing over the rim of her bra, while his hand gently cupped one of her breasts in his hand, squeezing gently, and heard a little gasp escape her lungs. He looked up from his ministrations and smirked lazily at Victoria’s expression. Her eyes were closed, and her mouth opened in a blissful O while gentle puffs flew from her lips. Enjoying and savouring his touches.

Then, he nipped playfully at her skin causing her to jump a little and met his twinkling eyes.

He leant up and kissed her, taking his time, while her hands explored his back. Stroking over soft skin, tickling his sides in the process, before resting on his lower back, squeezing gently. William hummed against her mouth in approval, feeling a flush of pure desire as her fingers crept under the rim of his pants, pushing them down with it a little.

They sat up in unison then, not losing the connection of their lips, their bodies pressed against each other while their hands explored furthermore. Brushing over naked skin and working on buttons and zippers to feel even more of each other. They laughed quietly at their eagerness and accompanied clumsiness, smiling deeply into their kisses, full of love and anticipation, until finally there was nothing left of their clothes, leaving them naked.

William’s fingers danced up her arms, caressing them with a light touch of his fingers.

His touch was like fire, running over her skin, making her shiver as she stared up into his dark eyes that still had its golden-green glow. A gentle smile played on his lips, as he leant down to her, opening her mouth with his and slipping his tongue inside. Whereupon his hands slowly stroked over her sides until they finally enclosed her breasts, now free of any material, and squeezed. A low growl escaped his throat as he fondled and caressed them while Victoria pushed herself into his hands, sighing loudly.

“You are so utterly beautiful.” William breathed as his mouth and tongue trailed down its path towards her breasts. Kissing and nipping her tender flesh until his mouth finally latched onto one nipple. Sucking and lapping at it eagerly while Victoria’s fingers shot up into his hair, holding him to her.

“Ahhh.”, she panted aloud as more jolts of pleasure shot to her core, making her body tingle. How he did this! She was beyond thought, beyond sense, from this alone!

“Oh, don’t stop.” She pleaded with him as he swept sides, continuing his work on her other breast. His approving grunt vibrated against her skin, taking her breath with it.

Victoria’s right hand danced down his back then, squeezing his firm behind, while her other one stayed clenched in his hair, making sure he wouldn’t stop. William’s body jerked forwards at the contact, pressing his straining erection against her flat stomach, causing them both to gasp loudly at the burning feeling.

With light fingers, Victoria’s fingers wandered to his front and brushed over his stomach, following the thatch of soft dark hair to his groin. William shuddered violently as she finally stroked a finger over his manhood, teasing him endlessly until she finally gripped him in her hand, stroking his full length from tip to base and again.

He lost his sense for a second, engrossed by the feeling of her fingers on his most sensitive part and groaned against her breasts, jerking his hips into her direction.

His sounds sending a rush of wet heat between her legs.

Soon enough, William had to stop her movements because as wonderful as they were, he would get too fast to the point of no return and he couldn’t allow that. Therefore, he entangled her fingers from his member, kissed them sweetly and placed them safely on his chest, before he gripped her behind and lifted her up without any effort.

Victoria squealed in surprise at the sudden movement and giggled a little as he sat down with her in his lap. His cock nestled between their heated bodies.

Their lips met in a passionate embrace. Victoria’s arms around his neck, while his one arm hold her close to him and the other disappeared between their bodies, grazing her clit with the pad of one finger. She jolted forwards instantly, crying out softly as she chased his intimate touch that returned in a heartbeat.

He slid his fingers through her folds, stroking and rubbing and teasing. Her wetness enveloping his hand, getting more intense with every new touch.

A helpless sob escaped her mouth then and she buried her face in his shoulder, as he grazed the swollen sensitive nub once more, sending her close to the edge. But she wanted to feel him when it happened.

She wanted to feel everything of him and raised herself on her knees, leading the tip of his length to her entrance.

William’s hands shot out to her hips, steadying her while staring up into her hooded eyes, swimming with lust. Then she slowly sank down on him, taking in every inch of him.

He moaned as her heat enclosed him, gripping him tightly, and gritted his teeth, “Oh, fuck.”

Victoria had closed her eyes, clinging to his shoulders, and cried out softly as she settled on him, feeling his girth stretching her.

She shifted a little and gasped at the way it rubbed at her to do so. He filled her so completely, it stole her breath.

“You okay?” He asked in a whisper, brushing her ear with his lips, making her shiver in his arms.

She nodded, “Yeah.” And kissed him tenderly, caressing his sharp cheekbones and brushed through his damp hair.

Then, she rose and fell once more. Slowly, to savour every moment of it, building up a delicious rhythm that would lead her to the edge very fast.

Victoria could feel it already, building deep inside her. The pleasure stirred and stretched, moving through her body in burning waves until it centred in her core. And as William sucked at her breasts once more, she rode to the peek in blinding speed. Oh, how good he felt!

“Ah, I’m cumming. I’m cumming.” She panted in surprise, her breathing becoming laboured. She had never arrived there that fast!

William grunted in relief, helping her along in her movements and pressed his finger against her clit once more, rubbing gently at it to bring her the fulfilment she craved. And suddenly she was there and shattered on him. Her muscles tightened on him, making him moan helplessly, while her fingers clenched in his hair. Her orgasm so strong, she feared to faint any second.

While she came down from her height, William turned them, leaning over her once more, braced on his arms, to find his own release. His strokes were long and deep, powerful, pulling through her completely. His eyes closed in concentration. His jaw tightened.

It felt so good. So incredibly good! He couldn’t hold on much longer.

And as he felt Victoria’s hands on his back, dancing over his damp skin, squeezing his tensed muscles, he surrendered in a deep growl. His seed burst forward, once, twice, filling her with his essence until his body slackened on her.

He panted loudly, trying to catch his breath while she patted his matted hair softly, curling her fingers through it.

“You okay?” William asked breathlessly, enjoying the afterglow with her.

“More than that.” She huffed out in a small laugh, kissing his head, and met his eyes as he hovered over her on wobbly arms with a happy smile.

“And was it worth it the wait?” Victoria giggled warmly and shook her head at him in amusement, before she grabbed for a pillow and hit him over the head with it, sending him into a deep chuckling as he landed next to her on the bed and pulled her with him.

“I will not answer that!” She said sternly and threw her leg and arm over his cooling body, snuggling into him.

He pouted a little, “Is this a no?”

“William!” She swatted him again but giggled once more, before placing little kisses on his chest, continuing more quietly. “Besides, you already know the answer to your question.” He hummed in response, stroking along her arm in soft patterns, and closed his eyes in pure satisfaction.

But then he suddenly jerked up in alarm, “Fuck!”

“What is it?”

“I didn’t … we didn’t.” He pointed first at her and then his lower regions. “I forgot to use a condom. I’m sorry, I … I’m usually not so unreliable. I was just overcome. I …”

Victoria started to laugh once more, laying a hand on his chest, feeling his wildly beating heart, “William, calm yourself! Everything is okay. I would have said something, if a condom had been needed. I’m on the pill.”

Relief flushed his body. “Oh, thank god.” He breathed out and let himself fall back onto the mattress, Victoria following him, quite entertained by his reaction. “I should have asked you anyway. My god, I’m an idiot.”

“Nothing happened.” She soothed him furthermore and kissed his chin, caressing his troubled face.

“I bought some, you know.”

“Some?” Victoria looked over to the bag next to the bed stand filled with a little more than _some_ condoms. She giggled again.

William smirked then, too, teasing her, “Just planning for the future.”

“Oh? I thought this was a just one-time thing.” His eyes widened in alarm at her words, his grin disappearing immediately. “It was a joke.” Victoria said abruptly and tried to calm him. “I’m sorry. It was just a bad joke.” He relaxed again and rolled his eyes at himself and his ridiculous fear that every woman would run from him.

“I won’t leave you.” She said then with a thick throat. “I’m not like them. I would never hurt you this way.”

With damp eyes, he stared up into her ocean blue ones, one hand stroking her cheek, “No, you are not.”

For a long moment, they shared the intimate meaning behind those words and bathed in each other’s eyes but all too soon, their moment was broken by William’s growling stomach. Victoria let out a snicker.

“Hungry?” She asked playfully and sat up, already grabbing for his shirt on the floor.

“I didn’t eat since breakfast. I’m starving.” He complained and put on his boxer shorts.

“Should I have let you eat first?”

His mouth ticked at the corner, “Maybe … we could have stayed lying down now, but I would never complain about such enthusiasm you showed.” He caught her in his arms from behind, kissing her neck while carrying her over to the living room, accompanied by her free giggles.

Could life be any better?


	13. Tell me all you are

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First half is still NSFW ;)  
> But the other half is safe for everyone who wants to skip it^^

As William blinked open his eyes the next morning his body shivered with the cold that gnawed at his skin. Still half asleep he tried to cover himself with the missing blanket but couldn’t find it anywhere. With a displeased grunt, he turned on his side and snuggled closer to the warmth next to him, curling himself around the soft body that awaited him there. And as his hands slid over Victoria’s warm flesh, he finally met the covering.

“Bed hog.” He mumbled lightly, his eyes closing once more and buried his face in her neck while he pulled on the blanket. But Victoria had none of it, grabbing it tightly in her hand so it stayed wrapped like a cocoon around her body. William smirked in amusement as he tried it again, hearing unhappy little sounds escaping her lips. She was adorable like this.

Pressing himself impossibly closer, to win some of the covers back and over his hips and legs, Victoria let out another sound. But this time it was more like a happy purr, making him grin even wider against her skin, as she wiggled her bottom against his groin.

He stirred immediately, groaning softly into her ear. “Victoria …” Her name on his lips was not more than a whisper but she woke nevertheless, smiling softly into the pillow as she felt William’s hand right under her breasts, his thumb grazing the underside lightly, and his strong solid form behind her.

She let out a big content yawn as she rubbed in a lengthy stretch against his front, feeling his fingers tighten on her flesh with her movement, “Good morning.”

“Morning.” William rasped against her neck in greeting, peppering it with little kisses. “How did you sleep?”

Victoria sighed as an answer, moving her head a little so he could reach her neck and shoulder better, begging for more of his delightful nips and licks. He followed her silent command and sucked on the spot behind her ear, moving on to her earlobe and nibbled lightly on it.

“Do you know how I slept?” She hummed distracted. “I nearly froze to death through the night. Someone in this bed stole my blanket in the night, you little minx.” A lazy grin stretched out over her face as her hand reached behind her, feeling cold skin under her fingertips as she touched the lower part of his back she could reach.

“Did I? Oh dear.” Victoria turned in his arms then, bringing their upper bodies into full contact. His fine hairs tickling her sensitive skin on her breasts. She met his eyes with a soft smile and pulled the cover over both of them, capturing them into a warm haven. “I promise I warm you up.”

“Hmmm.”

Her hands moved over his back in long strokes, warming his flesh but soon enough the temptation for more got the better of her and her fingers started squeezing just the right places. William’s grin turned wicked as one hand remained on his butt.

“I’m warming up already.” His smouldering look made her smirk in response. “But I think I will get far quicker there when …” He pulled her into him tightly then, surprising her a little with his rough movement, and arranged her leg over his hip so his hardening cock was nestled right where it belonged. “Ah yes, that’s better.” He betted his hand on her bum as well, kneading it gently. “So much better.”

Victoria giggled light-heartedly and kissed him full on the lips, stroking his rough cheeks with her fingertips before they disappeared into his wild morning hair, scratching his scalp in a thrilling way.

She sighed between deep and thorough kisses, his tongue already entering her mouth for another long smooch, “Let’s never leave this bed.”

“Never.” He confirmed as his hand tangled in her long hair, holding her more closely to him. “I want you so badly, I wouldn’t know how I could leave.”

“I noticed that.” She grinned widely. “You woke me twice.”

He growled as the memory of lazy sex in the middle of the night came back to him. And then the more intense one when she had ridden him so hard, he had nearly blacked out. Well he did somehow, falling asleep so quickly he didn’t even remember her moving off him. He shivered with pleasure, bathing in the remembrance of last night, and moved his hips forward, rubbing himself against her wet heat with intense lust.

“I can’t get enough of you. You are perfect. So perfect. I want you all the time. I … oh please.”

“Yes! Yes!” Victoria gripped his hair tightly and helped him line up, feeling the tip of his cock grazing her entrance. “I want you, William. All of you. You make so hap …” Her breathing stuttered as he pushed inside, filling her. “Oh yes … yes. William …” She lost her words then. The feeling of him inside her still overwhelming. Stretching her. Touching her in just the right places. It felt wonderful.

William groaned equally caught, pushing his hips up, trying to feed her everything he owned. But in this position, he couldn’t satisfy his needs enough. He didn’t just want to be inside her but wanted to fill her completely. He wanted to ravage her. To make her his. To mark her with his thrusts and strokes.

Oh, she made him crazy with lust! It was a lifetime since he felt that way!

“Turn around, please.” He uttered and moved a little away from her. Victoria met his eyes in confusion and wanted to answer back but the wild look in his eyes made her stop. A strong thrilling shiver of excitement ran up and down her spine instead and she scrambled around, following his soft-spoken instructions.

“Just like that.” His voice was rough, rasping deep with desire as she kneed on all fours in front of him, her perfect shaped button standing out to him. He swallowed with the sight. How beautiful she was. Everywhere. Every line of her body was perfection.

His big hands ran over her back, drawing long lines and circles all over her delicate skin. Kneading her shoulders before they moved downwards once more, spanning her waist and squeezing her backside. Oh yes, she was perfect.

He bent forward then und pressed his lips against her heated skin, licking along her spine and nipping at her sensitive skin of her butt while his fingers found her clit, massaging it gently with two fingers. Victoria sighed loudly and closed her eyes in pleasure as he played her like a fine instrument.

“You are so wet.” He whispered quite pleased against her skin and pushed a finger in. Then two. “So incredibly wet.” His words and scratchy voice made her shiver all over while his skilled fingers worked steadily in her, bringing her close to her first orgasm. Oh, she could already feel it in her veins, how the fire began crackling in her core and spread out over her whole body. Victoria bit her lip as she absorbed the pleasure, he gave her.

William straightened himself then, leaving her dampness and stroked her bottom once more in a transfixed manner, before he positioned himself at her entrance and his hands went to her waist, holding fast as he entered her in a long satisfying stroke. Both sighed loudly at the penetration. He went so much deeper this way! He stole her breath with it.

For a long moment, he stayed embedded in her. Unmoving. Completely. Giving her everything he got. But as Victoria began wiggling her bum against him, he couldn’t hold back his hunger any longer and growled loudly before he began moving with quick and thorough thrusts, jostling her against the mattress.

“Oh god yes!” Victoria mumbled between helpless moans and let her face fall on the pillow. She liked this. The way he lost control and let his body take over. The strength of his movements so arousing she couldn’t hold in the loud cries of approval. To feel his long fingers clench on her, leaving bruises on her flesh. The hard jerks of his hips against her bum. And the wonderful feeling of him stroking through her, nudging and rubbing exactly the right places so her body tingled all over. It all felt so glorious she knew she would never get enough.

“You like it?” He rasped between rapid breaths, leaning forward as he slowed down a little and pressed his front along her back. Her skin like burning fire under his body. She could only groan and let him push her flat on the mattress, his weight a pleasant feel, as he pushed into her over and over again. Oh, she was so close!

“Please tell me you are close.” William kissed between her shoulder blades, tasting her sweaty skin and sighed in sync with her as every new thrust brought them closer to release.

“Yes … I’m … I’m …” She couldn’t think straight anymore and grabbed for his forearm, piercing his skin with her fingernails as he nudged just the right place inside her. William let out a little shriek in surprise but used the pain to his own delight, that couldn’t be denied any longer.

“Oh fuck … I’m cumming, Victoria. I can’t hold on … I …” He grunted heavily as his orgasm tackled him, pressing himself brutally close to her body as his seed burst forward. His skin prickling with the force of it. Oh, what bliss he found in her arms!

Spent, he rested on her for a second. His arms felt like jelly while his heart beat so fast, he feared for a heart attack. But oh, what a wonderful death it would be!

Soon enough, he rolled of her, taking her light body with him so they laid spooned together. Immediately, his hand found its way between her legs, feeling his own fluid running along her thighs, and let his fingers slide through her wet folds, brushing her clit first with light teasing touches before he rubbed strongly upon it.

After only four times together, he knew exactly what Victoria craved when he caressed her there and her quickened breath told him she was very very close indeed. It would only take … William’s lips glided upon her neck, nipping at the tender flesh and finally sucked on the sensitive spot behind her ear. Yes, it was all it took for her!

Victoria shattered with a powerful cry on his fingers, jerking heavily forwards to feel the pressure a little longer, and grabbed his forearm once again to hold on to anything as her strong orgasm shook her entirely body. What he did to her! Was this even normal? She had never felt like this before. These lightning shots through her system. The tingling feeling in her fingers and toes. No one had ever achieved such a pleasure for her, and he did it every single time. She sighed happily. Oh yes, this was heaven right here. He was her personal heaven.

“Everything alright?” His voice brushed her ear in a soft whisper.

“Hmmhmm.” Her form slackened in deep satisfaction, feeling limp and sleepy in his arms.

“Sleepy?” Another humming sound was her answer and William grinned knowingly, reaching for the coverlet and pulling it over their cooling bodies. Victoria already on the edge of sleep. Then he pressed a gentle kiss on her cheek and cuddled her close to his warm frame, before he closed his eyes as well and let the exhaustion of their love making take over.

xVMx

The next time, William woke he was alone in bed. The sheets cool beside him.

He opened one eye in surprise and scanned the bedroom, asking himself where Victoria had run off to. Through the tiny gap at the door he could hear distantly water running. _Bathroom then_ , he thought, _probably showering_ , and buried his face in her pillow that still held her scent. A happy hum escaped him. No, he was not ready to leave this bed just yet to investigate furthermore.

Ten minutes later, the door creaked open and William opened his eyes once more.

“Hey.” His voice was still rough with sleep as he sat up and leant against the headboard. She smiled sweetly at him and kneed on the mattress to give him a quick kiss while she mumbled a “Morning” against his lips. Her hand on his warm chest, caressing it lightly.

“You went showering?” His fingers stroked her still wet hair out of her face. “Why didn’t you wait for me? It would have been more fun.” He wiggled with his eyebrows.

Victoria laughed. “You are insatiable, aren’t you?” William shrugged with his shoulders then. An innocent grin on his lips. She kissed it in amusement. “Unfortunately, I don’t have much time left until I need to leave. My classes are waiting for me.”

“Oh.” He looked disappointed, before he frowned in confusion. “What time is it anyway?”

Again, she huffed out a laugh and ruffled his hair playfully. “Nearly noon, sleepyhead.” His eyes widened in alarm and looked over to the alarm clock himself, not believing Victoria’s words.

“Shit.” He breathed and slid out of bed, presenting his naked form to his bedfellow. She grinned in appreciation and moved to lean against the headboard now, watching him moving around the room.

“Emma will kill me if I come in too late today.” William mumbled and stumbled into fresh boxer shorts. “Meeting to discuss last week. How it went etc.”

“How _did_ it go?”

“Pretty good.” He smiled over to her. “Parliament sessions were very successful, and the interviews went smoothly as well. I have a good feeling for the upcoming election.”

There was a beat of silence then, as Victoria processed the news which were fantastic on the one hand but also alarming on the other because it could endanger their relationship. But before William could notice anything, she grinned widely and congratulated him, “That are wonderful news!”

“The first ratings will come in next week. And then … it will get interesting.”

“Did you always want to be prime minister?”

William chuckled. “No … well … not in my childhood at least. As I grew up, I learned to love politics and I wanted to change our political for the better. So … here we are.”

“And what was your big dream as child?”

“You wouldn’t believe me.” He snickered and scratched at his hair as if the truth would be embarrassing for him.

“Tell me.” Victoria pleaded and crawled over to the end of the bed where he stood, looking with big blue eyes up into his. “What was your wish?” She straightened and betted her hands on his broad shoulders, now covered with a fresh grey shirt.

He returned her look with a loving smile. “Gardening. I wanted to be a gardener. Maybe landscape architect.” He tilted his head as he remembered the old days with his mother, always working on the most exotic plants. “I loved doing it. It was so peaceful and yet you needed to be talented to raise all those beautiful flowers.”

Victoria smiled up to him in awe. “What is your favourite one?”

“Orchids.” He grinned a little and pointed at the plant on the cupboard on the other side of the window. Victoria followed his finger and raised her eyebrows in praise at the gorgeous flower with its clean white colour.

“In my childhood, I grew my own.” William continued. ”I found them fascinating and wanted to see every colour of them. It stole all my time until my father decided I needed to do something useful … and in his eyes gardening was only for fools.”

“And now? Do you grow them again?”

“Nah.” He shook his head with a sad little smile. “No time for it. My job is very demanding. There wouldn’t be enough time to care for them. And now that I have you to consider as well, I would have no time for them at all.” He let his wistful memories fall of him and grinned in his usual way at her, holding her to him.

Victoria giggled in delight and laid her arms around his shoulders, running her fingers through his messy hair and pulled him into a long toe-curling kiss.

“And I will be most demanding.”

He laughed against her lips, “Oh, will you?” She nodded with a wide smile, showering kisses all over his face, while he pulled her closer and grinned contently under her attention. “I think, I can live with that …” He moaned gently as their lips and tongues met in another sinful dance.

“But I want you to have time for your orchids as well.” Victoria breathed then and leant back to resist the temptation for more of his kisses. “You speak so happily about it … I wish you would do it again. Your work should not be everything in your life.”

William cocked his head as he processed her words, a smile breaking his mouth. She was a sweet girl. Concerned for his happiness and wellbeing, determined to push him in the right direction so he stayed in a happy place. But she had not to fear about that. Not at all. With her at his side, he felt twenty years younger and as happy as ever before. There were no flowers needed but then she was right. He missed it terribly. The quiet. The relaxation within it. The simple creation of new life. The one thing he was completely alone with. Hm, her idea sounded more wonderful with every passing minute.

“I think about it.” He finally answered and shot her a promising look. “Now tell me, what are _you_ doing to relax?”

She didn’t hesitate, “Drawing.”

“You must show me some of your paintings then.” Victoria shook her head with a shy smile. “Why ever not?”

“They are terrible.” She laughed nervously. “I didn’t say I was very good at it.”

William rolled with his eyes then, “Oh, come on. They can’t be so bad. I will show you some of my drawings and you will know your talent. I promise you.” She hit him playfully in the shoulder and giggled lively.

“Okay. You won. I will draw _you_. And then you can judge me.”

His mouth quirked upwards, “I can’t wait.”

“But not now. I need to get going.” She jumped off the bed with her words and hurried into the bathroom, leaving William alone to dress. “I can’t be late for this class. My professor is not very forgivable with something like this.”

“Emma and your professor have something in common then.” He snickered behind her and put on his pants, before following her into the bathroom to freshen up himself. To his surprise they worked like a fine-tuned old couple next to each other. While he brushed his teeth, she dried her hair. Switching places with him at the right time, always grinning like idiots at each other. It felt like a perfect rehearsed choreography that ended with a quick kiss on the lips as they left his apartment to go after their daily tasks.

William knew that this was not a natural thing between two people who had been together for only a short time. In his marriage it had took them _years_ to play out like this but with Victoria it just … worked. He grinned to himself. All of these discoveries were very promising. Very promising indeed. Could she really be _the one_ for him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love to hear from you!


	14. Past and present

The following weeks William and Victoria worked out a routine together that fitted perfectly to their new shared life.

Whenever he was out of town to promote for his candidature or speak up in parliament, Victoria used the time for long learning sessions. Harriet and she were a good team, helping each other as good as they could, considering their different course of studies, and managed their first exams without any problems.

In the evening on those days, Victoria would always call William and tell him about her day. They could talk for hours, every topic that came to mind was discussed. It was not important if it was of high interest. The only thing that mattered was to hear the other one’s voice and maybe drift off to sleep with his or her words in the ear.

And when they would finally meet again, it was like their first night all over again. Their passion never ceasing, rather the opposite, it expanded with every new touch and kiss, leaving no doubt for both that they were madly in love with each other.

It was no short affair anymore. It went far deeper like this, but they never treated their relationship this way anyway, so they weren’t very surprised as they felt the deep longing for each other whenever they were separated. The gnawing jealousy that captured especially William whenever she called an hour later than usual or talked about a fellow student. Or the relentless self-doubt that she was constantly doing something wrong.

It all spoke for itself and suddenly they were a couple. A real-life couple that missed nothing out although their relationship meant to be kept secret. Some would say that it wouldn’t work out on the long run, not going out in public, but it was just the way things were and neither of them regretted the circumstances. They rather used this peace much more to get to know each other furthermore.

Today, William would come home from a week in London, just in time for a long weekend together with no more work obligation for either of them. Victoria was looking forward to the days alone with him. She had missed him terribly and longed to be in his arms again. To make love and talk the whole night about everything they missed out on the days apart from another. She smiled in anticipation and locked her eyes on the door, waiting for him to return.

As William stepped into his apartment it was already late evening. Another meeting had come up, adding up to the other endless meetings, interviews and parliament sessions that had kept him longer in London than planned, leaving him more than exhausted. And the additional two-hour drive home had not helped either. He was just so tired. He wished for nothing more than his bed and a good night sleep.

But Victoria had none of it, throwing herself into his arms as soon as the door swung shut behind him, pressing her lips in a feverish kiss against his. Her greeting an alluring whisper, “Hello, handsome.”

Oh, he knew what she wanted, her hands low on his hips and her mouth on his neck were proof enough. But no, he couldn’t. There was no energy left in him, not even to respond to her passionate nature equally well and celebrate their reunion.

Therefore, his arms rested just loosely around her frame as she showered him with affection. His head lolling against hers as he gave in to the urge to close his eyes for a moment. _So tired_. But seconds later, he jerked awake again. His weight had put her of balance, so they had stumbled a little.

“What’s the matter?” Victoria asked in concern as she steadied him.

William rubbed his eyes and hid a big yawn behind his hand, “I’m sorry. I’m just so terribly tired. It’s been a long week, you know, and to be honest I only want to go to bed.” He threw her an apologetic look and brushed her arms with his hands. “I know you had other plans for us and believe me, I hate myself for saying no, but …”

“No, of course, that’s no problem.” She smiled tenderly at him and took his hand in hers, leading him into the bedroom. “This is no competition after all. You need to sleep, so that’s what we are going to do.” She sat him down onto the bed and bent to remove his shoes while William worked on his shirt, popping over the buttons with slow fingers.

“Here let me help you.” Victoria brushed his fingers away and opened his shirt in a few quick movements while he betted his forehead against her chest, closing his eyes once more as her scent surrounded him. This was home. The one place where he wanted to be all the time.

“Did you drive in this state?” She asked in concern then and stroked through his hair.

“Mhmmm.” He purred against her shirt. “Emma stayed in London, so I needed to.” He yawned again. “I wanted to be home … and be with you.”

A happy smile broke her lips as she kissed his head, “You are sweet.” He hummed, nuzzling her breasts in the process, making her grin even wider.

“Let’s get you into bed, mister, before you fall asleep on me again.” She pushed him back then and removed his shirt, opened his pants and helped him wiggle out of them. It was like aiding a child, but Victoria found it endearing to see him that way. All rumpled and already half asleep. It reminded her of their lazy mornings in bed when they could sleep in and didn’t have to hurry out of bed far too early in the morning.

She always enjoyed this time with him because it belonged to them alone. He was hers and she was his. Exactly the way it always should be.

On the remaining time, he was mostly all dressed up in a suit or expensive shirt, sometimes even wearing a vest – he was irresistible in this outfit – but never really dishevelled. She knew he needed to look the part, no one wanted to see a messy future prime minister after all, but sometimes it appeared to act like an armour. A heavy armour she wished he had not to wear that often.

“Will you come to bed with me?” William slurred as he pulled the blanket over his body, snuggling into the pillow and met her eyes with a pleading look. “I find I can sleep the best if you are by my side.”

“In a minute.” Victoria promised. “I just need to turn off the oven and then I will be back with you.”

At that he woke up a little more, popping himself up on his arm while a deep frown appeared on his forehead, “You cooked?”

“Well yeah, I tried to but it’s nothing special, so it’s no big deal.” She waved him off. “You need to sleep, Will.”

He let himself fall back onto the pillow, a pained expression in his eyes, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. The food will still be there tomorrow.” She winked at him playfully before disappearing from the bedroom.

As she returned only minutes later, she found William fast asleep. All sprawled over the mattress and snoring lightly. She grinned to herself and shook her head at his sleeping form while picking up his clothes and throwing them into the almost full basket, except his shirt. She loved sleeping in them, to smell his unique scent throughout the night and feel the light material caress her skin. It was soothing, especially on the nights alone when she woke from a nightmare. Therefore, it had become a routine for her to not sleep in old shirts of herself but his.

As quietly as she could she moved around the bedroom, switching of the lights and finally settled into the small space that he had left open for her. A soft sigh escaped her, after she moved him a little and could finally put her head down on his chest, feeling the heat of his body against hers and hearing the steady beat of his heart under her ear. Oh, how she had missed this. The warmth. The safety. She kissed his chest lovingly. William was right, this was home and she never wanted to lose it.

xVMx

As William shuffled into the living room the next morning, Victoria was already up for an hour.

Although it had been nice to lay in his arms again and listen to his peaceful sleeping, she had got restless after a time. There had been this familiar ache between her legs, a tingle down her body and the peak of her nipples. She knew those symptoms well by now. She wanted her boyfriend. Desperately. 

After a week apart from each other it was nothing unusual. Normally, they would have had sex by now and satisfied their urgent need for each other. But without the usual release right after welcoming each other home, her body was left being needy and unfulfilled.

Nevertheless, she didn’t wake him up. He had earned it to sleep in for a change, so she had detangled herself from him as quietly as she could and had fled into the living room, before doing something foolish and contravene in her own advice.

“Good morning.” William greeted her with a sleepy tilt of his lips and walked over to her on the couch. Victoria let her tablet sink and smiled up to him, accepting his kiss while running her fingers through the soft hair in his nape. She needed to satisfy at least one of her desires.

“Morning, sleepyhead.” He nuzzled her lovingly and plopped down beside her, shuffling a little until he lay with his head on her shoulders and his arm heavily over her midsection. Victoria grinned in amusement and rested her hand once more in his hair, combing lightly through it with her fingers.

William purred a little and pressed her closer in return, “What were you reading?”

“An article about the election.”

“Oh?” He raised his eyebrows in interest and grabbed for the tablet on her stomach. “Is it any good?”

“It’s not exactly about your candidature or Peel’s.” Victoria confessed, whereupon William grunted a little, already suspecting where this was going. “It’s more about your character. Who you are and what you stand for … where you came from and what your ideas are to make the world better and so on …” The little pause in the middle had not escaped him. She was careful with the subject. Suspiciously careful. So, she knew … at least some of it.

He knew it was no secret what had happened to his son and wife. He hadn’t hide Augustus pictures or even the picture with Caro on it. And the internet was full of it. There were hundreds of articles which delivered enough information to why William Lamb had resigned five years ago although he had the best chances to win the election for prime minister.

A deep sigh escaped his parted lips. Somehow, he had hoped that Victoria would never know … and would never address the most difficult chapter in his life. It was foolish of course, nevertheless …

“Let me guess, my past is of … especially high interest.” His voice was reserved, rather dismissive and Victoria took the tablet away from him again, putting it next to her on the floor so he couldn’t reach it.

“Yeah … amongst other things.”

“But _this_ is the most interesting information about the possible new prime minister. His lost. His …” William scoffed a little and tried to sit up, but Victoria hold him back half upright, meeting his troubled gaze.

“We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. I would never expect this of you.”

He raised a challenging eyebrow, “But I don’t really have to anyway, right? You already know.” Her look told him everything – the guilt slowly creeping in her eyes.

William turned away from her then and sat up completely, running his hands over his head in an upset gesture. He didn’t want to talk about it. He really didn’t! But she deserved it, didn’t she? They were in a relationship. In a serious one that could lead to a solid commitment. Maybe even marriage?

Who was he then to deny her the truth about his past … about his son … about an event that had shaped him … when she was in it with all her heart.

He closed his eyes in pain and shook it a few times, before finally sitting straight again, his head in his neck, staring up to the ceiling. How do you tell someone about something like this? About the most tragic experience in your lifetime. How to begin …? How to …?

He let out a long heavy breath, “What do you already know?”

“Not a lot.” Victoria said with a small voice, watching him. “Would you … could you …” She stopped and bit her lip nervously. “I would like to hear it from you, rather than an article on the internet.” He nodded slowly and turned his head in her direction, no mask protecting him, his green eyes already a misty shade.

“I already told you that I had been married once. Her name was Caroline. A fascinating woman. Passionate and maybe a bit crazy, too.” His mouth ticked at the corner as memories of his late wife filled his head. “I loved her with every fault she might have had. No one is perfect after all. I certainly not …” A long pause transpired, before he whispered.

“And we had a child together.” His breath caught, his eyes filling with tears. “A son. Augustus.” He blinked hastily as the first drops ran down his cheeks, the pain still so intense it ripped through his whole body. “He was a beautiful boy. So … so beautiful. He was everything to me. My entire world.”

Victoria’s hand shot out to his and carefully stroked over his knuckles, trying to give him some comfort. Her own tears already pricking at her eyes, as she listened to his pained words.

“He was autistic and needed constant help in everything … At first it had been quite shocking, I must confess. You didn’t have just a small child to care for but one with special needs. This realisation left me scared shitless, always fearing to do something wrong and might hurt him with it.” He shook his head in remembrance. “But in the end, we worked it out somehow. We built our world around him and I thought, we were happy. A happy little family.” He paused a second and continued in a lower more helpless tone. “I didn’t see it coming that it was the complete opposite for her.” His gaze fell from Victoria’s in shame. “I didn’t realize how she drifted away from me, losing herself in alcohol or even searching comfort in someone else’s arms. I just didn’t see it. I was so focused on my career, that … I don’t know. I … I was blind … and then they were gone. From one moment to another I was alone.”

William sniffed loudly and wiped away the tears from his face, staring numbly ahead, while Victoria fought with herself not to cry horribly for him. To be robbed of something so precious was probably the worst that could happen to one.

“Caro had been drinking that day as she drove Augustus for a check-up to the hospital … She probably didn’t see the red light or couldn’t react fast enough, I don’t know … no one could tell.” His face got even more sad. “They were hit by a truck … The police told me they didn’t suffer. They were killed immediately by the impact. But why should this information help in a matter like this?” He scoffed through the new tears and shook his head sadly. “They are still dead, you see. And nothing will bring them back. Ever.”

“I’m so very sorry, Will.”

He shrugged a little, “No … don’t be. I … it’s okay. Most of the days anyway. It’s just hard to talk about it.” He tried for a smile and wrapped her small fingers in a tight grip. “When he died, there was no point to my existence, I confess that.”

A concerned frown appeared on her face and she shuffled closer, “William, how can you say that?”

“I no longer feel that way.” He comforted her quickly then. “But at the time I thought I would never find any solace … he was dead. My little boy who never even saw his sixth birthday. And I … I lost it with him. My mind. My heart. My happiness. It was gone for a very long time that I thought it would never return to me ever again. But then …” His smile got broader as he leant over to her. “Then I met you and I finally remembered again what it was like to be happy. Completely happy. Without any doubts and fears. Just happy. Through and through.” His gaze was full of love as he stroked her cheek, “You make me incredibly happy, Victoria.”

She smiled with emotion, his words touching her deeply, and closed her eyes while she kissed his palm in gratitude. “I was never happier than with you.” He moved closer then and captured her face between his big hands, staring at her in awe.

She was such a beautiful woman. So young and full of high spirits. Intelligent and witty. With a strong character who stood her ground and fought for the things she wanted, but who was so sensitive and understanding at the same time. She was everything he ever wished for and until this day, he didn’t understand how he had deserved meeting her and having the honour to share his life with her. It was a miracle to him, but one he was especially grateful for.

She brought him back from the lonely days spent in bars to ease the pain. She reminded him that he didn’t need to hide and force himself into a life full of work and alcohol but could live a happy life. She made him see that his romantic life was not over, and he had still a chance on a fulfilling relationship. She gave him back a strength he had lost long ago and made him complete again.

And he loved her for that. For everything she did she was not even aware of.

“Victoria.” He breathed her name, his voice breaking with new upcoming emotions. Nervousness. Excitement. Tension. He waited patiently until her gaze met his once more. Her blue eyes sparkling with intimate softness and his heart jumped with joy.

 _Do it! Don’t wait any longer_ , his mind was screaming, and he took a deep breath, “I’m in love you.”

He had meant to make a huge spectacle out of the first time he would tell her his feelings, so she would know how desperately he loved her. But this moment, right now, it just felt right. And he wanted her to finally hear it. To know his truth and that he had no doubts whatsoever. 

“I love you with all my heart and I’m sorry it took me so long to finally say it.” She smiled helplessly at him, her entire body shivering with his words. “I should have told you right away because ever since our first talk I was … overcome by you. Everything you did, everything you said … it made me weak in my knees. And I knew … I just knew I was in trouble as soon as I saw your beautiful kind smile.”

William’s mouth curled up a little, “Yes, that smile.” Tenderly, he brushed his thumb over her bottom lip. “My god, you are mesmeric.” Her cheeks flushed red and she hid her eyes for a moment before meeting his shining golden green eyes once more. His dazzling features and words already overwhelming her but then he moved in for a kiss with so much feeling, she melted under him, gripping his shirt desperately tight. Oh god, how she loved him!

Victoria fell backwards with his weight on her and sighed against his mouth. His face was still damp from his little breakdown and she stroked gently over his cheekbones and rough jaw to let them disappear.

“I love you, too.” She whispered against his lips then and pressed him closer to her, running her hands over his back and hair, making him shudder all over. “More than you’ll ever know.” She pecked his mouth after each sentence. “You’re everything to me.” Kiss. “And I will do the best I can to make you happy, so you’ll never feel that way ever again.” Kiss. “I promise.”

William gasped against her lips, moved by her promises and thoughts, and nudged harder. Opening her mouth with his tongue and swept it over hers in long silky waves. Desperately needing the contact with her.

A humming sound vibrated between them while their hands tightened on each other bodies, pulling and stroking, knowing what the other one needed.

“I will never let you go.” She inhaled sharply as he bit into her bottom lip.

“Promise?”

He nodded multiple times, sucking on her skin, marking her and grunted, “You are mine! For always.” And kissed her once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mhmmmm. Let me know what you think :)


	15. Royalness is a burden

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please fasten your seatbelts and buckle up for a bumpy ride! Thank you very much!

Victoria stirred and opened her eyes as the first rays of dawn streamed into the room through the window. She yawned in protest and snuggled closer to the warmth of William’s body, burying her face into his arm to escape the light. She wasn’t ready to start the next day just yet. Not with this wonderful feeling of his naked body against hers.

William was still sleeping. She could feel the soft rush of his breath on her hair and the heavy feeling of his hand on her arm that laid over his chest; his light snoring in her ear. It was endearing she thought with a smile and propped herself up then to gaze at him in the peace of the morning.

She traced the line of his face with her eyes, starting with his tumbling curls that laid over his forehead, making him look like a young roguish boy. Then his eyebrows and ridiculous long eyelashes. She loved how they pronounced his eyes and its green colour. Over his sharp cheekbones, roman nose, soft lips and strong jaw. Ending with his stubbled chin.

Victoria smiled in adoration as her fingers stroked softly over the scruff and felt the familiar warmth spread out in her stomach at his sight. This deep feeling of happiness enveloping her whole body, making her smile even wider.

She loved him. Deeply and completely. And she had finally told him so.

She didn’t know how or when it happened, but it happened so fast she had never stood a chance. And she was grateful that he felt the same way as her. So happy and pleased.

She pressed her lips against his shoulder then, closing her eyes to savour the peaceful moment and remembered last night.

Not only their passionate encounters and insatiable hunger for each other; his hands on her body and mouth on her skin, their naked bodies in full embrace. She shivered pleasantly. But the love and affection that lingered in every moment they had shared with each other. Their easy banter and carefree laughter while laying sated in each other arms. It was the little things that made her heart swell and the feeling deepen for him.

“I love you”, she whispered against his skin then, her heart beating incredibly fast although William wasn’t awake so he could hear, but to say the words alone and feel the truth behind them was quite overwhelming.

A happy smile danced on her lips as she stroked his curls out of his forehead, grinning more widely as he curled his nose a little at the contact and nuzzled deeper into the pillow.

 _I need to tell him soon_ , Victoria suddenly thought then and recalled all the things said from last night.

How much it had cost him to talk about his son Augustus. To open up to her and let his guard fall completely. To have enough trust to share his inner demons with. She knew how hard it had been for him – he had never shown his weak side willingly after all – and understood that this thing between them was no longer a simple involvement but so much more. It was something she had a responsibility for. And therefore, Victoria felt like there was no other way. He deserved her honesty and nothing else. No matter the consequences, although she feared them terribly.

She just wished he would not hate her for her secret keeping and try to understand her reasoning. To not try to be the reasonable one and shut it down for her and ultimately his wellbeing. Or see her in a different light like so many others in her life.

She wanted him to be true to her, remember their strong love for each other and move on forward on their common path for she couldn’t lose the one man who touched her heart so deeply, it felt like it didn’t belong to her anymore but him alone.

xVMx

Lightly, her hand danced up and down his chest, circling through the fine hair there, waiting for him to wake. But he kept on sleeping peacefully. So, Victoria’s fingers followed the path of hair down. Down over his ribs. His stomach. All the way down until she reached her destination, her eyes watching every movement of his face attentively.

First, his eyes flickered from side to side under closed lids. Then, he frowned a little and finally as she wrapped her hand around his half-hard length his eyes popped open and met hers in a daze.

“Good morning.” Victoria grinned innocently, hovering over him to greet him with a kiss while her hand stayed glued to his cock that swelled up instantly.

The corner of his mouth ticked up, “What a fine morning it is.”, he slurred for an answer and grabbed her head, pulling her into a deeper kiss, groaning quite loudly as her hold on him tightened in reflex. She smiled into his lazy smooches and caressed him some more, feeling him twitch under her touch.

“Is this okay?” William raised his eyebrows in amusement and nodded quickly, her sudden shyness endearing. “I wasn’t sure, if you …” He interrupted her with a deep kiss, swallowing her nervous words and flipped her onto her back. His hands exploring every inch of her wondrous body now. Oh, he was more than okay with it!

He pressed his lips against her neck, peppering her skin with little kisses before lingering at her pulse point and sucking on it gently, “I love it.” His whisper vibrated against the sensitive spot. _I love you_! He added in abandon and moved desperately closer, covering her body with his to feel everything of her. 

Victoria sighed and pulled him in, clawing at his hair as he moved his mouth and tongue skilfully over her neck. Latching and sucking, making her dizzy with sensation.

“Please.”, she pleaded then as his fingers worked on her clit, massaging it gently while his length rested against her thigh, teasing her with its heat and promises. She wanted to feel it again inside her. All of it. All of him. She wanted to be claimed by him once more like last night. Over and over again. She would never get enough of him and his delicious body.

William smirked down at her, “Please what?”

“Oh, you know! You know!” She closed her hand around him once more, urging him to her entrance. He choked out a growl, his eyes flashing. Her light touch alone could be his undoing.

His hands tightened on her body then and without any second thought, he plunged into her, filling her to the brink and grinned wickedly as Victoria closed her eyes in pleasure and her lips formed a perfect O, welcoming him.

He leaned down and pecked her lips while rolling his hips slowly, “Like this?”

“Faster!” She commanded without breath and clung to his body, slinging an arm around his shoulders while her other gripped his forearm, feeling the tight muscles underneath while holding on for dear life as William did as she bade. Stroking through her completely in a rapid speed.

Hard and strong thrusts that jostled her against the mattress. Victoria moaned loudly and slung her legs high around his midsection to feel their whole impact.

William could feel how her body tightened on him, holding him in a firm grip, while her pants got faster and sighs and groans louder. Oh, she was close. So damn close!

And as she finally reached her peek, she let out a high-pitched wail while her fingernails bored themselves into his shoulders. He shuddered under her touch, the little sting highlighting his pleasure intensely and he erupted into her in three long waves.

xVMx

Afterwards, William rolled off her and gathered her into his arms. Their bodies still shaking with exertion and blissful aftershocks. Both closed their eyes in satisfaction, taking deep breaths to calm their rapidly beating hearts.

“This was …” He let out a short wheeze, chuckling in astonishment about the deep pleasurable waves that captured his whole body, sating him for all eternity. “To be honest, I never felt something like this before.” He murmured then and wiped the sweat off his forehead, grinning down at her heavy satiated body. “Damn woman, you drive me so hard to climax, I fear for my old heart.”

Victoria chuckled quietly and kissed his moisten chest. “You are not old.” He just grunted in response and snuggled her closer, letting his fingers dance lightly over her arm.

“It was never so good for me before.” She whispered after a small pause, moving a little so she could look up into his face, and met his half-closed eyes. A soft smile played on his lips. “I never had … I never felt so strongly.” She blushed adorably at her words. “What I feel with you … it touches me everywhere.” She gazed at him in amazement and stroked lovingly through the short hair at his temple. “I didn’t know I could feel this way.”

“Me neither.” William whispered, her words charming him beyond reason, and moved to share a deep kiss with her.

His tongue slipped into her mouth and stroked over the roof in long swipes. Her responding moan and clenching little fingers in his curling hair sent his blood straight down to his groin. He groaned eagerly as he got hard for her once again, feeling helpless in his desire for her. He would never get enough of her!

“What you do to me.” He sighed against her cheek and pulled her on top of him, her naked skin on his like fire. “Oh, Victoria, how I want you.” His big warm hands travelled over her body in lingering paths. Cupping her perfect shaped button and squeezing its cheeks, pressing her into his demanding length.

Victoria giggled breathlessly against his skin as she felt his prominent desire against her stomach, “Not old indeed.”

William grinned widely then, kissing her once more and helped her settle into the right position, their anticipation clearly written on their faces. But before she could lower herself, a loud shrilling sound interrupted their intimate morning, shattering the idyllic little bubble.

Victoria glanced over to the bedside table, seeing his phone light up with a call, moving over the surface with its vibration. William followed her gaze and peeked at the name, grunting in annoyance.

But instead of answering the call, he tightened his hold on Victoria’s waist and met her gaze urgently, “I call back. It’s of no importance.”

She frowned a little then as if the interruption had reminded her of something that needed to be dealt with and didn’t move down on him as expected but pushed of his hands gently and rolled off him with a soft sigh on her lips.

William sat up in confusion, following her, his hands already reaching out for her skin although it was obvious, she had lost her mood somehow, “What is the matter, my love? Come here.” He slid his arms around her from behind, kissing and nipping her exposed shoulders and neck, trying to keep up the sexual tension. “I’m sorry we were interrupted. I will turn it off and we can continue …”

“I need to talk to you about something.” Victoria interrupted him then, none too gently, and turned to him with her big blue eyes, already damp with unshed tears.

His heart sank immediately as did his hands, leaving her warm delicious form to rest at his sides.

“What is it?” He asked, his face fading into concern.

There was a beat of silence while Victoria studied him thoughtfully, asking herself how to proceed. How to explain the truth to him without destroying it all? An anxious tear rolled down her cheek. How to survive if this was the end? She was terrified to lose this. Him. Everything they had shared with each other.

William slid closer then, reaching out to her once more, wiping away the single tear, “Tell me, darling.”

Oh, how she wanted to. She wanted him to know the truth, to have no secrets left between them. He had found the courage after all. But oh, she was so afraid! Another tear followed as she pictured the bad ending. But her mouth opened to speak up, nevertheless. She needed to be truthful! But then as if to save her from this hard task, William’s phone rang once more. Shrilling aggressively.

Her eyes turned to the advice, staring at it for a long moment, “You should take the call. It seems to be important after all.” Without waiting for an answer, she stood and grabbed for her clothes, leaving William alone on the bed.

“No, wait!” He tried to stop her with a hand, but she was already out of his reach. “Victoria …”

“We can talk later.” She promised then, sending him a small smile and walked on, disappearing into his bathroom to wash and dress up.

William let out a long sigh then, rubbing his hand over his face, not understanding one bit of what had just happened. One moment they laid happily in each other arms, driving the other insane with their feverish touches and then whoosh! The spark had gone but why he didn’t get. Did he do something wrong? Had he been too forward? Did she not want to have another round of sex?

What the fuck was going on? He shook his head in confusion, dragging his hand through his thick hair, still tousled from her running fingers, before turning around and grabbing for his phone that started ringing again. He rolled his eyes in annoyance, wishing for just one quiet moment to care for Victoria and talk to her about what had just happened, but put it to his ear nevertheless and greeted Emma on the other side.

xVMx

“Fuck!” Victoria swore under her breath as she sat down on the sofa, hiding her face in her hands. She was such an idiot! Why couldn’t she just hold her mouth shut and wait for a better opportunity to tell him the truth about her family.

But no! She had to start this conversation in the middle of making love, remembering herself to do the right thing. Fucking stupid!

She groaned in annoyance.

Surely he was thinking that _he_ did something wrong now. He was like this, always searching the mistakes with him. But it wasn’t! It was all her. Every damn time they had approached any kind of incident or misunderstanding it was based on her foolish and childish thinking. And now, it was no different. But it was much worse.

Not only her stumbling approach to the topic but the topic itself.

Victoria knew she should have told him the truth from the beginning or at least a long time ago as it had been clear that their little affair was far more than just that.

But she didn’t. Out of fear and out of simple stubbornness to acknowledge that she still belonged to the royal family no matter where she lived.

And now here she was, dancing around a subject that would have a major impact on their relationship and searching for yet another excuse why it would be okay to let it rest for another day. She really needed to grow a pair and tell him!

Suddenly the door to the bedroom burst open with such force Victoria jumped. Her intentions forgotten, she turned. What the …?

She met William’s eyes briefly as he stormed past her, the alarm showing in them made her frown in concern, “What is it?”

He didn’t answer her directly but moved over to the TV, “Where is the remote control?” Victoria handed it to him wordlessly and moved her gaze to the screen while William switched through the channels in a hasty speed. As he landed on the news, he stopped. As did their world …

_‘Nothing is known yet about the reasons for the crash, but it is assumed that nobody survived this tragic accident. Prince Henry and the Duchess Christine were travelling home from their family vacation with their three kids when it came to the accident.’_

Victoria watched the footage in horror, her body in shock and felt the tears already pricking at her eyes. No. This could not be. No! Not Henry. Not Christine. Oh god, their sweet children.

She closed her eyes in pain as she saw all their faces in front of her inner eye. Why had this to happen? They were all so very young and … A quiet sob escaped her, and she turned away from William, trying to hide her obvious sorrow. But he was already there and pulled her with one arm into his side. Not questioning her strong emotion but comforting her anyway.

_‘The royal family has already been informed by the prime minister and we expect a statement soon.’_

William scoffed aloud and shook his head, “Yeah, because there is nothing more important than speaking to the press when you just lost your son and family. You insensible idiot.” Victoria just sniffed in some sort of approval.

_‘The unexpected death of Prince Henry and his family puts the royal family in a new position. For years the line of succession laid in the hands of the beloved Prince and his children but now the line will experience a drastic turn and will switch to the daughter of the Queen’s deceased brother Prince Edward.’_

Victoria froze immediately, as she heard her father’s name and lifted her head from William’s chest. Her eyes widening in panic as they showed a picture of her dead father. Oh, fuck no! No, no, no!

Without thinking her hand shot out to the control in William’s hand, trying to knock it off him and switch of the damn television. He shouldn’t find out about it like that.

“What are you doing?” He chuckled in surprise as she leant over him to wrestle the control from him. “I need to see this.” Victoria didn’t answer but continued to fight against him, quite determined. He laughed out in amusement but also confusion. “What’s gotten into you?” Once again, no answer but William got into her little play anyway – at least he thought it was a game – falling back onto the couch, teasing her with his longer form and grinning widely at her effort. She was too cute when she was like this.

But as suddenly as their little duel had begun it ended. One look to the screen was all it took.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here’s the thing with this story and myself. In the beginning I wanted to write something totally different and I wonder where this all came from to be honest. It just happened out of nowhere haha, it’s kind of insane. And now I cannot stop it anymore what irks me a little … Don’t get me wrong, I liked the journey of it and loved your feedback (you pushed me with it, so a huge thank you for that!) And I will write till the end but … sigh … I don’t know, somehow, I lost myself in it and I’m not content with it anymore.  
> Nevertheless, I hope that you will enjoy it ‘til the end for both of us (:


	16. The truth

_‘Princess Alexandrina Victoria of Kent, the niece of Queen Margarethe, grew up in a private family environment and is not well known to the public due to her mother’s strong intention to protect her from a too public life. With her young 19 years and no experience with political or public events Princess Alexandrina will have to grow into her duty very quickly for her Majesty’s health is still in danger.’_

William froze as the reporter ended her short introduction and stared at the screen in shock as a photo popped up and showed him the young princess – the heir to the throne and splitting image of Victoria.

Abruptly, he sat up and threw Victoria nearly of him in the process, “What the hell?”

He turned his gaze to his girlfriend whose panic was clearly written in her eyes, “What the fuck is this?” He didn’t sound angry, not quite yet that is, but confused and irritated. Nevertheless, Victoria could already sense the thunder behind it and swallowed nervously. 

“I …” She struggled to give him an answer. Her heart was pounding fast now. The blood rushing loudly in her ears while her head tried to find suitable words to give him. How to explain? How to tell?

The truth was out now and there was no going back. She needed to face this now or …

“Is this you?” William pointed to the TV, but Victoria couldn’t stutter one word, her mind still in a whirl. “Is this you?” His voice had gotten louder, more desperate as he searched for answers, he already had but didn’t want to acknowledge.

“Victoria.” He inhaled and exhaled slowly, trying to stay calm and took her hands in his. His green eyes fixed hers with such torment it broke her heart. “Tell me the truth. Now. I need to know the truth. Please.” His voice was cracking at the end.

At first, she stayed quiet, still not knowing what to tell him. She had failed them both and had destroyed everything with it. What words could ease such a situation? What sentiments could make it better? There was nothing, absolutely nothing she could tell him to relieve them from the destructive truth.

Tears were streaming down her cheeks now and she cried out the only words that she could think off, “I’m so sorry.” And confirmed William in his deepest concerns.

A long pause stretched out between them then. Victoria was still crying while she clutched to his hands, trying to hold on to him and William … he felt numb. His face pale. His mind blank while his life crumbled right in front of his eyes.

“I’m so very sorry.” Victoria sobbed. “I wanted to tell you but … oh god, this never meant to happen. I’m so sorry, William, I’m …”

His voice was emotionless as he demanded, “Why didn’t you tell me then?” She met his helpless look and asked again, “Why didn’t you?”

“I don’t know. I was scared. I was … I didn’t want to lose you because of it.”

William nodded slowly. His face motionless.

“I never meant to hurt you.”

“No.” He met her eyes full of sadness. “But you did it anyway.” He moved away from her then and stood, raking his fingers through his wavy hair. His brain finally catching up with the situation.

 _Princess Alexandrina Victoria of Kent._ He snorted out an unbelieving little laugh and shook his head. How could this be? How could he have been so blind and not see who he shared his life with? How could he not remember her when it was his job to know everything about the royal family, even the ones who lived a very private life?

He was shocked by his own unprofessionalism but by her secrecy even more.

“What did you expect to happen?”

“I don’t understand.”

William turned back to her, a puzzled frown on his face, “Did you think nobody would ever find out? Did you think that we could just live a happy life together without you telling me?” He shook his head in bewilderment. “I will probably be the next prime minister of this country and you thought that this information wasn’t important? You belong to the fucking royal family, Victoria!”

The thunder had arrived in his voice and Victoria winced visibly.

“I don’t understand it. I … what were you thinking?” The disbelief and disappointment clearly written on his face.

Victoria shrugged with her shoulders, feeling weak with all the emotions flooding her system.

“I don’t know. I just wanted to be with you. I wanted to be free with you. And I feared that if I told you, you would never have … you would never have given this a chance and I …” She stopped and took a shaky breath. “William, I love you and …”

“But you needed to lie to me because of this. Can’t you see how wrong this is?” He bellowed back, not paying any attention to her love confession and Victoria sobbed even harder, knowing that she had made a terrible mistake she could not change anymore.

“Victoria.” He breathed then, suddenly feeling powerless all over. “You lied to me. You abused my trust …”

She jerked up at that and wanted to tell him that she would never do something like this (although she had), but he kept on, not giving her any chance to have a word in this matter.

“I trusted you with everything. With my present, with my … past.” He swallowed with already damp eyes. “How can I ever believe you again?”

Victoria knew his reaction was a result of his past. He had suffered so much. Had experienced betrayal so often that it nearly destroyed him and now this. She felt ashamed of herself for putting him through this.

“You can trust me.” She exhaled quietly and met his gaze. “You know this. You know me, William.”

Doubts were shining in his eyes, “Do I?”

“Yes, you do.” She insisted. “I wanted to tell you this morning, right before this happened. I wanted to tell you the truth.”

“But you didn’t.”

Victoria closed her eyes in reproach, “No, I didn’t. I panicked … again and fled.”

“And what did you hope for how I react?”

Once again, she shrugged with her shoulders and whispered, “I just wished you wouldn’t hate me.”

For one moment, William forgot about his fury and hurt because of her reckless decisions and his eyes softened. Her words cutting deep into his soul.

“I could never hate you.” He muttered barely audible and added on a pained breath, “I love you for god’s sake.”

To hear him say those words was not as much relief as Victoria had imagined. It didn’t awake a spark of hope inside her but an understanding that she harmed their relationship in a way that possibly never can be repaired.

It was in his voice. How he had said those words. The pain so plain it made her fear that it pained him more than anything to feel that way.

And she couldn’t blame him for it. She had risked this and had played with the feelings of an already broken man. She had been a fool to believe that they could work through this without conflicts and heartbreak and walk on as if nothing had happened. A naïve fool indeed.

“But to love the future queen of the United Kingdom is an irrational thing to do, isn’t it?” William carried on and gazed at her, deep in thoughts. “Especially if one is to become prime minister … A truly foolish thing to do.”

Victoria shook her head then, swiping away her tears angrily, “No, it’s not.” She met his eyes once more and stood, walking over to him but not dared touching him. She needed to save as much as she could in this situation.

“It is not.” She insisted. “To fall in love with each other was not foolish but the best thing that could happen.”

“Do you not see?” He shook his head sadly at her. “This thing between us, it has to end.”

“No!” She stepped closer, smiling bravely up at him. “We love each other, William, no status will change that.”

“You really believe in this, don’t you?“ Victoria nodded hesitantly. “Then you’ve been lying to yourself and not just to me.”

She fell a step backwards then and felt her heart drop as a deep pain enclosed her whole body. His words cutting through her.

“You’ve not only misused my trust but put us in a position that is inescapable. With me being the leading minister of this country, it will never be possible to be together. No matter our feelings. The crown may not be involved with parliament! And this will probably never change.”

“We’re in the 21st century, it shouldn’t play a role any longer!” Victoria argued.

“No, it shouldn’t, but it does.” William shot back and tried to make her see how hopeless their situation was, but Victoria wouldn’t take it and shouted at him, “So that’s it? You want to give up on us and run away?”

Now it was his turn to get angry as he yelled back as loudly, “Don’t turn this on me now. This is your fault! If you had told me the truth from the beginning, then …”

“Then what?” She challenged him. “What would you have done? Tell me.” He didn’t answer but kept on glaring at her. But only seconds later his eyes betrayed him, and Victoria could see the desperate hurt in them. He knew what he would have done but couldn’t say it, so she did for him, “I will tell you what you have done. You would have chosen to hide from me, and we would never have experienced these feelings between us. You would have chosen the easy way, the way of a coward, so nothing could hurt you.”

She was mean now, but so was he. Their argument had gotten heated. Emotions rolling chaotically around them as if they were on the wild sea. And it was consuming them both.

“Maybe it would have been better for us.” His words were like a punch into her gut and she stumbled backwards with the blow of it.

Did he mean it? Did he really think that it would have been better if their lives should never have crossed?

Immediately, her tears reappeared and flowed down her cheeks. She sniffed helplessly as William let his gaze fall and turned away, not able to look upon her any longer.

“I want you to go.” He whispered then, not facing her again, but staring ahead with his own tears in his eyes.

Victoria shook her head, panic rising within her, and stepped closer. She needed to fix this. She couldn’t lose this. Him.

“William, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that …” Her voice was small as she put a hand on his shoulder.

Immediately, William moved away from her, shying away from her touch, “Don’t.” And showed her that no matter what she would say or do, she wouldn’t be able to mend his pain. Not now anyway. The truth had cut to deep. Therefore, she let her head fall and nodded to herself, acknowledging that she should do as he pleaded, and walked to the door.

With the hand on the handle she stopped again and reminded him, “I love you, Will. And I never lied about this. It was real. Everything of it. Please, never doubt that.” And then she walked out of his apartment, leaving him alone in a state of chaos and despair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't lose hope ;)


	17. Back in London

Transfixed, Victoria watched the landscape race past her. Small villages mixed with forests and endless green fields met her eyes as the soft music in her ears send her into a pleasant trance that distracted her from the reality waiting ahead, even if it was just for a few hours more.

She was on her way home – or better to say London (it didn’t feel like home any longer) – to meet with her family. To say that she was not ready nor excited for a get-together with her mother and that awful man of hers was the understatement of the year. It seemed she had no other choice though. Destiny had spoken.

With the break of the news that her cousin and family had died in a tragic accident the country was left in mourning and it seemed that Britain stood still with its shock, but for her the wheels did not stop moving – they worked faster than ever before.

Still on the evening of her disastrous parting with William she had been called by the queen’s secretary who had demanded her back to London and more importantly to the queen herself with no further delay. She had been hardly able to process what had happened before a limousine had been waiting in front of her dorm, anxious to bring her back.

And now, she was sitting here … on her way to London with her head full of so many emotions she could barely keep herself from crying out loud and surrender to her tears that pricked at the corner of her eyes.

She was not ready for any of this. Not for the funeral of Henry and his lovely family, nor for an audience with the queen to discuss her future reign. Her reign for god’s sake! Victoria shut her eyes in panic. She was no queen! She didn’t want to be queen! She had meant to be an uninteresting member of the royal family who had nothing to do with any of the meaningful stuff but live a sheltered life. And now she would become queen.

Her breathing got faster with every passing second in which the truth sagged deeper, making her head spin. This was insane! It couldn’t be true … but it was, and it swapped her whole life upside down.

Everything would change. Every plan for her future would be ruined and every relation she had built would either be changed forever or destroyed for good.

Victoria pressed her eyes harder together, wishing time to stop and let her take a breath, but she felt how every dream of hers ran like fine sand through her fingers. There was nothing she could do, and her throat tightened painfully as she remembered William’s face as he told her the unavoidable truth – their relationship could not go on like this.

A helpless sob escaped her lips then and she couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. To lose him was the greatest sacrifice of all. And how was she to accept that?

“Ma’am?” The voice of her driver sounded dull to her ears as if he was miles away. The intense hurt crushing her.

“Ma’am.” He repeated and Victoria turned her head slowly towards him, meeting his soft and surprisingly understanding gaze in the mirror, “We’re here, Ma’am.” He nodded to the front and drew her attention to the people outside. Paparazzi. Dozens of them. Already flashing their cameras at the car, trying to capture the first glimpse of the future queen.

Victoria paled visibly whereas her heart sped up out of pure fear, the situation already overwhelming her. She swiped away her tears hastily, afraid something might see her and take a shot.

She wasn’t ready for this. All this people. All this attention. She was not used to any of it and she wished for nothing more than to ride back to Oxford and hide. She had no choice though, her driver was already climbing out of the car and walked around to the door, leaving her only seconds to sober up and not look as frightened as she felt.

As he opened the door then, Victoria looked past him and spotted her mother and John on the stairs, already waiting for her. It should have been a comfort to see them, but she felt nothing more than a dull thud.

“May I help you, Ma’am?” Victoria nodded numbly and was guided by her driver’s hand out of the car. For a moment he stood shielding her from the flashing cameras and shouting paparazzi, so she could put on a brave face. Only then he stepped aside, nodding to her. Victoria thanked him with a kind smile, before taking a deep breath and marched up to the house, trying desperately to hold it together. For her sake and the crown’s.

“Oh, Drina!” Her mother cried out instantly as she was safely inside and pulled her daughter in an uncomfortable tight hug, “Such a terrible accident. Henry and the kids. It’s a tragic!”

Victoria stood stiffly in her arms without actually listening to her. Her body was working on staying calm and collected alone.

“I’m so happy to see you again, mein Kind. I’ve missed you so much in the last days.” She touched her cheek lovingly. “It’s been so long since we talked.”

It hadn’t been her decision to stop communication but her mother’s. Accordingly, to her she would only talk to her again if she would grow up and leave this _awful man_ behind to give Albert another chance. How fortunate for Victoria that circumstances had changed so her mother was interested in her once more.

“How are you?”

“Fine.” She answered curtly and put distance between them, showing clearly that she was not interested in any conversation of theirs. “The paparazzi were a surprise though.”

John snickered slightly, “Silly girl. Of course, they are here. You’re the biggest story of all.” He had a strange glint in his eye as he said, “The next queen. Young and new. So much potential to … shine. All eyes are resting on you, Drina, so be careful what you’re doing from now on.”

Victoria narrowed her eyes at him, already annoyed to be with him again. She was not a dumb child!

“There will be lot of pressure waiting ahead for you, Drina, but I assure you we’ll stand by your side and help to bear all the responsibilities. You know, how much experience John has with the crown and politics. He’ll be a good advisor to you.” Her mother added to his weird words with a smile that only made Victoria rage inside.

When had it been decided that he would be granted such a position? She would rather be dead than letting John Conroy be her guide. He had had enough control about her childhood, not about her reign though!

“Thanks, but no thanks” She answered with a headshake and moved past them to the staircase, “There will be no need for his help. I’m quite capable myself.”

“Drina!” Her mother looked outraged while John simply glared at her.

She didn’t care for any of it, “You heard me, mama. I won’t need his help nor yours. I’m a grown woman.”

John scoffed, “With no knowledge about politics! You’ll look like a fool! You’ll need help, so don’t be so childish and act like all of this is a game.”

“I don’t.” Victoria answered back sternly. “I know the expectation are great and I won’t disappoint them, but it will not be with your help. You never cared for me, John. You kept me blind and ignorant to politics or any other subject that would make it easier for me. Why should I trust you now to guide me?”

“This is nonsense, Drina, we would never …”

“You want to control me, mama.” She interrupted her mother harshly and shrugged as she remembered her childhood. “You always did. And I believe, I finally understand why. After all, it’s a great temptation to be in control of someone of the royal family, isn’t it, John?” He stayed quiet but Victoria could see in his eyes that she had hit a nerve. She counted this as a win.

“And now you must excuse me, I want to rest a little before meeting the queen tomorrow morning. Alone. If this wasn’t clear by now.” Silenced her mother and John stared up at her. Words had left them.

xVMx

In her room Victoria’s shoulders slumped and tears pricked at her eyes instantly. It had taken her a lot of strength to stay so strong-willed and calm with her family while her heart was suffering quietly. And now with the privacy of her room, she couldn’t hold back the emotions any longer and broke down with them.

She slid down the door and buried her face in her hands, tears streaming down her cheeks as helpless sobs escaped her lips.

How could she manage? She was all alone in a world she had wanted to escape from her whole life and now, after she had fled and tasted a normal life, met a wonderful man with whom she could be free, she was thrown back into it all with no hope to escape.

She sniffed loudly as the yearning to be back in William’s arms got stronger. How could she do this without him by her side? He had given her strength and self-confidence in a way no other could. He had been her safe haven, the one place where she had been loved without hesitation. He had been the man she loved more than her life.

Oh god, why was she already talking in the past? It was not over, was it? There was still hope for them, wasn’t there?

 _Dear god, please don’t let it be over_ , Victoria thought then and tried desperately to stay calm and take a breath but the idea alone to have lost William for good was destructive.

Victoria let out a sharp cry as another wave of tears flowed down her cheeks. Panic settling in. She needed him! Now more than ever.

She searched for her phone then, her fingers trembling as she met the photo of the two on them on the screen. He was so sweet, so kind and perfect. She loved him with all her heart.

Without thinking she pressed the button to call him.

Of course, she remembered his words that he needed time to think and she had understood his reaction and had wanted to give him time, but this situation was different she told herself. It was a mess she couldn’t handle, and she wouldn’t survive it without him being here or tell her that everything would be fine. She simply needed to hear his voice and hoped he would grant her this simple comfort, although she had hurt him deeply with her lies.

xVMx

The phone vibrated quietly on the coffee table, between broken glass and thrown books and papers. Its owner sat motionless in his armchair in the middle of the chaos. A bottle of brandy nearly empty, trying and failing to sooth the man who had drunk it all.

With a glance William acknowledged another call that was as unwelcome as all the rest. He couldn’t bear to talk to anyone. The thought alone to hear them shattering about political nonsense now made him cringe and so incredibly angry that his fingers itched to hit something. No one was interested in their jabbering! Screw parliament! Screw their agitation because of the terrible accident! Screw everything! Nothing was important anymore. Nothing!

He took another sip and rubbed his tired eyes. Nothing was important anymore to him, absolutely nothing, because he had lost her and there was no way to get her back …

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter but I don't have much time to write at the moment. Hope you liked it ;)  
> See you on the next one!


	18. Happy you

“William, are you there?” Emma asked as she stepped into her friend’s apartment after three days of no contact. The chaos in his living room made her stop and look around in surprise. There were shards of glass all over the floor, books torn out of the shelves and thrown through the room. The armchair was knocked over and cartons of half-eaten food added to the picture. She wrinkled her nose at the smell.

“William?” She asked again and tiptoed around the broken lamp. Gradually she became worried. What had happened here?

As she reached his bedroom, Emma peaked hesitantly in and a flush of relief filled her as she spotted William lying on his stomach in the rumpled bed, snoring gently. She pushed open the door and wrinkled her nose once more. When was the last time he let fresh air in?

She walked over to the windows, opened their blinds and then the windows. Immediately, William grunted in protest as the sun hit his eyes and disturbed his slumbering.

“Come on now, sleepyhead, you need to wake up!” Another sluggish groan was his answer. Emma rolled her eyes.

“No! No more sleeping, mister. It’s three p.m.! Get your lazy ass out of bed.”

“Go away!” He mumbled and buried his face deeper into the pillow, but his friend had none of it and pulled the blanket away. “God, Emma! Just go, will you?”

“No, I won’t. Up!” She shoved him none to gently and finally William turned around, glaring at her.

He sat up with an annoyed huff, “What do you want?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe find the leading politician of my party and get his ass over to his office. Because if you forgot in your drunkenness, the election is in two weeks and you should show yourself to the people or Peel will win without even trying. And if that happens, so help me god I’ll hit you!”

William held his head plaintively as Emma’s voice got shriller at the end. His skull was pounding, reminding him once more that he was not a young lad anymore but an old lovesick fool whose body didn’t like too much alcohol at all.

“What has happened here anyway? It looks like a rocket hit your flat.”

He rubbed at his eyes, “It doesn’t matter.”

“Oh, but it does.” She answered back but stopped herself as she watched him closely. He looked terrible. Dark rings under his eyes. Thick stubble on his chin and his hair had not been washed for a few days. His smell underlined that suspicion. She had not seen him like this since … She stopped in her thoughts and went through the calendar in her mind, checking any date concerning Augustus or Caroline but no date was near, so it probably wasn’t related to them. Nevertheless, her voice softened, “William, what is the matter? You know, you can talk to me.”

“I’m fine.” He protested without looking up, dragging his hands through his greasy wild hair.

“Of course.” Emma sighed and silence spread. “I don’t know, what’s bothering you currently but … William, the party needs you. You are to become prime minister. You can’t hide here two weeks before the final decision.”

No answer.

“You worked so hard for this, Will. The people love you and more importantly they _need_ you.”

William rolled with his eyes now. What was she even trying to accomplish here? “I don’t doubt my ability for this position, Emma. I know I’m capable but …” He shrugged with his shoulders and scratched at his eyebrow. “I don’t know if I even _want_ it anymore.”

Emma’s eyes widened in surprise and then her mouth dropped in disbelief, “Are you serious?”

Again, he shrugged with his shoulders, “I will lose so very much because of this. I don’t know if I can accept that.” He thought of Victoria and their fight. He would have to give her up for good if he went ahead with his fight to the very top. If he would stop, there may be a small chance for them after all, might it not?

“I don’t … I don’t understand what you are talking about.” Emma stuttered. “You won’t lose anything. You will only win! William, you will be prime minister. You worked your whole life for this position! Where is all this nonsense coming from?”

William blocked her attempts once again, “You wouldn’t understand.”

“I wouldn’t …” She gritted her teeth in annoyance. This situation was making her more than nervous. “For god’s sake, William! Tell me what’s plaguing you, please. You’re frightening me here.” His silence drove her nearly insane. “Is it because of your girlfriend? I know I told you it wouldn’t be the best way to go out in public and show yourself with her but Will, of course you don’t have to hide her forever.”

Finally, he looked up at her and Emma knew she had hit the nail on its head.

“As soon as you settle into the job and show results the people won’t be interested in your private life. And you’ll be able to be with her in public, romance her the usual way and go on dates.” Emma continued and for a short moment a smile flickered on William’s lips. The image warmed his suffering heart.

“Was she unhappy with the situation?” He shook his head no. “Were you unhappy?”

At first, he shrugged but then shook his head once again. No, it had not been a problem for either of them. They had been happy with just the two of them, cosy in their own little bubble without anyone intervening. It had been heaven but unfortunately, their bubble had popped, and they had hit the floor pretty hard in the end.

“We love each other.” William finally mumbled and met Emma’s questioning gaze. “And I was sure we would manage my new position and all the duties and responsibilities coming with it. We would have survived the nasty comments, it wouldn’t have hurt us or let us doubt our feelings for each other, I was certain of it, but … circumstances change.” He paused then, gnawing on his bottom lip as he considered telling her the whole truth.

She sat down beside him and took his hand, showing him, he could trust her, “I still don’t understand, what happened?”

He sighed, “I was a fool, you know, in not recognizing her and now … we’re in this mess I cannot solve. And it’s driving me crazy to think that I have lost such a beautiful woman due all of this shit.”

“William, I can’t follow you. What are you talking about?”

Tears filled his eyes then as he croaked helplessly, “She is the princess, Emma. Victoria, she is … God, this is so crazy … She is our future queen. The queen of Great Britain and I will be her fucking prime minister. Probably.” He added and rubbed his moist eyes.

Emma gazed at him open mouthed. Her mind spinning.

“I fell in love with the next queen. Can you believe it? I’m such a moron. Why can’t I even fall in love with a woman who doesn’t have such secrets in her closet just once? It’s like I’m begging for it.”

Emma was still perplexed as she tried to wrap her head around the described situation and stuttered, “You didn’t know? I mean, we talked about the royal family and …”

“I know!” William bellowed and groaned in agony, “I’m an idiot. Stupid!”

“And she didn’t tell you?” This was all so very confusing. Why the hell had they put themselves in such a position?

For a moment, he remained quiet but then answered, “She wanted to but didn’t know how. She didn’t want to lose this … and to be honest, I understand her. I’m a coward when it comes to hard decisions. I most likely choose to run from them and don’t stay fighting. Probably, I would have run from her, too.”

“Understandable.” Emma muttered then and William looked up in surprise. It was obviously not the answer he wanted to hear. Immediately, his friend explained. “You’re on your way to be the leading politician in this country, Will. You would have stopped this by good reason and not because of silly doubts.”

“It doesn’t change the fact that I’d have let her go and I’d never have experienced those feelings between us.” He shook his head with a sad smile. “And I don’t regret any of it. I loved every single second with her. She is perfect. The most wonderful woman I know, and I don’t want to give her up.”

“But you have to.” She reminded him. “You know that, right?”

“And that’s exactly the point.”

Emma sighed then and let her head drop. This situation couldn’t be worse. On the one hand, a lovesick prime minister to be, broken-hearted and unsure if he even wanted the job he had been working for his whole career. And on the other hand, a lovesick young woman who would become queen out of nowhere, yearning for a man who would wear a title that held them apart.

Another sigh, “You are aware of the consequences you would take in giving up now, right?” William merely hummed. “You would destroy your career for good. Not only the party will rage but the people as well. They place hope in you, you know that. It wouldn’t be looked kindly upon if you throw it all to the wind now.”

“Perhaps …”

“No, I can tell you for certain, William. The people wouldn’t be happy about your decision and I can guarantee you that it won’t make things any easier if you were to present yourself as the future spouse of the queen.”

Emma fixed him with a hard stare. He needed to understand that. It wouldn’t be a walk in the park if he decided to give the job to Peel and run up to Victoria. It would be a nasty battle he could lose in the end. Not only because of the royal family who would certainly have a word in that matter but because of the people who they needed on their good side if they’d present themselves as the new royal couple.

“And what would you do then? You wouldn’t be allowed to work in politics anymore.” Emma continued in a hushed voice, picturing her friend’s future.

“I don’t know, but I’m sure I will find something. The royal family is always active in charity projects … or I could start gardening again.” He mused with a smile. “And maybe there’ll be children. I would dedicate my life to them. You know, how much I loved to be a father.”

Emma squeezed his hand, answering his smile, “I know. You are the best dad any child could wish for, but does she want children? She is still very young, Will.”

Her words stopped him and his little fantasy, “I’m not sure. We never talked about it. It was too early for such things.”

“Understandable. Nevertheless, it will play a role if you decide to be with her. Marriage. Children. You know how much the country loves the royal family. Everyone turns their eyes on them once in a while and they would want to see those things happening.”

William scoffed, “You’re talking as if we were still in the 19th century. _Everyone hoping for a little prince or princess to make the country proud.”_

“It isn’t so much different these days, is it?” Emma challenged him. “Victoria will need an heir. She is to become queen after all, so she is responsible for the survival of the crown.”

“It could go to one of her cousins.” William argued.

“Yeah, okay. I give you that but … I hope you’ll see that this is no easy decision. Your life would change forever.”

He nodded, “Why do you think I’m sitting here? I couldn’t think about anything else and it’s driving me insane to find a solution for this mess, Emma. I don’t want to lose her, but I know how difficult it would be for us. It’s a total mess and I feel as if I can only decide wrong.”

“But you need to. So, what will it be?” Emma glanced over to him and saw the battle in his tired eyes. Her heart ached for him. Why did such a good man have to suffer so much? Why couldn’t he be left alone and happy? No one deserved it more than he and yet, he stood at the crossroad once more.

xVMx

It was raining as William walked through the streets of London. His hair already drenched and coat miserably wet. But he took no notice, his feet taking him further and further, whereas his mind was spinning.

The last two weeks had been hell for him. Guilt, shame and fear his constant companions while he tried to make a final decision that would change his life for better or worse. To which side Victoria or his career belonged he couldn’t tell. Both possibilities hid an alluring appeal and at the same time a risk that frightened him deeply. It was a dilemma he hated with all his being.

Love or career. Oh, why couldn’t he have both for god’s sake?

Victoria had tried to contact him more than once, sending him text messages and leaving pleas on his voice mail to call her back or just text her. At first, he had not been ready to reply. The hurt was still too strong and the despair too great. Then he felt ashamed, leaving her alone in such a situation and hiding cowardly behind his brandy. And until today he had not found the courage to jump over his stupid fears and call her back.

He told himself frequently that it was okay, Victoria had stopped trying to contact him and had stayed quiet since a week after all, probably already forgetting about him with all her new responsibilities and things to do. Maybe she even fell out of love with him or it had been a game to her all along.

Of course, he knew he was talking total bullshit here, but the simple truth was, it was easier that way.

To convince himself with this theory was the only way to make the decision easier and he desperately needed some lie he could tell himself to choose, otherwise he was not capable because his love for her made him unable to move.

And now the day of all days had finally come. The polling stations were open, and the people were streaming in to set their X, deciding who would lead their country for the next years, his name still on the list.

He had not been brave enough to break it off and follow his heart. His lies convinced him enough to do so and not throw caution to the wind. And if doubts appeared regardless his tries to lock them out, he told himself that he would see her again as prime minister. They would have to meet and talk. They would spend time together and share some thoughts and it would be enough, wouldn’t it?

He desperately hoped it would be.

xVMx

“Where’ve you been?” Edward Portman greeted his friend and colleague as soon as he stepped into the office that had been decorated for a party to celebrate his big win, “Emma is looking for you everywhere. She’s driving me insane here because you didn’t pick up your phone, man.”

“I had something to attend to.” William muttered and shrugged out of his coat.

“Now?! Man, she’ll kill you if you give her this answer.” He shrugged nonchalant, his behaviour irritating Edward but before he could say anything more Emma herself appeared in front of them, scolding William for his silence.

“I feared you wouldn’t come.” Emma whispered to him with a nervous glint in her eyes. “Where have you been?”

William rubbed his hair dry with the offered towel and mumbled quietly, “I needed some air, that’s all.”

His friend nodded lightly, recognizing the troubled look he always wore when it came to Victoria, “You okay?”

“No.” He answered honestly but shrugged with his shoulders, “But it is how it is, right? I made a decision and now I have to live with its consequences.” He walked past her then and greeted other members of the party who were already excited for the final results of the election. That he himself didn’t feel the excitement he hid behind a happy mask that no one could see through except Emma who feared for his wellbeing now more than ever as she watched him interact.

William was not himself anymore. After the breakup with Victoria he had been silent and apathetic and it seemed as if any contact to the outer world was a big piece of work for him, leaving him exhausted and unhappy. Today, it was no difference. Other would say he acted normally and relaxed, but Emma could see the effort in his eyes, how much it cost him to stay so calm and collected when all he wanted was to be alone and lick his wounds in peace. It reminded her of an advice William had learned with time: _Don’t show them how hard it is to bear._ And he had learned to wear it with perfection.

It made her uneasy now to know that she played a big part in his decision to be here and not with Victoria, seeing him so unhappy, and Emma asked herself if it really was the right decision to make for him.

At first, she was pretty sure of it. He had been a politician his whole life, loved doing it and worked so hard for it that he deserved nothing less than being the prime minister of his country. Why should he give something this big up for a silly girl he barely knew?

Emma had been against this relationship from the start because she had feared it would end in a disaster. William was a prime example for such relationships. First Caroline Lamb then Caroline Norton and dozens of strange women in between. He had no hands for women who were sweet and innocent. Who would go through hell for him and love him with their whole heart. He always picked the bad ones and begged for chaos that would hurt him in the end.

She had been sure it would be the same with Victoria. A young girl who met a handsome older man, trying to act as an adult and play with him a little. It was Caroline Norton all over again. And as William told her what she had done, what she had kept secret for so long, Emma felt she had been proved right. Victoria had been a silly girl who didn’t know what she was doing after all.

Nevertheless, she had never seen William react so strongly to someone. So devoted and deeply in love with. Of course, after his wife’s death he had been sad, but it had been Augustus’ death which had let him fall apart, not Caroline’s. He held another sort of love for Victoria, a bottomless love that had made him whole again, and he suffered far more from their separation than from anything else.

And meanwhile, Emma understood that maybe she had put on a blind eye on this side and had labelled Victoria without really knowing the whole story. Without acknowledging their love. Without … she sighed. Yes, she had not wanted to see that side. She just saw William’s hard work and wanted to finally celebrate this big step. Prime minister! It was his destiny; he was born for this position and yet she felt doubts creeping in. The sight of him miserable and sad pronounced them more and more.

“William.” Emma laid a hand on his back to get his attention. Slowly, he turned to her. “Can we talk for a sec?”

He searched her eyes in question, sensing the tension in her, but nodded nevertheless, excusing himself from the others, “What is it?”

She got right to the point, “Are you sure you want to go through with this? It’s not too late to go and get to her.” William’s eyebrows shot to his hairline in surprise. “I know I told you that it would look bad and you would suffer a great image loss, but … Will, if you really do love her then go. I don’t want you to be unhappy. You deserve so much more.”

For a moment it stayed quiet between them, then he smiled gently at her, “I thank you for your concern, it means a lot to me. Really. You’re my best friend and … it’s good to know you would stand by my side if I would be with her, but … you were right in telling me that it wouldn’t be a walk in the park. It would be a massacre and I don’t want this for her, you know. Victoria is still so young and … unprepared for what will come. And a relation with me would only mean more chaos.”

“So, you’ll go through with this? You’ll be prime minister?”

“If the people want me, yes, I will. But not only for the country but for her. Emma, I can help her in my position and lead her if necessary.”

“It won’t be as before, William, please consider this.”

“I know.” He nodded with a sad expression. “But it’s enough because I can be with her. I can be her tutor if she wants me and I can protect her from her family who certainly wants to stick their little fingers in her affairs. She deserves more than being guided by people who don’t see her capability and want to control her, and I will protect from it.”

Emma smiled emotionally up to him and laid a hand on his cheek, “You are a good man, William Lamb. Far too good for this world. And I hope one day that you’ll have her. I really do.”

He smiled in return, tears glistening in them but before they could fall, a sudden yelp echoed through the room.

“WE WON!” Someone bellowed and everyone erupted in applause, celebrating their big win against the Tories. Everyone fell into each other’s arms, yelling and even singing. They were ecstatic, insanely happy while Emma and William just looked at each other quietly, knowing what it would mean.

His mouth ticked upwards then and he shrugged a little, “Well, I’m prime minister. Happy me.”

“Happy you.” She echoed and hugged him close, whispering in his ear, “Have faith, William, have faith.” She felt his shoulders shook and knew it wasn’t out of happiness …

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay strong with me, I have a plan!


	19. Prime Minister

“Victoria, my dear. I’m glad you could come so quickly.” Her aunt and current Queen of Great Britain greeted her with a kind but tired smile, drawing her closer by her hand, “I hope you weren’t occupied with something else.”

Victoria shook her head with a small tick of her mouth, “Of course not. I’m happy to be here.” She was not – not really at least, but it distracted her from everything else in her life so her aunt’s interest and enthusiasm in teaching and helping her for all responsibilities which would be laying in her arms soon enough was welcomed greatly.

The last few weeks had been turmoil for her. Everyone seemed to be interested in her life all of a sudden. Friends and family members, she had not seen for years reappeared out of nowhere and explained their condolence and at the same time excitement for her new position as if it would mean a great change for their own lives. _But it didn’t!_ Victoria always thought frustrated. It would all be the same for them but for her nothing would ever be the same again. Therefore, she didn’t share their furore, it made her rather sick instead.

Her mother always scolded her for the sad looks that crept up into her eyes as soon as she was free of another boring conversation with someone she didn’t care about, but Victoria couldn’t change what she felt inside. The hurt … the deep loss of someone you love and a look into a dark future without him. How was she supposed to hide such a great pain and go on with her life as if her heart hadn’t been ripped out of her body?

They didn’t understand it. The pain. The feeling of being eaten alive from all those overwhelming emotions inside which got more unbearable with every passing minute because they couldn’t be shared with anyone. It was torture and every night of every day Victoria cried herself to sleep. At least there she could be with the one man who she loved and longed for.

“I’m surprised Sir John is not present.” Her aunt shook her out of her melancholy thoughts. “He seemed to be attached to your hip beforehand. Always an eye on you, huh?”

“Not on my account, I can assure you.” Victoria mumbled under her breath and crossed her arms in annoyance but stood upright again as she remembered who she was speaking to. “I apologise, this was rather rude. I didn’t mean to …”

“Relax, Victoria, no need to hide behind false feelings.” She sent her soft and understanding smile. “You don’t like Sir John and to be honest, I can’t blame you. He is a hateful man. I never quite understood your mother in choosing him of all men, but everyone gets lonely sometimes, don’t we?” Victoria only nodded, her thoughts turning to William. “Everyone needs someone in their life who they can trust and rely on.” Again, she nodded, her stomach tight with emotion. “The queen is no exception.” She looked at her young niece intensely, raising a questioning eyebrow as Victoria finally met her gaze.

“I had found it in Jonathan. He was the love of my life. My solid rock.” The queen smiled in remembrance. “He kept me sane all these years.”

“You must miss him terribly.”

“I do.” She nodded with a sad tilt of her lips, “But not for long, I think. My time will come far quicker than we might wish.” Victoria’s eyes widened in panic. Not only because she would be queen then but because she would lose a great role-model who could lead her in the right direction without destroying everything on the way. How would she survive when she was totally alone in this?

“Do not fear, my dear. You won’t be alone.” _Yes, she would._ Victoria thought stubbornly but nodded instead. A brave smile on her lips. “You’ll find someone who will be the Jonathan to you. I have no doubt.”

Her eyes watered a little she had found someone like that but unfortunately fate had not been on their side, so Victoria merely mumbled a shallow, “Thank you.”

“And now we’ll turn to the event for which I brought you here, darling. I promised you to show and teach you as much as I can and one important meeting every week is with our prime minister.” The queen smiled tenderly at her as she spotted Victoria stiffening. “No need to be nervous. Our new prime minister is a charming young man, my dear, and I think he’ll be a great help to you.”

Her words didn’t ease Victoria’s condition. Not one bit. She stared wide eyed and with a wild pounding heart ahead instead as she already pictured how it would be to see William after this long month apart from each other. Would she still see the love in his eyes twinkle, or would she be met by indifference and a certain blankness? A fearful shower flowed down her back as she imagined it. Could she bear it?

“You are familiar with him?” Victoria startled and met the queen’s gaze, “You read and informed yourself about him?”

She nodded quickly, “Yes.”

Of course, she had known William had become prime minister. She had watched his victory speech with proud and wanted to write or call him to tell him how very happy she was for him. He deserved this. The prestige and honour. He would be the best prime minister there ever existed; she had no doubt. But in the end, she had thrown her phone back onto the bed and accepted that she should give him space. Space that nearly drew her apart from the inside.

“Very good, my dear. It is important to know who you’re dealing with. One of my most important advice to you.” The queen talked on and lead Victoria through to her office where they would receive the prime minister. “Of course, you need to be impartial as queen, but I must admit that I’m glad Mr. Lamb had won the election. He is an honest soul and very kind, you’ll see.”

Victoria listened politely but couldn’t process everything she told her; her thoughts were too occupied with the fluttery knowledge that she would see the love of her life in just a few minutes time.

Her aunt sat slowly down on a settee and motioned for her to do the same, nodding in approval as Victoria remembered her education to sit and move as gracefully as a royal should.

Seconds later a knock sounded, and her eyes flew to the door. Her stomach in a twist. Her hands sweating.

He was here!

xVMx

As William walked into the room an easy smile played on his lips. His gaze was focused on the queen alone as he marched up to her and greeted her with a respectful little bow over her hand.

“Your majesty.”

“Mr Lamb.” The queen smiled up at him, “I hope everything is going smooth this first weeks?”

William nodded with an assuring tilt up of his mouth, “Yes, ma’am.” His eyes flickered to the side then but didn’t dare to turn his head away from the monarch. Nevertheless, the queen noticed his eager notion with a curious tilt of her head.

“I’m glad.” She said slowly then, scanning her prime minister with interest, “Now, Mr Lamb I wanted to introduce you to my dear niece. The new successor to the throne.” She smiled into Victoria’s direction, but saw in the corner of her eye how William breathed out in relief as he was finally allowed to look over in Victoria’s direction. Interesting indeed.

Of course, he had known Victoria was here. He had felt it in every fibre of his body and now to finally see her once again was like rebirthing. His personal sun had risen before him and he felt incredibly happy to just look upon her and meet those beautiful deep blue eyes once more. Oh, he had missed her so!

And he wanted to run over to her and pull her into his arms, kiss her all over and confess his love to her with an urge he could barely suppress. He remained still though and settled on a kind smile. The one he only reserved for her and hoped it would show her what was important.

“Your highness, it is an honour to meet you.” He saw her eyes watering then and furrowed his brows a little to show her that she needed to hold it together. This was neither the time nor the place to talk or show their feelings for each other. If there would ever be a time again was another question …

“Mr Lamb.” Victoria nearly choked on her words but caught herself in time, glancing over to her aunt for a quick second, “I congratulate you to your victory. I hope your period of office will be as successful as it’s promising.”

William read between the lines and was relieved to see that Victoria didn’t hate him after his cowardly behaviour to stay silent but still he couldn’t say so and had to settle with a simple smile and a thank you.

Her aunt took over then and discussed with him current topics and new possible developments for Britain’s economy. Victoria stayed close during the time, listening carefully and tried desperately to understand what was going on in the world but as always, her mind got stuck on William as well as her eyes. It had been such a long time for her to see him in person and now to be finally able to she couldn’t help herself.

She was gazing at him openly after half an hour of pretending. She followed his every move; how he held his hands behind his back while he explained some news to her aunt, his fingers playing a little with each other. How the corner of his mouths jerked up from time to time into a tender smirk or how he used his eyebrows so skilfully to underline his words. And whenever he turned his gaze to her, his green golden eyes held such warmth she could have melted on the spot. A look of pure love in her eyes while the butterflies were already fluttering freely in her belly.

It felt like no time had passed between them. No separation. No heartbreak. No catastrophic changes in between. They were flirting with little gestures, unseen to others (at least they hoped so) and felt as close as on any other day in their relationship. And it was wonderful. Like a catharsis and as Victoria took a deep breath, she could finally feel how the weight upon her shoulders was lifted.

Unfortunately, their meeting ended far to soon and William excused himself to go.

“Your majesty, your highness.” He met her eyes with a soft glance, before returning to her aunt. “Parliament is waiting for me now. I hope I could answer all questions, ma’am, and meet with you again in one week’s time.”

“A pleasure like always, Mr Lamb.” The queen answered him with a thankful smile and looked over to Victoria then, watching her with a curious feeling as she said goodbye to the prime minister. Her eyes sparkling like little stars as she looked upon him and then her hands … did she just want to reach out to him? The queen raised an eyebrow at her observation and remembered how Victoria had stared the whole time at the man. Quite openly that is. And he seemed to have no objection, merely sending her an equal disarming smile whenever their eyes met.

She narrowed her eyes as a surprising conclusion was built: They knew each other, and it didn’t seem to be a fleeting acquaintanceship. Not fleeting at all but all too familiar.

xVMx

As soon as the door closed behind the prime minister she turned fully to her niece, “And what do you think about our new leading minister? Will he bring credit to our country?” Her eyes waiting patiently for a reaction.

“I cannot tell for sure.” Victoria answered uncertainly, trying and failing to play the part of an unknown woman, “But he seems like a reasonable man.”

Her aunt nodded and smiled knowingly at Victoria’s nervous way to play with her fingers. She was clearly uncomfortable with this situation and now, the queen knew why or better to say, she could take a pretty good guess.

“Tell me, my dear, where do you know him from?”

Victoria froze immediately and stared at her wide eyed, “I don’t know what you …”

“Please.” Her aunt held up a hand and tutted her lightly. “Don’t try to play me a fool, Victoria. Your familiarity was quite obvious, and I’m merely interested to know how you know each other.”

Victoria’s heart had dropped to the floor, cold sweat breaking out on her skin. How did she …? Were they that obvious? But they didn’t do anything except looking at each other, so how …? Her mind was spinning with all sorts of question and a deep fear settled into her veins. Oh god, this was not good. Not good at all.

“I …” _What to say? How to explain?_ “You are right, I know him. I …” _Don’t tell her the truth. Don’t!_ “I met him at the funeral.” There, it was better than nothing. At least she hoped so.

“Oh?” The queen raised an eyebrow, clearly doubting her words but she forwent a comment and let out a quiet sigh instead before meeting her eyes with a kind expression. “I’m not your enemy here, Victoria. It is okay if you don’t want to talk about it. Everyone has their secrets, no? But let me give you another advice, my dear: Don’t let anyone see your affections for this man. It is a dangerous thing – love in particular – and in our position it should be well thought out, especially if it involves a man like our fine Mr Lamb.”

The queen stood up then but held her eyes on Victoria who tried to process the shock that came with her aunt’s sympathetic words.

“Don’t do anything foolish or rash, Victoria. Not for some crush.”

She nodded with tears pricking at her eyes, not brave enough to answer back and explain that it was far more than a crush. It was real love! And she had absolutely no doubt about that. Nevertheless, more than a simple “Yes, ma’am.” wasn’t possible.

“I’m sure your Jonathan is waiting for you out there.” She smiled sadly at her niece then. “But, Victoria, it should not be our prime minister. Too much would be at risk.”

And with this warning the queen left her alone and returned back to her chambers to rest. Her strength leaving her far more quickly in the last few days.

Victoria stayed frozen in the settee and took a shallow breath as the weight which had been lifted by William’s short visit returned to her shoulders. And all of a sudden, she felt further away from him than ever before …

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! We're on the right track now and it won't take all too long until ... you know ;) :D


	20. It's complicated

“Look who’s here, darling.” Victoria looked up from her diary in surprise, seeing her mother and Albert standing in the doorway of her room. He wore an easy smile on his lips as he waved his hand in greeting. She didn’t react though but remained staring at him with a confused frown on her face, asking herself what this was about.

Her mother was all smiles, nonetheless and pushed him forward into the room, “Isn’t it nice to see Albert again? I certainly missed him, didn’t you?” Victoria raised an eyebrow at her obtrusive way to encourage her to get up from her bed and greet Albert accordingly but stayed sitting, merely closing her diary. 

“I will leave you two alone then.” Her mother babbled on without sensing the awkward tension in the room. “Albert, you’ll stay for dinner, won’t you? I will tell our housekeeper.” She squeezed his arm as she turned to go. “Oh, I’m so happy to see you again, my boy. It’s been too long.”

Albert returned her excited manner with an artless smile until she disappeared in the corridor, leaving him alone with Victoria in the stiff atmosphere.

He turned back to her and smiled brightly, “Hey.”

Still perplexed, Victoria stared at him for a long silent moment, before mumbling a quiet “Hi” he took as an invitation to come closer.

“It’s been a long time since … we saw each other last.”

“Almost half a year.” Victoria confirmed without hesitation and leant back against the headboard of her bed, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Why was he here and what did he want? It was obvious, he didn’t feel well in his skin. He acted tensed, not that it was something unusual, but it was mixed with a restlessness which wasn’t common for him. So, it had to be something serious and somehow, Victoria had a bad feeling about this.

“So … how are things?”

She shrugged uninterested, “Different.” She would not make this easy for him, whatever he was here for.

Albert nodded at her clipped answer and gnawed on his lip a little as he acknowledged that Victoria would hide behind her stubbornness and wouldn’t throw him a bone he could work with.

“Your mother told me the Queen includes you in her work, must be exciting.”

Why were they having this awkward small talk? Victoria sighed but nodded, “Yeah, it’s interesting.”

“Just interesting?” He teased her with a kind grin that reminded her of the old times with him as they bickered and teased each other like small children. She wished it would be that easy as it once had been but knew it would never be so. Too much had happened that could not be repaired.

“It must be overwhelming to be you. I mean, you’ll be queen of this country. This is … insane.” His smile grew as the image spread in front of his eyes. “I’m a little bit jealous, I must tell you.”

“Jealous?” Victoria repeated with a deep frown whereupon Albert nodded eagerly.

“Why the hell would you be jealous? Of what? Of losing your life to the crown. Of giving up all you have dreamed off to step into the shoes of your ancestors you never wanted to be a part of. Tell me, Albert, what are you jealous of because I would give everything to not be in this place.” Her voice was sweet but it held her despair openly.

Albert raised his eyebrows in surprise, overwhelmed by her strong reaction and didn’t know what to answer. She could see in his eyes that he didn’t understand why she was talking that way and it made her sad because she had always told him the reason. Since they had been children. And up to this very day he remained blind to all the sorrow that belonged to be part of the royal family.

She shook her head in disappointment and finally asked, “Why are you here, Albert?” 

“To see you.” He replied innocently but knew the answer wasn’t enough. “And to talk to you about … about us.” Immediately, Victoria tensed and narrowed her eyes at him. Ok … here we go then.

“I don’t think there is anything to talk about.” Her defence was high.

“Oh, but I do.” Albert insisted and sat on the edge of her bed brazenly. “I know we had a terrible fight back then and we said some foolish things, yes, but … I don’t think that we meant them. Vic, I … still love you. I never stopped and I think you feel the same way.”

 It cost all her strength to not roll her eyes at him. Had she just heard right? Was he serious?

“And this _thing_ with this guy … I’ve forgiven you.”

Ok now, no … this was not … no! Victoria shook her head violently. She wouldn’t talk about William with Albert. No!

“Stop.” Her voice interrupted him harshly. “I know, it wasn’t right of me to kiss another man while being with you and I do apologize for my disrespect, but Albert … it wasn’t just a kiss with a stranger. I fell in love with this man. I _am_ in love with him. And so, you see, what you’re asking is not possible.”

That stopped him and he dropped his gaze, clenching his jaw as pure jealousy filled his senses. To have her tell him about her feelings for another man broke his heart in two and it still felt like the worst betrayal to him. They had been a couple since childhood. Perfect for each other. How could she have ever lost sight of this truth and fell for another man? An old creep at it.

His voice was quiet as he asked, “So … you’re still with him?” For a moment too long, it stayed silent between them and Albert raised his eyes in question, sensing her discomfort and couldn’t stop the instant spark of hope in him welling up. Trouble in paradise then. Their connection was probably not as strong as he first feared. So, there was still a chance!

“It’s complicated.” Victoria finally answered but couldn’t meet his eyes while being caught in her hurtful memories of William’s and her last encounter and their shattering talk. It was just so depressing …

xVMx

_Two days ago …_

_“William.” He stopped and turned to her slowly, meeting her deep blue eyes wet with upcoming tears, “I …”_

_“Don’t.” William interrupted her softly and took a step towards her, looking around them to be sure they were alone, “Not here.”_

_“Then where?” She breathed and looked at him helplessly. “I’m trapped inside this building and I …” Oh god, she couldn’t take a breath. Why was it so hard to breathe? Her gaze turned panic as she struggled to stop starting to hyperventilate. This situation. This suffering. It was too much and she wanted it to stop. Now!_

_“William, I can’t do this. I just can’t. It feels like I’m dying inside and I …” She hiccupped, trying desperately to calm herself. “Oh god, I miss you so much! I can’t think of anything else but you. Please tell me it’s the same for you. Please tell me you don’t hate me. Please … I need to know I’m not the only one!”_

_He watched her upset outbreak, knowing her pain all too well and wanted to protect her from it but he still didn’t know how. They couldn’t be together and so, he couldn’t give her what she yearned for. It was simply not possible._

_“Victoria, you need to calm yourself.” He pleaded with her, but Victoria only shook harder, sobbing louder. “Please, sweetheart, you can’t be seen like this after a meeting with me.”_

_“I don’t care!” She yelled back then, loosing herself in her strong emotions, and threw herself forward into his arms. Without thinking William closed his arms around her although he knew that they would be in big trouble if someone would walk in on them._

_“I love you still. Nothing has changed. I love you so much, William.” She mumbled into his shirt, as she clung to his body._

_He sighed quietly, a troubled expression on his face, and pressed a loving kiss on her head, “I love you, too.” His voice was quiet and soothing as it ghosted over her ear, “Nothing will ever change that.”_

_Relief flooded her body and for the first time in days she could smile between her tears._

_“Then stay with me, Will, and hold me because I don’t know me anymore.”_

_William’s arms tightened around her as he buried his face into her hair, fighting with tears himself. Oh, how he wished he could do so and stand by her side forevermore, but faith was not on their side and Victoria needed to accept this truth._

_“You know I cannot.”_

_Her smile disappeared within seconds, “But you said you love me. We should be together then! Like before.” She looked up to him with pleading eyes. “I can’t lose you again.”_

_He stroked the apple of her cheek gently, “You won’t. I’ll be at your side, Victoria, I promise you. Just not as your boyfriend. It’s impossible, you see.”_

_“But …”_

_He couldn’t stand her heartbroken expression, so he interrupted her once more and smiled lightly, “I will be your prime minister. Your private secretary. Your advisor and protector if you want me.” He nodded at her confidently. “I will be here with you, every day of every week and I’ll do everything to help you, darling.”_

_A beat of silence spread while Victoria furrowed her eyebrows in doubt, “And you could live with that? To see me and to never feel my touch again?”_

_The corner of his mouth twitched and finally sank again, his eyes avoiding hers for a moment. Of course, it would be hard to accomplish his idea and yes, he would yearn her touch, her kisses, everything she had given him, but they could see each other, wasn’t this better than nothing?_

_“Isn’t it better a solution than not seeing each other ever again?” William mumbled._

_A tear rolled down her cheek, “I don’t know.”_

_He felt his throat tighten at her words, but nodded understandingly, nonetheless. He knew this decision wasn’t an easy one to make. Wherever they turned pain would be their companion._

_“It is the only way, my love.” He swiped away the tear with his thumb, caressing her soft skin. Victoria shook her head then, grabbing his wrists and held on to them as she pressed her eyes closed._

_“We can meet in private. A secret just between you and me. Nobody will know …” She wanted to find a way to be with him so desperately. There had to be a way!_

_William shook her head, wishing she would see how hopeless her thinking was._

_“No, it’s too dangerous. And I won’t be responsible for any bad talk about you. You deserve nothing of such kind but prestige and recognition. And I promised myself to never endanger that but to protect you.”_

_“But what about us? I need you, William. I long for your touch, for your safe embrace and every other comfort we experienced together, don’t you?”_

_His green eyes glistened with his love for her, “Of course, I do. Victoria, I feel it, too. The loss. The heartbreak. But you need to understand that it doesn’t matter where we take this road, it would only end in us saying goodbye.” He betted his forehead on hers and whispered. “Please believe me I would do anything to be with you but there is too much at risk.”_

_Victoria’s hands stroked upwards and she palmed his neck, pressing him to her. To feel him this close again was heaven on earth and she wanted to flow in it for as long as possible._

_“Then I will abdicate.” His head tried to snap up, but she held him still and continued in a determined tone, “I don’t want the crown if it means to lose you.”_

_William shook his head against hers, “Don’t be foolish! It’s your destiny, Victoria. You cannot run away from it.”_

_“Try me.” She would! She would do everything to be with him._

_“I would still be prime minister, please consider this.”_

_“Then quit your job as well. Let’s run away and start over. Just you and me.” Now, William detangled himself from her tight grip and frowned down at her, not believing what she had just said. “Remember all the things we wanted, William, we could have them.”_

_A sad expression took over his face as he pictured his fantasies with Victoria. It could have been a bright future for them. Marriage. A house full of children. Success in their careers and a love story that would hold until the end of time. He would’ve given it all, but their lives had turned out differently. So, he slowly shook his head at her, his mouth forming a silent “No.”_

_“You aren’t even trying to find a solution, are you?” Victoria accused him then, the hurt clearly written on her face. Why was he so stubborn? Why couldn’t he be a little bit reckless and dare the unthinkable with her?_

_“I am!” He bellowed back but remembered where they were and lowered his voice immediately, “I’m trying here, Victoria. This is our solution! I would be here … with you!”_

_“But not really! It would be a cruel way, living and working side by side but never be able to find comfort in one’s arms. How do you suppose will this end, huh? I can tell you! It would end in more heartbreak, in despair and sorrow for something we could have had if you would jump over your damn shadow and …”_

_“For god’s sake, Victoria. It’s not that simple. We can’t just turn our backs on Britain and run away from all our responsibilities. I’m prime minister of this country and I take this job very seriously!” He answered back, wild emotions rolling through him in waves._

_She scoffed then and turned away from him for a second, deeply hurt, and dragged her hands through her perfectly made hair. “So, your job is more important than this.”_

_“Please don’t do this.”_

_Victoria shrugged with her shoulders, not caring for her childish behaviour, “Why not? It’s the truth, is it not? My prime minister.” She shook her head a little at his new title. A title she was of course proud of but … it made everything so much more difficult._

_A long sigh escaped her then and her shoulders slumped. What was left to say now? She had made it clear to him that she would give everything to be with him. Everything! But he remained to stay the rational one, the dutiful one who would not give in. Maybe this was the end after all … At least it felt like it for she had no ideas left._

_“I don’t know what to say anymore. I … I want you by my side but not …” She closed her eyes in pain as she pictured his little fantasy of them living happily side by side as friends only, yearning after so much more day in and day out._

_“What are you saying?” William asked with fear in his voice as Victoria didn’t continue. “You don’t want me here? You don’t want me to be your prime minister … your friend even?”_

_“I don’t know. I … don’t know what I …” She bit her lip and let out a long-strangled noise. Why was this all so complicated? Why couldn’t he be a normal guy or even a prince? It would all be so simple!_

_“I’m sorry for all this mess. I never wanted to put you in this situation and hurt you with this, please believe me.”_

Was this her way to say goodbye to him _? He reached out a hand to her, “It doesn’t matter now. It didn’t change anything.”_

_She turned back to him and stepped into him, laying her hand on his cheek, “No, it didn’t.” A little sad smile appeared on her face. “I love you, Will.” She stood on tiptoes then and pressed her lips to his, internalizing the feeling of him so close because it could be the last time she ever did, “But I need you to go now. I have to think about … everything.”_

This was a goodbye! _The knot in his throat tightened and William, not able to speak, just nodded with a hurtful look at her. He stepped back then and let go of her, already missing her touch, and left her to think._

xVMx

Back in the here and now she finally met Albert’s awaiting gaze, trying to hide her hurt but her honesty betrayed her.

“Maybe it’s too complicated.” He mumbled with a soft caring tone and touched her hand with a careful stroke of a finger, trying out his luck. Victoria followed his movement and swallowed heavily with her mind still filled with William’s broken-hearted look and wanted to feel the offered comfort from Albert but pulled away in the end and shook her head at Albert.

“It doesn’t change anything. I love him and we’ll find a way somehow.” Her voice was not as strong as she had hoped for but believed the words to be true. She had to!

Albert on the other hand didn’t trust in her hopes and couldn’t hold back an amused scoff, “When you’re not queen anymore? Would the timing be right then?”

A warning glare was her answer.

“I’m right, am I not?” He shook his head sadly at his unknown rival. “Don’t fool yourself, Vic, and see sense. He is not here and there is a reason for it.” He sent her a knowing look as tears wetted her eyes instantly and returned to his tender talk. “Think about us, will you? Remember what we had together and imagine what could be again. Don’t dwell on something that has no chance but gain strength from someone who loves you and will stand by your side no matter what.” His eyes bored into hers. “I promise I’ll be this man, Vic. I love you and I’ll be with you whenever you need me.”

To her surprise Albert pushed himself up then and pressed his lips to her closed one’s in a feverish kiss, gaining for much more but Victoria dodged his next attempts, turning her head away from him. It felt all so wrong!

“Please …” She whispered then, whereupon he nodded with clenched teeth, acknowledging his defeat. For today at least.

As he stood at the door, he turned to her once more and pleaded, “Please, think about us, Vic. I want you to be happy and not suffer because of such a fool who is not man enough to stand by the side of a queen.”

Victoria merely nodded and was left alone once again, already planning how to proceed from here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, hello there Albert ... I still don't like you :D


	21. The new Queen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It takes longer to get the turn than expected but we're getting somewhere!

William dozed in his armchair in Downing Street as he was woken up by the soft voice of his secretary and best friend Emma who gently rubbed his arm, “William.”

He blinked open one eye and yawned, “Hm?”

“It’s the queen.” Emma whispered with a meaningful look and stroked his arm again, “She died this morning.”

For a moment the world stood still then, and his only thought was: So, it was finally time. The unavoidable had caught them far sooner than they had hoped for and from now on another part of Victoria’s life belonged to her no more but the crown. And with that a part of his own was cut away as well.

William could only nod curtly after processing the first shock, his stomach still fighting the nausea coming up, and sat up in his chair.

“The car is already waiting for you.” She informed him furthermore and watched him in concern as his face went even more pale. “Are you sure you are up to this?”

He clenched his jaw and swallowed down the nervous lump, glancing up to her, “I promised her I will be at her side, Emma, and I will be.” His voice was stronger than he felt but his words were true, nonetheless. He had given her this promise and would hold it although she had not been sure if she was ready for such a friendship his suggestion held. He could only hope she would live up to the circumstances and accept the little thing they were given.

He pushed himself up then and took a deep breath – it was time – before disappearing in his private rooms to make himself presentable to the new queen of Great Britain and his own heart.

xVMx

Victoria kneaded her hands nervously as she stood in her late aunt’s office – well, her office now, she was the Queen now, she guessed – and waited for her prime minister to arrive. Since the terrible news this morning she had not been alone once to think about what had happened and what it really meant. Instead, she was always accompanied by her mother and her husband, trying to advise her what to do and what to avoid.

“So, I suppose the first thing to decide is how you’ll style yourself. Alexandrina is too foreign, and Victoria is hardly a name for a queen. We need something more traditional, like Elisabeth perhaps or Anne.” Conroy told her in his arrogant manner and looked over to his wife, “I would prefer Elisabeth. What about you, darling?”

Her mother nodded with a bright smile on her lips, “It sounds wonderful.”

Victoria didn’t share her enthusiasm but kept quiet.

“The proclamation will be today.” Conroy reminded her then as he spotted her disinterest, “And the prime minister will need a name.”

“And he will receive one.” She answered curtly, not looking his way but to the door, awaiting William’s arrival impatiently, “He should be here any moment, please leave, I will attend to my ministers alone.”

Now her stepfather took a step forward, an angry frown on his face, “This is no joking matter! You cannot receive the prime minister alone. You’re not experienced in such matters. You’ll ridicule the crown with your ignorance.”

A wave of frustrated anger rolled through her thereon and Victoria closed her eyes to stay calm. This prick still thought he had something to say here. With a stern look she finally turned to him, “Yet I will.” Her voice was cold and determined. “And now you have our permission to withdraw Sir John.”

Her mother gasped loudly, not believing how her daughter dared talking to her husband, but didn’t dare to intervene for she knew it would only end in an ugly fight in which she didn’t want to be involved in.

As she glanced over to her husband, she could already see the veins on his temple thicken, revealing his hot temper and feared for a loud confrontation, but to her surprise Conroy remained silent and finally bowed a little to her daughter and moved out of the room. Victoria met her eyes then and with a short nod she indicated for her to leave as well. She didn’t need anyone to look out for her and so, her mother withdrew without another comment.

Seconds later another door opened, and the butler announced William’s arrival, giving Victoria only seconds to compose herself and meet him with a kind smile.

William looked as handsome as ever. A well pressed black suit clung to his body, his dark curly hair slightly tousled and his jaw clean shaven. He made her heart skip a beat no matter the circumstances.

“Your majesty.” He greeted her and swept down to one knee, holding out his hand to her.

A stricken expression filled her face, “Please don’t call me that. You of all people certainly not.”

“It’s the proper thing to do, Ma’am.” William answered without hesitation and waited patiently for her to move. With a shaky breath she laid her fingers in his then and watched him as he bent to press his lips to her hand. A shudder went through her with the contact but not out of pleasure. William stood up again and met her blue eyes with his green ones, glistening with concern. “May I offer you my condolences to your aunt’s death.”

Victoria could only nod as she tightened her fingers on his but then, furrowed her brows in confusion as she thought about his manner. Why did he distance himself from her? Didn’t he suggest being her friend no matter the circumstances? Why was he so cold then?

“It’s easier for me that way.” He explained to her, sensing the unspoken question, and shrugged lightly. “To keep a professional distance will help, I believe.”

“Help what exactly?”

William’s gaze turned downwards as he shuffled with his foot, “It will get easier to … accept what can never be again.” He met her eyes then and a sad smile played on his lips, “Whatever our inclination.”

“But it can!” She argued with burning tears in her eyes.

He shook his head with a sigh, “We talked about this. It cannot be and we need to try and accept that and move on.”

For a moment, it stayed quiet between them while Victoria watched him questioningly. It was hard to tell if he meant what he had said. If he was convinced by it. On the one hand, his voice was strong, no quivering at all, but then there was his expression. Heartbroken and sad. It was the complete opposite and it left Victoria confused and insecure. Did she misinterpret his behaviour all together?

She couldn’t know but needed to try again, nonetheless, “I will never accept it.” Her voice held such confidence it made William grin for a second. So stubborn … always so very stubborn his beautiful girl. Why was life so cruel to them? Why did he have to give up such a wonderful and fascinating woman?

“Please don’t make me.”

“Victoria.” He breathed out quite moved but still so very helpless. “There is no place for me. Not as your lover at least. You’ll be a great queen. A woman young people can look up to and learn of. You cannot give this up for me. I’m not worth such sacrifice.”

“Of course, you are.” She moved even closer, feeling his warmth through his suit. “I was never happier than with you. Never freer. You give me everything I need, and I want it back, don’t you?”

The pain in his green eyes then was so palpable that it struck Victoria to her core, “I do.”

“Then don’t forsake me and be with me, William.”

“There is no way.” Why couldn’t she accept the truth and stop making it even harder for him to say no? Of course, he loved her. Of course, he wanted her back. He wanted it all. Return to their little cosy world where only the two of them existed and love her for the rest of his life. But couldn’t she see that it was impossible? Their time had run out and that was the end.

“There is always a way!” Victoria argued and pressed her hand against his thumbing heart, squashing his doubts. “Maybe it is my destiny to be queen. Maybe it was meant to be that I become monarch of this country but then it was no coincidence that I fell in love with a man so much wiser than me.” She smiled gently up to him. Love written all over her face. “It was fate that I stumbled into the bar that night. It was fate that we met again in the streets. It was meant to be, William.”

A tear threatened to escape as he remembered their encounters. The instant connection. Their passion for each other. The humour and carefree laughter. They were the perfect fit, yes, but so hopeless to be on the same page.

“Everything I learned from you. Everything you taught me. It brought me here and let me be honest now, I can’t do this without you at my side.”

“And you won’t have to. I told you I will be here. At your side. As your friend and tutor if you want me. _I will be here._ ” He held her by the shoulders, tenderly rubbing over her delicate skin exposed by her beautiful black dress. “You don’t have to convince me of our love for each other, I know how seldom and precious something like this is. And I wish I could tell you more. That everything will be okay in the end. That our love and your incredible stubbornness will make this work but … I cannot see how. So, please, Victoria, accept what is and don’t make it even harder on us.”

For a long moment they stared into each other’s eyes, battling each other’s ideas with their own and trying to convince the other of their truth. And Victoria hoped desperately that William would snap and give in but as the seconds ticked by, she knew he wouldn’t. For her sake and the crown. He wouldn’t bulge.

She let her head sink then, frustrated by his rational thinking and already preparing for another round – an angrier one if she let it – as she stopped for a second and concentrated on his hands still touching her. He said he loved her. Nothing had changed. Only his stubborn mind, his sense of duty and the wish to protect her from any harm were blocking their way for a happy blissful world together. So, it was not over for him as well. He would not rub and stroke her arm this way if he thought it had ended.

A small smile appeared on her lips then as she figured a plan. Okay, she would give in. She would play his way and be friends with him. She would do as he wished but in truth, she would stay true to her statement and never accept what should be their end. She loved him too much for it.

With defeat written all over her face Victoria finally mumbled a heart-stricken “Okay.”, to him and lifted her face, “You won.”

His smile was thankful but not happy, “It doesn’t feel like winning to me losing you, but I promise, we’ll make it work somehow.” Victoria nodded slightly and clutched the lapels of his jacket, glancing up into his beautiful emerald eyes.

“I need you by my side.” She reminded him again. “Or else I will lose my mind.”

“You’ll be great, Victoria. You’re a strong woman. Have faith. I know what you are capable off.”

“Thanks.” She grinned up to him with tears burning in her eyes. “It’s good to know that at least one person believes in me.”

He stroked a strand of hair out of her eyes and whispered, “Always.”

His gaze turned her knees nearly to jelly. This was so unfair to think about him as a friend after all they’ve experienced together. She had seen him naked for god’s sake and felt what he could do to her with his tongue and hands. How could she possibly forget all of this and act as a friend towards him? Victoria groaned inwards in frustration. This would not be an easy task but if she played it out right, it would turn into a happy ending after all.

“Could we … just for … old time’s sake?” William raised his eyebrows in question as she tumbled over her words and gazed at his lips. “I know we’re friends now. Queen and Prime Minister but … could we … one last time?” Her voice was so hopeful and yearning he chuckled quietly to himself but nodded after controlling their surrounding once more and bent to her height, pressing his lips to hers in a soft kiss.

Victoria grinned winningly against his mouth thereon and palmed his neck, curling her fingers into the soft hair, tucking lightly on it just as she knew he liked it, and deepened the kiss instantly as soon as William opened up just a little. His groan was muffled but unmistakable.

“Victoria.” He warned with a growl but didn’t push her away, merely kissing her back with the same passion she felt rushing through her veins, awaking a desire in her only he could spur. But as Victoria’s hand travelled downward, caressing his strong chest and taut stomach, eager for the bulge in his pants, William stopped.

His hand shot out and grabbed hers, preventing her from going any further, “No.” His breathing was fast and shallow as he took a step back, holding her on distance. “No more. This … we can’t. You agreed.”

She nodded with a flush of her own and held up her hands in surrender, “I know. Sorry.” _She was not sorry at all._ “I was overwhelmed.”

William huffed out a laugh, “We both were. But seriously Victoria, this cannot be. It’s too dangerous.”

“I know.” _She didn’t care._

He watched her for a long silent moment, considering her behaviour and mumbled to himself, “Do you?” He didn’t believe so and that was a risky aspect of their new status quo but what could he do? He told her more than once that it would be a nasty mistake on both their sides to engage in a relationship. He even explained to her what could happen. So, what could he do more than hope for her to see sense and give them the peace to be friends at least if nothing else.

“We should turn to business now, if you like, ma’am.” William said then, trying to find ground in their new partnership and turned to his bag, relieving a thick stake of paper. “We’ll must prepare you for the proclamation. Choose a name and so on.”

It took Victoria to compose herself but nodded a second later, “Of course.”

“Your coronation will take place next year in spring, I believe. The preparation will take some time.” William continued, all business now after calming down. “But we should ready you for it as soon as possible. You wouldn’t believe how fast your first year will be over.”

She furrowed her brows, reminding him of the present, “And what about the funeral?”

William nodded with a sad expression, “Your aunt will be laid out for seven days. You’ll have to attend to the ceremonies as the highest member of the royal family, of course.” Victoria nodded and squeezed her hands in a nervous gesture. “And then she’ll be buried in Windsor.”

“It went so fast in the end.” She murmured and stared at the desk, remembering her aunt sitting there, explaining to her every important detail that had come to her mind. “I wish I’d had more time with her. It would have made it easier I believe.”

“Probably. She was very dear to you, wasn’t she?”

“Yeah. A woman with her own mind. No one questioned her intelligence, but everyone looked up to her. I had great respect for her.” Victoria answered slowly with controlled emotions. “A real role-model.”

“Yes, she was.” He agreed and smiled softly at her. “And she was full of respect for you as well.” She looked over to him in surprise, raising an eyebrow. “She liked you very much, Vic- … ma’am, because she could see herself in you.”

“She told you that?”

William nodded, “She saw the strength in you I see and therefore, she had no fear you would do great. You’re every inch a queen, ma’am, never doubt that.”

A smile appeared split out on her lips then as the first tears pricked at her eyes but this time it was no sad tears but happy and hopeful ones. He gave her that and she was thankful for everything he granted her. So very grateful.

With the newfound strength she straightened her back then and met his gaze with determination, “In the proclamation I’m referred to Alexandrina Victoria, but I do not like the name Alexandrina. I never did. From now on, I wish to be called Victoria.”

A proud expression lighted up his eyes as he responded gently, “Queen Victoria.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to you all for your feedback! Love it! You're a great help to me! :)


	22. Christmas wishes become true

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay!

_Victoria, 24 th of June_

The following weeks and months went by faster than I expected just as William had predicted. My days were filled with meetings and events concerning political, charity and royal matters so I could barely take a breath in between. And I’m sure it would have been hell – really, there was no doubt – if he had not been here with me, giving me strength and making me laugh, I would have gone mad for sure.

So, I’m grateful for all his work and companionship in these days for I know it isn’t easy for him either. I can see it in his eyes that he is suffering as much as I do whenever we’re alone, and the togetherness is begging us to be used. He restrains himself then and fights the inevitable to protect us, to do the right thing, but I wish for him to lose. Not just out of selfish reasons – because of course, I want him for myself again, feel his touch and drown in his kisses, listen to his stories while laying in his arms late at night – but for him as well because to see him suffer is the greatest pain in my life and I want it to stop.

Maybe I should have fought my course more back then to avoid this, seeing him defeated and helpless, but who knows how this decision had turned out. It could have ended it right away. The question was: Would it have been the better choice?

I’m not free anymore. That was the harsh truth and it makes me sad to acknowledge this reality. Especially because it concerns William as well and he deserves so much more than such a lonely encaged life. He should be free, live a normal life and do as he pleases but with his commitment to me it’s simply impossible.

What to do? I wonder all the time for I know we cannot go on like this much longer. The tension is palpable, and I fear we could lose control of it somehow, destroying much more than expected.

So, should I let him go to save at least him from all this mess? Or should I take the lead again and ignore his attempts to be the good guy and make him remember what our love could give to us?

xVMx

_William, 15 th of October _

I’m so very proud of her in every sense of the word. From the very beginning Victoria had shown no weakness but fought through a hell of a storm that had awaited her. Her family’s unsupportive and always judging manner. The press digging for the nastiest things they could find and a nation that raised his brows at her young age, doubting and criticizing everything she does. She had survived them all and that with bravura. But then there’s me of course, making her personal life as difficult as her public one, with the difference that she couldn’t meet this one aspect as graceful as all the others.

At first, I thought we would make it. As friends - our new status. It sounded like a big promise to me, because it vowed time with her. Precious time I could spend seeing her smile and laugh, even fighting with her with this irresistible glint in her eyes. I would have done everything with her, I swear, just to spend time with her. And she did go along with it. She accepted what was offered and never cornered me – and to be honest, I was so certain she would do it at some point and relieve us all from this never-ending drama, but she didn’t and did as I bade.

And it was good for long time. So very good, but I forgot to consider one thing … my love for her and the deepness it had reached over time.

Today, I can say I fooled myself. To think that we could stay platonic and never lose ourselves in the moment ever again. It was silly of me to think so for my every dream is of her nowadays, showing me innocent pictures at first but then turning into sensual ones that leave me horny and breathless in the night, making the following day a living nightmare.

I yearn for her whenever I see her and nearly combust when she touches me in the most innocent of ways. The longing consumes me these days and it’s getting harder and harder with the minute to not drown in the sadness that follows my decision to stay away.

But it is the right thing to do, I tell myself every day, is it not? I need to believe as much but what would happen if it isn’t and my decision was wrong after all?

xVMx

_Victoria, 29 th of November _

I can tell he didn’t sleep last night. The shadows under his eyes are dark and the ever-present twinkling in his eyes has vanished. Whatever for? I want to ask him but remain silent, watching him in concern. Oh, William, who is the stubborn one now? Why can’t you let this stupid idea go and let me in again?

I turn to the mirror then and spot my own sad expression. Our situation has taken its toll on me as well by getting unbearable and there is no denying anymore that we’ve manoeuvred us in a position that needed to end for both of our sakes.

I meet his eyes in the distance, he’s watching me with tired eyes while listening to his assistant Emma and sends me a little smile that I return with a determined look. My decision stands, there won’t be any more heartbreak from now on!

xVMx

It’s the day before Christmas eve when the first ball would take place in Buckingham Palace with its new resident and new monarch Queen Victoria. It was designed as a great celebration. Hundreds of guests were expected for the festive event in the richly decorated palace to celebrate the season. And with all preparations coming to an end the excitement was palpable in the halls, at least for Victoria who was swept away by the fantastical mood, looks and smells. She could already feel the promises that laid right around the corner.

“When will you be here tonight?” She asked William as they ended their daily meeting and therefore the last official one this year, walking side by side to the door. “I don’t know how long I will survive my family’s attempts to swap me of to Albert once more.” She shuddered in distaste. “I cannot understand why they can’t give this up and leave me alone. In my opinion I made it more than clear that I don’t want him but still they annoy me even more.”

William shrugged with his shoulders and mumbled quietly, “They want you to have a partner who can stand by your side. That’s not a bad thing, I guess. And what better time to bring two people together than Christmas.”

 _Indeed,_ Victoria thought and send him a meaningful look, “I have a partner by my side. I need no other.”

The usual sad smile appeared on his lips, “Yeah, you do but ...”

“Please come early.” She interrupted him with urgency before he could say more. She didn’t want to hear any doubts. Not today or tomorrow or any day after. They were partners in every sense of the word and with her plan in motion it would be as before soon enough. He couldn’t lose hope now.

“I know you have work to do but please, it’s Christmas. Take a break and enjoy the festive season a little.” She took his hands in hers and stroked over his knuckles with her thumb. “You deserve it more than anyone after all you’ve done for me.”

His gaze turned to their linked hands and he swallowed the lump in his throat. Her voice warming his heart. “I’ll come early.” He promised then and sighed deeply, squeezing her delicate fingers while fighting another wave of emotions. “I hope you’ll save a dance for me.”

“I will.” She nodded eagerly. “How could I deny the best dancer in the world a dance?”

A little snort escaped him then accompanied by an amused smirk on his lips that made Victoria’s heart jump. His smile was like the warmest sunshine to her and she had seen it far too little.

“I’ll do my best.” He said then and brought her fingers to his lips, kissing them gently as he couldn’t resist the temptation any longer. “I see you at the ball, your majesty.”

Victoria smiled tenderly, whispering, “Until then.”, and let him go.

xVMx

The party was already in full swing as William stepped into the ballroom, handsomely dressed in dark tails and white waistcoat. Emma was at his side, smiling at everyone who greeted them on their way in. Her friend far too distracted for such niceties.

“You need to relax.” She whispered in William’s direction as she noticed the tension in his body, squeezing the arm she was holding. “This isn’t your first event or hers for the matter. Victoria learned a lot over the last few months, she’ll do great, no need to worry.”

“I do not worry about her.” Her friend answered curtly, his eyes skittering between the people. “And I’m not nervous.” Still he grasped for a glass full of champagne as soon as a servant was near enough. He handed Emma one as well but as he gulped down his fill, he wished for hers as well.

Okay, maybe he was a little nervous after all, but not for the reasons his friend might thought.

He knew Victoria was capable of leading this party to a success. She feared the long and sometimes dull conversation no longer but engaged in them and amused her guests with no effort at all. Her charm and wit were enough to convince anyone present of her person. But there was still the story of them lingering around and William was nervous about his own fragile mind. The longing and yearning made his head spin from time to time and he feared he would lose control someday and it should not be today!

The alcohol he drank was not an advantage to him, he knew, but somehow it calmed him a little and he hoped with its help he would survive this event without ravishing her in front of everyone present or crying in the corner out of despair.

“There she is.” Emma whispered then, interrupting his depressing thoughts, and waved with her glass in hand in the direction of Victoria. “Wow, she is beautiful. This dress is striking.” William followed her gaze and swallowed hard as he met Victoria’s shining face, grazed with a heart-melting smile as she listened politely to one of her guests. Yes, she was beautiful. So very beautiful it took his breath away.

“She’ll be the death of me.” He mumbled quietly to himself as he watched her in open admiration, already distrusting his self-control. Emma chuckled lightly at that and made William blush in the process. This information had not meant to be heard.

“Hold your horses, my dear friend.” She snickered in amusement and nipped on her champagne. “It’s not the place nor the time, so stay calm and … never mind, here she comes.”

“Mr Lamb!” Victoria walked over to them with a happy glint in her eye, her stunning deep green dress shimmering in the light, and took William’s hand in hers for greeting. “I’m happy to see you, although I remember a promise you’d come early.”

He ducked his head a little and sent her a sheepish grin, “My apologies, ma’am, but something came up at work.”

Victoria nodded with a scolding look, “No holidays for the prime minister, hm?”

“No, unfortunately not.”

The queen turned to Emma thereon and greeted her with great kindness to not neglect, but as soon as the formal Hellos were said, Emma understood that she was no longer welcome and excused herself, leaving William and Victoria alone in the middle of the ball room.

“Did your family step on your foot again?” He asked and glanced towards Victoria’s mother and Sir John Conroy who were accompanied by a young man with thick brown hair, watching their conversation with great interest.

With a little huff on her lips Victoria nodded and turned her back on them, “Mama invited Albert after all and now he’s hanging at my tail the whole evening. It’s aggravating.”

“I’m sorry.”

She shrugged and patted his hand in a loving manner, “Doesn’t matter. You’re here now. And you’ll dance with me.” Her thumb stroked over his knuckles then, a touch too gentle to count as a friendly gesture, and William pulled his hand away with an uncomfortable cough, daring a quick look to her family whose eyes were still upon them.

“Shouldn’t you dance with him instead?”

A dark look appeared in her eyes as she shook her head at him, “No. I want to dance with you, William.” Her whisper was low spoken, but he could hear the meaning behind it crystal clear. “And we will. And it’ll be like old times again.”

Oh, how he wished this could be arranged. His longing for her was overwhelming.

“It can’t be like old times.” William muttered, his voice rough, trying to find ground and remind himself of his duty but once again, Victoria shook her head at him. This time, she wouldn’t have it.

“It can be, and it will be. William, I’m sick of pretending, aren’t you?” His eyes widened in wonder and panic.

“Do you know how much it torments me to see you suffer right in front of my eyes?” He feigned to have no clue what she was talking about and shrugged with his shoulders. This meeting could not get heated. “Oh please, don’t act like this. Please. Not with me. I can see it every day. The unhappiness. The hurt. The longing. Why are we doing this to us?” He didn’t know what to say for he had no idea either anymore. In the back of his mind the reasons still lingered but right now it held no meaning to him, but still he didn’t show the reaction she wanted. “I want us to stop, Will. I cannot go on like this. I want to kiss you again and hold you and tell you that I love you. I want …”

“I know.” He interrupted her in a whisper while keeping an eye on the surrounding guests, “I want it, too, but … god, Victoria, it can’t be.” They shouldn’t have this conversation here, in the middle of noisy people; in clear sight of her family. It was too dangerous, but at the same time he wanted nothing more than to finally break down and surrender.

“Dance with me.” Victoria insisted then in a shaky voice, sensing his despair and held out her hand. “I want you to hold me again. I need this … even more than my next breath.”

The pain was clearly written in his eyes and the ‘No’ was already waiting on the tip of his tongue, just to protect himself from any foolishness in the middle of the party, but he couldn’t deny her this wish for he needed it as much as she did and so he took her hand and lead her to the centre of the room where already some of the guests were gathering and enjoying the music.

She couldn’t hold back the relieved smile as he took hold of her, his long fingers hot on her back while his other held hers firmly in his. His arms felt like home and as a soft expression replaced the hurt on his face Victoria knew he felt the rightness of it as strongly as her.

“Do you remember?” She whispered as they swayed gently to the music.

William nodded with a moved smile, gripping her hand more tightly, “Of course I do … bittersweet memories.”

“I feel so safe in your arms. Always have, you know. No one else has ever let me be myself and liked me for it.” Victoria told him on their turn around the floor, staring into each other’s eyes. “It’s no difference these days. They want to see the Queen but not me. You’re the only one who knows who I am. You’re the only one with whom I can be free. Free to be the woman I see in my dreams, not the marionette everyone else want me to be.” Tears glistened in her eyes. “And that’s the reason why I cannot accept our arrangement anymore, William. I want more and I hope you do feel the same.”

For a long moment he stared down in her beautiful shining blue eyes, its colour as deep as the ocean, and bathed in the warmth that lay in them as they gazed up into his. He adored every part of her and felt deep in his bones how right it felt to have her finally back in his arms, feeling her warm skin under his fingertips. It was like a dream come true again and he felt how his surrender was already tickling on the very tip of his tongue but as he opened his mouth to answer and to finally give in their dance was interrupted by the young man he had seen with her family.

“Excuse me, Victoria, sir.” He nodded in William’s direction with a hard glance. “I fear I cannot wait any second longer for a dance with you.”

Victoria turned on him with a frown, already shaking her head and clutching William’s lowered hand, but William was quicker than her and stepped back, “Of course. It was an honour, ma’am, like always.”

“Wha- no.” She shot him a helpless look, a sad smile its answer, but had no time to say more because Albert already swept her away, ending their not finished conversation. With an angry glare she met Albert’s gaze. “What the hell was this? Do you even know how rude this was?”

“Your family thought it would be best if you would stop flirting with the prime minister in the middle of this ball.”

“How dare you, I’ve never done such a thing.” Victoria hissed back while she tried to keep an eye on William. She needed to talk to him furthermore. She couldn’t let this evening end in mid-air.

Albert let out a doubtful huff, distracting her, “Oh, no? Then your lovey dovey looks were just imagination?” Victoria’s cheeks turned pink. Had they been this obvious? “God, Victoria, you could have kissed him all over and it wouldn’t have made a difference.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“I’m not. People were wondering and when this happens a scandal is not far away. No matter if it’s true or false.” Albert told her in a grave voice, but once again she didn’t listen, her eyes remained searching for William who had just disappeared through the doors.

 _Oh, hell no!_ She thought. _He couldn’t leave now!_

With a push on Albert, she disentangled herself from his grip, “I don’t want to hear anymore of this, okay? I’m sick of you and my mother and John to have a word about me and my behaviour. Yes, I like Mr. Lamb. He is a great help to me but that’s it, okay? So, please stop annoying me with such ridiculous accusations.”

She stormed away then, leaving Albert all flustered on the dance floor, and followed William out of the ballroom.

As soon as she was in the hall, she looked hastily right and left in search of her prime minister. As she spotted his frame in the distance, she called out his name, not caring if anyone could hear her. Unfortunately, William didn’t react and moved on and turned around a corner, disappearing form her sight.

With adrenaline pumping steadily in her veins, Victoria rushed after him, following his steps in a haste. As she turned the corner then, she nearly lost her balance in her speed but to her great surprise someone caught her around the waist and pulled her into the wall in the hidden space of an alcove.

Her first instinct was to cry out, not knowing who had his hands on her, but her saviour didn’t wait for her to have a glance before he crushed his lips onto hers. Hard. Unyielding. Demanding. A surprised grunt escaped her lips at the unexpected contact but soon enough she relaxed into the embrace for she _knew_ these lips. Warm. Wet. Slightly rough. She sighed happily into him as his scent accompanied his kisses and she fell in the all too familiar blissful happiness whenever William Lamb held and kissed her …

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3 
> 
> They're finally back together! Hurray! 
> 
> I dunno if I will upload anything before Christmas anymore, so I wish you all happy holidays and Merry Christmas! Do enjoy the time with your family! 
> 
> And thank you very much for your support. Appreciate it!


	23. I'm yours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year!!!
> 
> And what a happy new year it will be for the two of them and I hope for you as well <3 
> 
> NSFW!! ;)

They kissed with abandon as they hid in the shadow of the alcove. Hands touching, traveling, gripping onto anything they could reach while their passion rose with every new meeting of lips. Already slick and swollen but still demanding for so much more.

Victoria’s mouth danced in delight as his lips wandered over her cheek, over her jaw and down to her neck. Nipping and sucking the sensitive skin about her pulse point, making her dizzy with want. Oh, god how she had missed this! Her fingers clenched in his dark curls as the first shock of deep pleasure shot straight between her legs, her body warming all over, and a soft sigh filled the little space they were in.

“Sssh.” William shushed her playfully and sucked on her earlobe before he met her eyes with a smouldering look, holding her even closer. Victoria returned his easy grin and pecked his lips for good measure, feeling the happiness of pure of love for this man return into every fibre of her being.

“I feared you’d be gone.” She whispered and combed through his hair, remembering the soothing impact for both.

“I’ll never leave you.” He stroked the soft apple of her cheek, “And I cannot stay away anymore without going insane with desire.” His voice darkened. “By god, how I missed you, my love.”

He took possession of her lips then and swallowed her joyful outcry. Yes! Yes! A thousand times yes! This was how it should be and no other way! Her delicious lips on his. Her taste on his tongue. And her sweet scent in his nose. He groaned out aloud as his heart soared with its love for this gorgeous woman in his arms.

“Stay the night.” Victoria pleaded between long kisses, huffing heavily against his mouth, “Please don’t go.”

He nearly cried out in agony for he wanted nothing more than to shout yes and bury himself in her right here and now but he pushed his face into her neck before any desperate sound could emerge, asking in a desperate mumble against her muggy skin, “How?”

As she laid her hands on his face and made him look up again a naughty grin lightened her face, “Trust me.”, and took him by his hand.

She giggled lightly as they sneaked through the empty corridors to get to her private chambers, leaving the crowded and loud ballroom behind them. William was right behind her, glancing nervously over her head as they turned yet another corner.

“No one is here.” Victoria chided him with pure joy in her voice, not hiding her excitement for what was about to come and pulled him further down the hall. “We’re quite safe. Everyone is enjoying the festivity.” He hummed in a low tone in return, still alarmed and focused on any noise in the distance.

A few steps later Victoria pulled him into her chambers, closing the door behind them and turning the key until the satisfying noise of a locked door filled the silence. They were finally alone.

“Finally alone.” She echoed her thoughts and walked up to William who was still looking quiet nervously around himself, as if expecting to see someone jump out of the shadows and surprise them in a most inappropriate moment.

“And you’re quite sure that no one will come up and look for you.”

Victoria chuckled in amusement as she slid her arms around his middle, holding him gently to her, “Relax, William. Even if they miss me, they won’t get in here. I have that much privacy, you know.” She reached up and showered his throat with little kisses and light nips. Immediately, his stiff posture loosened while other parts hardened. She remembered exactly how to get to him. Which buttons to push and he was putty in her hands.

His voice was rough with desire as he tried a last time to remind them what risk they took in being here, “Still it’s a dangerous game we play here.”

“One I will play anytime.” Victoria answered unimpressed and buried her nose in his neck, floating in her favourite scent of sandalwood laced aroma of warm man and the spicy accent of William himself. His response was just a low moan, but she knew she had won the battle as she finally felt his hands settle on her hips, fingers boring into her flesh and pressing her into his growing erection.

As he looked down, he met her happy smile with a lazy half-smirk, “Have I even told you how beautiful you look in your dress, your majesty?” With a small tilt of her lips downwards, she shook her head in disappointment. “Then I’m a fool, ma’am, because let me tell you.” He let out a light whistle. “You look magnificent. Breathtaking. The most stunning woman in the world.” His fingers slipped over her back, stroking over every centimetre he could reach, back and front, until they disappeared in the open space on her back, making her shiver all over as his fingers finally touched bare skin. “But unfortunately, … it simply needs to go now.” His nimble fingers had found the zipper and pulled it down in slow torture as their eyes stayed locked.

Seconds later the fabric slid to the floor, leaving Victoria in nothing more than lacy underwear. His adams apple lurched visibly at her sight, his desire rocking skyward and he croaked, “I’ve really missed you.”

Victoria giggled at his breathless words and pulled him towards her once more to share a deep wet kiss. A low agreeing groan was his response while his fingers danced in wide circles over her back, caressing her smooth skin he had longed for so long to touch.

Victoria’s own hands pushed the jacket over his shoulders and loosened his white bow tie, nuzzling into the open collar while her fingers slid down his chest in slow motion until they settled on his waistcoat.

“You’re wearing way too many clothes.” She laughed quietly and was thankful for his helpful hands which made quick work with his shirt whereas she finished with his waistcoat. She met his eyes as his clothes met the floor and laid her hands on his heaving chest, smiling hungrily up to him, “Much better.”, and pressed her lips against his warm skin, running her tongue lightly over his nipples.

He shivered heavily and gripped her hips again to steady himself, “Bedroom?” Victoria nodded and walked backwards, her eyes on his while their hands kept working, leaving trails of clothing in their wake as she manoeuvred them over to the awaiting bed.

Victoria let herself fall on the mattress then and watched William with longing as he joined her with slow and careful movements, settling himself on her much smaller frame. Braced on his forearms he stared into her blue eyes, soaking up the glorious feeling of her beautiful nude body beneath his. Her hot and smooth skin touching his. Her soft breasts pressing into his broad chest. And his manhood already nestled in the warm wet cradle of her body. He closed his eyes in bliss and let out a happy little sigh. It was like coming home. _She_ was his home. And she was perfection.

“Kiss me.” She demanded in a husky whisper and stretched towards his face, not happy to wait a second more to feel him again, welcoming his rough lips on hers. Without hesitation he opened her mouth with his and slid his tongue inside, tasting her in long swipes and feverish passion while his hands travelled over her body, squeezing and cradling her perfect backside, pressing his hungry body into hers with a grunt.

She floated in his ministrations, panting with burning desire as he kissed down her throat, sucking on the tender skin just behind her ear and licking over her collarbone until he reached her breasts, gently squeezing them as his mouth latched onto her nipple. A dreamy chuckle escaped her lips as he teasingly nipped, causing her to shiver under his touches, “Oh yes, don’t stop that … Oh, how I missed you, William.” and curled her fingers tightly in his hair to hold him in place. He obliged with a happy moan of his own, never leaving her lovely breasts one second whereas his free hand travelled over her stomach to the centre of her pleasure.

As his fingers brushed her there Victoria gasped loudly, clinging to him while his talented fingers worked on her clit, remembering knowingly how to please and tease her. When to press harder or when to enter to stimulate her furthermore. William remembered it all too well, had dreamed about making love to her every night since their last time. He had treasured those memories and was now more than happy to experience it with her once again.

“Oh please.” She whined. The pleasure rising, reflecting openly on her face while her hands gripped the sheets tightly as the first orgasm knocked on her door. William pumped his fingers faster, rubbing with his thumb over her swollen clit, eager to hear his name on her lips and as the knot inside finally loosened and her orgasm took hold of her, a high-pitched scream escaped her lips. It was not his name nor could he swallow the loud cry with his mouth before anyone could hear, but he couldn’t care less. To hear her scream for him once more filled him with such pride nothing else mattered but her and their colliding love in this very moment.

“You still there?” William asked with a deep smirk as Victoria laid spent on the bed, gasping for air. Her giddy laughter filled the air and she closed her eyes in happy bliss, “Yessss.”

He chuckled with manly pride, moving with his mouth up to her face, “I’m glad I didn’t unlearn anything.”, and peppered her skin with little kisses; her hand stroking lazily through his wild hair.

“As am I.”, she sighed and turned to him for a loving kiss, caressing his smooth cheeks, “I’ve nearly forgotten how good you are with your hands.”

“And mouth and tongue.” He snickered arrogantly, lapping over her lower lip, “And don’t forget …” He raised his hips and let his ready member brush over her stomach, “… him.” Another giggle erupted from Victoria as she kissed him again and again and again, enjoying their playful banter.

“How could I.” She panted near his ear as they parted for air, taking hold of his length, hot and prominent between them, squeezing gently and making him buck into her hand, moaning helplessly. “You remember as well?” A hum was all he could master. “Lay down.”, she whispered then and met his questioning gaze. A sweet smile was her answer and he followed her wish, watching her with dark eyes as she kneed beside him and caressed his flanks, stroking and squeezing a path down his body, kissing his chest down his stomach – oh, it was the sweetest torture he had ever experienced – until she ended at his groin, her hand resting lightly over his shaft, only her thumb was moving slowly, promising him so much more.

His head fell back on the pillow, his breathing already laboured as he pictured what would come next and oh boy, did she enjoy playing with him that way. A shiver ran down his body in anticipation and as he finally felt her soft lips on the sensitive tip his loud groan couldn’t be repressed. It had been way too long since they’ve last done this.

“And may I remind you how good I can be with my mouth?” He grinned breathlessly at her seductive tone and with a knowing smirk on her lips Victoria peppered his length with fine kisses, licking over the underside up to the very tip and finally sucked on it in pleasure.

“Jesus!”, his deep moan vibrated in his whole body, making her clench her thighs together herself, his pleasure triggering hers, making her delirious with want once more. She would never get enough of him; she was sure of that. To taste him, to feel the soft silky skin under her fingertips as she pumped him and hear him moan in this deep tone, oh she could lose it with this alone, but as wonderful as it felt to pleasure him this way, the ache inside her demanded something else and after three more long and thoroughly sucks, she released his hard cock with a sweet lick over the tip. William grunted in frustration, trying to lead her back but Victoria shook her head at him, crawling up so she was face to face with him again.

“I want to feel you inside me.” She whispered, tracing the fine hairs on his chest. “I cannot wait any longer.”

He nodded in understanding, feeling the same yearning inside and pulled her to him, his mouth landing on hers in a hot wet kiss, their tongues entwined, dancing their own erotic dance while they gently rolled on the bed.

William moved to hover above her and looked in her eyes, sharing a love-filled gaze that made the time stop for a second, giving them the chance to be in this moment alone. Without any doubts or fears. Just the two of them in their own quiet bubble that never plopped after all.

“Like before.” She whispered.

William grinned, “Like before.”, and moved his hips to push inside. Victoria gasped loudly, her eyes widening as she welcomed him after all this time and marvelled in the feel of him. He filled her so completely, so perfectly. It was heaven on earth, and she was so grateful to have found it in his arms once more. So very grateful.

Her breath hitched as he took her with hard deep strokes from the beginning, shaking her against the mattress. She closed her eyes in pleasure, her whole body trembling with satisfaction. She could feel every inch of him inside her, the pleasure stirring and stretching, and she couldn’t get enough of it as did he.

“You feel so very good.” William grunted next to her ear, kissing and sucking on her neck, “Oh … so very good.”

“Please, Will … more. Oh …” Her fingernails bored into his shoulders, trying to hold on as he lifted her legs high around his waist, plunging deeper into her than before. She moaned helplessly under him as he took her over and over again, his fingers boring into her bottom, heightening the sensation.

And suddenly she felt her climax rip through her body! She screamed out his name, clinging tightly to his strong form as the waves crashed through her system. William bit back a growl as she climaxed around him, her walls working him tightly, but he kept moving, pulling through her until he finally lost the fight and collapsed on top of her with a deep satisfied groan as his seed filled her.

A lazy smile played on Victoria’s lips while William’s face lingered in the curve of her neck, his breath puffing gently against the muggy skin there as he recovered from his height. Her hands rested on his clammy back, traveling in light circles until he lifted himself slowly off her, giving her space to breathe.

He laid down beside her and stared up to the ceiling, Victoria snuggling into his side, kissing and caressing his chest lovingly, his arm coming around her shoulder.

“Stay the night?”

“I shouldn’t.” He sighed and rubbed through his damp hair. “It’s too dangerous. If anyone would find me here in the morning …” He clicked with his tongue and shook his head. “The scandal would be outrageous.”

Victoria whined in protest, holding him closer to her, “We would find a way. Please stay. It’s been way too long since I last slept beside you. I miss your cute snoring.”

William chuckled softly, “Liar. You hate it when I snore.”

“But I would love to hear it now.” She answered giggling and propped herself up on her elbow, staring down into his sleepy green eyes, “See what sacrifices I’m willing to pay just to wake up next to you?”

A tender smile rested on his face as he stroked her face, his heart bursting with happiness, “I love you.”

“I love you, too, William Lamb. My precious Prime Minister and most beloved advisor and hopefully … most adored boyfriend?” She searched his eyes nervously before she added seriously. “I meant what I said earlier. I want more. I want my life with you back. No matter how or what it might cost me.”

He frowned a little, shaking his head as he closed his hands around her face, “I’m yours, Victoria, with all I am. Never doubt that but please don’t say things like that. You must not endanger your reputation. The press would eat us alive and I don’t want that for you or us.”

“But …”

“Please let me finish, my love.” He interrupted her gently, already seeing the great fear in her eyes that he would run from her once more. He wouldn’t. He couldn’t. But if they’d play this unsafely game, risking everything with it, then there had to be rules to be followed for he couldn’t allow to fall danger upon her. The risks were high enough as it was.

“We’ll be together in secret. Just as you wanted from the beginning. I was a fool to believe we could stay away and be happy, and I learned from my mistakes, believe me, but I won’t allow you to go out in public and declare your love for me. Not quite yet that is. It would be our downfall.”

She nodded with a sad but happy smile on her lips. He would not turn her away, that was all she wanted and all that mattered. All other details could be discussed later on.

“Is this okay for you?”

“More than okay.” Victoria agreed and pressed her lips to his, making him moan, its rumbling vibrating in his chest. “Tell me your rules of the game, Mr Lamb. I’m eager to learn and break them.” He met her eyes with narrowed eyes, sensing the giddy playful mood behind her serious façade and grinned brightly as she couldn’t hold back any longer and fell into happy little giggles on top of his body, kissing and loving him all over, not letting him leave her bed until the next morning.


	24. Key to a new world

It had not been easy to celebrate the holidays apart from each other but an evil both had to accept nonetheless while their relationship had to be kept secret for their own safety. Victoria had not been happy the morning William had left early before anyone in the household had opened their eyes. Actually, they had fought about it although she had known it had been childish of her to act so grumpy in the first place, irrational and dumb even, it didn’t change the fact, that it was still hard to let him go. That was all. And after all they had been through and finally their big reunion it had been harder than ever to let him leave. The only comfort she had been given had been the fact that he had felt the same way and had not wanted to go but stay with her forever.

The following days had been filled with happy faces and laughter, presents and food and drinks had walked past her as if she had been in trance. Her family had been a living nightmare, acting like the happiest of families with no grudges or problems. It all had felt like a lie just to show the people outside of the palace exactly the things they wanted to see: the royal family – risen from the tragic of the past year to embrace fairy-tale living once again.

Victoria scoffed as she sipped from her champagne-filled glass. Whom was she trying to prove? It was a lie. Simple as that. And without William at her side it felt more like a prison than ever before.

“Hey, Vic.” She closed her eyes in annoyance as she heard Albert’s calling. Why, oh why couldn’t the universe give her a break and time with William alone? It was as if she’d been taunted. “Why are you all alone on the balcony? Your guests are waiting inside for a toast, the new year is not far off.”

“I needed fresh air.” _And wanted to share it with her beloved and not you._

Albert came closer, nodding as if he understood what was going on inside her mind and stopped close at her side, “Something bothering you?” Victoria didn’t turn to him but kept looking out over the dark courtyard, “Can I guess?”

“You’ll do it anyway.”

“Probably.” He answered with a shrug and searched her unmoved face, clearly unhappy with her defensive and repellent tone. Was it so hard to give him a smile?

“Go ahead then. As you said, I have a toast to make.”

Albert clenched his jaw in annoyance, “Why the snippy tone? Can’t you spend one minute without your precious Mr. Lamb’s company?”

“Oh … this again?” Victoria finally turned to him and rolled her eyes at his jealousy, knowing full well that she played with fire in mocking Albert furthermore with his suspicions, but did she have another choice? She couldn’t tell the truth after all and declare that he had been right all along.

“Yes, this again. I watched you with him, Vic.” Albert took a step closer, staring urgently in her eyes. “All evening long I saw it. Your flirtish looks. Your sweet smiles every time he glanced towards you. Everyone saw it and I’m here to warn you of the consequences.”

Victoria sighed in frustration and laid a reassuring hand on his arm, “I’m merely friendly, Albert. He is a dear friend to me, nothing more. My heart belongs to someone else as I’ve told you recently and it’s not easily swayed.”

He flinched visibly at her words for he knew she wasn’t talking about him, but remained calm and studied her for a long moment, before saying, “Nevertheless, your looks tell another story and I hope I don’t need to tell you that men can easily misinterpret such behaviour.” He grasped her hand then, stroking idly over her knuckles. “I don’t want you to get hurt, Vic. You may love another but … my love for you is still strong and I want to protect you from any harm. And I fear our Prime Minister is not as innocent as you are when you’re trying to be friendly. His hungry eyes tell me that.”

She raised her eyes in surprise, chuckling lightly, “Hungry eyes? You’re funny, Albert, and very sweet, but I’m a grown woman. I can look after myself and I can assure you that Mr. Lamb is just that … a sweet lamb who wouldn’t dare overstepping.”

“Your majesty.” William’s unexpected voice let both Albert and Victoria jump a little, not expecting anyone. “Excuse me for interrupting but I fear your family is in need of your attention, ma’am” His eyes travelled from their clasped hands to her eyes, smiling tightly while his insides clenched. “The year is not far off and they’re eager to hear your toast.”

“Of course.” Victoria nodded quickly, releasing Albert’s hand. “Albert, will you tell them I’ll be with them shortly.” Immediately, he opened his mouth in protest, but she interrupted him softly yet unyielding. “I need to talk to Mr. Lamb alone. I was made aware of some urgent matter by you after all and I believe it’s best to solve the issue immediately, don’t you think?”

A disapproving look was sent William’s way, but no protest, just a mumbled “Indeed.” and Albert disappeared around the corner, leaving both alone.

“Sweet lamb, huh?” William muttered with an amused smirk on his lips as he walked past her and put his hands on the balustrade.

She touched his hand in apology as she stepped up next to him, twining their fingers together on the cold stone, protected by their bodies so no one unwelcome could see, “Sorry, but I needed to convince him you’re no threat. He keeps on suspecting the worst.”

“He is a jealous man.” She hummed quietly in agreement. “That makes him dangerous, Victoria. Especially if you keep on staring at me like this over dinner.”

“I didn’t …” He raised a challenging brow, halting her to say more. “Oh, okay … maybe I did, but no one else saw.”

William shot her a look, “Of course they did. Your uncle wanted to rip out my eyes, I believe. His glare was more than intense.” A long sigh escaped his mouth as he let his head hang. He seemed to be most tired all of a sudden. “We must be more careful, Victoria. This is a most delicate situation and I’ve got the feeling you don’t realize how high the prize to pay could be.”

“No! Of course, I do!” She hissed and gripped his hand harder. “I wouldn’t risk you for anything.”

“And still you’re flirting openly with me. Right in front of your family and friends.” He argued back, voice rising but still low enough so no one could overhear them. “Victoria, Albert may be an easily swayed opponent. He is in love with you, so he’ll believe anything you’re telling him. Your uncle however will not rest if he has any doubts. We cannot risk that. Do you understand?”

She furrowed her brows in concern as she spotted the strained undertone, “Are you angry with me?”

“No.” William breathed but couldn’t meet her eyes. “Yes … no. I just want you to understand how important it is to not let our guards down … because every time I leave you, I fear the worst, you know. What would happen if someone would find out? Would I still be allowed to meet with you, or would they shut me out? The scandalous Prime Minister seducing the young innocent Queen, taking advantage of her to please his desires. They would make me kind a monster. I can already imagine the headlines. The press would destroy me, and your reputation would be soiled forever.”

For a moment past before Victoria shrugged with her shoulders, searching his face.

“But you do realise that it will happen one day anyway, right?” Her tone was sharp, a little irritated and William’s befuddled look confused her even more. “Will, they’ll never look kindly upon our relationship. Our age difference will always keep them judging because it’s not only a few years … but 20.” His jaw clenched visibly as he chose to avoid her gaze once more. “Some won’t care but others … they will try to push us into a corner and consider our love wrong. It will happen today or in a few months’ time and you well know it.”

“I prefer that it doesn’t happen any time soon or never at all.” William muttered under his breath, his fingers tightening on the balustrade.

“I know why we hide right now, I totally do, you’re the prime minister and I’m the queen, yes, there is no relationship allowed and I accept that, but I thought one day we would go public.” Her voice got quieter then as she searched his troubled face more closely. “When you are no longer prime minister … I believed we would do it then or wasn’t this the plan? Did you want to stay secret forever?”

He bit his lip as he considered her question, not knowing how to answer. Of course, he didn’t want to hide forever but what about the scandal? It wouldn’t be a walk in the park as Emma put it some time ago.

“Because I don’t.” Victoria decided with determination, seeing his hesitation. “I’m ready for this scandal because I know what I want. Do you?” She didn’t give him time to answer but kept on with growing anger about his never-ending doubts. “I want you without any doubt. And I won’t allow anyone to judge our love for each other. No one! I don’t care what they might think of us. That you seduced or used me or whatever you said early. I give a fuck about them! Who cares what they think? I know what is true and I know that our love is real, strong, and it won’t break under those who try to soil my reputation. I won’t allow it, will you?”

Her breathing was harsh as she stopped talking, staring at him with a clear challenge in her eyes. She knew he was scared of any scandal because he had lived through one once and he wanted to spare her the pain, but god above, he needed to grow a pair and accept the unavoidable. The scandal would come, no matter what.

“No.” His answer was quiet but certain.

A relieved smile appeared on her face thereon and she took his hand once more, squeezing his long fingers, “Then let them come, love, I’m not scared.”

His eyes twinkled in fascination then and his mouth ticked up in wonder, “You’re extraordinary, do you know that? So headstrong. So wilful. A real fighter with no fear at all.” He chuckled without humour. “And that’s why I’m sorry.”

“Whatever for?”

He shrugged, shame consuming him, “That you need to be the strong one all the time.” And for god’s sake, it shouldn’t be her. He was the older one. He should be more experienced in such matters. Stronger and wiser. But here they were, Victoria the tigress and he the sweet lamb. Guess, her description was not so wrong after all.

“Oh, come now.” She interrupted his thoughts harshly, pulling at his hand so he had to look at her. She shook her head at him then, scolding, “I doubt myself often enough and who is it then who stands by my side and reminds me of my strength? _You_ make me strong, silly. You are the bravest man I’ve ever known … You only seem to forget it yourself sometimes. But to your luck I am also capable to remind you, and I will do it every time you forget.” A tight smile tucked at his lips, whereupon Victoria took one last serious turn. “The scandal will happen one day, Will, and we cannot do much about it … because I want to be with you! But I can promise you that I won’t provoke it.” A thankful glint appeared in his eyes. “Not until the time is right.”

“So, what will you do when my premiership is over?”

Victoria shrugged innocently but her wink spoke a totally different story, “I’ll be most cautious.”

“Why can’t I believe you?” William chuckled, daring to draw her closer, gazing into her beautiful bright eyes.

“Oh, I can’t tell. I’ve been most honest after all.” She grinned up to him, placing her hands on his chest, her love shining openly in her features. “But you could investigate furthermore, let us tell, in my apartment after the party is over?”

“Most daring.”

She tilted her head to one side, “Will you come?”

It didn’t take him a second to answer, “Of course. I still have to give you my Christmas gift after all.” With a giddy feeling in her stomach, Victoria squeezed his hand. The anticipation high.

“I can’t wait to open it. And now come on, they are waiting for me. I’ve been told the new year is not far off.”

“Indeed … your majesty.” He answered softly and followed her inside, feeling full of himself and so very happy, he could have burst from it. Oh yes, the new year would be a happy one! He was sure about that!

Victoria floated straight into the room with a wide happy smile, feeling the same euphoria inside, and called for everyone present as William strolled slowly inside, letting his gaze swipe over the guests until he met Albert’s burning glare out of an alcove not far of the balcony. His look stalled William’s happiness immediately, making his mind stutter for a moment as panic raised. How much had he witnessed? Had he heard them?

He swallowed visibly as Albert’s gaze turned more coldly, his lips thinning into a tight line. And again, William asked himself how much did this young boy truly knew? Was Victoria right in thinking he was no threat? Was he himself right about it? Jealousy was a dangerous thing and Albert radiated with it and something about his glare told William that he had indeed listened and knew far more than he would ever be comfortable with. Were they already in trouble after all?

A bad feeling settled in his bones as he stared back at Albert, not losing his calm look, he was too experienced in politics to fall for such a mistake, but on the inside he was cursing profoundly for he knew they needed to be more careful than he first thought.

_Fuck!_

xVMx

“There you are.” Victoria whispered as she opened the door to her boyfriend and ushered him inside with a quick look inside the corridor, “What took you so long? I thought you had gone home after all.”

William scoffed in amusement about her impatience, “Do you even know how complicated it is to come up here without being seen? I needed to hide twice this time and I can tell you an alcove isn’t as promising as you might think. They nearly spotted me.”

“I’m glad you are here now though.” She smiled sweetly, thankful for his input and pulled him to her for a soft kiss, her fingers curling into his soft hair at the neck, “Happy new year, darling.”

He hummed happily and deepened the kiss, “Happy new year, my love.”

“Is this your heart?” Victoria asked giggling after a few quiet moments filled with smooches as she stroked over his chest, caressing the spot over his fast beating heart.

“I told you it’s an adventure to come up here.”

“But worth it?”

“As if you had to ask that.” He rolled with his eyes and pressed his lips to hers in a feverish meeting of lips and searching tongues that made her moan out in pleasure.

She was breathless as she clung to him more tightly, “Do you want to …?”

He shook his head but remained kissing her, nudging her lips hard and demanding but his hands stayed resting on her hips. “We have the whole night, my dear, we don’t need to rush perfection.” Another deep toe-curling kiss. “And besides, our presents are awaiting us.” Immediately, Victoria pushed him away from her, her eyes glistening with childish joy.

“Oh yes! Come!” She took him by the hand and dragged him over to the sofa in front of the burning fire, shoving him down on it before disappearing in her bedroom to rummage for her present for him. A minute later she came rushing back and landed right next to him on the couch, drawing her legs under her body while she presented a small package to him with a beautiful bright smile.

“I told you to not buy me anything.” William chided her gently but took the box in his hand, inspecting it with a nervous gaze.

“You told me you had something planned for me, so I couldn’t end up with nothing on my hand.” She argued and curled her arms around his neck, resting her head against his, “Open it.”

Hesitantly, he broke the paper and was soon stunned in silence as he discovered it a watch. An expensive one. A real expensive one! “Victoria.” He started and shot her a look. “This is … way too much. This …” He took the watch out of its case and inspected it in wonder. It was an elegant gift, exactly his type but so _expensive_.

“Do you like it? I remembered you telling me that yours was broken and you were looking for a new one. Not too showy. Not too cheap. I hope I met your taste.”

“Yeah … yes, you did. It is beautiful, but …”

She nudged him into the side, “No buts. I wanted to gift you something and I’m happy you like it.” She kissed his cheek and whispered against his skin, “Turn it around.”

He did as she bade, and his mouth danced softly, touched by her present even more. “Victoria & William, 17th May 2018.”, he read out loud, emotions making his voice crack.

“It’s the day we met.”

He smiled brighter and brushed with his thumb over the engraving, “Yeah, you brought me back to life this day.” He turned to her then and stroked her cheek. “Thank you. It’s wonderful.”

“My pleasure. I love you, Will.”

“I love you, too. More than I can ever say.” They shared a kiss then, smiling into each other, before Victoria broke the connection once more and raised her eyebrows in impatience. William chuckled lightly at her big eyes, kissing her one more time, before grabbing into his jacket pocket to produce two small boxes.

“Uhm … it’s nothing fancy … and nothing as special as yours but …” He humbled insecurely as Victoria grabbed for one of the presents and opened it in eager curiosity, but as the paper was gone and she could see what William had got her, she fumbled with words, staring down at the device in confusion.

“A phone?” She finally asked and turned the smartphone around, searching for a hidden message, but there was none, so she looked up to William for help.

He looked very nervous all of a sudden as he muttered, “I thought it would be … I mean … I.” He coughed slightly and sat up straight. “I thought we could text and phone each other when … when …”

“When we’re lonely and in need of each other?” William coughed once more, hearing her sensual tone but also the fun behind it. Oh, the little devil!

“No, I mean, yes. It’s … for occasions like you mentioned.”

Her grin widened and teased furthermore, “And if I text you, you will come immediately? If I’m in such need, I can call you and you’ll do everything you can to satisfy my needs?” He looked clearly uncomfortable now for he had not meant to let it sound like some booty-call phone. _What a disaster!_ But only seconds later Victoria burst out into wild laughter, content with letting him squirm for a moment and said between giggles, “Oh, I’m just making fun, Will! I know for what this is and I’m most thankful!” She kissed him full on the mouth. “It isn’t always easy to lie in bed at night and not be able to talk to you. It will be a lot easier to live through the times we’re apart when I know we can talk on the phone in the evening whether you’re here in London or somewhere in the world. So, thank you!” She kissed him again, soothing him a little more so he sat relaxed once more, before the next package was attacked.

“Is there a story behind this one as well?”

William nodded with a half-smile and watched in interest as she opened the box as eagerly as the one before but once again, she looked confused as she held up a key.

“The key to your heart?” She asked, a teasing smirk already in place.

William huffed out a laugh in return but shook his head, “You have this one already. _This_ one belongs to an apartment here in London.” He touched the key in her fingers, curling his own around hers, caressing them softly.

“Okay?”

“It’s Emma’s actually. She rents it sometimes, but she was okay to give it to me.”

Still Victoria couldn’t connect his clues, “Oookay?”

“I want us to live as before. At least sometimes, you know, away from all this …” He made a wide gesture with his hand while he explained his idea. “… and be free.”

Victoria was speechless. Was this a dream? Had he actually said that? She blinked slowly, staring at the key and then into his twinkling green eyes. _Free_. He understood the meaning behind the word and especially the significance to her. He was her soulmate. There was absolutely no doubt anymore.

“We could … spend time there and …”

“And experience a totally normal life?” She ended for him as tears filled her eyes. God, how she loved him!

He nodded, brushing the hair out of her eyes with his fingertips, “Yeah. Like a normal couple. No prime minister. No queen. Just some normal people. I could be banker. A teacher. And you … you could be an artist and paint all day long. Or a writer. Oh, you could be everything you want.” He moved closer to her then, caressing her soft cheeks, “So, what do you think? It could be our little hideout … if things get rough here.”

“I love it!” She breathed; her voice thick with emotions. “I truly love it, Will.” She threw herself forwards then, her arms going around his neck as she pressed her face into his shirt, sobbing with happy tears. “I love you so much. Thank you!”

He held her close, caressing her back in soothing circles, and smiled into her hair, murmuring, “I love you, too, sweetheart. So much.”

“And you thought your present was worse than mine.” Victoria mumbled while shaking her head against him, pressing him more tightly against her to feel his firm and warm body. “You’re an idiot.”

“I know.” He answered grinning, pushing her away a little, so he could look into her eyes, still wet from her tears, “But I’m your idiot, Victoria, and you’ll never get rid of me.”

She stroked his rough cheeks, “Promise?”

“Promise. I wouldn’t have got us an apartment if I wasn’t sure I would stay together with you, would I?”

She giggled and pressed her lips to his, “Is this the first serious step into a relationship for more then?”

“Would you like it to be?” William asked seriously, searching her face for an answer, “Because I would be on board.”

She kissed him more deeply, enjoying their playful banter, “Oh yeah? Then my dear prime minister, I’m all yours.”

“That calls for a celebration.” He mumbled against her demanding lips and heaved her on his lap, before standing up, her light weight easily carried over into her bedroom. Laying her gently on the mattress, he stayed upright and looked down at her with a sensual grin, “Oh yes, can a year start any better than this?”

“Let’s find out.” Victoria demanded then and pulled on his tie, dragging him down to her to shut his teasing mouth with hers. Enough talking!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3


	25. Behind closed doors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter did not seem to be the most popular one. Hmm ... some thoughts why? Just curious...  
> Hope this one will be more to your liking. Enjoy :)

“And that was the last document for today.” William announced as he swept away the paper from Victoria’s desk and put it safely back into the box, he would take with him to parliament after the meeting.

“Already?”

He shrugged with his lips tilted upwards, “What can I say, our parliament is working like a fine-tuned machine. I’m surprised myself but oh so thankful for it. We should enjoy it as long as it lasts.”

“I’m glad, it’s working out for you.” Victoria smiled and touched his hand briefly, surprising herself with the sudden feel of lightning running through her veins. She looked up at him and saw that he felt the same way, but instead of moving closer to her, William let his gaze fall and stepped around the desk, bringing some distance between them.

He knew himself well enough to know that only one touch could let things escalate way too quickly. Victoria however had no guilty feelings about it and followed him slowly, always a sucker for the chance of stealing a secret moment with her boyfriend, not matter how risky.

“What are you doing?” William asked with a nervous smirk as he watched Victoria coming nearer, blocking his way past the desk and moving far too close than they should stand together. “Victoria.” His warning tone was merely noticed by her as she placed her hands on his chest, letting them wander up his shoulders to finally settle around his neck, teasing the soft curls there.

Victoria smiled sweetly up to him, “I’ve missed you.”

“I’m here for almost two hours.” He reminded her with an eyebrow raised in amusement.

“But not like _this_.” She stepped even closer and pressed her front to his while her hand palmed his neck and pulled him down for a short but intense kiss. With gentle hands on her elbows William pushed her away, an uncomfortable look in his eyes as he looked past her, eyeing the door in alarm.

“Victoria.” He murmured again. “The door isn’t locked.”

Instead of sharing his worries and taking a step back, Victoria’s eyes lighted up in mischief, “More thrilling then.”, and kissed him once more, nibbling on his bottom lip until she heard him sigh in resignation, falling for her skilful demands. His hands closed more firmly around her arms then, hers running through his locks, mussing them up, while their mouths met in a heavy dance of lips and tongues.

“It’s pure torture to not be able to engage in this whenever we want.” Victoria gasped into his ear, as his mouth wandered down her neck, licking and biting the sensitive skin. He grunted in agreement, remembering his yearning through the nights only too well and turned her a little so he could press her against the desk, feeling her body flush against his. “Up.” She whispered thereon, slinging one leg around his and without thinking, he lifted her up onto the top of her desk. The heady sensation too tempting not to. But as soon as he stepped between her open legs, her hands around his face to keep him close for more bruising kisses, he felt her rub against his building erection in a way that excited him dangerously so and knew they would go too far if he wouldn’t stop them.

With a strained groan he withdrew, “We can’t.”

“No one will know.” Victoria answered back, feeling hot all over from his touches and pulled him back. If they would stop now, she would go insane for sure. “Come here.” She tucked on his tie and he fell into her without much resistance, needing her attention as much as she did his. “I just need your touch on me a little while longer. Please?”

“We’ll get caught.” William tried again while his lips glided over hers, sensing he needed to be the rational one.

“I don’t care.” She dared and sighed loudly as his hands stroked over her backside, squeezing gently.

He grunted in despair, “Don’t say that … it’s dangerous, but oh god, you’re driving me insane here.”

“Oh, do I?” She grinned against his cheek, grinding her front teasingly against him, before letting her hands find his erection, stroking it innocently. Another grunt escaped him, but his hand shot out to hers anyway, holding her still.

He shook his head harshly and whispered, “No. We can’t have sex in here.”

“And waste this?” She pointed down to the prominent bulge in his pants, getting even more daring. “It would be a shame.”

“Victoria, I love this side of you, really I do but we can’t do this here. If anyone would walk in on us …”

As if on cue a sudden noise from outside the door interrupted them and both their eyes flew wide open in panic. “Shit!” With quick movements William stumbled backwards, nearly losing his balance, and out of her embrace as she jumped down from the desk, arranging her dress to its normal state. He fled back behind the desk then, reaching for the box with the dispatches and placed it right in front of him to conceal his current state just in time before the door opened.

“Oh, excuse me. I didn’t know you were still in your meeting with the Prime Minister.” It was her uncle, not sorry at all, who swayed into her office as if he owned the place, throwing William a distasteful look, before meeting Victoria’s. “It always ends half an hour ago or am I mistaking?”

Victoria’s heart was still racing, her body tingling from the excitement of it all, as she put on a forced smile for her uncle, “There was a lot to go through, uncle, and apparently we’ve lost track of time.” Her eyes darted sideways to meet William’s calm face, relieved that he owned the perfect poker face (although not with her).

Leopold watched the pair in interest, raising his eyebrow as he spotted Victoria’s small satisfied smile after her eyes left William’s to return to his own but held his nasty comment back, instead he asked, “So is your meeting finished then, dear niece? I want to talk to you about an important family issue.”

“Uhm.” Once again, she glanced over into William’s direction for help, whereupon he stepped easily forward, having calmed down.

“As we’re finished for today, ma’am, I will leave you now.” He smoothed his tie down and walked up to his girlfriend, sending her a quick warning glance so she didn’t cut in. It was not ideal to separate now but better than to cause a scene. “I wish you a good day, ma’am.” He bowed respectfully, although she had asked him not to often enough, and moved past her uncle. “Sir.” Leopold nodded back with a stern face and watched the prime minister leave, before he turned back to his niece, standing innocently small in the middle of the room.

“What?” She asked in defence after a few seconds of him staring at her.

His shoulders shrugged in a nonchalant gesture, “Nothing.”, and came up to her, awaiting her permission to sit down. A short nod was all it took and she followed him suit, her posture stiff and uncomfortable, already feeling something bad coming up.

“I hope you present yourself better than this in front of the Prime Minister, my dear. You know how important a good posture for the royal family is.” Leopold told her arrogantly, waving his finger in front of her, so she would correct her sitting. “This is far better.” He smiled a little, pretending interest. “Was it a very important topic to discuss today?”

“The coronation.” Victoria answered without hesitation.

Her uncle’s smile brightened, “Oh yes, the ceremony. A big day for you, isn’t it? Mr Lamb will be there as well, I assume.”

“I think so …” Victoria mumbled, trying to sound dismissive, “To be honest, I’m happy when it’s over.”

He nodded in understanding, “You’re not used to big crowds and the media, I understand your discomfort, but it is part of the job, isn’t it? I’m sure your Prime Minister has some advice for you, he after all must be used to crowds, standing up in parliament often enough. And he spends enough time with you I hope he uses to share some of his secrets.”

“I like to stay away from it all as often as I can.” Victoria answered, ignoring the part with William wisely and then narrowed her eyes at him. “Uncle, why are you here exactly? You said something about an important family issue. Did something happen?”

“Oh no.” Leopold assured her quickly, leaning back in the settee. “Nothing of such kind. I’m here to talk about more … positive things.” She raised a brow in question. “You see, I think it is time for you to go out in public more often. Show your face and so on. To improve the royal imagine. To let the people be a part of our world, you understand. And after you told me of your discomfort, I believe it would be best if it would be with a man at your side; to ease your mind a little. You see, Albert would …”

“No.” Victoria shook her head vehemently. “I’ve been through this with Albert himself, uncle. We’re no longer a couple and it will stay this way. I don’t love him, therefore, it’s over.”

Once again, her uncle nodded but his gaze had turned steely, “Albert told me about your little _fight_ … that you don’t want to give him another chance, although you two had been so close a pair since childhood. Why is that, my dear?”

“Like I said, I don’t love him.”

“But do you love another?” He challenged her, watching her attentively. “I believe you told Albert that. May I ask who it is?”

Panic rose inside Victoria as she tried to recall the conversation with Albert. How much had she told him back then? Obviously not William’s name but what else her uncle could pinpoint her on? Could he solve the puzzle with the information that was given to him by Albert?

“I don’t know why this should be of any importance.” She muttered then, her fingers tightening on her knees.

“Oh, because I must know. If it isn’t Albert you want at your side, maybe this young fellow who captured your heart could be the one; to give you strength and confidence for you’ll need it in the future, my dear. And of course, I want to know him. I have to be sure he is a good one, you understand.”

“It is of no importance.” Victoria repeated herself then, her voice stern. “For he doesn’t share my feelings, okay?”

“Oh, my dear.” It almost sounded sympathetic. “He is a fool then.” Her uncle responded kindly, but the steely gaze didn’t leave his eyes. It was obvious, he didn’t believe her but for some reason didn’t pinpoint her on it. Yet. “My advice? Forget him and open your eyes for other opportunities. As I mentioned, it would be of great interest for you. Not only for the public which will certainly be happy about a handsome face next to yours – a royal marriage is always a great event after all – but it would give you more ground with other … partners as well.”

She looked up to him in confusion, “I cannot follow you, uncle.”

“Oh, I do apologize.” Her uncle chuckled. It sounded dull and somehow provocative. “Let me be more plainly on this then.” He moved forward on his seat thereon and fixed her with a glare that made Victoria’s heart nearly stop.

“Your little liaison with your prime minister is not the wisest of decisions. It doesn’t lead to anything, what is quite obvious if you ask me. He is not a man of our rank after all. It has to stop, it’s as simple as that. Right now. I don’t care if you love him or whatever it is between you, it is of no importance anyway. He is the Prime Minister. A politician. And a man old enough to be your father. Therefore, no possible suitor for the Queen.” He shook his head in disappointment at her as he spoke the words. “I know you’re still a child, but I would have expected more from you than falling for your minister who isn’t even interested in your success, but more likely to get you in bed.”

Victoria’s eyes hardened, fighting herself on the inside to not start screaming at her uncle’s accusations.

“Did he tell you what other ministers, presidents around the world think of you?” He raised his bushy eyebrows in a challenge. “No? I’ll tell you: they think you a child. A little girl who doesn’t know what to do on the throne but listen to every whim your fine minister is telling you. You’re a laughingstock to them and you don’t even realize that because you’re so focused on your beloved Mr Lamb and his sweet words whispered into your ear that you can’t see beyond that.” Leopold stood then, arranging his suit back into place and looked down at her with the distasteful gaze still in place, “Don’t you think it is time to prove yourself? Show the people that you’re no child, no puppet to play with but a woman rightfully placed on the throne of Great Britain?”

Victoria just stared up to him, eyes emotionless but didn’t give him the pleasure of an answer.

“I hope you see sense, my dear. It would be a shame if your little affair would cause you a scandal, wouldn’t it?” With that, he left her with his head held high. Content with the damage he was sure of he had made, even if Victoria had fought bravely to not show any reaction.

His niece remained on the couch, staring blindly ahead while inside she was raging with fury. How dare he? How dare he talk to her like this? Even threatening her! Talking about William as if he was worthless. She clenched her jaw in anger, how dare he!, and reached for her phone, her fingers shaking with emotion. Without overthinking it, she typed a message, hoping William would just follow and not question her for she had no nerve to argue. She needed space to breathe and he was her oxygen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, welcome to the next phase. It's getting interesting :D


	26. Respect

“William!” Victoria hissed from behind a tree as she spotted her boyfriend with a scarf half hiding his face and a dark hat that sat low on his head, looking around himself in search of her. “William!” She said a little louder then and finally got his attention. With a few long strikes he hurried over to her, his posture stiff and alert as he kept an eye on their surroundings, trying to judge if they were quite safe to meet in the middle of St. James Park no matter the darkness.

“What the hell, Victoria? What are you doing?” William whispered as he was one foot away from her, grabbing her none too gently by the arm and jerked her further into the shadow of a tree, so no lamp light could reach them.

“Ow!” She protested but William didn’t let go of her while he scanned the area once more, feeling fear creeping up his neck. He wasn’t comfortable with this situation. Not at all. “William! You’re hurting me.” At that he let go of her, concentrating on her for the first time and muttered a quick apology.

“Thank you.” Victoria said in annoyance then, turning her arm this and that way to loosen the pain. “What’s gotten into you?”

“What’s gotten into _you_?” He bellowed back and fixed her with a look mixed with anger and concern. “How did you get out of the palace?”

She shrugged as if it wasn’t of great importance, “Through a secret passage. I knew they would turn the cameras off today for a reboot. I used the chance and took it. No one knows I’m gone.”

“Okay.” William said, feeling kind of relieved that no one was alarmed yet, but not settled. Not even close to it. They were still in the open and anyone could spot them at any time. And apart from that he still didn’t know why they were even here. “Still it’s too dangerous for you walking through the city on your own. Something could’ve happened.”

She rolled her eyes, “Yeah, but it didn’t. I’m still alive. I’m a grown woman, you know.”

He crunched up his brows in confusion, not knowing why she reacted so harshly to him, “Of course, I know that.” She nodded briskly then, satisfied with his answer but at the same time not satisfied with the situation it seemed. “Victoria.” He tried again, much calmer now, but she merely put her arms around herself and stared to the ground. “Hey, look at me. What happened?” She shrugged with her shoulders and he sighed quietly, reaching out to her with a hand, “Please tell me what happened. Why did you run off?”

“Could we go?” Victoria asked suddenly, dodging his request, “Could we go to the apartment? I’m getting cold.”

For a long moment William remained silent, watching her with great concern. What the hell had happened that she risked running from the palace? What made her so careless to order him here?

“Tell me what happened.” He pleaded once again.

She shook her head, “When we’re inside.”

“It’s not that simple, Victoria. We can’t just go.”

Her head snapped up in irritation and for the first time William could see the mess of emotions in her eyes. Hurt. Anger. Despair. Fear. And even more anger. “What are you saying? Didn’t you get the apartment for such situations as this?”

“No … well yes … I …” He stopped himself and pinched his nose, knowing that it was not the right time nor place to talk with her about this, but here they were. “I didn’t think this through, okay? The idea with the flat came to me as I was sitting lonely in my chair in Downing Street. I wanted you there with me, you see, I was desperate, and remembered all the good times we had back in Oxford – _our little bubble_ – and I wanted it back. And so, I followed this delusional idea to have this with you again and convinced Emma to give me the keys, but Victoria … it’s helpless, you see.” He met her wet eyes in the dark. “How should this work? You have to disappear from the palace unseen and although you’re standing right in front of me now it’s simply impossible under normal circumstances.”

“I see.” Victoria mumbled, letting her gaze fall but not without showing him the deep hurt first. It felt like a betrayal to her, his promises of a place sheltered from all the bullshit that was her life now broken – it hurt. Devastatingly so.

“I’m sorry. I’ll bring you back to the palace and …”

She shook her head at him, shying from his touch, her emotions high, “No. I don’t want to go back. I’m here now, so we should take the chance we’re given.”

Again, William let out a helpless sigh, “You don’t understand. How will you come back this evening or dare we say tomorrow morning? What will be your excuse? What will you tell them where you were?”

“I don’t care!” She cried back, exploding, “I’m a grown woman who can do whatever she wants when she wants it!”

“Again, this phrase – a grown woman. Does someone doubt you?” He responded, conquering her outbreak.

“Oh, could we stay with the subject please?”

William laughed without humour, “I believe I am!”

“God, William! Stop it!” Victoria hissed. “I fled because I couldn’t stand my family any longer, okay? I wanted a break and you promised me such a place where I could relax when things get too rough – your words. This is such a moment! So please, take me there!”

He didn’t back down, “They will ask questions.”

“And I won’t answer them. It’s my life and I’ll do whatever I want.”

“And in that you’re wrong.” William mumbled under his breath, scratching his brow, “I thought we had agreed upon waiting for any scandal to break. You’re doing the opposite right now. You’re inciting the fire, instead of containing it.”

The anger flared up in her with his words, “Is this all you can think of? A scandal? Do you not want me there after all? Is that it?”

“Don’t be ridiculous. Of course, I want you there.” He defended himself in irritation. “But as I said earlier, I didn’t think this through. I would put you in danger taking you there and I won’t risk that.” He shook his head and turned from her. “For god’s sake … I shouldn’t have said anything in the first place.”

“No … probably not but hey, you’re all deciding for me anyway, so what the hell …” He spun back to her, hearing her sarcastic but also hurt words, and met her misty eyes, feeling even more guilty. “I just wanted to have a chance to forget this drama for just a moment. Is this too much to ask for?”

Silence. Then, “No … I guess not, but you’re the Queen so it is far more complicated for you than for anyone else.” He took a deep breath, staring up into the dark sky, while he argued with himself on the inside, “I’m sorry … I shouldn’t have reacted this way.” His head came down again, searching for her gaze, “I’ll take you to the apartment … but could you promise me something.” She nodded slightly. “Don’t do this ever again! I can see you’re upset and that something terrible must have happened and I can understand that you needed space but Victoria, this is _not_ safe.” He gestured around themselves. “Especially not for us together. So please, take what you’re given. Call me whenever you need me, and I will do my best to calm you. You know, I’ll do. But don’t do _this_ again, I beg you.”

They stared into each other, both unyielding but then a soft “Okay.”

William nodded, satisfied for the time being, “Now let’s go before anyone recognizes us.” His words weren’t harsh but not soft either. He was clearly not happy with the situation and wouldn’t let Victoria off the hook easily this time. She had acted like a child just now and needed to carry the consequences.

He adjusted her scarf then, winding it as high as possible so only her eyes peaked out and took her hand, leading them through the dark streets of London in hope that no one had witnessed their confrontation …

xVMx

In the apartment Victoria’s eyes light up immediately, positively surprised how homey the place looked and stormed forward to inspect everything, forgetting the situation at hand altogether. William followed her with hardly any enthusiasm, not feeling the same memories of a happier time coming up by stepping into this flat as she did. He closed the door behind them with a dull thud then, shutting the world out and concentrated on the one in front of him.

With a soft smile on her lips Victoria let her fingers trace the modern counter of the kitchen, inspecting everything with great interest, before she disappeared on fast feet first in the cosy bedroom and then in the bathroom, chattering without pause.

“Will you tell me what happened now?”, William asked as he waited in the centre of the living room, following Victoria’s movements with his eyes, and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

“Look! They even have a tub. God, it’s been an eternity since I soaked …”

“Victoria!” His voice was loud enough to startle her. “Please! This is no joking matter. And I think I’ve been patient enough, don’t you? So please, sit down and tell me what happened.” He pointed to the sofa with a stern expression.

She followed his request and shuffled over to him, but before she sat down, she pointed to the kitchen, “Could we have a drink first?” William remained silent, his look not approving. “Okay … then no drinks.” Victoria muttered then and flopped down on the cushions, staring at her hands that she kneaded nervously. Her boyfriend remained standing, watching her waiting, then, “It was my uncle.”

William hummed, already sensing where this one was going. First, it had been Conroy who had stood on her tiptoes. Then she had pushed him away quite successfully, not giving him one chance to step back into the closer circle, but her uncle? Somehow, she could not do the same to him. He was an opponent she could not master.

“What did he say?”

“He was most mean to me.” She said quietly, playing with the arms of her cardigan and heard him take a deep breath.

“Tell me what he said, Victoria.”

For the first time, she looked up to him, showing him her anger and also her uncertainty openly, “He called me a child … and told me that no one respects me … that everyone is laughing behind my back and that I’m a joke to the family … even to you.”

He closed his eyes then, pinching his nose in annoyance of this man. Could this family not let her in peace for just one day? What good did it bring them to always harass her? He couldn’t see the point in it.

“What else?” He asked thereon, already knowing that it was not enough to send Victoria over the edge and as he waited for her to answer, the seconds ticking by, his suspicion was confirmed. “Tell me …”

“He knows about us.” Victoria finally whispered, her voice cracking lightly, “I don’t know how or how much but … I think Albert talked to him.”

“Would it surprise you if he did?” William shot back without much sympathy, not able to hold back his emotions, “You weren’t precisely reluctant with him, were you?”

That got her angry. Affronted she said, “I never told him anything!”

“No, but you provoked him nevertheless.” He answered unexpressed, staring her down. His words made her stop then and she shut her mouth in defeat. He was right, she had not been reluctant, but had played with Albert in a way that was not okay and above all dangerous. Once again, she had not been smart enough to just stay quiet or say the right words. Naïve. Childish. It made her sad to think that her uncle could be right after all.

“I just wanted to be alone … be away from him and my family. I couldn’t take it anymore and …” She wanted to explain to William why she was here; explain to him that she was no small child, running away for nothing, but as she met his gaze, she knew this time it wouldn’t be enough. No matter what she said. “Are you angry with me?”

“Do I look happy to you?” He countered unnecessarily.

“I didn’t want to make it worse.” She promised but again, he wouldn’t have it.

“Didn’t you?” A deep frown appeared on his forehead, his arms crossed, his posture clearly defensive. “Because you’ve never tried to make it better for sure.”

Shocked, she stared up to him, “Wha …?”

“I asked you to be careful, Victoria!” He said loudly, getting heated, “I begged you to not challenge anyone. A million times! And what do you do? You run off and wait for me in the middle of a public park! Not hiding your face or anything. No. Why too?” He shook his head, disappointed of her. “What were you even thinking?”

“I needed to be away!” Victoria cried out, trying to defend herself.

“And so you’re risking everything else … especially us.”

“No, I …”

William interrupted her enraged, walking up to her briskly so he stood hovering above her, “Tell me honestly, Victoria. Do you want the scandal to break? Do you want me to quit my job and just throw away everything I’ve been working for these past years? Do you want to claim me publicly so desperately? Is this what you want? Then please tell me, Victoria, because I cannot see sense in your actions otherwise.”

For a moment she gulped like a fish on dry ground, no idea how to respond. Was he really thinking that she tried to manipulate him into an open relationship with her? Was he really thinking so badly off her? Victoria stopped herself then and swallowed heavily as she had to acknowledge that his suspicion was not wrong all over. Yes, she had had the wish that they could be together sooner than planned, it wasn’t easy without him after all, and yes, she provoked situation like the one today in the office, but she didn’t want him to lose his job! She didn’t want him to be unhappy. She just wanted to …

“That is not fair!” She said then out of nowhere and fixed him with a glare.

“What? What is not fair?”

“You where there with me the whole time, Will. I wasn’t the only one who engaged in dangerous affairs. You were there too and didn’t hold back if I recall correctly.”

He clenched his jaw in annoyance, giving her this point, “Yeah, you’re right. So … I’m the biggest fool of us, is that it? Should I have pushed you away after all like I wanted to in the first place.”

Oh, that got her even more furious. How dare he trying to push it all on her. “We were in agreement that we could no longer go on like this!”

“Yeah …” He scoffed, shaking his head about their own stupidity. “And we were in agreement to play low for the time being, but I believe you didn’t get the same memo as I did. God, Victoria! It could cost us everything already.”

“No.”

He held his hand up and shushed her with it, meeting her eyes with an annoyed glint in his, the situation clearly overwhelming him on a level he couldn’t handle, “Your uncle will not rest, Victoria. So you should buckle up, my dear, and don’t act like a child anymore but be a grown woman like you’re always saying you are because I can promise you one thing: this scandal you so desperately seem to want is just waiting around the corner and the blow of it will hit us hard.”

He was mean now. Very mean. And Victoria shrunk back from with him with a deep hurt in her eyes, whispering, “This is not fair, William.”

He nodded with a helpless shrug, “No, maybe it isn’t but that’s how life goes, isn’t it? Sometimes you get lucky, sometimes everything goes to hell … well, we had our little fun, didn’t we? We should call us lucky …” He talked nonsense now.

“I’m going to talk to him.”

“No, you are not.” He declared strongly.

She looked up to him in confusion, “Why not?”

“Because it’s already too late, I fear.” He explained, his voice sounding exhausted. “He will leak it to the press no matter how much you beg. He will only stay quiet if I go and leave you with Albert.”

Victoria shook her head violently, “No! This will never happen. I’m not going to give you up.”

“Well, then you have your answer.” William responded and sat down in the armchair opposite her, running his fingers through his tousled hair. She remained silent on the other side, processing his words with great concern.

“I fucked up, didn’t I?” She asked in a whisper thereon, feeling tears filling her eyes.

A deep sigh escaped his lungs as he answered, “We both did.” He stood up then and walked past her. “I’ll take a shower. Did you eat? You should order some food … and then we’ll decide how to move on from here …”

She nodded silently but as he was right beside her, her hand shot out to his, holding his fingers gently while she gazed up to him with wet eyes, “Tell me … is everything going to be alright between us?” For a long moment William stared down into her eyes, trying to find the usual comfort in her honest face, but somehow he couldn’t and let his gaze as well as her hand fall away, shrugging with a quiet “We’ll see.” and walked on to the bathroom, leaving her with no reassuring answer but deeply unsettling feelings.


	27. Love is madness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn’t take me so long after all. Yay :D   
> My birthday present to me and you haha. Have fun and thanks for your support thus far!

As William returned from his shower in his undershirt and pants, his hair still damp, the food was already awaiting him. Victoria tried for a smile as he shuffled over to her, rubbing his curls dry as he flopped down beside her, “There you are. I was worried you’ve drowned in there.”

“Sorry … I needed time to think.”

“Yeah, of course.” She nodded with a strained expression, then pointed to the food, “I ordered pizza, I hope that’s okay. It’s even your favourite.” She tried for another wider smile and offered him a slice that he took with a small tilt of his mouth.

“Thanks.” But instead of eating the portion, he just sat there with a sombre expression and stared ahead.

Victoria watched him in concern, waiting herself to take the first bite, and nudged him playfully to gain some happy reaction, “Come on, eat something. It will do us good.”

Slowly, William turned his head into her direction, his face troubled, and fixed her with an intense stare, before whispering, “I’m sorry.” Immediately, her hunger was lost, her stomach twisting as she met his eyes. “I shouldn’t have been so harsh to you. It wasn’t fair of me … and I do apologize for my outburst.”

“It’s okay, I understand.”

“No.” He responded sadly. “No, I think you do not. You simply can’t because … I’ve never told you all there is to my issue with all of _this_.” He gestured around themselves and then back and forth between them, before letting out a heavy sigh, letting his gaze drop. “You asked me if I would only see the scandal and I fear I must confess it is a big part of my daily life, yes. Mostly I cannot think of anything else, to be honest, because there is so much linked to it.” His eyes returned to hers and his hand slowly reached over, touching her fingers featherlight with his fingertips. “There is _you_ of course and my great concern you’ll get hurt in a way you don’t expect. By your family. By the press. And I know how cruel the press can be, so I don’t want you to ever live through the same pain.”

She gripped his hand then, pulling it into her lap, squeezing, “William, I know …”

“No, please.” His voice was soft but with a tremor in it that scared her. “Please let me finish. That’s the one part I’ve always told you about but there is something else that concerns more myself … my life when our relationship does get out and everything starts to change. And this part … it scares me deeply.

“Don’t get me wrong, I know what is expected of me and what responsibilities come with being your partner and I’m looking forward to experience it all with you, truly I am, but it doesn’t stop me from being afraid, you know.”

Victoria’s heart jumped at his description and she wanted to assure him that he would be perfect, but he didn’t stop there and the happy feeling inside gave away to a dreadful one.

“What would happen if our love falls apart? Will we survive all the tests, I wonder. What would happen to me if not? You’d still be Queen. A magnificent, strong and independent woman who would reign with her head held high no matter who’d stand beside you.” His eyes glistened confidently. “But me on the other hand … I fear, there won’t be much left for me. The scandal would break down my career. I wouldn’t be able to return to politics. It would all be gone. And although I have faith in us, truly I do – I love you so completely that I wouldn’t hesitate a second to call you my wife – I still fall into this hole from time to time yet again and today was such a day.

“I panicked as I read your text and my anxiety ran through with me. I forgot everything else, but my stupid fear and I let it out on you although you just sought comfort.” He shook his head about his own reaction, punishing himself for reacting like a jerk. “I was an idiot, Victoria, and I’m sorry …”  

His words had shocked Victoria into silence. She had never thought about his part in all of this. Never thought about the possible sacrifices he needed to make to be at her side and to hear it from him now made it all even more awful. What kind of girlfriend was she if she had not been thinking about him at all but only herself? Planning and playing with their future as if it was just a game concerning only her.

“Don’t be.” She choked out then, a lump forming in her throat. “I … never thought about it this way, so I’m the one who should be sorry. God, I only saw myself and didn’t take you in account. How selfish am I?” Victoria blinked multiple times, disgusted by herself.

“Hey … no. Victoria. I didn’t say this to make you feel bad. I just wanted to explain why I try to keep it a secret.”

“But I should feel that way! I acted like a child because I missed you … because I couldn’t be happy with the hours we were given.” She cried back, feeling deeply ashamed. “My uncle wasn’t wrong after all. I’m really just a childish naïve girl who can’t accept the rules but needs to break them every damn time for her own selfish whims.”

Again, William protested and moved closer to her, lifting her chin with his finger so she would look at him, “Hush. Don’t stress yourself. There is no reason to it. I’ve never told you about my feelings, it’s my fault.”

“No, it isn’t. I should have known … used my brain.” She scoffed lightly and couldn’t meet his eyes.

“Victoria, hey.” His palms flattened against her cheek, capturing her face so she had to look at him once again. His expression was soft as he stroked over the apples of her cheek.

“Remember the idea with this flat? Or all the times I kissed you like a madman in plain sight?” He raised his eyebrows in a comically way and a slow smile spread over his face, giving him a naughty vibe. “It wasn’t very smart, I can tell you, but I did engage in it anyway. And you know why? Because _I’m in love with you_ and I want to be near you. You’re no child because you love, my dear. It’s what love is all about. It’s crazy … it’s thrilling … it’s pure madness! But that’s what makes it perfect, don’t you think?”

Victoria choked on a laugh, relieved he could talk like this again, tears brimming in her eyes, “Yeah … it is. Still, I shouldn’t have been so careless.”

“No.” He agreed but pulled her into an embrace, his big hand cradling her head. “We were reckless, and I fear I’ve got to pay for it sooner rather than later, but it’s okay … somehow, I … _we_ will get through this and …”

“I’m so sorry. You love your job so much.”

“It’s true I’ve hoped for more time to … I don’t know, I think I just wanted to live my life as it is a little while longer before everything changes … but I will adapt to it, don’t worry. I will have you in the end and as you said, that’s all that matters, doesn’t it?”

She fixed him with a questioning look, hoping that he truly felt that way. She had lost her life in a heartbeat and had not been given time to adjust. She knew how hard this change-over had been and still was. To give up all your dreams for something you would have liked to avoid wasn’t an easy task to do and above all to accept. She didn’t want him to experience the same but at the same time she acknowledged he had to someday anyway if he wanted to hold on to her that is.

“Does it?” Victoria asked then, her arms coming around his shoulders, her fingers playing gently in his soft locks behind his ear.

It didn’t take him a second to respond, “It does. I wouldn’t have come back to you if I weren’t ready to take that step with you someday. I wouldn’t have done that to you.”

A happy but teary smile crossed her face, “I’m sorry it has to change at all. I’ve wished for a different future for us.”

“Life is not always fair, remember? But we’ll make the best out of it. And let’s be honest here, we could have ended up much worse.” His teasing grin lighted up his green eyes, eliciting a warm chuckle from her. “Queen and Consort. It’s not so bad if you think about it.”

“Better than living on the streets.” Victoria admitted playfully and leant forwards, falling into his strong chest with a grin of her own, cuddling into his familiar warmth. He welcomed her readily and slung his arms around her, settling with her in a comfortable position on the couch and kissed her gently on top of her head.

“Do you think you’ll be happy as my Consort?” It felt strange to call him thus but then it also felt normal. They had never talked about marriage in particular, dare ask for the hand of the other, but somehow it had become a logical conclusion no one questioned anymore. As William said, they wouldn’t have tried again if they weren’t working towards such a bond. She had no other option as Queen after all for a long-term relationship without a ring on her finger would be frowned deeply upon. Therefore, the marriage license was already signed in their heads.

“You can never be sure, but I believe I will, yes.” He pressed his nose into her hair, inhaling her sweet calming scent. “I would be your husband. A most wonderful aspect indeed.” She felt him nuzzling her closer. “What about you, my love?”

“To be your wife would make me very happy.” She said shyly then and buried her face in his neck, a secret smile on her face. They had never been this close to say it aloud and it felt rather exciting now to do so. William too felt a shiver ran through him as the truth of the situation was said aloud. He would be her husband someday and to hear those words spoken by her made it even more real, although …

Gently, William pulled back from her so she would meet his eyes, shining nervously now, “It may not be the most romantic or the most suitable moment to ask right now but I think we’re both on the same page here and so I think I should simply dare ask you.” He paused a second, then, “Alexandrina Victoria, would you do me the honour …?”

“No!” Victoria exploded all of a sudden as she understood what he was going to say, laying a hand over his mouth to halt him before pulling his hands in hers with an embarrassed chuckle. William sat still, startled. “No. Sorry. I …” She took a deep breath and met his quizzed expression, one eyebrow raised and a lopsided grin on his lips. He had no idea what was going on. She huffed out another nervous laugh at his expression before moving closer to him, stroking his hands lovingly, “Sorry, I’ve interrupted you, but I believe it’s my duty to ask … as Queen, you understand.”

His grin turned even wider, catching his eyes now.

“So …” She shivered visibly as she prepared herself. “William …” She hesitated a second, “Wait, do you have a second name?”

Now, it was his turn to laugh aloud, “No.”

“Okay.” She chuckled and positioned herself anew, ready to do it right this time, and fixed his sparkling eyes, “I love you, William, more than I ever knew to be capable of. And since the moment I met you I felt so full of life. Every moment with you was unforgettable, full of joy and love. I had never experienced something alike ever before and I’m so very grateful to have stumbled into this bar all this time ago and meet you. It changed my whole life. And I never want to miss you in it ever again.

“I know it was not always easy with me. I made terrible mistakes in the past, even today, but I promise you I will work on myself to not screw this up. I will do whatever it takes to make you happy, I swear.”

“I have no doubt about that.” He whispered and squeezed her fingers in reassurance.

She returned his smile and finally asked with a tremble in her voice, “William Lamb, would you do me the honour of becoming my husband? And thus, probably also the Consort of the Queen of the United Kingdom? It’s a sealed packaged I’m afraid.”

He grinned brightly and answered after a small lingering pause, “It would be my pleasure, your majesty.” William pressed a featherlight kiss against the back of her hand, bowing slightly over it, before returning to her bright blue eyes. “And an incredible honour. Yes, Victoria, I’ll marry you.”

Victoria let out a happy squeal and pushed herself forwards into his arms again, circling his shoulders, and kissed him full on the lips. Enjoying the feel of his familiar and so calming form after such a long and emotional exhausting day. His touch. His scent. His taste. He felt like home and she was thankful to still have him in her life, although he had every reason to step back to save his life from the drastic changes awaiting him.

“I love you.” She whispered against his mouth, teary eyed. “And I promise we’ll make it work. You’ll be the best prime minister of all time. Everyone will remember you as the good and competent politician you are, before you become the most beloved husband of a Queen afterwards. I promise you, my darling. Everything will turn out just as we hope for.”

“I believe you.” William whispered back and held her in a strong embrace to him, burrowing his face in her neck to breath her in, before turning her onto her back, coming to rest on top of her with more deep smouldering kisses.

“I’ve never thought this evening would turn out this way.” Victoria giggled lightly while his raspy chin worked its way over her collarbone, tickling her in the most sensual of ways, companied by his soft lips gliding over her skin. “I’ve feared I ruined everything.”

He smirked, “Me neither but I’m glad, nonetheless. I hate fighting with you.”

“Me too.” She said and tugged on his hair so he would return to her mouth, pressing herself hard against him. “My handsome fiancé.” She nipped on his bottom lip. “Will you let me stay the night? I promise I’ll be a good girl and be home before sunrise.”

William chuckled lowly but shook his head, “We shouldn’t risk it, my dear. I’m sorry.”

Victoria pouted lightly but didn’t complain, “No, it’ okay. You’re right.” She tried to wiggle free then, but her boyfriend held her fast, not letting her escape. With an amused grin she fell back, his hands stroking over her sides in a seductive manner, his hooded green eyes already a dark green as they met hers.

“A few more minutes won’t hurt us, don’t you think?” Her eyes danced with surprise and happiness, glistening with pure anticipation as his rough voice brushed over her ears, sending a shiver down her body, and nodded before drowning in one more of his deliciously hot kisses to celebrate their unplanned betrothal …

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And then they were engaged haha :D  
> Love to hear from you guys, until next time!


	28. Coronation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my dear friends. It's time to buckle up for a bumpy ride! Hold on tight!

With a sinking heart, Victoria listened to the loud bells ringing over London, signalizing a very special day for the city, the British people, the royal family and especially her. It was finally time – the coronation would take place today and make her Queen in front of God and the rest of the world.

She shivered with the truth of it. Had it really been a year since that fateful day?

Her heart fluttered in her chest as she stood up and walked over to the window, shoving the curtains aside to take a glimpse at the first light off day. London wasn’t awake just yet, she saw, only some cars were crawling through the empty streets, giving the normally so busy city a tranquil vibe while the sun above tinted the sky in its softest colours.

A calming sight indeed, she thought, the palace however seemed to have not slept at all: Guards were already in their uniforms, practicing their duty for the big day for one last time; police officers were securing the surroundings and dozens of men and women were racing through the front yard to make the last precautions. The sight made her rather nervous and so the calming moment was gone within seconds.

Victoria let the curtain fall close again then and retreated to her bed. She laid down and stared up to the ceiling, her fingers drumming lightly against her chest.

One year.

How time flew by after all.

So much had happened. So much trouble. So much heartbreak. So many changes and yet – a happy smile danced on her lips – and yet she had survived it all and had reached a goal she had never dared dreaming about before.

Her smile grew broader and she closed her eyes in silent gratitude as pictures of William filled her mind. The one man that had given her so much strength, so much support and the most important bit of all – love. He was the fuel in her system. The fire that kept her burning when everything else tried to stifle her. He was the very air she breathed and ever since that eventful day he had become even more – her future husband to be and therewith gained a position in her life she would protect with all her being.

On that day three weeks ago, she had finally understood what responsibilities laid upon her shoulders; what duty she carried for not only her but him as well and she had stood up to her promise to protect and cherish him ever since.

She had restrained herself in William’s presence; had been patient and good, not daring anything without being certain they would not be seen by anyone. Only then, when they’d be quite alone and out of danger, she would kiss him and show him just how much she loved him and how happy she was to call him her partner.

In addition to that, she had done everything she could think off to prove to her uncle she had followed his advice. She had accepted to visit more public events, had shown herself without restraint and she had even given in to see Albert more often again, trying to remember their old friendship and satisfy everyone’s wish to see them together again.

She had accepted it all for William’s sake – for their sake – so nothing would endanger their love and he could live the one life he had worked so hard for, for just a few years longer.

It wasn’t easy, no not at all, but Victoria knew why she did it and every time she looked into her fiancé’s beautiful golden green eyes, she was reassured her sacrifices would pay off.

With the still happy smile on her lips she turned on her side and took her phone, pressing a few buttons until she heard the tale telling ring. A few seconds later the screen lighted up and the tired face of her beloved prime minister appeared in front of her.

He blinked heavily against the bright light of his bedside table lamp and croaked, “Morning.” He raked his hand over his face thereon and hid a big yawn behind his hand. “Gosh, what time is it?”

“5.” Victoria chuckled innocently and cuddled deeper into her pillow as she gazed at his cute crunched up face.

“What-?” His head fell back with a low groan, his eyes struggling to stay open.

“I wanted to see you before the madness begins.” She explained and traced his features with her fingers, imaging he would be here with her, holding her close and giving her comfort on this eventful morning.

William’s lips quirked up then and a loving expression showed in his hooded eyes as he understood, “How are you feeling, darling? Excited?”

“Nervous.” Victoria whispered and pouted lightly. “Afraid to fall over my own feet.”

“You’ll be magnificent.” His voice rumbled softly. “As always.”

“There is no going back then.”

He sat up and tilted his head, questioning her fearful tone for a moment before agreeing with her, “No, my love, there’s no going back … but always remember, I will be there with you. All the way.”

A tear rolled down her cheek then and she gifted him with an emotional smile, “I know. I love you.”

“I love you more, my beautiful queen.” William promised and sent her a loving grin that melt her heart every time. “Imagine today as just another practice day for our big wedding, sweetheart. Think about us when you walk down the aisle. Think me at the end of your long walk. Think about all there will be once I’m your husband. And don’t worry about anything else, it’s of no importance anyway. You’ll be glorious, I have no doubt, and whenever you fear to falter, look at me and remember that.”

More tears fell down into the pillow, making her blink repeatedly, “How does it come that you always know what to say to calm me?”

He shrugged with a little laugh and scratched at his tousled head, his cheek pinking slightly, “I’m a romantic?”

“Yes … yes, you are. And a handsome and disreputable man as well.” Victoria added in a tease. “You could have anyone, you know.”

William rolled his eyes, chuckling with glowing cheeks, “Nonsense. I’m no handsome man. It’s your eyes which betray you, darling. Nevertheless, I’m happy they do because you’re all mine due to them.”

“I am.” She agreed without hesitation and stared dreamingly at him as suddenly a knock sounded from the door. She jumped a little and looked over to the origin of the noise, neatly followed by a female servant’s voice informing her that it was time to get up. Her gaze returned to William in regret, “I fear I need to go. They’re waiting for me.”

“Okay. Do eat a little bit if you can. And in just a few minutes time we’ll see each other at Westminster.”

Victoria hesitated before hanging up on him and asked in a whisper, “Would you do me a favour?”

He nodded, “Everything.”

“When I meet your gaze throughout the ceremony, will you nod so I can be sure I’m not making a fool of myself.”

Without questioning or judging her for her request, William simply smiled slowly and said, “I promise.”

“Thanks.”

He winked at her in amusement, “See you there, your majesty.”

She hang up then and wiped away the tears, readying herself for the upcoming storm of servants and hairdressers who would be around her the whole morning until she was finally on her way to Westminster Abbey to take the final step in making her Queen. No big deal at all.

xVMx

On the way over to the church Victoria was welcomed by a cheering crowd that had gathered along the streets of London leading up to Westminster. They all tried to get a sincere look of the young Queen, waving with their flags and hands, smiling brightly into her direction as she drove past them, and for the very first time, Victoria didn’t feel uncomfortable at all in her position but relieved that most of the British people seemed to solemnly like and accept her as the young monarch she was. Just as William always told her. With a smile of her own she waved back and felt her heart settle in joyful anticipation. Maybe it wouldn’t be as bad as she had always feared.

In front of the church the door was opened to her and with an overwhelmed smile Victoria listened to the loud cheering coming from all sides while the bells rang once again above their heads, announcing her arrival.

On steady legs she looked once to the right and then to the left, gifting the people with a little glimpse before she followed instructions, concentrating on the task at end.

In the church itself it was quiet, except of the rustling and the light murmuring of her thousand guests from all around Great Britain and the world who had gathered in the seats along the small aisle that would lead her up to the Chair of Estate.

Her nervousness returned and she gulped heavily as she spotted all those important people wearing the traditional ceremonial uniforms and robes, all awaiting her arrival, but then her eyes locked onto an all too familiar form and she felt herself smile at his unusual dress-up.

“Your majesty.” William greeted her with a bow over her hand as the last preparations on her outfit were made. “It’s an honour to be here today and witness your coronation, ma’am. A deep honour indeed.”

“Thank you, Wi- Mr. Lamb.” She corrected herself hastily, earning an amused grin of him. “I’m glad you’re here today.”

“It’s my duty, ma’am.” Another tilt of his mouth, then he lowered his voice and said. “You’ll be brilliant. I’ll wait for you at the very front.” He winked at her discreetly then and turned his back to her, getting in line for the big reception. The heavy Sword of State rested in his hands and stood erect as soon as the music started playing, alerting the waiting guests. Seconds later he followed the archbishop to the front of the church ship in slow steps, Victoria’s gaze on him the whole time.

He looked most regal. So very handsome in his tailored dark suit, freshly made for this occasion she knew, and shining red robe. He would make a beautiful prince consort someday, even King if she could have her way, there was no doubt.

Then the music changed, and it was time for herself to walk down the aisle to her destiny, making her fully Queen.  

xVMx

„You are praised highly, ma‘am. Everyone was in awe with you back there. Me included.” William said as he strolled into her chamber hours later after the ceremony, coming to stop right in front of her with a kind smile, and folded his arms behind his back. “I’m very proud of you, Victoria.”

She met his eyes with a relieved sigh, “You really think so? I was so nervous, Will. I feared I would screw it up profoundly in falling over my own feet. Thanks for the nod by the way.”

“You were most regal, my dear. Everyone I talked to, expressed his respect to you.”

“I’m happy it is over now.” He nodded in understanding and watched her in quiet amusement as she twirled through the room once twice, giving her feelings room. “I won’t dream about the crown falling from my head anymore or saying the wrong things to the Bishop when asked. No more nightmares that leave me breathless in the middle of the night.” She let out a blissful little laugh. “Oh, it’s so liberating, I can finally concentrate on the more important things in life again. Especially you!”

Victoria came over to him and placed her hands on his chest, beaming up into his face, “I’ve missed you in the last few days. Will you try to stay tonight after the reception is over? I want to be with you.”

“It’s our way of doing things, isn’t it?” He asked playfully back and dipped down to her height to give her a light kiss. “I’ve missed you, too, and I do want to claim my dear fiancée tonight if I may be so bold, your majesty.”

She giggled, pulling him down for another kiss, “You may, my dear Prime Minister. Be as bold as you can.”, but just as she whispered the words, heavy with seduction, against his lips, ready to make the best of their little time, she let out a groan of a different kind. Strangled and painful.

Surprised, Victoria moved backwards and clutched at her stomach, William following her with a concerned frown on his forehead, “What is it?”

“I … I don’t know.” She muttered without breath and slumped a little as another tearing shot of pain went straight through her stomach down to her core. “Aaaah!”

Immediately, William’s arms captured her, holding her up while she curled herself further into a ball to fight the unknown pain, “Victoria!” His eyes were wide as he scanned her all over, frightened by her sight. “Tell me, sweetheart, what is it?”

“I don’t know. My stomach. It’s …” Another grunt escaped her mouth. “It goes deeper, aah.”

He listened to her patiently, trying to understand but was clueless what she was talking about, and held her close, giving her comfort as best as he could.

“Can I do anything?” He asked, panic rising and watched her for clues. Did she eat something bad? Was it just the tension all day long? Was it time for her period and it were just cramps? Or wha- He couldn’t even finish the thought as he spotted something red on her dress. Not a single blot but a bright red blood stain that kept getting bigger.

His face paled and he gathered her more closely, while she seemed to grow weaker.

Alarmed, he looked back up into her face and saw the obvious pain in her eyes, “Victoria, something is not right.” Her eyes furrowed in question. “Your monthly time, is it time for it?” She shook her head no, confused by his question, but she had no time to think more about it before William picked her up in one go and laid her securely on the couch. Another spasm captured her body, making her cry out.

“I’ll go and get help. I’ll be right back, I promise.” He said and stroked her cheek lovingly as she relaxed once more, trying to breathe through the burn.

“William, what …?” She asked as she reached for him, her vision becoming blurry, but her boyfriend had already gotten to his feet, hurrying over to the door, calling to her, “I’ll be right back. Stay calm, okay?”

She had nodded as a response, although his panic look had done nothing to calm her racing heart, it speeded up instead. What was going on? What was hurting her so? And for god’s sake where had William ran off to? Victoria closed her eyes, taking deep breaths but instead of calming to gain some strength she felt how her body grew heavier with every second passing until it all went black around her and she fell into a frightening darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew ... no rest for the two.
> 
> Would love to hear from you! Until next time :)


	29. 7 weeks

The light was bright as Victoria blinked open her eyes again, her vision still fuzzy and muddled, preventing her from telling where she was. A soft moan escaped her mouth as she tried again, slowly coming back to her senses. Why did she feel so sleepy and disorientated?

The room was so very white, she thought as her eyes finally stayed open, looking around. The walls. The furniture. Everything was so white. She blinked a few times more and sat up, her mind setting the pieces together gradually, until it was all clear again, leaving her confused to find herself in a hospital.

What had happened?

From outside she could hear voices. It seemed as if they were fighting but she couldn’t tell for sure. The wall in between muffled it all, but as she listened closely, she recognized the voices. Mama and Conroy, she thought in annoyance, not exactly the ones she wanted to see right now in her delusional state, but then … William! She pricked up her ears and yes, it was William. His rough rumbling voice filled the air and sounded so forceful and angry as she had ever heard him.

God, what the hell had happened and why was she in a hospital bed?

The last thing she could remember was her kissing William after the coronation. How they had talked and laughed a little, before she had felt a sudden pain in her- Victoria’s hand dropped down to her lower body, suddenly feeling the discomfort there, and glanced under the coverlet. She couldn’t see anything amiss but as the seconds ticked by, she remembered more and more after she had lost consciousness, drifting from awake to asleep and back again.

Tears pricked at her eyes.

With trembling hands, she reached for the control next to her bed, pushing the button to call the nurse and waited in a tense posture. After only a few seconds, she could hear how the fight on the floor subsided and then the door opened. A young-looking nurse with a friendly face stepped through the door, excluding Victoria’s mother who tried to follow her in with a hard push of the door close, and smiled gently at her.

“Your majesty.” She said, her voice soft and caring, and rushed to her bedside. “You’re awake. How do you feel, ma’am?”

“Sleepy.” Victoria croaked, staring at the door that separated her from a storm that waited just outside.

Her nurse nodded, “This is quite normal, ma’am. You had an anaesthesia for the procedure, and it will take some time until it’s out of your system.” Victoria’s eyes widened as she heard the word anaesthesia and felt a lump forming in her throat. “How do you feel, ma’am? Any pain?”

“A little.” She confessed quietly, her eyes now fixed on the white blanket, fiddling with it as shivers overtook her body. Trembling, she asked, “What happened?”

“You don’t remember?”

“I … some things I can remember but … it’s all very blurry.”

Her nurses nodded again, a compassionate smile on her lips, “No need to worry, ma’am.” Then very softly, she continued, “You had a miscarriage, ma’am. Your pregnancy was in the early state, so everything turned out well, but the doctor had to make a curettage to make sure nothing remained.”

Now the tears spilled over and Victoria gasped in shock, “A miscarriage?”

“Yes, ma’am, I’m sorry. You were 7 weeks along. Do you want me to get someone? Your mother perhaps?”

She shook her head, clenching her eyes shut as emotions overran her. 7 weeks! She had been pregnant this long, and she didn’t even know.

“Then maybe Mr Lamb?” The nurse asked smoothly, a little smile on her lips. “He is waiting outside as well, ma’am, and if I may say so he is on the brink of a breakdown.”

“Are they fighting about me?”

Her nurse stayed silent for a moment, before nodding, “Yes, ma’am. It’s hard to overhear.”

“I can imagine. Please send him in. But only him. I don’t want to see anyone else at the moment. Can you do that?”

“Of course, ma’am.” Her nurse answered and turned to go, opening the door to call for William who immediately came up to her. After a quick change of words, the nurse let him proceed then while her mother was raging outside, trying to get inside as well, but the nice and supportive nurse didn’t bulge, protecting her patients wishes and told her mother to calm and wait until Victoria was ready. To her surprise, her mother even agreed after a long staring contest and soon enough her voice had gone quiet.

xVMx

As William shut the door behind him, Victoria couldn’t hold back the desperate sobs that had been lingering just under the surface since she had heard about the miscarriage. Immediately, William raced over to her and hugged her tightly to him, careful not to hurt his fiancée.

“Oh god, William.” She cried and crushed her face into his shoulders, wetting his suit with unstopping tears. “I’m so sorry.”

“I’m here, my love, I’m here now. Sssh.” His hushed voice brushed her ear. “I’m here. Everything will be fine. I promise.” His hand stroked over her hair, holding the back of her head gently in his palm as she wept helplessly into his chest, not able to calm herself.

“You have no reason to be sorry.” William continued, feeling his own tears pricking at the corner of his eyes. “No reason at all. It’s nobody’s fault.” Nevertheless, a hard truth that had stroke him so hard his knees had nearly betrayed him as the doctors had informed her mother with him lingering in the background.

“I didn’t even know I was pre-pregnant.” Victoria hiccupped and buried closer. “There was a baby and I didn’t even know!”

Now, William’s tears were set free as well, hearing the pain in her voice and surrendered to his own feelings, hiding his face in her tousled hair. Still he whispered soothing words into her neck, trying to give her strength and reassure her that everything would be fine in the end, although he couldn’t feel how just now. The pain too harsh to be whisked away, burning his soul instead.

“I’m so glad you’re here.”

“Where else would I be?” He breathed, kissing her head. “I was so scared for you. When I saw the blood I … I was so very afraid. God, I was so scared, Victoria.” He pressed her closer then and brushed his mouth over every part of her face. Kissing her forehead, her eyelids, her cheeks and nose, until he finally captured her lips, kissing her full of relief. “And so very happy that you’re okay. You’re okay, right?” He met her eyes with troubled eyes, holding her face gently in his palms.

Victoria nodded, still crying, “I am, yes. A little bit uncomfortable but the nurse said it’s normal.” William nodded, sending her a small smile. “But I can’t stop shivering.”

“It’s the shock.” He said and took her hands in his, kneading them tenderly between his fingers, before pressing little kisses to them, trying to sooth her with all his strength while his own heart was breaking inside. “Totally understandable, my dear. Give yourself time.”

“What about you?”

“I’m fine, don’t worry.” William lied, knowing she shouldn’t handle his emotions as well right now, and decided to hide them. “Concentrate on yourself for now, okay? And don’t worry about me.”

“But you’re crying.”

“Yeah.” He admitted for there was no point in denying it. “Still you should concentrate on yourself, sweetheart. You have to rest.”

She nodded teary eyed, too weak to protest and stroked his cheek lovingly, “I’m sorry I lost it, my love. I know how much you wanted to be a father again.”

William shook his head, “Don’t think about this now, my dear. It wasn’t your fault or anyone else’s and apart from that … it wasn’t the right time. It …” He interrupted himself as he heard how wrong it sounded. In his eyes a baby would never be wrong. “Just rest, okay? I promise I’ll be here. I’m not leaving your side.”

“But …”

“Just rest.” He said again and helped her to lie down then, arranging the coverlet neatly around her shoulders and kissed her forehead, smoothing down her hair, but before he could turn to the chair next to her bed to guard her sleep, her hand shot out to him and held him to her.

“Lay with me.” She whispered barely audible and slid to the side, making room for him, “I need your arms around me.” Silently, he agreed and settled down beside her, careful to avoid any discomfort for her, and let her snuggle into his embrace, holding her securely against his chest while she closed her eyes. He on the other hand was staring ahead and couldn’t bring himself to rest, the pain inside too strong for it.

“Does anyone know?”

“It’s of no importance.” William mumbled, caressing her soft hair. “I only care for your wellbeing. The world outside can wait.” She cuddled deeper, thanking him in a silent whisper and pressed a kiss just above his heart. And then just a few minutes later he felt her relax in his arms, sinking into a deep slumber her body needed, leaving him alone with his tearful thoughts.

As he had first heard the word miscarriage it had hit him hard, devastatingly so, like a knife that was pushed into his chest, cutting his heart in two. He had stumbled back into the wall and had held him upright there while his mind was racing with the bad news. It all had felt so surreal as if he had been captured in a bad dream, a nightmare that was taunting him terribly, but unfortunately he had not woken up, it had all become more real instead and it broke his heart to acknowledge it.

 _A baby_. Only the thought of it brought the unwelcome oppressive feeling back, his heart squeezing uncomfortably inside his chest. There had been a baby. They had created a new life. Together. The two of them. A baby. He pressed his eyes shut, suppressing the upcoming sob. And they had lost it, just like that, before they even knew what was happening. Why, oh why was life so cruel to them? Why did the whole world seem to conspire against them, when it left all other couples in peace?

William pulled her form impossibly closer then and let his tears fall, only happy to have her lying healthy beside him. So very relieved and grateful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	30. Shared pain

Only in the morning Victoria finally woke up again, William still beside her, holding her close to him with tired eyes. For a long moment, she stared up to him and felt a painful squeeze in her chest. She had never seen him this sad. Not even after their breakup for it was a different kind of sadness that shimmered in his hooded green eyes. It seemed to run deeper, and Victoria could only imagine why.

“Morning.” She whispered and touched his stubbled chin with a finger to gain his attention. His gaze turned to hers in surprise, his eyes focusing rather slowly, obviously retreating from a memory, years back from now, before he croaked a “Morning” and propped himself up on an elbow, “How are you feeling?”

She looked sad, concerned for him and herself, “Emotionally exhausted. Did you sleep at all?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

He kissed her forehead, “I needed to watch over you. I needed to know you’d be okay.”

“I’m always okay when you’re with me.” Victoria said, curling her fingers in his hair to give him some comfort, “You’ve been crying again.”

“I’m sad.” He admitted without hesitation, showing her openly now how hard it was for him, “We’ve lost … a child. It’s not …” He stuttered to a stop, not able to pronounce his feelings furthermore. It was too painful to.

Victoria kissed him then and stared into him, “I feel the same way, William. I … you know, I’ve never wanted children, at least not now, but … as the nurse told me about the pregnancy and then my miscarriage, it … I felt the loss. I can still feel it so profoundly and it hurts so much.” She leaned her head against his. “I wish it was different. I wish we could celebrate but … I’m sorry, my love, so very much.”

“Me too.” He sighed and hugged her in shared emotions. “Me too.”

A knock interrupted them then and they separated, turning their gazes to the now open door. Victoria’s mother stood there waiting, a big bunch of flowers in her hands, but could not look at them, feeling uncomfortable and appalled with the new knowledge that her dear daughter had an affair with the Prime Minister, a man much older than her and not worthy of her at all, with whom she was now cuddling right in front of her eyes. She cringed visibly. Dear god, what had gone wrong in her daughters’ life that she had chosen such a man for her? It would destroy everything they had worked for. Everything!

“I should leave you two for a moment.” William whispered to Victoria and pulled away slowly so he could leave the bed. “I’m right outside, okay?” He kissed her forehead lovingly. “See you soon.” Victoria nodded slightly and watched her mother glare at William as he moved past her, giving them some privacy.

After a moment, her mother walked over to her and placed the flowers in the vase centred on her bedside table, not glancing over to her daughter once. Only as she sat down in the chair near Victoria’s bed, she looked up to her with a neutral gaze, “You gave us a pretty scare there, Victoria. No one knew what was going on and then you wouldn’t let anyone in, except your … your … _this man_.” She spat the last words in disgust. “And then the media. They’re ripping us apart out there. Gosh, Victoria, the scandal, it’s …”

“Is this all you care about?” Victoria asked flatly and raised her eyebrows in shock. “The scandal?”

“My dear, the world is falling apart out there. Your wonderful coronation, you were celebrated, and then _this_. It is no longer a secret that this man has wronged you; has made you his whore, his …”

“He did no such thing!” Victoria’s eyes flashed in anger. “We’re in love, mama. For a very long time now. He never used me or wronged me or whatever you think he might’ve done. We love each other!”

Her mother huffed a laugh, shaking her head, “Don’t be ridiculous.”

“I’m not joking, mama. I met him back in Oxford and I’m with him ever since.” The short break-up was of no importance now.

Her mother’s eyes widened in shock, as she calculated backwards, the puzzle clicking together, “No, this can’t be. No.”

“But it is. He is the man Albert saw me with. It was him all along.” Victoria answered back. “And I love him with all my heart, mama. William is everything to me.”

“He is the Prime Minister!” She cried out, jumping out of her seat now, getting even more flustered by the minute. “He is old, Drina! He could be your father! What will the people say?”

Victoria shrugged, feeling frustrated with the perennial arguments, “I don’t care, mama! I love him and no bad opinion about him or us will ever change that.”

“Your reputation will be destroyed, dragged through the mud. You’ll be laughed upon.”

“Still, I don’t care! I will be with him!”

She shook her head, “No. No, you won’t. John and I …”

Victoria scoffed, “Mama, you don’t have anything to say in this matter. I will marry William, and nothing will stop me from doing so.”

“Marry?” Her mother squealed hysterically next. “You’re out of your mind, Drina! He has bewitched you and uses his power over you in the most awful of ways.” Victoria rolled her eyes and pinched her nose as she felt a headache approaching. For Christ’s sake, here we go. “He won’t come near you ever again. This horrible man will never take a step into the palace ever again. I will see to this.”

“Do you even hear yourself?” Her daughter bluffed then, clearly done with her mother’s outburst. “I’m a grown woman and quite able to decide for myself. In addition to that _I am_ the queen of this country if I’m not mistaken, so excuse me for destroying your plans, but I’ll decide who’s allowed in the palace and who isn’t. William and I will make our relationship public as soon as I can leave this hospital and yes, it won’t be easy, I’m well aware of that but I know what I’m fighting for, mama. I love him deeply and I want to be his wife and someday the mother of his children.” At this point her voice hitched. “And if you didn’t realize why I am here, it’s more than hard right now to argue with you at all because I just _lost_ a child! His child! I lost _your grandchild_ and all you can think of is to lecture me about a stupid scandal. What kind of mother does something like this? Do you even care for me at all?”

Tears formed in her eyes and with all the emotions running through her mind in the last couple of hours it was a losing battle to even fight them.

“Please leave me alone. I want to be alone with William right now. I cannot do this with you now, I … please go.”

Her mother was shocked into silence, watching Victoria quite helplessly. What to say after such a speech? How to react? She didn’t know and so gathered up her things, following her daughter’s wish in shameful silence, moving over to the door and leaving her after a last lingering glance. God above, what to do?

On the corridor she met William leaning against the wall, staring at his feet with an exhausted expression. The whole story had obviously taken its toll on him and something inside her made her feel sorry for him but only a small part that couldn’t fight the raging anger inside as she gazed at the man who had mistreated her daughter so badly.

“You should be ashamed!” Victoria’s mother spat and William looked up in surprise, straightening himself. “She is still a child! And you took advantage of her! What man does something like this?” She shook her head at him in disgust, imagining how he had used her daughter for his own pleasure. “How could you do this to her? You destroyed her life and for what? For a young body in your bed?” Again, her face twisted in pure disgust. “You’re a shameless man, Lamb, and you deserve punishment for what you did. She is a child for God’s sake!”

He held up his hand as he came up to her, “Ma’am, I …”

“No, save it to yourself, you bastard!” Her anger clearly showing now. “I don’t want to hear any of it. You’re not worthy of my daughter – of the Queen! You’re just a miserable man who wronged a young girl for his own needs. You took advantage of her first crush, made her your whore and now you’re destroying everything with it!

“She will lose all respect – if she hasn’t lost it already. Her reputation … gone. And I don’t see any way how she will ever earn it back.” Her breath hitched a little and her hand flew up to cover her mouth. “The people are shocked. Disgusted. And oh so furious with what you did. They have pity for her … she is viewed as a victim and …” She took a deep breath, centring her mind and fixed him with an intense glare. “There is no chance for you two. There’ll never be. And I ask you, was it worth it? Are you happy now? Is this what you wanted – to destroy her after having your fun with her?”

“No, ma’am, I …” William tried to explain, but again she didn’t let him finish. She just shook her head at him and mumbled an appalled “Go to hell” before she disappeared around the corner, leaving him standing there quite speechless.

He had hoped for another ending of this encounter …

xVMx

“What did my mother say to you?” Immediately, Victoria sat up in her bed and watched her partner in alarm as he strolled over to the chair next to her bed, heavily sitting down in it.

He rubbed his hands over his face and let out a long-troubled sigh, “She let out her anger on me. For good reasons, I guess.”

“No.” Victoria rebelled, instantly closing up. “She has no right to say something at all.”

“Honey …” William said and sent her look saying to calm down. “She is protective of you and of course, she is angry with me. I would be furious as well if my daughter would come home with a man twice her age, telling me she wants to spend the rest of her life with him. It’s just not something you would wish for your own child.”

“Why ever not? When she is in love with him and he is a good guy who is in love with her as well, why would I be against their relationship?”

He shrugged, “It’s scary, I guess, because it’s an unusual thing to do.”

Victoria crossed her arms in front of her chess, “This argument is ridiculous, and you know it.”

Again, he shrugged and closed his eyes in tiredness of it all, frustrated with the situation that he couldn’t concentrate on his girlfriend alone and care for her wellbeing but had to think about the current chaos outside as well. If her mother was right, it was hell, and it scared him to think about the scandal more horrible than he ever had counted on. He had no plan for this, and it freaked him out more and more with every passing minute.

Naturally, Victoria sensed his thinking, “Mama told me about the press. Is it really that bad?”

“I don’t know.” William confessed and met her distressed look. “But I need to find out. I will call Emma and ask her to come over. We need to know what’s going on out there and then we’ll have to make an announcement as soon as we can. My resignation, I need to write it down as well. There is no other way now. Okay, I will call Emma and …”

“William!” Victoria interrupted his fast rumbling and took his hand in hers, squeezing hard. “Breathe.”

First his eyes met hers, wide and unfocused, but then he did just that and squeezed back, “I’m sorry. I’m just trying to find some ground here. Bloody hell, this is a disaster.” His voice cracked audible and she could see tears forming in his eyes, but he fought them stubbornly. He didn’t want to give in to his emotions again, but Victoria knew it would do no one good if he acted like everything was fine with the fact that they were currently in a hospital, mourning a lost child. Because it was not! And he needed to give himself time.

“Come here, sweetheart.” She said then and made room for him once more.

“Victoria, I need to call Emma.”

“Please, just for a moment.” Her whisper was enough to convince him, and he climbed up onto the mattress. Victoria settled his head on her chest then and placed her hand in his locks, caressing them gently to give him some peace, while his arms wrapped around her body, holding her as close as humanly possible. He needed the comfort as desperately as she.

“I know we need to prepare us, but … I’m not ready to just yet.” She whispered in his hair, nuzzling into its softness. “Could we at least give us some more hours before … before we fight the world?” He nodded against her shirt, pressing a kiss against it. “I just want to hold you now and not think about anything else … I- .” Her voice watered even more whereupon William lifted his head again, peppering her face with soft kisses, his fingers stroking tenderly over her reddened cheeks, and told her silently to not distress herself furthermore. He understood for he needed the same.

They switched positions then, Victoria snuggling into his bigger form, while William’s hand smoothed over her petite body, holding her close to give them both the comfort they desperately needed, before they would face that inescapable storm outside …

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the comments so far! I'm really happy about your constant feedback!
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this one too ;) Until next time!


	31. Media

_‘It is still unknown why Queen Victoria is currently in the St. Mary’s hospital. Rumours take it it’s due to a nervous breakdown right after the ceremony. Has the coronation been too much for our young Queen?’_

Victoria switched to another channel with a cringe and watched some shaky camera footage which showed William sprinting up the steps to the hospital entrance, nearly colliding with other patients on his eager way inside. The headline unmistakenly clear: **‘Prime Minister on his way to save his dear Queen’**.

_‘So, Matthew, tell us about the current situation with our young Queen and our beloved Prime Minister. Can it be assumed that our suspicion is finally confirmed? Are they more than just acquaintance?’_

A picture of them standing for an official photo appeared in the background, starting a little slide show with more and more photos of them taken throughout the months.

_‘Of course, there is no official confirmation yet, but yes, I believe the cat is out of its bag. Mr Lamb has been there since the Queen was taken to the hospital and I was assured of the hospital that there is no danger to her life. So, there is simply no reason for our Prime Minister to be with her but personal reasons.’_

_‘How do you feel about the news?’_

_‘I’m quite shocked to be honest. Of course, there were always rumours about these two, but I never thought them true. It is a disaster for the crown for sure and I believe their so strongly protected reputation will crumble to the ground with thus. And it won’t be looked easy upon. It’s not only that Mr Lamb is a politician which is a no go for any recruiter of the Queen but his simple stand in society and sadly his past and age.’_

_‘Oh, for sure, it’s a difference of 20 years!’_

_‘We all got to know Mr Lamb as a fine politician. He is a great Prime Minister assuming to the last polls even the most beloved one of the past ten to twenty years, but I do not think this will help him at all._

_As you said there is an age difference of over 20 years and our dear Queen is only of 19 years. What to think about such a relationship? Believe me, I want to stay on good ground with our Prime Minister, but I fear most of our country will be appalled to find out they are a love couple.’_

_‘What do you think will happen next?’_

_‘We’re still waiting on a new update of the Queen’s health, that’s the first thing we’re looking out for of course, but as soon as she is back in the palace there won’t be much time for them to give a statement. It is no secret any longer that Mr Lamb is with her in the hospital. It would be wrong of them to hide furthermore and leave the people in the dark. They already are in a tough position; they shouldn’t make it worse.’_

_‘Would you think they have a really chance as a royal couple? With his past and every detail against them.’_

That was enough Victoria decided and turned off the TV, not waiting of an answer of the so called royal-expert – what did he know anyway – and the screen turned black with a sudden blob.

“So, we’re the most interesting topic in all of Britain, hm?” She rubbed a tired hand over her face. “It’s not even a day and they’re tearing their mouths apart over us.”

“Are you surprised?” William asked with a raised eyebrow. “It’s a gift to the boulevard press. They’d be stupid to not jump on this story and use it.”

She shot him a look, “Not helpful, Will.”

“I’m just stating the facts.” He told her matter-of-factly. “We knew this would be coming, still it seems you’re surprised about all the channels reporting about us. Why is that?”

“I’m not surprised. I’m just not … I have other things on my mind right now. My head is hurting. My body is still recovering. And my stupid emotions are running wild. I cannot even take one breath without being drowned by even more bad news from outside, it’s- it’s hard okay?” Tears were forming in her eyes again and she closed them in stubbornness. Couldn’t they leave them all alone for just one more day so she could gather her wits?

William stood up then and placed himself on the edge of her bed, taking her hand in his, “Hey, it’s okay. It’s a lot to take in and I understand if you’re overwhelmed by it all.”

“I’m not …” She protested automatically, but her partner knew better.

“No? I am.” He answered back then and stroked the hair back from her face, so she would look at him. “I’m overwhelmed by it all and it frightens me to the very core that I cannot think straight right now because I should. That’s why I called Emma. She’ll help us keep a clear head, so we do not say anything stupid when we’re confronted with the press or anyone else.” His thumb brushed over her cheek, removing the traces of her emotions. “You should not be ashamed by being confused in all this mess. It’s no weakness, my love, it’s understandable. It’s a lot to take in after all, but I promise you we’ll get through this, even if it seems impossible.”

She nodded and pulled him close for a short but intense kiss, “Thanks again.”

“You were always the strong one. You fought for our relationship when I had no hope left. You never backed down. Now it is my turn, Victoria. I will get us through this.” William whispered against her lips and only as he heard a soft knock on the door he pulled back, smiling tenderly at her.

“Come on in.” He called over his shoulder then and turned to see Emma with a kind look in her eyes, coming in and closing the door, ready to help them through this mess.

xVMx

“Your resignation will be the first step, William.” Emma announced while she wrote some notes into her memo book. “It is important that there’s no confusion concerning your position. It must be clear to everyone that you’re no longer in politics but committed to the crown – the Queen alone.”

William nodded and felt Victoria squeeze his fingers in support.

“I would recommend letting the news rest for a day. Parliament will be in uproar and should have some hours to process the consequences of your decision before more. It’s very sudden, so there’ll be chaos – that won’t be a good point for you both – still it’s unavoidable and we can only try to lessen the blow with a short break, before the final public pronouncement will take place.”

Again, both of them nodded, relieved that Emma took the reins in hand and talked them through this mess in a supportive and calm manner.

“I will be in constant contact with the crown’s press department of course and we’ll work you through this labyrinth of blunder.”

“I want you to be in charge of it all.” Victoria said and met Emma’s surprised look. “I know we have our own people for the press, but I want someone who I can trust. I don’t want to wake up some morning and be confronted by some idiotic mistake that had found its way into the newspapers. We have enough of trouble already, there is no need for more based on some stupid rumours.”

“Certainly.”

“When would be the best time to step down?” William asked then, whereupon her gaze softened and turned rather sad, knowing how hard her next words would hit him.

“I fear it would be best if you’d do it today. The media is getting out of control. They work through your past and are throwing the most ridiculous theories in the air. You know how they can be, William, we should put them in place as soon as we can.”

His hand dragged through his hair then and he turned away from the two women as the truth of the situation got to him once more, making his stomach clench terribly. _Today_. It would end today. Not in a month. Not in the planned three years. No, it would end _today_! It … He took a few deep breaths, before he finally turned to Victoria again, gnawing on his lips for a second, and asked, “Are you okay with that?”

Her face crunched up in concern for him and said, “This is more about you than me.”

“No. It’s about us.” William muttered, not wanting to make the decision himself and say yes to his own career end. “Maybe it’s too early. Maybe we should …”

Victoria grabbed for his hands then and pulled him towards her, staring up into his unfocused eyes, “I am afraid there is no other choice, darling. It’s no question about how we feel about it; about what we want. It’s unavoidable and I think you should do it as soon as you can.”

He nodded with his jaw clenched, knowing she was right. Both of them. There was no reason to drag it out even more, but the knowledge didn’t help him to feel any better about it. He was putting an end to a lifetime here. Not only his career but also to his normal life. Everything would change instantly, and it still frightened him to his very core.

“Okay.” He finally muttered nonetheless and fixed Emma with an anxious look. “Arrange it.” There was no time for doubts anymore. He had chosen Victoria, and he would not back down now.

His friend nodded once and stood, “I’ll prepare everything and call you.” As she walked past him then, she stopped short and placed her hand on his sleeve. “I’m sorry, William, truly I am, but it is the right thing to do. You love her and this job doesn’t make you as happy as she does. It never would.” She winked at him thereon and pressed a loving kiss against his cheek. “You deserve to be happy, so don’t dwell on this for too long. Concentrate on her instead.” And with that she disappeared through the door, leaving the couple alone.

William walked over to Victoria as if on autopilot and flopped down next to her on the bed, his arm coming securely around her shoulders. “Remember yesterday morning?” He asked after they had settled, leaning his head against hers. She hummed, her hand on his chest, stroking patterns onto it. “You said there was no going back. I’m afraid you were right. We can never go back.” He huffed out a laugh that ended in a muffled slightly desperate sound. “You’re stuck with me.”

She hugged him tightly, feeling his disappointment and sadness for what he was going to do this afternoon. She had done everything to avoid this, had tried to give him more time in the job he loved but all their attempts were for nothing in the end. Three years had turned into hours and Victoria could only imagine what a shock it was on top of everything else. She could only hope the rest of it was award enough.

“As you are with me, for I shall never let you go, no matter what they say. I like being stuck with you.” Victoria said, her lips trembling into a smile as she met his gaze, trying to cheer him up somehow. To her relief, the corner of his mouth quirked upwards and his fingers brushed her cheek lovingly, showing her that he was not losing it.

“Me too.” A slight pause, then. “I will never be sorry for what I have to do, you know, because I know it is the right thing for me.” His voice was raspy, not hiding his rough emotions inside.

Victoria’s smile widened and stretched up to give him a kiss, “Yes, it is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapters but I thought it better this way. A lot is happening and it should stay for its own ;)
> 
> Thank you very much for reading this story and sticking to it! I'm working on the last chapters now, so be prepared for a wild ride until the very end :D
> 
> See you!


	32. Resignation

It was late afternoon as Victoria sat erect on her bed, her eyes glued to the tv screen while her body was tense with emotion.

One hour ago, William had left for Downing Street in a freshly pressed suit, leaving her alone for the first time since the awful incident yesterday to take the next step for their relationship. And now after waiting for a terribly long hour it was finally time for him to step out and tell the people the news.

She was shaking with anxiety.

 **‘BREAKING: Prime Minister gathered for urgent press announcement’** – the title bored into her eyes, but she couldn’t help herself to look away; the tension too high and the fear too noticeable. She wanted to be there for him but couldn’t, not really at least, and therefore she wanted to try to experience the same strain and angst as he did somewhat.

And then it was finally time. The door opened and William stepped out into the open, looking fresh and clean with his curls tamed and tie in place. On his way to the small podium set up for the little press conference he buttoned up his jacket and met the audience in his usual calm persuasive way. Emma was following him and found her place at the far-right side, a watchful eye turned on him.

Victoria held her breath as William stood up straight and fixed the crowd of reporters with a sudden nervous shimmer in his eyes. There was no smile on his lips, only an expression full of regret he felt deep inside. It sent a nervous shiver down her back and she could already feel tears pricking at her eyes as his voice finally filled her strained ears.

 _‘Dear citizens of the United Kingdom.’_ He began and looked straight into the camera, making Victoria’s tear drop. ‘ _I asked you here today due to a decision I made concerning my position as the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.’_ He took a deep breath. _‘As of today, I will resign from my office as Prime Minister and will also resign from all political activities concerning my person.’_ Immediately, there was a rustling sound in the background. The reporters were more awake now. _‘I made this choice out of personal reasons and am well aware of the possible turmoil, nevertheless, I see no other option. I am very thankful for all your support and faith in my person and I hope I served our beloved country well for the past 1 ½ years.’_ He nodded then with an honest _‘Thank you.’_ on his lips and turned to go.

Within seconds the loud screaming voices of the reporters boomed up, demanding answers to the surprising resignation of the dear Prime Minister, but William didn’t turn, he didn’t even flinch, he walked on to the door instead and disappeared inside without another word.

xVMx

On his way back to the hospital, his emotions threatened to choke him.

It was no regret squeezing his heart so tightly but the anxiety of what would happen next. The fear for the uncertainties awaiting him – making him blind in life once more.

His life had never been planned out in detail. It had been more of a rollercoaster instead. A lot had gone well, gifting him with a wonderful family, then a promising career and so much in between he could be grateful for. But then, a lot had gotten wrong as well, leaving him alone in this world at once. Blind in hell, searching desperately for something to hold on to so he would not lose himself completely.

He was no fool and understood it was part of life not knowing what was waiting around the next corner, most of the time it was a thrilling aspect after all, but with passing years and all the experiences shaping him he wished for nothing more than just one glance. A little snippet of their future to gain some strength, to let the worries rest for just one minute so he would be able to look in Victoria’s dreamy blue eyes and be with her in this very moment, not troubling himself with anything else.

Oh, what he would give for such a moment. The piece he would find in her. The bliss. The satisfaction …

William closed his eyes in sweet remembrance, seeing her beautiful smiling face flushed with pleasure. Her fingers dancing on his skin in slow motion, caressing him with such tenderness in her eyes, it made his heart soar.

They had been so happy back in Oxford. So _free_.

Never in his life had he felt such deep joy in just being with someone. She had made him forget everything else. All the worries. All the pressure. Nothing had mattered because she had been _there_.

But nowadays it was harder. So much harder because they had no safe place anymore. No hideout. No place to turn to. They were always on display and talked about that it was nearly impossible to relax when time was on their side and they could spend some quality time together.

It was always frantic then as if they had to use the time given with no pause at all. They would always rush into her bedroom, kiss each other with never stopping and ever burning hunger and then, in frantic speed, their lovemaking would be over.

He missed the times in which they could save the moment. He missed the afternoons sitting together reading or her drawing him with her little tongue sticking out while she tried to catch him in profile. He missed to laugh with her freely, kissing her adorable nose when she had ice cream on it or simply seducing her with no hectic at all but all the attention she deserved.

Yes, he missed those days and of course, it was possible to have them back. They would be together, he had no doubt, but as he gazed outside, spotting all the reporters in front of the hospital, he needed to accept it would take a good while longer than he hoped for. Theirs was no secret any longer and as the suitor of the Queen their life would never be all private ever again.

xVMx

Victoria was already waiting at the back entrance of the hospital and rushed over to him as soon as he opened the car door, colliding with his broad form.

“Wuah, hey. What are you doing here?” William greeted her in surprise, catching her in his strong arms. “I thought the doctor would see to you in an hour top.”

“He came early. I can go home.” A bright smile stretched over her face as she burrowed closer, breathing in his heavy cologne, “I’m so happy, you are here. How are you doing?”

“Fine.”

“Do you?” Her eyes peaked up to him and a gentle hand touched his jaw, then his cheek.

William nodded with a tilt of his mouth and pressed a lingering kiss against her forehead. “All is going as it should.” He manoeuvred her over to the open car then, helping her inside and hopped in behind.

“That’s not answering my question.”

He turned to her, studying her for a quiet moment, and sighed, “So noisy.” He shook his head playfully at her, before capturing her head between his big hands, pulling her face towards his.

His lips crushed hers then. Hot. Demanding and full of love.

Victoria squealed in surprise, catching herself with her arms on his. She hadn’t expected him to move so quickly. Soon enough though a sigh escaped her mouth and she melted in his embrace, closing her eyes tightly against the world outside to be only here with him. It had been some time since they had last kissed like this and now, to feel him this close again and sense his heart in every touch, slow and carefully chosen, it made her delirious with love.

William groaned with her searching fingers in his soft hair and opened her mouth on the next sigh, sliding his tongue inside, tasting her with abandon. Never too fast, never too hasty. He was saving the moment, just as he had promised himself, and it was perfection. She was perfection. The very best of his life. And as he finally pulled back and rested his forehead on hers, he could only smile at the beauty right in front of him, staring up to him with eyes wide in wonder.

“What was this for?”

“I wanted to show you how happy you make me. And you do! My god, Victoria, you do.” Their breath mingled as he moved even closer, “And I want this to be my future. Every day for the rest of my life I want to kiss you like this and make you feel what I feel … what I felt since the beginning of this adventure.” His mouth danced in delight. “How could I ever feel bad for my resignation, huh?”

“It meant so much to you.”

“Yeah, but you mean so much more. So much more!” And with that he took possession of her lips once more, trying to give them the short moment of bliss he had so desperately missed and wanted to feel again, before everything was going all messy once more. And with her eager kisses in return he knew, she needed to save such a moment as much as himself.

xVMx

As it turned out it had been a good decision to let the driver take them on a longer route to Buckingham Palace, giving them some more time alone in one’s arms, because after they stepped out of the car the easy moment vanished immediately.

Victoria’s mother was standing at the top of the stairs, her husband Conroy right next to her with the same grim expression as her. In the background lingered her uncle Leopold and clenched his jaw tightly as he watched Victoria take William’s hand in hers, giving a clear statement to all of them, before even saying one word.

Eventually they reached the door and John stepped forwards, blocking William’s way inside. William only narrowed his eyes and met the clear warning in John’s eyes with a nonchalant raise of his eyebrow.

“You have no place here.” John said coldly.

Fury filled Victoria’s eyes and she stepped right in front of her future husband, “This isn’t your decision to make. I’m the Queen. I’m the regent and I decide who will be allowed in _my_ home and who is not. And if I recall correctly, I told _you_ to stay away, John.”

“He is here on my account, Drina, and he is right. This man has no place here. We want to protect you, please let us.”

Victoria’s eyes turned to her mother, not surprised in the slightest.

“He dishonoured you, Drina. He is a man of no respect, his past is proof enough, and I won’t allow him to drag you even more through the mud.”

Her daughter rolled with her eyes and tucked on William’s hand, “This _man_ you’re talking about is my future husband and we will not listen to this nonsense furthermore. You won’t succeed in bringing us apart. We’ve been through too much to give you such satisfaction.”

They stepped around John then, ignoring his attempt completely, before her uncle held them back once more, muttering under his breath, “You knew the risks, my dear niece, I even warned you! Why ever did you choose to destroy your reputation after all?”

“It’s called love.” Victoria met his arrogant face with a blank expression. “You should try for yourself, my _dear_ uncle.” She was fed up with all their melodramatic speeches. The harsh words and curses thrown upon them. They were her family for Christ’s sake, did this fact mean nothing to them? Couldn’t they be happy for her and accept what was?

Her uncle clenched his jaw at her response, anger flashing in his eyes, “You won’t gain any support from us if you …”

“Support?” She scoffed, rudely interrupting him. “I never had your support. So, stop trying to manipulate me, uncle, I’m tired of this circus. And I hope you’ll see soon enough that it is totally uncalled-for.”

She turned back to William then and shot him a sweet smile he answered with a happy tilt of his mouth up. Showing her how proud he was for her to stand that strong after all they’d been through in the last days. No fear. No hesitation. Instead she held her chin high and didn’t back down to defend him and their relationship. A true lioness for sure but an outstanding headstrong Queen on top of it all.

xVMx

“This day was exhausting.” Victoria cried out and flopped down onto her bed. William nodded with tired eyes and pulled his tie lose, following her example and found the place next to her, but instead of sitting upright he let himself fall back onto the soft mattress and a drained groan filled the air.

She turned to him and smiled, touching his knee, “You okay?” A low hum was his answer while his eyes stayed closed.

“Should we turn in for the night or do you want to eat something first?”

“I’m not hungry.” William mumbled but sat up with a loud sigh. “Your family spoiled my appetite … so bed sounds good.”

Victoria sighed, “Yeah.” And pecked him on the lips, before moving over to the bathroom to make herself ready for the night. William stayed back and removed his clothes in slow movements, watching her through the door with a soft smile.

“This is our first night together here without you sneaking up to my room.” She announced as she came back into the bedroom, her boyfriend already under the covers, and crawled over the bed to immediately snuggle up to his warm body. “I’m not used to such a luxury, but god, I missed this.” She mused happily and pressed a kiss to his naked chest.

He purred approvingly, “Me too.” And kissed her head, nuzzling her brown hair. “Especially the comfortable bed.” He bounced a little with his neither regions, testing the mattress. “The nights in the hospital weren’t good for my back, you know.”

Victoria chuckled lightly.

“Seriously.” William laughed tiredly. “You may not have felt these cruel springs, but I did!”

“Hmm, I had the best pillow ever.” She confirmed and let her hand dance over his skin until it ended at his jaw, stroking lovingly over his evening stubble. “By the way, thank you that you didn’t leave me in this time. It was comforting to have you with me, especially throughout the nights.”

His forehead crunched up into a little frown as he met her gaze, “How could I have left you? You are everything to me, Victoria, and I needed to know you’d be okay. You’re feeling good, right? You’ll be okay?”

“Yeah, I think I will be. As long as you are with me, I have no doubt about that.”

William’s green eyes brightened and kissed her tenderly, “I love you.”

She palmed his neck, feeling his soft hair curl under her fingertips and deepened the kiss, “Forever.”

 

 


	33. Shout it from the rooftops

It was late morning as Victoria’s eyes fluttered open and were met by the beautiful sight of her dear fiancé, his face just a few inches from hers, pressed half into the pillow. His hair wild and eyes still closed, his long enchanting eyelashes framing them while his mouth was slightly open, puffing quiet snores. He looked exhausted still, although they had been sleeping for more than ten hours. The last few days had not been easy on them therefore it wasn’t much of a surprise he would need more than one night to feel energy flowing again, but Victoria worried, nevertheless.

With a light touch she stroked over his eyebrows, tracing down the side of his face and let her thumb brush over his high cheekbones while her palm cradled his rough jaw. His snoring stopped then and William’s face crunched up in a confused and adorable way, before he relaxed once more, snuggling closer into the pillow and the warmth of her hand.

Victoria smiled but remained in her position for a few minutes, before sliding her fingers into his hair, combing the unruly curls out of his forehead just to see them spring back into place. It amused her as always and she couldn’t resist to do it again and again and then again once more. He had such beautiful hair. So soft and wild. She could have played with them for hours on, but as she let her gaze fall from his dark locks, she noticed William watching her with an amused expression. His green eyes twinkling in the light.

“Good morning.” He rasped and Victoria felt a shiver run down her body. How she had missed to hear his voice first thing in the morning. It reminded her of their perfect time in Oxford. The luxury long mornings in bed, talking and laughing together without counting the time. It was so good to have him back with her.

“Morning, handsome.”

He jerked up half of his mouth, “I doubt I look handsome right now. Probably more crinkled than anything else.” He stretched extensively then and yawned, feeling his bones pop and his back ache. Oh, he was getting old.

“Nonsense. I don’t know anyone more handsome.” Victoria giggled and kissed his cheek. “How did you sleep?”

“Good. Very very good.” A lazy smile broke his mouth as he gathered her up into his arms, “You?”

“Better than the last few nights.” She said and buried her face into the thatch of soft dark hair on his chest, breathing in the sandalwood laced aroma of warm man. “And I’m happy you’re going to sleep here with me for the rest of our lives.”

William hummed approvingly and tightened his hold on her, “Sounds like a plan. But I need to ask anyway, what time is it?”

Victoria peaked over to the alarm clock behind his back, “Quarter to 11.”

A groan escaped him.

“Why? Do we have plans for today?”

“Emma wants to talk to us about the public announcement.” William whined and cuddled closer, not ready to give up their cosy moment just yet. “She said she would come around 12.”

“Then we’ll make the best of this remaining hour.”

“Another round of sleep?” He suggested and wiggled with his eyebrows. She giggled in return and kissed him on the mouth. “Oh.” He purred, taking her bottom lip between his. “Or more of that?”

For reasons she could not name she tensed at his suggestion and the heavy hand that landed on her bum, squeezing and touching her just the way she usually liked, felt surprisingly wrong so she pulled back with a nervous laugh.

“You know we can’t. The doctor said we need to wait for at least two more weeks before we … before we …”

“… can have sex again.” William ended for her with a chuckle, enjoying her cute rumbling, “Hmm, it’s okay. Just ignore him.” He meant his poking erection that grew with every new push and pull of their moving bodies. “He’s just happy to see you.”

Victoria snorted a laugh and pushed him away lightly to meet his darkened gaze that made her tingle all over for she knew what William could do to her to make her feel good. Nonetheless, she didn’t feel the urge to indulge but moved away instead.

“Everything alright?” William asked, always the attentive one.

Victoria nodded in a distracted manner and sat up, brushing the hair out of her face.

“I didn’t want to rush you into anything …”

“No, I know. It’s just … I don’t know. My body is still … adjusting, I guess.”

He furrowed his brows in concern, “Are you uncomfortable? With me being here … touching you …”

“No!” She whirled around to him. “No … I don’t know, okay? I feel kinda weird … that’s all.”

“Okay.” He moved closer to her then and pressed a light kiss on her shoulder where her top had slipped, trying out her reaction. “Just tell me if I move too fast.”

A thankful smile was her answer and she patted his cheek lovingly, “Everything is fine, I promise.”

Their lips met in a tender embrace thereon, tongues sliding slowly against each other while quiet hums filled the morning air. It was a soothing feeling for sure, but somehow Victoria felt unsettled by the fact that an intimate touch by the man she loved was making her uneasy.

It shouldn’t be this way. Especially not now after they had fought so hard to get here. They could love each other freely now with the cat out of its bag; they should be all over each other but somehow it didn’t feel right at all and it scared Victoria to her very core.

Was it just a discomfort due to the miscarriage or something else bothering her?

xVMx

At precisely 12 o’clock Emma arrived in Victoria’s office and greeted the pair with a tight smile and dark circles under her eyes, signalling that she hadn’t had such a nice and relaxing night as the two of them.

She informed them about the processes in parliament, the decision that Peel would lead the country as long as no official election would take place and the necessity of William for some last discussion and signatures. As predicted no one was very happy about his decision to step back, especially because no one truly knew about the reason behind it, so the tension was palpable.

“Even our party is holding a grudge against you.” Emma told them and William cringed visibly. “They don’t know what’s going on and that’s the biggest problem of it all. As discussed, we should set the public announcement for tomorrow morning, it may help your reputation when they know the reason.”

“It will trigger the next shitstorm.” William replied and ran a hand through his tousled hair.

“There’s no doubt.” Emma agreed. “But you’ll get through this. No doubt.” She smiled gently at the picture of them standing together. They looked like a real couple. Strong and confident. A beautiful pairing whose love showed in every little smile and look they exchanged. Yes, she had no doubt about them surviving this mess, she could only hope for a kind judgement of the people so it wouldn’t be harder than it had to.

After the meeting had ended William walked her over to the door, thanking her for her help once more. It wasn’t natural that she would help them, he wasn’t her boss anymore after all, and so he was more than grateful for her help and friendship.

“How is she doing?” Emma asked as they rounded the corner and Victoria couldn’t hear them any longer.

“Okay, I guess.”

“Do you talk to each other about what happened?”

“Yeah … some.”

She laid a hand on his arm, “It is important you talk about the miscarriage, William. I know it hurts but you need to work through this together.”

“We are.”

“She looked distracted back there.” Emma said. “It isn’t any of my business, but I fear she is not doing as good as you believe she is. A miscarriage can be very disturbing, especially for a young woman like her.”

He clenched his jaw, “I have an eye on her, okay? She is a strong woman, it’s just a tough time.”

She nodded then and didn’t want to annoy him furthermore, so she kissed him on the cheek and wished him a good day, before disappearing in the mess of work again to form a speech for their public announcement next day.

William stayed back, watching her go, while his mind was racing with concern. Was Emma right? Did Victoria hide from him to not make him worry about her? Or was it just the stress overwhelming her?

xVMx

On the next morning, Victoria was nervously wringing her hands as Emma discussed the speech with William for one last time, before they had to go out there and face the press that was eagerly waiting for an appearance.

She felt as if she would be sick and would have to puke any second. This situation was driving her nearly insane with fear that she couldn’t concentrate one bit.

What would happen after they told the world the truth about them? Would they hate them? Would they judge them very badly? Would they accept it, or would they make a big scandal out of it?

She didn’t know and with the time nearing it made her more nervous than ever before.

William walked over to her and took her hand in his, “You alright?” She looked very pale now.

“I hate crowds.” She mumbled, tightening her hold on him.

He turned her to him and betted a warm hand on her cheek, stroking her skin with his thumb, “I will be there with you, my love, the whole time. You won’t be alone.”

 _Why wasn’t he nervous_ , Victoria asked herself, completely ignoring his words as she began to shiver in earnest. _Why was he so bloody calm?_

“Take a deep breath. In and out. Everything will be okay. I promise you. Just take a breath. In and out.” Her gaze was wild as she finally met his, but then she followed his instructions and felt her heartbeat calm down, until it reached a level of comfort.

A tender smile appeared on his lips and he repeated, “Everything will be fine. You did more difficult things than this, Victoria. It will be over before you know it.”

“But what about the rest?”

“We’ll get through it.”

She looked at him in wonder, “How can you be so confident about it? You’re so calm. Why is that?”

“I’m also nervous, I confess, but I accepted that there is no turning back now.” He pulled her into a hug. “I love you. So very much. No bad comment will change that, you know that as much as I do. And didn’t you tell your uncle that too?” She chuckled. Yes, she did. “See? You cannot tell me this is scarier than telling your uncle to fuck off, can you?”

More positive than before, she raised her head, “You’re right. Let’s do it.”

William grinned and kissed her, “Yes, ma’am.”

xVMx

_“So Matthew, the cat is out of its bag. Our young Queen has finally decided to reveal the truth about their relationship with our ex prime minister and ouch, the reactions weren’t good so far, were they?”_

_“Absolutely not!” Matthew confirmed. “It wasn’t much of a surprise but to hear it as an official statement changed the game, nonetheless. The people are quite shocked by the revelation and true royal fans are vehemently ranting against Mr Lamb.”_

_“The polls are showing a clear tendency then.”_

_“Yes, we asked the people on the streets what they think about the news and most of them were not very happy. Of course, the greatest argument is the age difference. Most of them cannot imagine love exists between the two and it’s all an act on his part to gain a more powerful position.”_

_“But is he?”_

_“Nah, you can’t say it like this. For him there are no real benefits except a rich life within the royal family. He has to give up the life as he knows it and I believe this decision wasn’t such an easy one.”_

_“So, how would you assess their outing?”_

_“It was the right time to step up, I would say. If they had kept it secret for much longer, it would have ended in even more trouble. Nevertheless, the fact that they are a couple is a problem in itself for the crown. The Queen’s reputation will suffer greatly, no doubt there, and it will take some time for the people to adjust.”_

_“But will they survive?”_

_“That’s the big question, Marc. The time will tell, I would say.”_

_“What is your guess?”_

_“From my perspective the answer is yes, although it’ll be the toughest and stoniest path they will ever have to walk on.”_

_“What advice would you give these two?”_

_“They should not back down now. They should show themselves to the people and stood tall through the time. That’s my best advice. The country has to see them and with time the feedback could turn positive, who can tell.”_

Victoria pressed the mute button then and leaned back into the cushions of the sofa. William’s arm already on the backrest behind her.

“So … what do you say, is he right?”

“Probably.” He said and rubbed his tired eyes.

She turned to him with determination shining, “Then let’s do it. Let’s show them that our love is real, and we won’t hide just because not everyone is a fan of our relationship.”

His eyebrows shot up in surprise, “Where’s the woman from this morning? Afraid and nervous …”

“She is gone.”

A grin appeared on his lips and he pulled her to him in a rough movement, his mouth lingering millimetres from hers, “Tell me your plan. I’m game.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Always appreciate your feedback! Thx and until next time :)
> 
> PS: It's finally done. The story is finished :O Be prepared!


	34. I’m your partner in everything

_Five weeks later …_

“It was a good idea to spend the day here. It’s been ages since my last swim.”

“Oh? And here I was thinking the Queen was spotted multiple times in a public pool before, mingling with her subjects.” William teased her and cradled her wet body close to his while they glided through the calm warm water, enjoying their time alone.

Victoria faked an amused laugh, her arms resting lazily around his neck, “Haha. My family would have killed me if I’d have done something _outrageous_ like this.”

“Yeah, it would have been veeeeery daring.” He agreed, grinning naughtily up into her eyes and played with the knot of her bikini top in her neck. “Just imagine you’d have lost something and …” The straps fell away and slowly the fabric of Victoria’s bikini slid away. His Adams apple lurched visibly as his eyes followed the process, “Upps.”

She shrieked and her hand shot out to hold her top in place, “Will!”

He laughed aloud and pressed a hot kiss against her throat, traveling down her chest to her beautiful breasts while his big hands caressed the silky skin of her back.

“Stop!” Victoria giggled as his stubble scratched her nude form in this exquisite way that send shockwaves throughout her body. “Will! If someone comes in!”

He didn’t stop but nipped playfully at her collarbone, sighing out in pleasure with the taste of her. Victoria also couldn’t hold back the little gasp and cradled his head close to her chest, waving her fingers through his wet curls. God, he did this so well! His tongue so talented with its rough and cool texture caressing her sensitive nipples.

“It’s been five weeks.” William mumbled hopefully and kissed her hungrily on the lips. “What do you say we sneak up to your rooms and celebrate our success with handling the media, hm?” His tongue slipped into her mouth, eliciting a deep moan from her. “We’ve lived through so much stress and exhaustion, wouldn’t it be a great reward to forget everything for the rest of the day?” His need pressed up into her crotch, rubbing urgently. “I want you, darling, so much. Please, say yes.”

She wanted to say yes so badly for she yearned for his body as well, the magic and love whenever they touched each other, the mind-blowing pleasure he could make her feel, but something inside held her back. The same unknown reasons she had felt back then as William had tried to playfully indulge into a little romantic session with her in bed and ever since.

What it was? She still had no idea. Not exactly at least. But it made her uneasy anyway.

She froze and stopped kissing him, holding his head still so he wouldn’t try to pull her into another toe-curling kiss.

“Emma wanted to come around in an hour.”

His mouth jerked up, “I can be quick.”

“I know that.” Victoria huffed and smiled thoughtfully down into his shining green eyes, his love and desire for her openly written in his gaze. Oh god, she didn’t want to hurt him, but she would, wouldn’t she, if she'd told him that she didn’t want to follow his idea.

“Let’s do it tonight. When we have enough time to enjoy it.” She said instead then, buying some time and stroked his jaw in apology. His eyebrows furrowed in concern, but before he could say something, Victoria cried out, “Now we enjoy this!” and threw herself backwards into the water, pulling him with her into the wet fun to distract him from the obvious fact that something was wrong.

xVMx

One hour later Emma met with them.

“The Instagram account is a big hit with the young. 5000 followers more since your last post. I confess I wasn’t sure if your idea would work out, but you were right, Victoria, the people like this open side of the royal family. No other has opened up their gates until now and it’s refreshing to see your natural habitat. They are interested in getting to know you, a young girl like themselves, and they absolutely _love_ your history together.”

Victoria and William looked at each other with a happy grin.

“It opened their eyes, I believe, and now most of them have a different perspective on you.”

“It’s a relief.” William smiled and squeezed his fiancées hand, not quite believing their luck.

Emma returned his smile, “Yes, it is. Of course, there are still objectors who believe your relationship is no good example and especially not worthy for the royal family, but I fear they’ll never get around.”

Victoria shrugged, “It’s the way it is. I’m very content with these developments and we’re keeping it up, giving them insight material and letting them be part of it all.”

“We shouldn’t overdo it though.”

“William is right. We should keep the balance. It is quite dangerous to give too much of your privacy away.” Emma agreed with her old friend.

Victoria pursed her lips in objection and changed the subject, “What about this interview you asked us about from last week?”

“You want to do it?” Emma’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “They want to ask you very private question and as I just said I don’t believe it’s a good idea to reveal too much about your family and your life together.”

She shrugged, “We just detected that our openness on the internet is a success. A television interview would reach out to older people too. Why not do it?”

“It’d be a live interview.” William reminded her with discomfort.

“They need to see us together.” She argued back and repeated herself, “Instagram is for the young, but a television interview is for all. It would reach more people than before, so we could have even more support.”

A sigh filled the room as he pinched his nose, “It could go wrong. When they ask us something that wasn’t discussed we’d sit right on display without a chance to withdraw.”

There was a beat of silence in which Victoria weighed up the possible risks. Of course, they would risk a lot with a live interview. It could go wrong when inappropriate question would arise but then, Victoria wasn’t afraid of such questions. She stood by her decision. William was the love of her life and they never did anything wrong but live. Their connection was genuine, and the people needed to see it to understand.

“We’ll do it.” She decided then and faced her boyfriend. “They need to see us, darling. They need to understand and see us together, so they understand that nothing is wrong about our relationship. Love can exist no matter the age.”

William hesitated, his face fading in concern, “You sure?”

Victoria nodded earnestly, “Yes.” And reached over to kiss him full on the lips. “I love you. And the world shall know it!”

And with that it was decided. No matter his worries.

xVMx

As they retired for bed later this day, they didn’t exchange a word with each other. The good mood had somehow disappeared throughout the hours and left them in a weird atmosphere, William couldn’t quite catch. Had he missed something?

Victoria was lost in her own thoughts as she moved around the bathroom, preparing for bed, while William stood motionless next to her, toothbrush in his mouth, watching her with growing concern. Something was obviously bothering her, she wouldn’t be that quiet if it would be different, but what it was truly about he couldn’t say, he had just an inkling.

“I’ll turn right in, I think.” Her first words since they had stepped into her chambers. “I’m really tired.” Without waiting for an answer, she kissed him on the cheek and disappeared in her bedroom.

Perplexed, William stared after her and a very bad feeling started to flow through his veins. It was something really bad then. She had never acted like this with him before. Immediately showing him that nothing else would happen tonight, before their bodies even touched the mattress. It was a first and a bad one at that.

With this uneasy feeling he followed her a few minutes later and raised a brow as he watched her form cuddled in one corner of the big bed, her back to him.

His arms spread in question although she couldn’t see him. What the hell was going on? Had he said something wrong today? Had he insulted her somehow? He had no clue and like always Victoria decided to fume over it first before finally opening up and tell him. He groaned inwardly, how he hated this.

“Still awake?” William asked quietly as he laid down and moved closer to her body that rested tensed up at the edge of the bed. He wouldn’t go to sleep until they’ve talked!

Victoria remained silent, stubbornly trying to ignore him, but he looked right through her and came even closer, hovering above her with an impatient look, “Come on, talk to me. What’s going on?”

“Nothing.”

He let out a sigh, “Are you angry with me because I’m not a fan of this interview thing? I’m just not sure if this is the right step for us, you know, especially not with this _thing_ standing between us.” As he didn’t know what exactly stood between them, it was the best description he could master.

Victoria opened her eyes at last and turned her head in his direction to meet his gaze, a childish frown on her forehead, “What thing? What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about you, my dear. You seem distracted in the last few weeks and that’s … dangerous if we engage in such public events.”

“I’m not distracted!” Victoria defended herself, turning away from him once more. “I’m fully aware of what I’m doing. I’m totally fine!” Her tone was strained, and a sense of anger met William’s ear. “I’m just not in a good mood right now. It can happen, you see.”

“I’m fully aware of changing emotions, I’m a human myself, but you my dear are on a constant rollercoaster. One moment you smile and laugh with me and kiss me like the happiest person on earth and next you cannot even look at me.”

“That’s not true!”

He was annoyed now because she denied an obvious fact and put a hand on her shoulder, forcing her to face him, “What about this morning, hm? What happened back then if nothing is going on? Tell me.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She couldn’t meet his eyes and sat up in an abrupt motion, pushing his hand away with it.

His head fell and he repeated in defeat, “You don’t remember? Really?” He sat up himself then and stared down at her stiff posture, not at all relaxed but ready to jump. “I remember it quite vividly, you know, and it concerns me immensely.”

“You don’t have to worry about anything.”

“And I do it anyways.” He replied and slowly reached out to her, resting his hand on the naked skin of her upper leg. As predicted, Victoria flinched slightly, and a sudden sadness captured his face.

“I noticed it before, you know, but I didn’t think of anything until today.” He let his fingers fall away again, so she would sit calmer again. “I’m not angry, nor will I be. I’m just … confused and scared and really concerned, okay? And you won’t talk to me. It’s driving me mad. So please, Victoria, tell me what’s going on? What is wrong? Why don’t you want me to touch you anymore?”

He met her eyes with a troubled expression, pleading with her to finally tell him the truth and then after a long period filled with silence, Victoria finally opened her mouth and fat tears rolled down her cheeks …

xVMx

She leant back against the headboard, her legs pulled to her body, her fingers playing nervously with each other while tear after tear rolled down her reddened face.

William sat opposite her, a sympathetic look on his face as he listened to Victoria’s hiccupping speech that was interrupted by huge sobs from time to time.

He had wanted to pull her into his embrace since her first whimper that had nearly broken his heart but gathered it best if he would remain on his side for now because his girlfriend didn’t indicate a touch or a response as pleasant. The dam had broken, and she couldn’t stop telling him everything that had been on her mind for far too long, so he would be quiet and listen.

“I didn’t know how to tell you.” Victoria cried and rubbed at her wet face. “I didn’t want to hurt you with it, so I kept quiet and hoped it would go away on its own, but it stayed, and I still don’t know why.

“I don’t understand why I’m feeling this way and it’s driving me mad that I cannot be the woman you deserve. God, we’re finally able to be together whenever we want and I’m not capable of touching you. What is wrong with me?”

She buried her face in her hands and started to wail in earnest then and William decided it was enough. He crawled over to her and pulled her small frame into his, cradling her shaking body close while whispering soothing words into her ear. To his relief she didn’t back away but turned into him and clutched at his shirt that was soon soaked through.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” She sobbed. “I love you so much, Will, but I can’t … I cannot … oh God, I’m so sorry I’m such a mess.”

“Sshhh.” William tried to calm her, stroking her hair in a comforting manner. “Everything is alright, my love. No need to apologize. Everything is okay.”

“No! Nothing is alright. You cannot touch me!”

He cradled her head in his palm and made her look up to him, her eyes red from crying, “Victoria, please calm down. Everything is alright, I promise you. Take a deep breath, okay? In and out. Yeah, just like that. One more time, in and out.”

Eventually her breathing calmed, and her tears stopped falling.

“There.” William smiled and brushed away the last traces with his thumb. “That’s much better.”

Victoria’s lip still quivered with emotions, “I’m sorry, Will.”

“I’m not angry. I’m relieved you finally told me what’s going on. I was worried about you, love, that’s all. Please do talk to me about such things. I would never be offended by something like this.” He pressed a tender kiss against her forehead, lingering there for a calming moment.

She apologized again and rested her head against his in an exhausted slump. He rocked her gently.

“Could you tell me what you’re feeling when I touch you … what’s on your mind …?”

She shrugged helplessly, “When you kiss me everything is alright at first, I … I enjoy it as always, but when you touch me more intimately and I feel my own desire rise, my body somehow panics.

“At first, I thought it was my body telling me it was not ready for sex yet, and I was okay with it, it was expected after all. The doctor said as much. But as the weeks went by and I still felt uncomfortable whenever we fell into each other arms I got confused why I still felt like it although my body should be ready by now. It made me nervous …”

William strengthens his hold on her, listening carefully to her quiet voice.

“I want to make love with you, honestly, I feel the yearning in me, but when we move towards it my mind locks up and then everything feels wrong.”

“I wish you’d have told me this earlier.” He sighed and kissed her forehead once more. “I wouldn’t have tried to engage in sex with you if I’d have known how you felt about it. I would never rush you into anything.”

She turned her eyes up to his and stroked his jaw, “I know. I should have told you the truth, but I … I was afraid of hurting you.”

“You could never hurt me, my love.” He smiled gently at her. “I can live without sex as long as you are happy. Sex doesn’t distinguish our relationship. It’s so much more than that.” A single tear ran down her cheek. “So, it’s okay when you need more time. I will wait until you’re ready and you’re no longer able to resist me.”

Following his wink Victoria huffed a laugh and pulled William tightly against hers, burying her face into his neck while his arms held her safely against his firm body – it was a great relief to him to have her back in his arms like this with their trust in full swing once more.

“It’s an emotional thing, Victoria. To lose a child changes you even if you didn’t know you’d have one.” He whispered in her ear, his own voice catching on his words. “Such a trauma cannot be easily dismissed, so it’s okay to take your time. Do you understand?”

“Yes.”

“I’m still struggling myself from time to time, you know. I should’ve told you about it, maybe it’d have helped you to talk to me.”

Victoria sniffed loudly, feeling very tired all of a sudden, “It doesn’t matter. We’re doing it now, so everything will be okay, won’t it?”

William nodded without hesitation and moved into a lying position with her as he felt her form slump against his even more. She stayed close as they settled, clinging to his frame while he didn’t let go. And never would. Seconds later she was fast asleep.

He on the other hand was fully awake and watched over her while he processed the news. It explained a lot of her past behaviour. Her sudden shyness whenever his hand had drifted to far down. The sudden mood swing that came with it – from giggling happiness to reserved excuses. He had had an inkling what it was about back then but somehow, he had not been able to put two and two together. It had only left him in a strange state and doubts had started to form in his mind.

Was she unhappy with her decision?

Was she thinking about breaking up with him?

All kind of questions had been swirling inside his head ever since her first repellent behaviour and he could hit himself for being that stupid and not push her to answer his questions honestly. Why had he waited until now? They could have worked through this a long time ago – together. But no, they had kept quiet again and waited for the bomb to explode on its own. It was a bad habit of theirs, that’s for sure.

He sighed heavily then as he tried to picture their near future. What would happen next? Would she be able to find comfort in his arms ever again or would it remain like this?

Of course, he told her he could dispense with sex and yes, he could … for a time. Their relationship based on much more than sex and orgasms, no doubt about that, but he was a man and he burned for her as strongly as on their first night together. It didn’t change and it made him uneasy to think about her being uninterested in any bedtime activity in the next year or so. Very very uneasy ...

“Bloody hell, William, get a grip on yourself.” He muttered then and tried to dismiss this damn thought. What bullshit was he thinking about here. He was happy! Happy that she still loved him, and nothing had changed about it. That she didn’t regret anything. That was what really mattered and nothing else! They would come around. They would work through this narrow pass and they would emerge stronger from it!

He could only hope it would happen soon because it was really hard on him to suppress his desire for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love to hear from you guys :)


End file.
